Lack of poop. BCF doctors consult.

[bikertomm]

Hi,

Now I know we all love a (sh1te) thread so here goes.

I do massive poos. I mean literally fucking huge, yet to find a toilet capable of flushing let alone sitting in the toilet without blocking the entire circumference of the hole / U bend.

I have no problem with this as it's regular, (soft) and usually every other day.

Last biggun was last Friday. I've been away for the weekend and returned last night. I've eaten SO much while away including several meals out etc, chocolate bar here and there. I've also been to the gym twice and swimming twice and done a good amount of exercise.. recently (last 2 months) been running aswell.

Anyway, concious of the fact I hadn't stool'd in a few days, on monday night I popped into a tesco for a quick one. A couple of pea shaped objects appeared in the pan, queing a face like this from me:

https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Prm87Aj58wk/ThhpgyE7smI/AAAAAAAAB_A/MBvKd8KhBHo/s1600/michael-cera.jpg

Shit. I've eaten so much, where has it all gone I thought.

Next day (Tues) as normal, drove home and at 10pm got onto the homely pan. This time some bigger peas came out, a bit like 3 baby carrots in size, still absolutely nothing in comparison to a normal poop.

Today I've eaten beans, oranges, half a for goodness shake milshake (which normally make me fart and poo for england) and I can still get nothing out.

Do I panic now or not.

What does thou BCF suggest I eat.

This happened last year and I walked into boots and said to the pharmacist can I have a word, haven't shit in 5 days. He gave me some pills and the very thought of taking them made me shit myself at home.

What does one do?

P.s I may have farted all over the office toilet today so clearly things are maybe moving.

Will update this thread, please do share your tales of blockages.
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07' Honda Hornet now full powaah! My guide on performing an oil change!

[Ste]

Have a really spicey Indian with extra chillies.

[mentalboy]

For the benefit of those who like a TL:DR...

OP is full of shit.

HTH

[NJD]

[bikertomm]

Thanks lads.

NJD, have you not heard of my ultimate secret weapon in poo destroying?

Something similar to this, or a stick, even a wooden spoon.

https://cdn.rainbowresource.netdna-cdn.com/products/016849.jpg

Or a classic is the tesco bag wrapped over the pan, lid down, boom. Can you tell I've thought this through? #bigshitproblems
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07' Honda Hornet now full powaah! My guide on performing an oil change!

[NJD]

[Tracey Suntan-King]

Don't want to worry you but you need to go. This guy had what you've got. Probably NSFW

https://highcolonic.org/images/megacolon2.jpg

On the other hand, MEGACOLON sounds like a new superhero. Wonder what his super power would be......
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Whether you think you can, or think you can't, you're probably right

[Ste]

https://www.facebook.com/SteveO/videos/1198529410172826/

[CaNsA]

https://i.imgur.com/2AnMKec.jpg

https://i.imgur.com/MfEF1K9.jpg

https://i.imgur.com/TWAEDXV.jpg

https://i.imgur.com/7LPhLONl.png

[Wafer_Thin_Ham]

Probably the stress of being away from the homely shitter. If I'm on holiday it can upset my rhythm somewhat. Start to worry if you're not back to normal by Monday.
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[Baffler186]

[pepperami]

OP IT`S BAD AIDS!
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I am the sum total of my own existence, what went before makes me who I am now!

[UnknownStuntm...]

Can't believe nobody has prescribed one of these yet:

https://www.totalmotorcycle.com/modelhistorytimelines/1998-Yamaha-R1-YZFR1f-small.jpg

[Ribenapigeon]

Strong sweet milky coffee.

[stinkwheel]

Smoke one malbrough red or a B&H gold to pull the pin on the chod-grenade.

Drink plenty of water. Not doing so is probably what put you in this situation in the first place.
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“Rule one: Always stick around for one more drink. That's when things happen. That's when you find out everything you want to know.”
I did the 2010 Round Britain Rally on my 350 Bullet. 89 landmarks, 3 months, 9,500 miles.

[bikertomm]

Negative captain stinkwheel - I probably drink too much water as it is!

Anyway, we have news.

8.40AM I bought a pack of red grapes and ate a tonne of them. Followed by several cups of tea and a kitkat.

Lunchtime was beans on toast followed by natural yogurt,

Then a yorkie bar which said 'for men and making man stuff' on the label which was rather lulz!

And a pack of softmints.

Anyway, after many lols in the office and my collegues even bought up 'rate my poo . com' which was pretty funny, and then I got a twinge for a shit.

I went to make the tea, escaped to the store and let rip on some huuuuge wet sounding farts. Actually laughed at myself..

Got home, didn't need anything then and there so went for a 3 mile run. 2 miles in, I was busting for a shit... So debating whether to go in the hedge or make it home, I made it.

I never knew cube shaped objects can come out like that. I have given birth, finally.

Cheers boys.
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07' Honda Hornet now full powaah! My guide on performing an oil change!

[Lone-Wolf]

[Paddy Blake]

Molaxole.

But be near the jacks after you have it.

Short story but I was in hospital and 6 in the room.
One would take other peoples food or drink.

One had that stuff in a drink that this guy took and he sh1t
his bed twice.

To rehidrate he was drinking the same stuff because the thought
it was his drink.
It just got worse.

Karma. Lol

[angryjonny]

Next time: Ricola. Those lemony sugar-free sweets. No idea what's in em but half a dozen of them flush you through in minutes.

[stinkwheel]

[Dalemac]

Or a pack of sugar free polos.
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YBR125 -> GPZ500S -> SL1000

[dodgydog]

Lidls finest Ardennes pate worked for me last week......oh how it worked....I wanted it to stop working, but it didn't.

Three days of it, I couldn't be further than 20 paces from the bog, day and night.

Still, on the bright side, I did lose some weight.
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I know that you believe that you understood what you think I said, but I am not sure you realise that what you heard is not exactly what I meant

[grr666]

Glycerin suppositories.






Holy fuck!
How the brown rain fell.
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Ste wrote: Avatars are fine, it's signatures that need turning off.

[RhynoCZ]

A glass of warm water, then 20 squats, run before the train leaves the station.

The speed of the bowel movement is given by your life style. Sitting on your arse will slow it down, being active will increase the speed. Some people even go jogging, to keep their gut/arse happy. Others smoke, drink coffee, eat bananas and so on.

Also, reduce stress, getting drunk/relaxed will help you crap actually. Laxatives are never the answer, although it's the easy way out for a while.
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'87 Honda XBR 500, '96 Kawasaki ZX7R P1, '90 Honda CB-1, '88 Kawasaki GPz550, MZ 150 ETZ
'95 Mercedes-Benz w202 C200 CGI, '98 Mercedes-Benz w210 E200 Kompressor

[hellkat]