A Joke A Day

[Howling Terror]

I spent an hour kissing my girlfriend at the gym last night.
Eventually she said “this just isn’t working out”.
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Diabolical homemade music Bandcamp and Soundcloud
Singer songwriter, Artist and allround good bloke Listen to Andrew Susan Johnston here
The Harry Turner Project

[Taught2BCauti...]

Now I can threaten the kids - "If you don't behave, I will take you to Alton Towers!"
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Honda Varadero XL125(V8)
www.TheFutureIsHere.eu

[bamt]

Witnessed totally disgusting behaviour on the beach at Brighton today.

A man and woman arguing in front of a load of kids then she smacked him one on the head and it all kicked off between them, the police turned up and the policeman ended up using his baton on the bloke but the man actually managed to get the baton off the copper and started hitting the copper and the woman with it.
Then a crocodile turned up and stole all the sausages as the man shouted "That's the way to do it".

[Howling Terror]

I just found out my mum didn't know how to set the clock on their new microwave. So they stayed up until midnight & then plugged it in.
____________________
Diabolical homemade music Bandcamp and Soundcloud
Singer songwriter, Artist and allround good bloke Listen to Andrew Susan Johnston here
The Harry Turner Project

[Jenks]

Lost my watch at a party once. Saw a guy stepping on it while sexually harassing a girl. I walked up to the dude, punched him straight in the nose. No one does that to a girl, not on my watch.
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1978 MZ TS 250 1 Supa 5
1992 yamaha fzr1000 exup
1998 aprilia af1 sintesi

[ScaredyCat]

It's been hard getting over my addiction to the Hokey Cokey. But I’ve turned myself around and that’s what it’s all about...
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Honda CBF125 ➝ NC700X
Honda CBF125 ↳ Speed Triple

[ScaredyCat]

A Yorkshire man takes his cat to the vet.

Yorkshireman: "Ayup, lad, I need to talk to thee about me cat."

Vet: "Is it a tom?"

Yorkshireman: "Nay, I've browt it with us."
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Honda CBF125 ➝ NC700X
Honda CBF125 ↳ Speed Triple

[Robby]

If olive oil is made of olives, and coconut oil is made of coconuts, why did I get arrested for making baby oil?

I was tempted to call it virgin baby oil, but that would be false advertising. My moral code prevents me from doing such a thing.

[Alpineandy]

[Going]

[andym]

I walked in to the pub with my girlfriend last night and everybody started shouting "Paedo, paedo, paedo", I said "that's not fair, just because I'm 60 and my girlfriend is 20"


.... it really spoiled our 10th anniversary

[andym]

A woman takes her dress to the dry cleaners for the weekend.
The man in the launderette doesn't quite catch what she said and says 'come again'.

The lady blushes and says 'No, it's yoghurt this time'.

[andym]

I'm really worried about my pet parrot, he keeps saying "I can't go on, I hate my life".... My roommate is too selfish to notice, he's always crying

[ride_to_die]

My girlfriend thought I was obsessed with Algebra, so she dumped me.
She's now my X.


I love being a doctor in a town full of blondes.
It's been two years and they still haven't worked out that women don't have prostates
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I'm not here for a long time, I'm here for a good time.

[Raffles]

11.34: Arrived at crime scene

11.34: Examined body. Signs of a struggle

11.34: Found murder weapon in drain

11.34: Realised watch was broken
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A good loser will always be a loser.

[RhynoCZ]

Portuguese, Greek and Spanish walk into a brothel. Who's gonna pay?


Germany,
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'87 Honda XBR 500, '96 Kawasaki ZX7R P1, '90 Honda CB-1, '88 Kawasaki GPz550, MZ 150 ETZ
'95 Mercedes-Benz w202 C200 CGI, '98 Mercedes-Benz w210 E200 Kompressor

[daffy]

thought i saw a colored chap with 7 fingers today, turns out he was eating a twix.
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2000 zx6r

a b be b1 c ce c1 c1e f k p 10m swimming

[dodgydog]

My wife just asked me if I thought she was wearing too much make-up.
I said it depended on whether she was going to kill Batman or not.
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I know that you believe that you understood what you think I said, but I am not sure you realise that what you heard is not exactly what I meant

[dodgydog]

The inventor of dog treats died yesterday.

He was a good boy. Yes he was.
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I know that you believe that you understood what you think I said, but I am not sure you realise that what you heard is not exactly what I meant

[dodgydog]

A British newspaper has published a video showing the Queen practicing a Nazi salute in 1933 with other members of the Royal Family.
"We're disappointed that The Sun is using footage from over 8 decades ago to attempt to link us with such an unpleasant group of German fascists," said a Nazi.
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I know that you believe that you understood what you think I said, but I am not sure you realise that what you heard is not exactly what I meant

[RhynoCZ]

- Good morning, sir. I just wanted to inform you that your results are in. Dr. Smith would like to schedule an appointment.
- Oh, okay. Is everything alright?
- I think you should discuss it directly with Dr. Cancer. I mean Smith.
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'87 Honda XBR 500, '96 Kawasaki ZX7R P1, '90 Honda CB-1, '88 Kawasaki GPz550, MZ 150 ETZ
'95 Mercedes-Benz w202 C200 CGI, '98 Mercedes-Benz w210 E200 Kompressor

[RhynoCZ]

Women's corner: Instead of contraceptive pills, I was accidentally taking antidepressants for several years.
Now I've got nine children and I do not care.
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'87 Honda XBR 500, '96 Kawasaki ZX7R P1, '90 Honda CB-1, '88 Kawasaki GPz550, MZ 150 ETZ
'95 Mercedes-Benz w202 C200 CGI, '98 Mercedes-Benz w210 E200 Kompressor

[Howling Terror]

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CLG5L5rWgAAvaOg.jpg:large
____________________
Diabolical homemade music Bandcamp and Soundcloud
Singer songwriter, Artist and allround good bloke Listen to Andrew Susan Johnston here
The Harry Turner Project

[RhynoCZ]

https://archiv.roumen.cz/a/A_-_jokes.jpg
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'87 Honda XBR 500, '96 Kawasaki ZX7R P1, '90 Honda CB-1, '88 Kawasaki GPz550, MZ 150 ETZ
'95 Mercedes-Benz w202 C200 CGI, '98 Mercedes-Benz w210 E200 Kompressor

[Fisty]

A Muslim, paedophile and rapist walks into a bar.

He then orders a drink.
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Quietly and consistently taking the piss.
TL1000R | Hayabusa | ZXR400 | TL1000S | Bandit 400 V
Fatter and faster than Fret