wow, i smell.

[steveh]

recently my farts have been really, and i mean really bad, gets to the point were i start getting up and leaving the room.

now being the imature person i am, i find them amusing, the mrs on the other hand, does not.

anyone else had this, must be what im eating.


Steve.
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Current : 06 Zx10r, 07 Wr450f SM, 74 850 norton commando, 63 bsa b40, 1962 Triton 650, 67 Triumph Tr6r, 1955 Triton 750, 1978 TY250E.

[Groove]

Beer is the only thing that really does it to me
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|| Past: 1991 Kawasaki ZXR 250 ~ 2003 Honda CBR 600 F Sport ~ 2004 Kawasaki ZX6R B1H 636 ~ 1999 Yamaha R1 ~ 1999 Kawasaki ZX6R J ~ 2004 Kawasaki ZX6R B1H 636 ~ 1998 Honda VTR1000F Firestorm ~ K1 GSXR 600 Track bike ~ K6 GSXR 1000 ~ 2006 Speed Triple 1050 || Current: 2005 R1 https://www.adrucore.co.uk

[Dragonfly]

I bet you fart in the bed and fluff the quilt to poisin your partner!?

Yep i know someone like that but they are missing most their intestines and about to loose the rest. Not a diagnosis by the way yuo wont die from a smelly fart just means your a smelly bugger
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All the breast.
Muzza on Binge:
He's too busy beating the everloving shit out of Lizzie to notice this thread has taken a turn down Drama Avenue and stopped off at the popcorn shop.

[LewisD]

I get that when i've over done the red meat.. which is unfortunate as i love beef and venision

Yup, pretty much always have bloaty gassy guts

[Rookie]

Store them in jam jars and let them out at opportune moments.

[phantomtek]

[Louise]

Meat is a bad thing for me
My partner shouts each time I do it, having heard her shout enough I waited for a nice one to come along, then shove then quilt over her and held her down

Oh how pissed she was

[Flip]

Dutch ovens are the way forwards.

[hellkat]

[suzi_bandit]

Steve. You're obviously very proud of the fact that you stink.

If you want your farts to smell even worse then eat lots and lots of humous. That'll give you a rancid stench and there'll be a good chance that people will actually vomit when you let one off.
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I want a big boys bike, preferably a Speed Triple. To date I have ?7:42p stashed away to put towards one. Need to get it in the bank & earning interest asap.

[Jebus]

thats really nasty, mabye eat more mints make your farts minty fresh?
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2nd time around CBT: 8/9/11
125 Varadero

[suzi_bandit]

Unfortunately a lot of the sugar free mints act like laxatives!
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I want a big boys bike, preferably a Speed Triple. To date I have ?7:42p stashed away to put towards one. Need to get it in the bank & earning interest asap.

[Teaman]

you can buy charcoal tablets to swollow whole, these are supposed to soak up the gasses, (they also make your turds super black )

a diet lacking in fibre can cause evil farts as your gut isnt breaking down food as well as it should,
farty veg can cause it, cabbige, cauliflower, mushrooms and so on,

I sugest you eat a healthy yet varied diet and it should curb it somewhat,,,



I have crohnes so droppy toxic ones is a speciallity I cant do anything about
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There is no point in ranting about someone stupid because there is nothing u can do about it. There is no cure for stupid.
Someone stupid does not realise they r stupid.stupidity is indistinguishable from malice U just have to accept that some people are thick as p1gsh1t and work around them.

[plugger147]

Sprout and oinion sarnies with wholemeal bread, 1 a night just to get the air flowing for work the next morning.
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Tristan the wrote: just whipped off my trousers to find a big bruise on my arse, caused by matt rear ending me...

[Whosthedaddy]

[LUXY DJ]

lol

OI try that spicy "chicken tonight" sauce now they make them RAW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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GSXR750
(FAR FAR from standard) www.gixerjunkies.net

[Didge]

I am reknowned for my farting ability, and also the quality of said product. It is a well known fact, amongst those that know me, that one doesn't just smell my produce, they can usually taste it as well.
I wrote an article on this subject some years ago, on another forum, and I reprint it here, for your collective benefit.

DIDGE'S (ANAL)YSIS OF FLATUS

I thought I'd have an in-depth look at the subject of farting. It is a subject that we all find hilarious or disgusting, depending on whether we are, at the time, the 'Farter' or the 'Victim'.
A BREAKDOWN OF FARTERS
Now some people are what I call 'CLOSET FARTERS' and by that, I don't mean that they hide in a wardrobe to let rip, (God forbid, that'd be the methane version of self flagellation). No, by 'CLOSET FARTER', I mean someone who makes out that they don't fart.(Ladies?) DON'T FART????? We all bloody fart. Men, women, dogs, cats. In fact they reckon the ozone layer is being destroyed by cows farting.
So, now that we've established that everyone is flatulent to a more or less degree, we are now on a more level playing field as it were.
But people can be split into other farting groups as well. There are the 'DISCRETE FARTERS', (ladies?), the one's who don't mind releasing the pressures from down below, but do all in their power to point blame on someone else. An anal version of throwing ones voice if you will. Now the professional 'DISCRETE FARTER' will have this off to an art form, and they can quietly 'let off' and then 'butter-wouldn't-melt'. (Ladies?) My own bloody mother was one of these, but she got found out when after 'release', someone pointed the finger and she started to giggle, trying hard not to giggle anymore, she let rip again, but this time it was heard, which made her giggle more, which caused more (louder) escaping flatus and on and on it went. So she was outed from that day on. Not to mention left on her own for a while, until 'things' calmed down a bit.
'DISCRETE FARTERS' can be dangerous if not outed very quickly. Those of a more nervous disposition can easily fall victim to a 'DISCRETE FARTER' and have their reputation tarnished forever, whilst the 'DISCRETE FARTER' only tarnishes their own undies.
On the opposite end of the scale we can find the 'LOUD & PROUD' farter. Yes, I admit that at times I can be one of these, but I'm a bit more of a pro, as you'll see later. The 'LOUD & PROUD has no shame whatsoever, and is usually male. When on their own, the 'LOUD & PROUD' will not release any pressure under any circumstance. They will retain it for as long as it takes, until they meet up with their friends, (yes, surprisingly they DO have some friends), and after a few beers to 'loosen things up', will emit a rasp from their rear end that can be heard all over the pub. Not to mention, create a rather uncrowded drinking area. The favourite haunt of the 'LOUD & PROUD' is of course, the cinema. Having watched the film on a pirate dvd the night before, he KNOWS the places where the film goes quiet. As the film approaches the quiet part, 'LOUD & PROUD' leans over on one cheek, and lets rip right on cue. Of course the cinema erupts to guffaws and cheers from fellow patrons, although it must be said, those closer to 'Ground Zero' are not quite so amused, and many sweet packets and ice cream tubs are frantically covered up to protect from any possible 'fallout'. It is virtually impossible from that time on, to concentrate on the film, as other 'LOUD & PROUDS' take their cue from that point on, and it becomes a rectal shouting match as every few minutes one tries to outdo the other, in both volume and note variation. Not to mention of course, odour. But 'LOUD & PROUD' doesn't always have it his way. Sometimes, in the heat of the moment, one may hear what at first appears to be a beautiful, almost melodic variance of tone, that suddenly gives way to a rather bubbly sounding gurgle, and it's then that a figure is always seen to appear, walking like a penguin towards the men’s bogs, to hoots of laughter, jeers and pointing fingers. The area of the cinema that has become the 'fallout zone', clears quicker than a Scottish pub when it's time to pay the tab. Of course the now 'LOUD-BUT-NOT-SO-PROUD' who followed through' will be ostracised by his peers and will now be relegated to the guffing equivalent of the fourth division.
The next farter I'd like to mention is the bully. The 'BULLY FARTER' belongs in the psycho-section of the farting community. He, (yes, this is a VERY male thing), will use his superior strength on weaker victims (usually a wife or girlfriend), to box them into a confined place, so that when the evil gas is released, said victim is forced to breathe the vile outpourings of the 'BULLY' bottom. This at first, causes the victim to go into a frenzy, as she tries to unsuccessfully escape the rapidly cloying stench that assails her nostrils, but quickly she will succumb to the overpowering stink, and collapse into a limp defeated heap, but not before uttering the words, "you dirty bastard" & "I HATE you" etc etc. By now of course, the 'BULLY' himself has collapsed, but with tears of laughter pouring down his face, managing the words, "but it's not too bad". This of course is NOT true. No fart is bad to it's maker. In fact to the farter, his/her smell is to be savoured, revelled in almost. BUT, to the victim it is the most appalling bloody stench they've ever smelt. Not to mention of course, the thought on the mind of the victim, that they have taken in gaseous droplets of the farters shite, and the physical and psychological damage that this can cause. A friend of mine, who will remain anon.....no sod it, "hi Larry", has a favourite trick. When lying in bed, he will squeeze out a silent, but resiliently strong and toxic vapour under the duvet, and at the same time say to his partner "If I gob in the air, I wonder who it will land on?". At this point, he will make out that he's hoiking up a huge grolly, and she will dart under the duvet, whereupon he traps her there until her struggles are no more. Now that is bloody evil.
The last type of farter that I'll touch on, is the pro'. Now the 'PRO' FARTER' must NEVER, under any circumstances, be under estimated. He/she can be any one of the above groups and more, whenever they so wish. To be a 'PRO' FARTER', takes many years of testing development, and all of us 'PRO' FARTERS' have at one point in our lives, gone through' the 'brown belt' level. No pain-no gain is the old saying, and that is very true of the 'PRO' FARTER'. We have all gone through' the hell that is 'slinging mud'. But it is something that one must pass (sorry), to go on to gain full and utter control of ones sphincter. Once one has reached PRO' level, one is looked on in envy and awe by the rest of the colon blowing community. A PRO' FARTER is able to, at times, using his ring piece as a rudimentary vocal cord, enunciate not only words of various dialect, but include localised accents as well. In a rather raspy manner of course. This puts the Germanic farters in a difficult position, as the Germanic languages are very guttural, and made at the back of the throat. So they do tend to suffer from a lack of PRO's, as it's VERY hard to create a sound from the back of the lower bowel without losing control. It tends to cause a reflex action, much like sticking your finger down your throat, and so they inevitably end up touching cloth or feeling the appearance of the turtles head. Many a German farter, on feeling the turtles head appear, have panicked, involuntarily spasmed and decapitated it, causing the dreaded 'Penguin-walk-of-the-unclean'. Not nice. The real top PRO's (I'm slowly getting there) can, on demand play any tune on the ol' 'bowel bugle'. Very few 'Buglers' can read music, but are nonetheless, able to create some beautiful sounds. To listen to "The Blue Danube" by a group of buglers or 'Botty Band' as they are better known, will bring a tear to the eye. As does the smell of course. The players have an unwritten rule, that if one wants to clear ones throat, one will do so prior to appearing on stage, as the sight of a freshly laid turd steaming on the stage can be a little off putting to those of a nervous disposition. Not to mention that, when playing in front of royalty, it is considered 'bad form' to hoik up a golden brown on stage. We must have our standards.
I hope you have learned much from my anal (f)article, and now have it in you to except us farters in the general community. After all, we have feelings too, and we have suffered for our (f)art, and so have our underpants.

[Handsome]

[Dragonfly]

[Flip]

I lit a fart once when I was hammered. Could not stop laughing. Huuuge flame.

[Dragonfly]

This thread stinks!
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All the breast.
Muzza on Binge:
He's too busy beating the everloving shit out of Lizzie to notice this thread has taken a turn down Drama Avenue and stopped off at the popcorn shop.

[Mary Jane]

https://www.under-tec.com/index.php

[mr jamez]

Copious amounts of Beer and red meat does it for me. I was off my face last night sleeping in my car and executed a really harsh fart, just remember clawing at the rear window trying to get out.

I wish I had a missus to share my farts with
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NSR 125F > BROS 400 > NC30 > BROS 400 > Trumpet S4 > '97 VFR 750

[Handsome]

I've been told mine smell like Dog Shit.....

*Shrugs whilst Laughing*
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Previous Bikes...Honda NSR 125 RR...Kawasaki Zephyr 550...Suzuki SV 1000 S...Yamaha FZ8...Current Bike...Suzuki GSX-R 750...

[suzi_bandit]