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|Steve H's Public Bio|
The product of a quicky over a Parpadelle Machine Steve was the Bastard child of Infamous Italian Pasta Magician Allessandro Di Fusilli and was born in the early 70's in Northern Italy. His mother an employee of the aforementioned Pasta Magnate fled with her Baby to Sicily where she sold Steve for 6 squllion Italian Lira (approximately 14 pence) to Don Don Don Don Signori (affectionately known as the ?Stuttering Godfather?) the head of the local Mafioso.
The Stuttering Godfather
At an early age Steve showed an aptitude for cynicism, regularly piling scorn on Aunt Filo his Nanny for her lack of work ethic, head to toe acne and miniscule breast size. In an effort to cease the continual barrage of abuse Nanny Filo introduced Steve to Tobacco. Like a an adolescent desert racer; at 5 years of age Steve was on 60 Camel?s a day and developing the husky voice that was to be his trademark in years to come (?He spat Sandstone and gobbed Gravel? his victim?s used to say).
?Eeeeeuw! This is fockin Menthol Filo!!'
Nanny Filo sadly died when Steve was 6. Despite falling from the 5th floor Nursery and witnesses hearing the words ?That's the last Menthol you give me you Spotty arsed Bitch? barked in a hoarse juvenile voice coming form the room the autopsy revealed that she had become a victim of passive smoking and had the lungs comparable to that of an Egyptian Mummy.
Following her death and to avoid the inevitable questioning as to why a 6 year old had 12 crates of Fag's under his bed Steve was sent to Mafioso Finishing School. For the next 14 years he immersed himself in the use of firearms and the art of a performing a decent Colmbian necktie. He reappeared as a confident young man 15 years later (albeit with his growth slightly stunted due to the his continuing tobacco vice). Steve gained an A Plus in contract killing, an E minus in money laundering and was heir to the Don Don Don Don Signori organisation.
After Don Don Don Don successful suicide bid in 1998?
Don Don Don Don falls on a knife 12 times. Verdict - Suicide
?Steve and his sidekick Bubbles embarked on a Protection Racket that scoured the length and breadth of Italy extorting money out of local Businesses. This made the infamous duo a small fortune and prompted tributes from Film makers ('Every Which Way But Loose' starring Clint Eastwood as Steve and Bubbles as Clyde), Musicians ('Me and My Monkey by Robbie Williams) and obviously Michael Jackson's pet Orangutang and Lama that he named Bubbles and Steve H respectively.
From Left to Right, Bubbles and Steve
Following a successful racketeering operation at a Motorcycle Shop in Peruggia, Bubbles became the proud owner of a pedal cycle?
Monkey Bike Bubbles
Whilst Steve acquired a Triumph TT600 that he rides to this present day (with stabilizers due to the his stunted 3' 6? frame).