Seeing your kids at Christmas..

[Jamie.]

My ex partner has informed me that I can't see my son on Christmas Day but can have him on Boxing Day.

Last year we were on good terms and seeing him was not a problem, is it unreasonable to expect to see him on Christmas Day? He's 3 years old.

What way do you organise Christmas as I'm not getting a say in it this year as she is a bitter ****

[The Artist]

Tell her to stop being a bitch.

[nowhere.elysium]

Hmm. Sounds like she might just be trying to make it unpleasant for you, but you can turn it to your advantage; treat it as if it's Christmas day mk. 2 - your kid gets the benefit of time spent with Dad, as well as having two Christmases, which to a child of that age is a massive win.

It's not ideal, but I'd try to use it as an opportunity to be the better parent; it'll really boil her piss, and your kid will think well of you for it in future. Bonus points if he starts asking when he's going to see you on Christmas day, although that might be a bit much to expect of a three-year-old.
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[Jamie.]

Treating Boxing Day as a second Christmas day is a very good idea, I didn't see it like that, thanks!

I'm disappointed with what she's doing but I'm going along with it as I don't want any shit with her.
I feel a bit better about it now, thank you Elysium!

[nowhere.elysium]

[D O G]

Don't have kids with mental people or when you are not 100% confident that your relationship will last would be my view on this.

[hedgehugger]

You have him Boxing day this year, then make sure she knows you have him for Christmas day next year. Quite normal for split families to alternate Christmasses etc.

It's probably pissed on your fireworks if you were expecting him this year though, but a months notice is better than a day or 2.

[Kradmelder]

[cornish]

[m3-paul]

I have this to face up to this year for the first time .

I think she will have them on Xmas day and me on boxing day. Doesn't matter what way round it is as far as I am concerned. I am dreading being apart from them for either of the days (or indeed any time at all).

What I do know is that they would rather be with me, as I don't shout at them, swear at them or dictate what they are to do. They have a far easier life with me. Knowing I will give them the best day ever will keep me going through when I don't see them.

My heart goes out to all the dads who are going through the same shit (and mums if the dad is a wanker) it truly hurts .
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[J0Al1]

I think alternate years is the best plan.

However, I was lucky, the Father never asked to have him until a couple of years ago (son was 6), and this year is fathers turn (son is 8) but son told him he wants to stay with us.

You have to be the bigger person, not rise to things (that winning if ever there was)!

Take the Boxing day and suggest 'next year we swap days?'

[andym]

Before my other half turned the kids, her and her ex done the alternating Christmas', and the kids seen it as 2 Christmas days (2 lots of presents, dinners etc). When we had them on boxing day we would wait until the kids were there then treat that as our Christmas too.

If it's only a verbal agreement, it might be worth getting something in writing for future years.

[Redoko]

Alternating seems to be the only fair way of doing it if both parents want to see the childern.
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[Kradmelder]

Under sections 19 and 20 of our Children's Act both parents have equal responsibilities and rights with regard to the children. When separating, both parents have to decide with which parent the children are to reside and what the contact rights of the other parent will be.

Both parents have full capacity to care for their children, and it doesnt matter if you were married or not.

They cant even move out of town to spite you or chase another man without losing the kids, as you can see below.

A parenting plan is filed by a family advocate and becomes a legal court order. If the nutter decides to break it, she can face a year in prison and the loss of the kids.

Parts of it look like this: You choose the otion you agree on.

[kitty kat]

My ex husband & I used to alternate having the children on Christmas day, but then as he got to be more useless where children were concerned he often used to see them on Christmas Eve. As they lived with me I then used to take them to see their paternal grandparents on Boxing day & my mum & Dad (who were divorced) used to come to my house on Christmas day.

I would say that it is reasonable for you to see your son on Boxing Day this year.

[map]

[Raffles]

Hard though I'm sure it is, you should do your utmost to stay on the right side of your ex. Otherwise you may receive a phone call/text/email on boxing day informing you that Tiny Jamie is too ill to play out.
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A good loser will always be a loser.

[Polarbear]

Am I the only one thinking that her agreeing to boxing day is perfectly reasonable? She obviously wants her kid at home on christmas day and if you haven't got any agreement in place I don't think she is being vindictive or anything.

Obviously I know nothing of the ongoing situation between you both.
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[Kradmelder]

[J0Al1]

Krads, your situation is pretty back and white because you have amde sure of it. Your a commited Father who does the time.

There are many (Fathers and Mothers) that do bugger all aside what suits them... why should they not pull any weight all year then thrown demands about Christmas?

I am of course not reffering to OP.

Anyway, I am gratefull this was never an issue for me . Stupid arse has not done enough and is starting to pay (not implemented by me).

[Jamie.]

I have to say I feel a lot better about this now than I did yesterday. I just took it as a given that I would be seeing him and it was a shock to be told otherwise.

Very surprised Krad managed a post without any bigotry/racism and seems to be able to talk sense when he wants to

I would be very happy to have alternate Christmas' but I doubt she will agree to this. I have yet to get our agreement set in stone with court as it's only recently she has started making things hard.
I will try to get this included in the agreement.

Sound advice as usual from all

[Pete.]

Christmas Day is just 24hrs in a row same as any other, including Boxing Day. If you let her power-play bother you it'll ruin it for both you and your son and he'll go away with the feeling that Christmas with mum is so much better than christmas with dad. Take the lad for Boxing day and make it special for both of you. Act normal and give him your attention the whole day long. He'll have the double-bonus of two 'Christmasses' and you'll be content to have shared one with him.
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[J.M.]

As a "child" I hate Christmas and having to choose which parent's house to spend it at.

I like the double Christmas idea that nowhere.elysium suggested! I'd have loved that as a kid.
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[Kradmelder]

[Kradmelder]