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Things to do in prison

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pepperami
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PostPosted: 14:18 - 14 Mar 2017    Post subject: Reply with quote

Spend each and every waking hour, working out new ways on how to gouge out the screws eyes without getting caught Thumbs Up

And thus I will have taught myself stealth and ingenuity Thumbs Up
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Monkeywrenche...
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PostPosted: 17:17 - 14 Mar 2017    Post subject: Re: Things to do in prison Reply with quote

Sun Wukong wrote:

- Foreskin restoration:
Just time and commitment... and hands. I have another thread on this, but I am surprised it is not better known about. The benefits for sensitivity are really impressive Thumbs Up


Yes if I was banged up all day in a tiny room with another guy and no privacy, I'd probably spend all my time tugging at my foreskin and extolling the new found sensitivity of my bell end, no way that will end up badly Shocked

Why not just melt razer blades into toothbrush handle and throw boiling sugar in the face of anyone suspected of being a nonce, all while off your gourde on spice, like everyone else.


Also serious answer...Suicide, it's all the rage apparently.
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WD Forte
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PostPosted: 00:41 - 15 Mar 2017    Post subject: Reply with quote

Develop your artistic skills by creating a life affirming mural
on the cell walls with your own shit, piss, blood, snot, gob and semen?.
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stevo as b4
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PostPosted: 00:55 - 15 Mar 2017    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'd want to work making things or cooking or doing paid for jobs like cleaning out boilers etc.

I'd get friendly with the guy that pushes the laundry cart too, as if it was a long stretch I'd be planning my escape.

''Im going up and over, up and over, done it before I can do it again''

Would probably try to have better luck picking the train to jump on though. Laughing
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mentalboy
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PostPosted: 01:06 - 15 Mar 2017    Post subject: Reply with quote

WD Forte wrote:
Develop your artistic skills by creating a life affirming mural
on the cell walls with your own shit, piss, blood, snot, gob and semen?.


That might work for Tracey Emin but most of us would need a serious drug supply/habit to live in the middle of that lot.
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Derivative
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PostPosted: 01:27 - 15 Mar 2017    Post subject: Reply with quote

Fairly sure if I knew I'd be in there for more than a year or so I'd spend the whole time thinking of the best way to pop myself.
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ZX-7R
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PostPosted: 02:16 - 15 Mar 2017    Post subject: Reply with quote

Avoiding the greenhouse.
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hellkat
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PostPosted: 10:50 - 15 Mar 2017    Post subject: Reply with quote

So anyway eschewing the obvious responses of taking up munching rugs, etc., I'm surprisingly introverted IRL amongst people I don't know well, so would probably keep myself to myself, get beaten up for being perceived as a bit of a snob, and tend towards self-improvement by reading or going to the gym (what else is there to do?)

But apart from that, when I finally come out of my shell, I'd be inclined to engage (slooooooooowly, because that is how I roll socially) with the foreign inmates and learn languages. Useful ones, maybe Russian, Chinese, Arabic.
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Wull
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PostPosted: 19:08 - 20 Mar 2017    Post subject: Reply with quote

Has anyone actually been banged up? Proper custodial sentence?
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Oldie
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PostPosted: 21:26 - 20 Mar 2017    Post subject: Reply with quote

Mastering the art of (proper) lucid dreaming is not something that I would recommend. It's very hard to revert to a normal sleep cycle once your brain has had enough and soon you will desperately want to get your life back. That, unfortunately, is not so easy and your conscious mind will keep jumping in just as you fall asleep and you're stuck there again. This may continue to happen from time to time over the following years and you'll start to wish that you'd never tried it in the first place.

Leave your subconscious alone and let it get on with running your life, which it does rather well. It doesn't need, nor want, your (much less significant) conscious mind stomping about in there with it's size nines.
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M.C
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PostPosted: 21:26 - 20 Mar 2017    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wull wrote:
Has anyone actually been banged up? Proper custodial sentence?

Creg fitz.
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pepperami
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PostPosted: 21:29 - 20 Mar 2017    Post subject: Reply with quote

WD Forte wrote:
Develop your artistic skills by creating a life affirming mural
on the cell walls with your own shit, piss, blood, snot, gob and semen?.

Laughing Quality Thumbs Up ....... I have visions of you making a model of the Alps or a Picasso mural Laughing

EDIT: are not going to use ear wax and pubic hair?
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duhawkz
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PostPosted: 22:15 - 20 Mar 2017    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wull wrote:
Has anyone actually been banged up? Proper custodial sentence?


Hetzer said he's done a stretch for armed robbery

There was a bloke called max power, back in the day said he'd done some porridge.
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ZX-7R
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PostPosted: 22:18 - 20 Mar 2017    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wull wrote:
Has anyone actually been banged up? Proper custodial sentence?


No,but i would of if i got caught.Matey called it on,said i didn't have the minerals,found out the hard way he was wrong.
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mentalboy
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PostPosted: 23:39 - 20 Mar 2017    Post subject: Reply with quote

ZX-7R wrote:
Wull wrote:
Has anyone actually been banged up? Proper custodial sentence?


No,but i would of if...


People who forget that 'of' does not mean 'have' deserve the elocution chair!!
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smegballs
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PostPosted: 23:46 - 20 Mar 2017    Post subject: Reply with quote

dydey90 wrote:

The hardest part of lucid dreaming is working out what the tells are. Clocks and writing are a big one, they change when you look away.
I once got quite good at lucid dreaming, but it's so much harder to conjure up a naked supermodel than something that my brain wanted to deliver. Say, a six headed Minotaur with knives for teeth.


My lucid dreaming story that I probably spoke of before on here...

I had been looking at lucid dreaming but hadn't got round to actually putting in that reality tracks in real life. One of the reality check that I had heard of what's the one where you hold your nose and try to breathe through your nose.

One night I had this dream where everything in the dream was turning into genetic copies of each other for example every house is turning into copies of the same cartoonish house and every tree with turning into copies of the same cartoonish tree.

Being kind of worried I went to a local doctor and had an appointment with him, I explained what was going on and this is what he had to say: "have you ever considered that you're dreaming? To find out if your dreaming hold your nose and try to breathe." What is the suggested and found that indeed I could breathe. I walked outside to a lamppost in the street and tried to put my hand through it, I failed miserably. I closed my eyes, relaxed, and found but yes my hand could indeed go through that lamppost. I woke up pretty shortly after this.

I was impressed that even though it shouldn't work as I hadn't been practicing the reality checks in real life, my subconscious created the doctor character in a dream and used​ that character to explain to me how to conduct the reality checks to realise I was dreaming.

I've never had a proper lucid dream since but have had some dreams where I gain a level of control. A common what are common market the lets me know I'm dreaming is when it is still raining inside, which is also really annoying. Another one I had a few months ago was when I was riding a bike in my dream and a car pulled out on me, I stamped on the rear brake but the bike did a stoppie rather than locking the back wheel. This physics glitch made me wtf and realise it was a dream.
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Robby
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PostPosted: 00:15 - 21 Mar 2017    Post subject: Reply with quote

Are there cats in prison?

Because if there are no cats, I'd rather just not go there in the first place. Places without cats are shit.
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Sun Wukong
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PostPosted: 04:30 - 21 Mar 2017    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oldie wrote:
Mastering the art of (proper) lucid dreaming is not something that I would recommend. It's very hard to revert to a normal sleep cycle once your brain has had enough and soon you will desperately want to get your life back. That, unfortunately, is not so easy and your conscious mind will keep jumping in just as you fall asleep and you're stuck there again. This may continue to happen from time to time over the following years and you'll start to wish that you'd never tried it in the first place.

Leave your subconscious alone and let it get on with running your life, which it does rather well. It doesn't need, nor want, your (much less significant) conscious mind stomping about in there with it's size nines.


Interesting point.

My main concern had always been confusing waking life dream life, so I would end up punching my boss or humping the receptionist and end up in court...

Seems that is not likely - Lucid Dreaming FAQ

But you are the first person to mention that type of negative.

Do you mean that the quality of sleep is worse? Or that you need the subconscious unguided dream time to allow your brain to work out problems on its own?

Interesting point, thank you. Thinking
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Oldie
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PostPosted: 07:22 - 21 Mar 2017    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sun Wukong wrote:

Do you mean that the quality of sleep is worse?


You don't sleep, that's the point. You may lie there snoring but inside your head you're awake. When your body wakes up, you're tired.

Your subconscious is a vast store of everything you've ever seen or heard, even if it's just in the form of a broad outline. During waking hours, this allows your conscious mind to quickly take in your current situation and over-lay it onto the appropriate templates in your subconscious, thereby giving a remarkably detailed "live" picture without needing excessive computations. Allowing your conscious mind to access that enormous database of information may be very interesting but once it's been in there, it's hard to make it leave well alone.

Whether or not this is even remotely dangerous, I don't know, but it will affect your normal sleep patterns for a very long time. Perhaps there is a milder form of lucid dreaming which interferes less with normal sleep patterns?
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smegballs
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PostPosted: 12:17 - 21 Mar 2017    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oldie wrote:


You don't sleep, that's the point. You may lie there snoring but inside your head you're awake. When your body wakes up, you're tired.


I sort of have that anyway, though not to such an advanced degree. I remember almost all of my dreams, so I have an almost continuous level of consciousness even when sleeping. Obviously it's not full lucid reality, but I'm still "doing stuff" all night whilst asleep.


I thought this was normal until I asked other people, and instead it seems that most people simply have 'blank time': they go to bed, go to sleep, then the next thing they know they are simply awake in the morning.
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Andy Rider
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PostPosted: 12:26 - 21 Mar 2017    Post subject: Reply with quote

I reckon I'd be finding out how long the human body can go without going for a shit and if the human body does ever become self cleaning...

Maybe also feed the odd pigeon in the yard!
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Rogerborg
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PostPosted: 12:44 - 21 Mar 2017    Post subject: Reply with quote

No, do please do go on about your imaginary things that didn't happen to you.

http://i.imgur.com/Rf17XPw.gif
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Screw Loose
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PostPosted: 05:57 - 22 Mar 2017    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wull wrote:
Has anyone actually been banged up? Proper custodial sentence?


I've never done a sentence however I am a prison officer if that helps? Thumbs Up

Can confirm most people wank their lives away. Few use their time productively, gaining qualifications etc. Some conciously try to make their (and others) lives as difficult as physically possible.

Your "typical" prisoner generally just wishes their sentence away and gains very little in the process. The powers that be try to push for a "rehabilitative culture" however in practice it proves nigh on impossible.

Those whom want to change and improve will. The rest simply wont care!
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smegballs
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PostPosted: 13:53 - 22 Mar 2017    Post subject: Reply with quote

Screw Loose wrote:
Wull wrote:
Has anyone actually been banged up? Proper custodial sentence?


I've never done a sentence however I am a prison officer if that helps? Thumbs Up

Can confirm most people wank their lives away. Few use their time productively, gaining qualifications etc. Some conciously try to make their (and others) lives as difficult as physically possible.

Your "typical" prisoner generally just wishes their sentence away and gains very little in the process. The powers that be try to push for a "rehabilitative culture" however in practice it proves nigh on impossible.

Those whom want to change and improve will. The rest simply wont care!


What's the ratio of proper scumbags to normal people who got caught doing something illegal?
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duhawkz
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PostPosted: 14:24 - 22 Mar 2017    Post subject: Reply with quote

smegballs wrote:

What's the ratio of proper scumbags to normal people who got caught doing something illegal?


I bet its quite low as you really need to try to get sent to jail these days, first time offenders are very unlikely to got to jail unless its serious.
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