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krarkol
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metalangel
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 Posted: 03:24 - 19 Jul 2014  Post subject: |
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Sometimes, they're only a few drinks, a snuggle or some other obscure trigger from pouncing on you, too.
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metalangel
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Posted: 04:16 - 19 Jul 2014  Post subject: |
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Sent a pretty girl a nice message on POF, saying I liked the energy and enthusiasm in her profile (she talks about how much she likes outdoors activities and such in a really infectious way) and that I bet she's having a great time with the summer weather, hope to hear from you, PS: You said you did extreme sports, how extreme?
She responded in half an hour with "hi"
So it's not a rejection, or an ignore, but it's not really anything to go on either! Bleh.
In other news, told that would-be bunny boiler that it had been nice talking to her, but bye, best of luck. That comment about 'most guys get creepy really fast' is what tipped it over the edge for me. This isn't an airport, and I'm not a baggage handler.
Damn, I should have said that.
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krarkol
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| Posted: 05:14 - 19 Jul 2014 Post subject: |
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Well I have a fake profile set up by mates, they've shown me messages "I" have sent and they are hilarious and so are the replies 
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rideslikean00...
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Posted: 16:02 - 22 Jul 2014  Post subject: |
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| metalangel wrote: | Sent a pretty girl a nice message on POF, saying I liked the energy and enthusiasm in her profile (she talks about how much she likes outdoors activities and such in a really infectious way) and that I bet she's having a great time with the summer weather, hope to hear from you, PS: You said you did extreme sports, how extreme?
She responded in half an hour with "hi"
So it's not a rejection, or an ignore, but it's not really anything to go on either! Bleh.
In other news, told that would-be bunny boiler that it had been nice talking to her, but bye, best of luck. That comment about 'most guys get creepy really fast' is what tipped it over the edge for me. This isn't an airport, and I'm not a baggage handler.
Damn, I should have said that. |
To be honest mate it sounds like you're really overthinking things with every girl who replies.
When I was doing the dating site thing it got to the point where I could skim a girl's profile and come up with a short paragraph that would ask her about her interests and be fun/friendly within a few minutes. I must have quickly thrown dozens and dozens of these out.
In most cases you don't get a reply, eh, never mind, if they don't bother you haven't wasted much time and if they can't be arsed now they probably never would be, or you're just not the right one for them cos you don't look like David Beckham - whatever. Don't dwell on it. The others that do reply you can tell pretty quickly if they're worth meeting or not - if they come across boring and not relationship material or self-obsessed just writing messages back and forth they probably will be in real life. Met a handful of girls that had one or more of those problems.
You need to be a lot more crash and burn about it. Play it a lot blunter, harsher, gets the time wasters out the way quicker. They make snap judgements, you make snap judgements too. You could send out 100 messages, get 10 replies and only go on 2 dates one of which is awful. It's a lot like job hunting, the odds are usually dire so it's all about making loads of tries and expecting 99% of them to fail. There's no sense in getting precious about the one girl that does reply - think that it's going to be a waste of their time, make THEM work for YOUR time and affection, don't serve your heart on a plate before you even meet them. And be sure you make plans to meet them or at least talk on the phone early - as I mentioned before there are plenty of shy violets out there who just want a text message arms length boyfriend which isn't really a boyfriend before and they will waste your time when you could be meeting and enjoying the company of a girl instead of tapping messages on a laptop or whatever. Had a few and didn't notice the signs.
So yeah. Spam messages and learn to sift through the idiots who aren't worth the trouble. That's the TL;DR summary of it all, based purely on my experience.
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krarkol
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| Posted: 16:32 - 22 Jul 2014 Post subject: |
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On Facebook I'm vulgar.
I'll tell people bluntly how it is (let them know I'd give them a cheeky finger banging)
I find it amusing and occasionally you do get someone who messages you back some kinky shit. Then you go from there
Be honest, tell them what you want from a relationship. Whether it's for films and cuddles or just a regular shag.
The more you spam with it, the more chance one or 2 will turn around and be like "yeah okay, I'm up for that"
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metalangel
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| Posted: 17:42 - 22 Jul 2014 Post subject: |
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Mass messaging is not for me. We discussed this earlier in the thread, and if it means I’m not playing the ‘game’ properly or am ‘doing it wrong’, I really don’t fucking care.
My profile is me fairly explicitly saying what I want, the sort of things I’d like to go out and do. I don’t say I want to do them up the ass until their tits cry. A few girls have told me they like my profile, can relate to it, and that it sounds like I know what I want. I think that’s my gripe, I do know what I want, but a lot of these girls don’t, and they piss around wasting time and umming and ahhing.
We know that they hold pretty much all the cards, and will just read/delete or ignore you if their whimsy (mimsy) says so. You don’t want to appear too threatening or actually interested. Consider that bunny boiler, who approached me first, and then described how men get ‘creepy’. I have no idea what her personal definition of creepy is, but it puts you off expressing yourself too much. Walking on eggshells.
https://www.sfgate.com/style/article/Is-San-Francisco-actually-the-worst-place-for-5316306.php
The article goes on to tout Tinder as being great, but her point halfway through – that men just don’t seem to say ‘Hi, how are you?’ – would seem to be a result of the fear of ‘creep shaming’
https://www.thefrisky.com/2012-04-11/the-soapbox-why-creep-shaming-is-total-bs/
It seems like a convenient excuse to not just say no to a guy who approaches a girl and doesn’t meet her high standards (being Channing Tatum or Benedict Cumberbatch) but to further label him a ‘creep’.
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| Posted: 23:49 - 22 Jul 2014 Post subject: |
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| metalangel wrote: | Mass messaging is not for me. We discussed this earlier in the thread, and if it means I’m not playing the ‘game’ properly or am ‘doing it wrong’, I really don’t fucking care. |
That probably got discussed before I joined, sadly I don't have time to go back and read the 90+ pages that were created before I joined. But it's not a case of doing it wrong or whatever, it's more a case of cutting to the chase quickly and saving yourself the effort of slowly having your time wasted and getting your hopes up. It's a numbers game, sadly. Very sadly in fact, how digital interaction with all it's drawbacks is becoming such a feature of human interaction. Even right now, these words on this forum, it's all adding to it. But I'm not here to do a philosophy trip.
| metalangel wrote: | I think that’s my gripe, I do know what I want, but a lot of these girls don’t, and they piss around wasting time and umming and aching. |
And you are enabling them to, just going by what I've read over a dozen or so pages. Personally I wouldn't be able to handle that, seems too long, too protracted and just generally not fun. My way was quicker, it was how I was able to meet a dozen girls in just a few months and write off many more by being prolific - you work against the flaws and make it play to your strengths.
| metalangel wrote: | We know that they hold pretty much all the cards, and will just read/delete or ignore you if their whimsy (mimsy) says so. You don’t want to appear too threatening or actually interested. |
That attitude GIVES them all the cards. I personally don't hold to any of that. I set the rules, the girls I've been with/will be with in future can either play it my way or GTFO. I know not everyone is like that, but I've been down the alternative route where they have all the power and it's demoralising and emasculating, so I'm not prepared to do it again. I like knowing a girl needs more than I need her, and that I can walk away at any moment. Yeah sure, I might be cut up about it for a short while, but it works for me, and beats the hell out of the alternative.
| metalangel wrote: | https://www.thefrisky.com/2012-04-11/the-soapbox-why-creep-shaming-is-total-bs/
It seems like a convenient excuse to not just say no to a guy who approaches a girl and doesn’t meet her high standards (being Channing Tatum or Benedict Cumberbatch) but to further label him a ‘creep’. |
I skimmed that article and it's hypocritical self-aggrandising nonsense. There's a dismissive, minimising line about men's rights activists, swiftly followed by a line about "one privilege women enjoy" as it relates to creep shaming, flies in the face of equal rights and seems to suggest women would be just as happy having/abusing more rights than men, just as men have had and abused more rights than women for centuries past. So much for the fairer sex eh? Nice little peak into the uglier side of the female gender there, seems like from that article those types would be happy to have all the power, which makes them almost as bad as the men who kept women down through the ages blah blah blah.
Oh, and isn't Mean Crazy Bitch Guy the sort of childish word you'd expect a bunch of little princess types who think the world should revolve around them like a Disney film? It's trying to make a serious point, I assume, but it just comes across unintentionally hilarious rambling! The author has read too much pro-feminist propaganda, and has overcomplicated the thought processes etc of men for some reason. This overthinking is kinda what I'm talking about... too many people sitting thinking rather than getting up and going out and doing.
But then I guess I'm kinda doing that now really too, so I'll leave it there for now...
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metalangel
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| Posted: 23:52 - 22 Jul 2014 Post subject: |
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My point, and I think hers, was that the reason guys sit with their devices and on dating sites as opposed to talking to her in real life is because of creep shaming... not because of it being screenshotted off a dating site.
I meant that I'm not going to openly say "nice parts, let's screw" but yes, sex is part of what I'm looking for!
I am polite and honest at all times while talking to these women.
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metalangel
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| Posted: 00:02 - 23 Jul 2014 Post subject: |
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| ridelikeasaint wrote: |
And you are enabling them to, just going by what I've read over a dozen or so pages. Personally I wouldn't be able to handle that, seems too long, too protracted and just generally not fun. My way was quicker, it was how I was able to meet a dozen girls in just a few months and write off many more by being prolific - you work against the flaws and make it play to your strengths. |
I'm not seeing what you're saying - I'm enabling them to umm and ahh by what, not sending enough messages around, or by spending too long actually talking to them instead of pushing them to go out? I'm in my 30s and all these women are either in the 30s or late 20s, the spontaneity of the early 20s isn't always possible.
| metalangel wrote: | We know that they hold pretty much all the cards, and will just read/delete or ignore you if their whimsy (mimsy) says so. You don’t want to appear too threatening or actually interested. |
That attitude GIVES them all the cards. I personally don't hold to any of that. I set the rules, the girls I've been with/will be with in future can either play it my way or GTFO. I know not everyone is like that, but I've been down the alternative route where they have all the power and it's demoralising and emasculating, so I'm not prepared to do it again. I like knowing a girl needs more than I need her, and that I can walk away at any moment. Yeah sure, I might be cut up about it for a short while, but it works for me, and beats the hell out of the alternative.[/quote]
Sorry, what? You said acting uninterested in them gives them the advantage, but then you say you like knowing that she needs you more than you need her because you can just walk away at any moment.
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| Posted: 00:15 - 23 Jul 2014 Post subject: |
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| metalangel wrote: | I'm not seeing what you're saying - I'm enabling them to umm and ahh by what, not sending enough messages around, or by spending too long actually talking to them instead of pushing them to go out? I'm in my 30s and all these women are either in the 30s or late 20s, the spontaneity of the early 20s isn't always possible. |
Late 20s here too, buddy. To put it simply, the main purpose of a dating site is to put people in a position to contact each other and move to the real life dating stage, i.e. meeting up and doing stuff. If you leave it too long you both waste time building up an idealised version of each other that'll never live up to expectations. The point should be that the dating site gets you to the first meeting stage and seeing how it goes, prolonging it seems pointless to me.
| metalangel wrote: | Sorry, what? You said acting uninterested in them gives them the advantage, but then you say you like knowing that she needs you more than you need her because you can just walk away at any moment. |
I didn't say acting uninterested gives them the advantage. At all. I'm saying that being confident and doing your own thing goes a lot further, especially if your own thing includes cutting down on time wasting stuff that some women (and by extension some people) can do to you.
The "knowing you can walk away" bit comes in later, when you're in the relationship and way past the "sending message back and forth on dating sites" bit. You can be emotionally invested in something and still know the other person is yet more emotionally invested in it than you. Job, relationship, all of it. I'm just citing personal examples here, not stating that what works for me is fact, that's all.
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metalangel
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| Posted: 00:36 - 23 Jul 2014 Post subject: |
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| ridelikeasaint wrote: |
Late 20s here too, buddy. To put it simply, the main purpose of a dating site is to put people in a position to contact each other and move to the real life dating stage, i.e. meeting up and doing stuff. If you leave it too long you both waste time building up an idealised version of each other that'll never live up to expectations. The point should be that the dating site gets you to the first meeting stage and seeing how it goes, prolonging it seems pointless to me. |
If you only get a response once a day, what are you to do? I ask about meeting up sooner than I used to, two weeks of messaging is my absolute limit. I'd prefer inside of a week.
| ridelikeasaint wrote: |
I didn't say acting uninterested gives them the advantage. At all. |
| me wrote: | You don’t want to appear too threatening or actually interested. |
| you wrote: | That attitude GIVES them all the cards. |
| Quote: | I'm saying that being confident and doing your own thing goes a lot further, especially if your own thing includes cutting down on time wasting stuff that some women (and by extension some people) can do to you. |
What do you mean by 'my own thing'? Hobbies and activities?
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| Posted: 15:59 - 23 Jul 2014 Post subject: |
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When I was only getting one response a day I just sent more messages. As I said it really is a numbers game, most won't reply and those that do probably won't be ones who want to meet or you would want to meet anyway.
With the do your own thing comment, I meant do everything your own way to the maximum extent possible, even if it means ruffling a few feathers. Not specifically hobbies etc, just everything you can. I tend to make an impression on most people because I'm very much no nonsense, driven to get the things I want, and don't suffer fools at all let alone gladly. Not me being cocky, just that I tend to meet lots of people and they will remember me well even if we only spoke once or twice, when I usually can't remember their names or what was said, because of the way I am, I cut to the chase quickly cos I don't have time to waste, I do 14 hour days Monday to Friday, also a second job as a paid musician, most of my weekends are full of things I need to do so I can't afford to mess around.
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Hetzer
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| Posted: 16:47 - 23 Jul 2014 Post subject: |
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| ridelikeasaint wrote: | When I was only getting one response a day I just sent more messages. As I said it really is a numbers game, most won't reply and those that do probably won't be ones who want to meet or you would want to meet anyway.
With the do your own thing comment, I meant do everything your own way to the maximum extent possible, even if it means ruffling a few feathers. Not specifically hobbies etc, just everything you can. I tend to make an impression on most people because I'm very much no nonsense, driven to get the things I want, and don't suffer fools at all let alone gladly. Not me being cocky, just that I tend to meet lots of people and they will remember me well even if we only spoke once or twice, when I usually can't remember their names or what was said, because of the way I am, I cut to the chase quickly cos I don't have time to waste, I do 14 hour days Monday to Friday, also a second job as a paid musician, most of my weekends are full of things I need to do so I can't afford to mess around. |
That probably just makes you come across as self-obsessed and a bit arrogant. And if you really expect everyone to match your speed because it suits you I'll wager you'll be a long time finding a good partner because you'll end up with one like you.
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metalangel
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| Posted: 18:43 - 23 Jul 2014 Post subject: |
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I don't give a toss about it being a numbers game. Why would I send messages to women I don't find attractive or interesting?
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Hetzer
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| Posted: 23:03 - 23 Jul 2014 Post subject: |
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| Hetzer wrote: | That probably just makes you come across as self-obsessed and a bit arrogant. And if you really expect everyone to match your speed because it suits you I'll wager you'll be a long time finding a good partner because you'll end up with one like you. |
Guilty on both counts, I am self-obsessed and arrogant both of which come with their fair share of drawbacks, but they also make me incredibly driven to succeed and very focused with things I find important. So it's a double-edged sword, I guess.
I think you're saying that it sounds like I'm unwilling to compromise too though. Of course you have to compromise in a relationship, doesn't last very long otherwise. I'm just saying I'm not willing to compromise as much as others might, my feeling is that if you compromise too much you end up unhappy anyway so it's counterproductive. I've seen too many relationships (and been in a few) where both partners compromise and compromise until neither is happy and they've both forgotten who they are, then the relationship fails anyway.
| Hetzer wrote: | | metalangel wrote: | I don't give a toss about it being a numbers game. Why would I send messages to women I don't find attractive or interesting? |
Some guys will because they'll stick it in any hole that'll open for them. Plenty of others, on the other hand, are somewhat more picky. |
Yeah but you can still throw loads of messages out there and have been picky, it's not a case of getting a list of 50 girls and sending each one a message, it's finding a few things you like while speed-reading their profile and seeing if there's some kind of connection there. So of that theoretical list of 50 you might message 20 girls, for example. And I've been surprised that the ones I least expected to get back to me, to go anywhere etc have been the most interesting of the bunch. A lot of the ones where it clicked online and over the phone died a death on that all-important first date... it's that problem I was talking about where you can project an image of yourself when you're at the end of a keyboard or a phone, that you can't really do so much in person.
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Omega
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| Posted: 20:27 - 24 Jul 2014 Post subject: |
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How's being a cunt working out for you so far? I try to be a nice guy and don't have to working rediculous hours every week like you're having to. Sounds more like you're acting the twat to compensate for something. Like you actually lack ambition and drive but want people to believe you're some high roller |
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Eddie Hitler
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Posted: 23:58 - 24 Jul 2014  Post subject: |
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| ridelikeasaint wrote: | Eh. There's truth in the old saying nice guys finish last, you know. |
Surely depends on what race we're involved in? If a mans aim in life is to get as many shags as possible, fair game. You sound "driven to succeed". I'm quite happy with my zero kiddie count and not sticking it into anything that moves. I'm driven to succeed in my future, by moving abroad, fulfilling other wishes, rather than coming across a typical bloke looking for a shag.
Happens more often than not, but I make some situations quite uncomfortable. Saturday just gone, dancing (standing with a drink in my hand), I had 2 girls over the space of 30 minutes come up making it pretty obvious I had "just got lucky". My interest level was 0. I've done the drunken shag routine for years, and got lucky as I rarely wore a condom. Don't get me wrong, get me drunk and around a women I genuinely like I'll be all over it. A random 6/10'er? Been there, done that. |
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Old Thread Alert!
The last post was made 9 years, 276 days ago. Instead of replying here, would creating a new thread be more useful? |
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