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HOW CAN LONDON TOP CHINA'S OPENING CEREMONY IN 2012?

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gmanxiii
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PostPosted: 09:59 - 05 Sep 2008    Post subject: HOW CAN LONDON TOP CHINA'S OPENING CEREMONY IN 2012? Reply with quote

Just found this on another forum and it gave me a chuckle, thought i might share.

Quote:
After the spending of $300 million for a couple of hours opening ceremony in China, what can London do in 2012 to follow that?



Even now, events agencies and media specialists are sratching their heads trying to come up with something that will top the Beijing extravaganza.



We Can Do It! Make Do And Mend. Keep Calm and Carry On. Dig For Victory.



Here are some early suggestions:


1. The Peckham formation knife throwers.
2. The Ghanian traffic wardens massed teams carrying the electronic tagger.
3. Leapfrogging government ministers.
4. A 40 ft container is lowered from wires, as it descends, dozens of illegal Kurds, Afghans, all nationalities, leap out to proclaim the vast opportunities and benefits provided by this host nation.
5. Relay teams of policemen chasing Burberry hat wearing chavs.
6. A massive white wall appears- it is sprayed by graffiti youths with aerosol cans at various times throughout the event- at the end of the games it will be purchased by Saatchi and exhibited in a shed in North London.
7. Dozens of hot dog sellers with carts pursued by food inspectors.
8. Hundreds of rough sleepers under cardboard awake and dance a routine.
9. Colourful Indian pizza leaflet distributors run across the stadium pursued by German Shepherds.
10. Formation teams of drunken laddettes bottle throwing.
11. Colourful skunk sellers juggling little bags.
12. A mountain of luggage is thrown from a great height, courtesy of British Airways and all our friends at Heathrow. This to show what a huge contribution tourism plays in the nation's capital.
13. A collection is taken up during the ceremony to help feed the meter for the gas flame.
14. A vast number of people emerge from a train carriage- a world record- and stagger around the stadium dazed by the heat and the smell of sweat. (Just the usual local train, then.)
15. There are more.....please make your contribution...

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Mr Hammers
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PostPosted: 10:15 - 05 Sep 2008    Post subject: Reply with quote

No need to have an actual ceremony at all, we could just CGI the whole thing.
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Tonka
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PostPosted: 10:22 - 05 Sep 2008    Post subject: Reply with quote

......my little rottie would like to put his paws up for number 9 please! He's not racist - just likes to chase anything that'll run and loves being the centre of attention!! Rolling Eyes

.....I'd like to think it's gonna be great, but suspect it may turn into a cringe-worthy farce. Still gotta get behind it all and make the best of it I suppose, rather than sit on arse and criticise, followed by the "I told you so" that's becoming such a British way of doing things Rolling Eyes
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Skudd
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PostPosted: 10:31 - 05 Sep 2008    Post subject: Reply with quote

I don't think anyone could match the china effort so there is no point in trying. Whatever we do we need to make it look modern, professional and well thought out.
It wont go through what is thought of as the English history nor the British history as all others see is our bit in the slave trade, although we did do it very well.
Maybe we need to go for the way we absorb other cultures and make them ours. but we need to steer clear of getting too ethnic , that sounded wrong in this PC world, but we need not concentrate on Bob Marley and Gandhi.
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GhostRider
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PostPosted: 10:36 - 05 Sep 2008    Post subject: Reply with quote

A squad of armed police gallop into a train carriage and unload an entire clip from their pistols into a seemingly innocent individuals face.

The police then pull out a large photo, and in a comic fashion look at the photo, at the victim, then the photo again, and then give a large forehead slapping motion. A man dressed as the chief of police comes an pats them all on the head, in a "there there" fashion".

Dancers then come flowing from behind, with brooms in their hands, and in a contemporary dance movement, brush the police and the corpse under a large carpet.

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iooi
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PostPosted: 18:55 - 05 Sep 2008    Post subject: Reply with quote

Skudd wrote:
I don't think anyone could match the china effort so there is no point in trying. Whatever we do we need to make it look modern, professional and well thought out.
.


Well they say that about everyone, that no one will ever beat the last...

Personally why bother wasting all that time effort and money.

All we are interested in is the sport, so stuff the formalities get straight down to business.

Let the last person to win gold in China walk in with the torch and fire up the flame Thumbs Up

Simple and understated a winner every time Karma
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chrisw
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PostPosted: 20:22 - 05 Sep 2008    Post subject: Reply with quote

Best suggestion I've heard so far goes as follows:

1) Boris Johnson does a lap round the track on his bike
2) The Queen cuts a ribbon and declares the games 'started'

Done.
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