Inside the female mind (long post if you're bored)

[jonboy22]

The vast casm (no not empty I'm not implying anything yet) that is the female mind, much like the final frontier holds a plethora of mysteries to the humble yet intrepid male explorer.

Right cut the chit chat. Its another agony aunty type thing and as girls seem to be a hot topic today I thought I would spill my guts...

There's this particular chiqueeta whom I've know for 6 years, at uni I got to know her in my first year and in the second year we lived in a house with five other peeps, all mates. Anyway I was really keen on her back then but being the shy demure guy that I am didn't pounce on her the way most uni students would. Cue my best mate, he jumped on in there apologised to me as he knew I liked her and the went out with her for 3 years I think, oh and I lived with them and just them in my final year ( I just had to suck it up and be happy for my two best friends).

Fast forward to 2 months ago. Boozey dinner party at hers, everyone plastered and heading for bed. I'm looking for somewhere to crash so look up the stair well to see another mate stumbling round. Her bedroom door opens and she's in her underwear, she says out loud "there's room in my bed if anyone wants it". My mates tounge falls out and he says "yes". She then shouts back "NO not you, I want Jon". Cue me sprinting up stairs and doing a nonchalent oh hello whats going on here type thing".

Fast forward to 2 minutes later, no.....nothing has happend, but I've jumped into bed and she's taken what remaining clothes off and lying there. And then strangely my drunkeness clears for a sec and I freeze thinking this could really ruin a friendship, especially as were both wasted and might regret it.......so I hugged (and kissed a little bit) her till she fell asleep.

This happened about 3 more times on seperate occasions when I went round to "visit". Anyway the last time I went over I opened up and confessed to her that I had really strong feelings for her and always have had, and that it was agony when she went out with my best mate all those years back. She cried a bit and said that she wished that I had said something all those years back as she really like me too.

Fast forward to the next morning (nothing happend again), almost a complete transformation.....She wouldn't speak to me or even look at me. She's properly blanked me for about a month and a half now and I'm mentally screwed. I eventually spoke to her and asked what was up and all she said was "I know its not what you want to hear right now but, I've been unlucky in love recently and don't want to risk a great friendship. I couldn't bear to lose you".

WHAT THE F**K..............

EH what so you don't want to lose a great friend, oh but blanking me out wont do that at all, leading me on wont do that at all, sending me text messages (initially) saying that you miss me wont do that at all.

WHAT on earth is going through that female brain of hers.....

please someone explain??

[Dragonfly]

hummmm, and hummmmmm

its not just a female thing that as men do that also.

she sounds scared of her feelings for you. was she hurt by this ex?

i dont get blanking you as its unfair yes. maybe she feels awkward about revealing her feelings. was she drunk when she revealed them the last time?

think you should talk to her as honestyis better here. it would wreak your head wondering why she has gone cold on you and you should know why. so tel her to stop with the selfish act and ask her why she said what she did and left it like that.

its the only way you will know i am afraid.
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All the breast.
Muzza on Binge:
He's too busy beating the everloving shit out of Lizzie to notice this thread has taken a turn down Drama Avenue and stopped off at the popcorn shop.

[Dark]

and still be her friend, you'll gain a lot of respect for that
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My Bikes in order:- Yamaha RXS100 / Suzuki X7 250 / Yamaha RD350LC / Kawasaki
KR1S 250 / Kawasaki ZXR750 H2 / Honda C50 / Kawasaki ZX7R P5 / Kawasaki ZX10R / Suzuki GSXR 400 / Honda CBR1100 Blackbird & Yamaha FZR 600

[Dragonfly]

Dark thats very true!

wheni was single i had alot of male mates. now they dont text or call and are not interested anymore and i thought they where real mates.

to be fair i still have oes that stayed and i respect them more for that.

if its wreaking your head your feelings for her sort it out and confront her and tell her you be her mate yes.
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All the breast.
Muzza on Binge:
He's too busy beating the everloving shit out of Lizzie to notice this thread has taken a turn down Drama Avenue and stopped off at the popcorn shop.

[jonboy22]

Well that's the one thing that I promised her that I would always be her friend, no matter what, and it's true....shame she aint seeing the same light. Thing is I really like her, almost to the point I would use that other rather powerful "L" word....ARRRHH WOMEN.

Um she hasn't been hurt by anyone that I know of so to speak but she does have confidence issues. She is absolutely stunning but she has hang ups about what people think, this then makes her hide behind her DUFF (designated ugly fat friend) and her DUFF is bit of a snobby cow (goes to polo matches and that sort of stuff and thinks I'm a pleb).

Alot of our mutual friends keep telling me not to give up on her and that she needs an outgoing vibrant person to snap her out of this state she's in.

But it's so hard and it breaks my heart and messes with my mind. The only upshot is that I relieve myself (STEADY!) by going out and riding and in the last 2 months my road riding has improved heaps.

sigh.......

[Dragonfly]

i hope she does snap out of that where she worries about what people think she she cant be herself then with influences about her.

if she worries about what people think she will prob have people also making her mind up for her and that would be that mate your on abbout the one she hides behind wold influence her alot.

you should talk to her and be there for her. in the end she will make her own mind up eventually.

poor you will have to contain yourself.
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All the breast.
Muzza on Binge:
He's too busy beating the everloving shit out of Lizzie to notice this thread has taken a turn down Drama Avenue and stopped off at the popcorn shop.

[Dark]

Wow, what a predicament, i must say i don't envy your position.

I suppose all you can do is to continue being a good friend for her and spending time with her. Take each day as it comes, try and remain level headed and try and be you. You said she really likes you so eventually her confidence and her trust in you will grow and hopefully something will happen mutually between you.
____________________
My Bikes in order:- Yamaha RXS100 / Suzuki X7 250 / Yamaha RD350LC / Kawasaki
KR1S 250 / Kawasaki ZXR750 H2 / Honda C50 / Kawasaki ZX7R P5 / Kawasaki ZX10R / Suzuki GSXR 400 / Honda CBR1100 Blackbird & Yamaha FZR 600

[Slickfish]

You need to try to talk to her, invite her to a bar etc relaxed environment and talk it through.
make sure your alone and try get your head around it all, from my experience its the best way if you let it lie for to long it will go bad!.
You just need to talk to her, stay calm with it all and just be mates, something more may develope, it may not but either way you still have a good mate!!!.

I know what Dragonfly means I've known girls through mates and all of a sudden they arn't around anymore, and the reason when I ask the lads, they have a BF. well why not bring them out as well!.
Ah well!.

[jonboy22]

A nice quiet one on one chat would be ideal. We used to talk for hours about everything and anything, missed a whole day of lectures just sitting in bed chatting with her (pre bf).

But now she wont even speak to me. I've tried to get her to chat, I mean I've come 75% of the way and made a dick of myself by opening up to her I just wish she would come 5% and have a talk with me. I go down to where she lives alot (most weekends) as we have mutual friends but she even blanked me at the pub last time, I went round the whole table shaking hands and kssing cheeks and she just avoided me....

I think the prob is a combo of the posh mate and what she thinks is a remedy to what she feels inside for me. I think she's taking it to the other extreme in that if we can't be well,....together, then she has to cut me out of the system altogether.

SO sad.....you silly women, why do you torment me so....

Anyway thank you very much for all your advice, I do appreciate it

[jonboy22]

[jonboy22]

Well, its a little deeper than that and I do genuinely care about her. But yeah I'm going with the latter option going on my past track record.

I have this ability to attract the slighty unstable type. My ex of four years was in therapy for a while.....and my first girfriend (when I was about 16) is now a rug muncher, actually think she plays for both sides.

anway I'll never just cut her loose so to speak but the worst thing is the sodding limbo of will she wont she bull shite...

[killa]

[jonboy22]

[colin1]

most women are eratic ruled by their emotions with little concern for blokes emotions. They dont know what they want so will lead men on, for attention and then change their mind for whatever reason and get cross if this is pointed out as bad behaviour.

I have a feeling not all are so bad, just the majority. Im curious about siggis theory that non-western women are better than the western variety, but I dont really believe it.

On this occasion, if you bide your time you might be in, but chances are she will be hot and cold for a while so Im not really sure its worth the hassle as she certainly wont be thinking about your feelings while she is blowing hot and cold.

Try to find an emotionally stable one but that can be quite tricky most have some excuse or other for behaving badly.

yeah silly moo is about right
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colin1 is officially faster than god

[hellkat]

[colin1]

yeah thats about right, its ditherers that are the problem

or maybe they have no intention of making up their mind and just like to keep u guessing so they feel wanted

although her blanking him sounds like she has now made her mind up after leading him on
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colin1 is officially faster than god

[hellkat]

[jonboy22]

What a shitty weekend......lol, but good in other aspects.

Just as an update and a thank you to those who replied over the weekend.

Nowt happened, I didn't even go and see her.......

I went to the village, thought about having a deep and meaningful and pouring my heart out to her again, but met up with a mate (lives in the same village as her, its very incestual there) who's just come back from Guatemala and really wanted to go for a quick ride to dust off his CBR600. Quick ride ended up as a full weekend blast......

Anyway back to the crazy moo in question....

Um as I mentioned in a couple of posts back I think she's being massively influenced by one of her mates and is feeling massively insecure about herself anyway. The abso-f**king brilliant news is that the influential friend is moving away to Bristol next month.

My only worry is that it's been going on for so long now, I know that I think about it everyday but I have know way of knowing what she's feeling, I mean should could have flicked me off like a piece of poo from her boot the day after I initially opened up to her. My only reassurance is other mutal friend who keep telling me to hang in there for her and things might change, dont give up etc..etc.

SO a question to the women, is it possible that she is indeed just holding back for whatever reasons (insecurity, peer pressure, etc) and that 1.5 months on from initally making a move on me she could still be keen but just to shy, or is that too much time and do you think any glimmer of love has now gone?

Silly moo's

[EDBANGER]

You should have just done her when she was lying next to you naked the first time and you wouldn't have had this problem. Man up and tell her what you want straight. If she's unsure convince her otherwise with whatever lies you need to tell. Isn't that the way it usually works??
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If you can't spot the sucker in your first half hour at the table, you are the sucker.

[jonboy22]

[Jesus_Christ]

Make sure it wasn't a one night stand. Have another go in the morning!
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If you ate Stephen Hawking, would that count as one of your "five a day" portions?

[jonboy22]

[msgander]

ok...

[jonboy22]

Sad thing is I personally think that thats about 99% right...

In fact you've pretty much hit it square on the head.

HOWEVER...

I've been told a few times now that this may not be the case (which is annoying because it gives a dismal amount of hope again) and that I would be an idiot and a bastard to just give up on her.....This is coming from a friend who she spends about 70% of her week with.

The most annoying thing of all is not having a decent reason, or some sort of closure. Why would she want the ball to be in my court for it to linger on...? Even worse was after she said that she was unlucky in love at the moment and didn't want to risk our friendship just now, so essentially trying to say no, she then sent me another text message a few nights later saying that she was a mess and really missed me and asked me to come down to see her. I went down, she had decided to go out with her friends so I was left sleeping on another mates sofa...

I wish she would just say, "no mate, it aint gonna happen, you're not my type, or it just wouldn't work or you're not rich enough" or anything other than, um not right now....

I think this whole thing is bitterly unfair on me and I wish she would at least do the decent thing and put me out my misery....or even be my friend again.....

[Squiffy_The_Wombat]