craigie b Citizen Smith
Joined: 26 Jul 2004 Karma :
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Posted: 16:16 - 22 Mar 2007 Post subject: The UK? |
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> THE SQUIRREL AND THE GRASSHOPPER
>
>
>
> REST OF THE WORLD VERSION:
>
>
> The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long,
>building and improving his house and laying up supplies for the winter.
>
> The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.
>
> Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.
>
> The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.
>
> THE END
>
>
>
> THE U.K. VERSION:
>
>
> The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long,
>building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.
>
> The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and
>plays the summer away.
>
> Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.
>
> A social worker finds the shivering grasshopper, calls a press
>conference and demands to know why the squirrel should be allowed to be
>warm and well fed while others less fortunate, like the grasshopper,
>are cold and starving.
>
> The BBC shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering
>grasshopper; with cuts to a video of the squirrel in his comfortable
>warm home with a table laden with food.
>
> The British press inform people that they should be ashamed that
>in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer
>so, while others have plenty.
>
> The Labour Party, Greenpeace, Animal Rights and The Grasshopper
>Council of GB demonstrate in front of the squirrel's house.
>
> The BBC, interrupting a cultural festival special from Notting
>Hill with
> breaking news, broadcasts a multi cultural choir singing "We Shall
> Overcome".
>
> Ken Livingstone rants in an interview with Trevor McDonald that
>the squirrel got rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and calls for an
>immediate tax hike on the squirrel to make him pay his "fair share" and
>increases the charge for squirrels to enter inner London .
>
> In response to pressure from the media, the Government drafts the
>Economic Equity and Grasshopper Anti Discrimination Act, retroactive to
>the beginning of the summer.
>
> The squirrel's taxes are reassessed.
>
> He is taken to court and fined for failing to hire grasshoppers as
>builders for the work he was doing on his home and an additional fine
>for contempt when he told the court the grasshopper did not want to work.
>
> The grasshopper is provided with a council house, financial aid to
>furnish it and an account with a local taxi firm to ensure he can be
>socially mobile.
>
> The squirrel's food is seized and re distributed to the more needy
>members of society, in this case the grasshopper.
>
> Without enough money to buy more food, to pay the fine and his
>newly imposed retroactive taxes, the squirrel has to downsize and start
>building a new home.
>
> The local authority takes over his old home and utilises it as a
>temporary home for asylum seeking cats who had hijacked a plane to get
>to Britain as they had to share their country of origin with mice.
>
> On arrival they tried to blow up the airport because of Britain 's
>apparent love of dogs.
>
> The cats had been arrested for the international offence of
>hijacking and attempted bombing but were immediately released because
>the police fed them pilchards instead of salmon whilst in custody.
>
> Initial moves to then return them to their own country were abandoned
> because it was feared they would face death by the mice.
>
> The cats devise and start a scam to obtain money from people's
>credit cards.
>
>
> A Panorama special shows the grasshopper finishing up the last of
>the squirrel's food, though spring is still months away, while the
>council house he is in, crumbles around him because he hasn't bothered
>to maintain the house.
>
> He is shown to be taking drugs. Inadequate government funding is
>blamed for the grasshopper's drug 'illness'.
>
> The cats seek recompense in the British courts for their treatment
>since arrival in UK .
>
> The grasshopper gets arrested for stabbing an old dog during a
>burglary to get money for his drugs habit. He is imprisoned but
>released immediately because he has been in custody for a few weeks.
>
> He is placed in the care of the probation service to monitor and
>supervise him. Within a few weeks he has killed a guinea pig in a
>botched robbery.
>
> A commission of enquiry, that will eventually cost £10,000,000 and
> >state the obvious, is set up.
>
> Additional money is put into funding a drug rehabilitation scheme for
> grasshoppers and legal aid for lawyers representing asylum seekers
>is increased.
>
> The asylum-seeking cats are praised by the government for
>enriching Britain's multicultural diversity and dogs are criticised by
>the government for failing to befriend the cats.
>
> The grasshopper dies of a drug overdose. The usual sections of the
>press blame it on the obvious failure of government to address the root
>causes of despair arising from social inequity and his traumatic
>experience of prison.
>
>
> They call for the resignation of a minister.
>
> The cats are paid a million pounds each because their rights were
>infringed when the government failed to inform them there were mice in
>the United Kingdom .
>
> The squirrel, the dogs and the victims of the hijacking, the
>bombing, the burglaries and robberies have to pay an additional
>percentage on their credit cards to cover losses, their taxes are
>increased to pay for law and order and they are told that they will
>have to work beyond 65 because of a shortfall in government funds.
>
> The squirrel? He moved to Spain ...
>
>
> THE END |
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Mister James I want to believe!
Joined: 10 Aug 2004 Karma :
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Posted: 17:17 - 22 Mar 2007 Post subject: |
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Dometeor Derestricted Danger
Joined: 17 May 2006 Karma :
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Posted: 17:27 - 22 Mar 2007 Post subject: |
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Last edited by Dometeor on 10:55 - 09 Oct 2010; edited 1 time in total |
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pwntifex World Chat Champion
Joined: 23 Aug 2006 Karma :
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craigie b Citizen Smith
Joined: 26 Jul 2004 Karma :
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Posted: 17:59 - 22 Mar 2007 Post subject: |
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CortezTheKill... Could Be A Chat Bot
Joined: 19 Sep 2006 Karma :
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