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Steve H |
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Steve H World Chat Champion
Joined: 18 Oct 2003 Karma :
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Posted: 12:21 - 26 Jun 2009 Post subject: The BCF Top Ten 2009 |
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Too early this year? Should I have given members the opportunity to make a bid for a place during Summer and early Autumn? Fock it, If Electronic Arts can release Madden 2010 in mid 2009 then I'm nearly a year behind.
The Original
2008
10. Luke VFR
Luke Very Focked Retina to give him is full nomenclature. STILL a BCF legend and TEN entrant despite the fact that now the extent of his adrenalin fuelled antics is sticking a camera on a scaffolding pole and pushing a car for five yards while the camera happily flashes away - 'Radical Duuuuude'. A recent poll (sorry Luke) showed that that picture of his bedroom, sofa and TV Set up is the most repeated picture posted on BCF by an individual. God help us if he ever buys/rents his own crib and it’s got more than one room. Keep the BCF bandwidth down Luke, buy a bedsit and a Baby Belling.
9. mistergixer
Strictly now just a ‘mister’ although a change in moniker is imminent to ‘mistermister‘ to reflect his nervous stutter and devotion to the 80’s American soft rock scene. Apparently mistergixer would’ve preferred to use ‘mistertoto‘ but since the bestiality rumours of a few years ago he’s been advised to banish all ideas of shacking up with Dorothy’s dirty mongrel.
8. Ste
Nuttier than a pile of poo that’s emanated from a squirrel who’s been fed solely on Topic’s, Ste is OFFICIALLY BCF’s very own (professionally diagnosed) mentalist which, in view of the fact that this forum attracts more tossers per capita than most is no mean feat. Suicide!? Suicide!? Fock that son, bask in the glory of your Honey Nut Fruit Loopyness and do what (historically) you do best – Spell/Punctuation Checking, Porn links and (more recently admittedly) chasing parked cars.
7. bonny_ricardo
Why type a one word response when you can get away with six soddin’ paragraphs? Self appointed BCF intellectual and Scottish Scrabble title holder bonny is one in a long line of BCF recovery successes. Joined back in 2004 and acted like a complete tosser until he stopped précising his posts and began using the BCF synonym tool. Since then his BCF cache has gone through the roof and he’s developed RSI in his fingers, toes and nose (and gone through 28 wireless keyboards).
Expect any thread involving his favourite subject’s - Turtles, Sex and Drugs (not Turtle Sex and Drugs he’s asked me to point out although methinks the lady doth protest too much!) to contain more syllables than a stuttering welsh train station announcer on speed.
6. Jon B
'Big Jon keeps a changing before our very eyes,
One minute he’s fifteen stone, the next he’s ten point five.'
https://i12.photobucket.com/albums/a231/steveqpr/BigjohnlittlejohnEdelman.jpg https://i12.photobucket.com/albums/a231/steveqpr/Robbierist.jpg
Unlike Herb Edelman I doubt Jon has taken a sip from the fountain of youth as his prose is still more old bastard as opposed to Dirty ol’ Bastard. Unfortunately the commendable weight loss has no bearing on his place in the TEN, Jon’s recent foray into the wild ‘n wacky world of BCF controversy is the reason for his entry in fact it would appear at present that he’s following in colin1’s much maligned footsteps. From the admission to always ‘fuck(ing) up a post with an arrogant statement’ to having ‘a bit of a "gay" fashion sense’ this is pure BCF gold – Personally I blame Coventry. Anywhere North of Junction 11 of the M5 should be a no-go zone for innocent West Country Chaps.
5. Joe
Some might say that using your real name as a moniker shows a distinct lack of imagination. Personally I see it as a positive character trait, a patent sign of ease with one’s self, a self masturbatory doff of the cap to your person, an indication that you’ve struck a harmonious alignment with your huna energy – to put it in BCF terms, your melons aren’t twisted. Unfortunately the closest Joe gets to harmony is when he uses hairspray to keep his mullet from flapping in the wind when he hangs his head out of the window during long car journeys. Four fockin’ gold blobs for the retard definitively proves that the much heralded Karma isn’t worth a bag of shit.
4. Hellkat
Retaining her place in the TEN as Bike Chick Forum representative by a gnat’s cock. To be fair this year it was an extremely close run thing between HK, Bendy and dragonfly, almost too close to call. In reaching a decision the TEN took into account what all three of these lovely ladies brought to the BCF table…
Bendy with her encyclopaedic knowledge, passion for all things automotive and lovable geekiness.
dragonfly with her wide eyed innocence, empathetic posting style and compassionate nature.
Hellkat with her big baps.
Nuff said.
3. 1930 Ariel
Has anyone got more syllables in their BCF moniker than the Brummie school teacher with the asbestos gob (and comedy santa beard/glasses combo)? Rumour has it that following Ariel’s membership acceptance bonny_ricardo attempted to change his to handsomeattractiveandappealing_ricardo in an effort to trump him but Korn didn’t understand the PM when he received it as he didn’t have a thesaurus handy. When compiling the TEN this author looks at what the entrant brings to the table to merit their place, in this instance Ariel’s Midlands Masturbation Monopoly steadfastly cements his position. The game where we all have to guess who he saw, where the dirty deed was taking place and how it was being undertaken has us on tenterhooks although invariably the answer is Mucky Perv on the canal towpath with a copy of Razzle and a handful of spit.
2. Kickstart
More Gold’s than Mark Spitz (or Michael Phelps if you’re a younger viewer), the only BCFer to appear in every TEN published and a catchphrase that proves that if you utilise it sufficiently you’ll be associated with it. The TEN has roughly calculated that Keith has used ‘All the best’ in excess of 30,000 times and we can exclusively reveal that Keith’s keyboard reflects that fact…
https://i12.photobucket.com/albums/a231/steveqpr/KeithsKeyboard.jpg
As you can see the ‘A’, ‘L’, ‘T’, ‘H’, ‘E’, ‘B’ and ‘S’ keys are all showing signs of frequent use however when asked about the extreme wear on the ‘P’, ‘O’, ‘R’ and ‘N’ keys Keith promptly asked us to vacate his property.
1. colin1
The first person EVER to retain top spot Col’s mix of misquotes, malapropism and mistakes make for excellent and compelling viewing. When asked by the TEN for a quote Col said…
*‘I honestly don’t know I’m doing whatever I’m allegedly doing but yeah, I’m happy with my position in the Top Ten. Funnily enough while we’re on the subject of me I got chatting to a black, one legged lesbianism(sic) in the Pub last week who mentioned that I was being inappropriate by pointing and laughing at her. I tried to explain that I was laughing at the irony of the crucifix tattoo that she was sporting on her neck and the fact that she worshipped a God that effectively made her be born a bit fliddy. When she told me that she was in a car crash two years ago I mentioned my theory on women drivers and she began to get all teary eyed so I quickly changed tack and politely pointed out that she should grow her crew cut out a bit, wear some make-up and get out a bit more to cheer herself up – that seemed to do the trick.’
* Statements used do not necessarily reflect the opinions nor indeed the words attributed to any individual(s) quoted. ____________________ Mellow Yellow
The BCF Top TEN - 2010, 2009, 2008, The Original. |
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JonB |
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JonB Afraid of Mileage
Joined: 03 Jun 2004 Karma :
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Posted: 12:45 - 26 Jun 2009 Post subject: |
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As if this day could not get any better. ____________________ Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it?s worth. |
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Mr Hammers |
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Mr Hammers World Chat Champion
Joined: 10 Jul 2008 Karma :
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Dragonfly |
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Dragonfly Super Spammer
Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Karma :
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Posted: 12:59 - 26 Jun 2009 Post subject: |
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Thank you for the mention.
Love the rest of it ____________________ All the breast.
Muzza on Binge:
He's too busy beating the everloving shit out of Lizzie to notice this thread has taken a turn down Drama Avenue and stopped off at the popcorn shop. |
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Tarmacsurfer |
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Tarmacsurfer World Chat Champion
Joined: 29 Jun 2004 Karma :
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Posted: 12:59 - 26 Jun 2009 Post subject: |
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I missed out again. Even after using my ace in the hole about the cat on the tube? Bastard.
Go research your own garage door material ____________________ I'm immortal. Well, so far. |
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mistergixer |
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mistergixer World Chat Champion
Joined: 15 Jun 2005 Karma :
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Posted: 14:03 - 26 Jun 2009 Post subject: |
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Kiss my face!
However, i would like to point out that i escaped any conviction, although my guilt was never in doubt. ____________________ Space Monkey #7
Don Eladio is dead. His capos are dead. You have no one left to fight for. Fill your pockets and leave in peace. Or fight me and die!
Mistergixer's videos on YouTube |
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Fnatic |
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Fnatic World Chat Champion
Joined: 11 May 2008 Karma :
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Posted: 14:17 - 26 Jun 2009 Post subject: |
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Luke_Retrofly |
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Luke_Retrofly Silly Lesbian
Joined: 05 Jul 2003 Karma :
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Posted: 14:22 - 26 Jun 2009 Post subject: |
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I want to laugh I really do
Shaun for No#1 |
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Bofh5 |
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Bofh5 World Chat Champion
Joined: 25 Oct 2007 Karma :
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Posted: 14:36 - 26 Jun 2009 Post subject: |
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Note to self: never ever ever ever attempt to drink a piping hot beverage while reading Steve H posts.
Now wheres my burn cream ____________________ (L)users...Disk space is to good for them.
Bikes: Honda 50 / CB125-TDC / 93 CBR600 F2 (Stolen & Trashed) / 2001 SP-1 (Sold) / 95 CBR600 F3 |
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Mr Nice Guy |
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Mr Nice Guy World Chat Champion
Joined: 18 Jul 2007 Karma :
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hellkat |
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hellkat Super Spammer
Joined: 12 Jul 2004 Karma :
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Posted: 15:05 - 26 Jun 2009 Post subject: |
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Clearly Steve H must have been one of the lorry drivers at whom I flashed my norks on the M54 yesterday.
Thank you Steve. With or without inclusion of myself, your Top 10 list is always an entertaining and highly amusing magnification of the human ant farm that is BCF. ____________________ Not nearly as interesting in real life. |
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Bofh5 |
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Bofh5 World Chat Champion
Joined: 25 Oct 2007 Karma :
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pa_broon74 |
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pa_broon74 World Chat Champion
Joined: 28 Mar 2006 Karma :
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Posted: 15:14 - 26 Jun 2009 Post subject: |
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Tonka |
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Tonka World Chat Champion
Joined: 11 Jun 2008 Karma :
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Posted: 15:25 - 26 Jun 2009 Post subject: |
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DOS |
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DOS World Chat Champion
Joined: 29 Jun 2006 Karma :
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Posted: 15:25 - 26 Jun 2009 Post subject: |
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Top stuff as always Steve.
Paddy. |
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hellkat |
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hellkat Super Spammer
Joined: 12 Jul 2004 Karma :
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hellkat |
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hellkat Super Spammer
Joined: 12 Jul 2004 Karma :
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Posted: 16:33 - 26 Jun 2009 Post subject: |
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Harold_Shand |
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Harold_Shand World Chat Champion
Joined: 07 Jun 2004 Karma :
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Posted: 17:04 - 26 Jun 2009 Post subject: |
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That is solid gold as always
Loved Kickstarts keyboard ____________________ BCF's 6th favourite poster 2009-2010
Harold_Shand's theory might be the best explanation. |
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Steve H |
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Steve H World Chat Champion
Joined: 18 Oct 2003 Karma :
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Posted: 19:22 - 26 Jun 2009 Post subject: |
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Thanks very much for all of the positive comment Ladies 'n Gents
PS - Pleading PM's will not get you entered into the TEN (cash/personal favours will) ____________________ Mellow Yellow
The BCF Top TEN - 2010, 2009, 2008, The Original. |
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colin1 |
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colin1 Captain Safety
Joined: 17 Feb 2005 Karma :
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Posted: 20:02 - 26 Jun 2009 Post subject: |
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Damnit, I'm going to be all self conscious for about a week now, in case I say something someone might deem inappropriate.
This may be a good thing though, as I've came close to airing opinions about my boss at work in the office. Im 'getting a bit too comfortable', as one person put it, when I made a slightly inappropriate remark about them. Fortunately I've just about managed to keep them sweet and narrowly managed to avoid a potential office feud.
I probably should be more guarded in future tho, so Steve H's thread is probably a timely reminder.
Funnily enough I did once meet a one armed girl (although not one legged). I had got over the surprise, when she opened a cupboard that was full of prosthetic arms, and it was like WTF ! again.
Yes I know one armed people are people too, but you dont meet them every day, so it does feel a little odd if you arent expecting it.
I still stick with my theory about women drivers though. They will pull out into traffic, not because they havn't seen you, but because they wouldnt mind stopping to let someone out, so they assume you wouldnt mind. These days, I often commute in a huge old car rather than on motorbike, so its definitely not a case of not being seen, as you might think with the motorbike. ____________________ colin1 is officially faster than god
Last edited by colin1 on 20:16 - 26 Jun 2009; edited 1 time in total |
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colin1 |
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colin1 Captain Safety
Joined: 17 Feb 2005 Karma :
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Ariel Badger |
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Ariel Badger Super Spammer
Joined: 02 Dec 2006 Karma :
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Posted: 20:11 - 26 Jun 2009 Post subject: |
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Number 3
Only Kieth and Colin between me and world domination. A great day for the Midlands. ____________________ Bikers make great organ donors, get 115 on your licence today. |
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Wafer_Thin_Ham |
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Wafer_Thin_Ham Super Spammer
Joined: 18 Nov 2005 Karma :
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Posted: 20:17 - 26 Jun 2009 Post subject: |
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Must try harder! ____________________ My Flickr |
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colin1 |
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colin1 Captain Safety
Joined: 17 Feb 2005 Karma :
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bazza |
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bazza World Chat Champion
Joined: 27 Aug 2004 Karma :
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Posted: 20:22 - 26 Jun 2009 Post subject: |
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Ten people Steve H would like to shag, jointly or separately.
Thank fuck I'm off the list. ____________________ "That's it. You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clown college."
'98 Ducati 750SS, '08 Suzuki GSX650F ©2004-2014, Bazza's Harmless Banter |
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Old Thread Alert!
The last post was made 14 years, 299 days ago. Instead of replying here, would creating a new thread be more useful? |
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