Stand by me

[Itchy]

Friend/acquaintance/somebody I know has problems:

He’s got bowel cancer.

He’s bi-polar I’ve seen his NHS letters and the enormous pile of meds he takes.

He lacks tact and awareness

His wife just left him

He’s peeved off a faction of the local hard men.

His previous carer actually abused him (I’ve seen police letters of that too).

Thursday he phones me up and asks if I want to go out for a drink nothing strange about this. I say lets meet at so and so. He says nah come find me I'm not leaving here.

I find him cowering in a bus station café and he perks up the moment he sees me. We go for some tea. He then asks for a ride to the police station in regards to the hard men.

He says it’s a good thing you were here nobody would have followed us on the route we took (as we were filtering through heavy traffic).
He says come out tonight I’ll call you. I call him and his phone is switched off.

Yesterday again he phones me as he’s scared and on a downer. I go see if he’s ok and end up spending 5 or so hours watching him flip from one extreme to the other as he gets messages. Which don't actually seem that threatening to me (but I'm not threatened by messages that say I'll cut you and your daughter up anyway).

He spends at least 2 of those hours talking to somebody on his other phone. He spends the other time burning letters and photos of his ex-wife in the back yard.

He then dresses up at 6pm and says he’s going out not even a mention of an invite. Oh but could I give him a ride. I say no.


There is no money involved and no business relationship. He says he finds me strange because everybody who has befriended him previously is usually after money from him.


Rationalising it I think I should ignore this person, block them on my phones and close the peripheral email accounts I use (very few people have my main phone numbers and main contact details).


Problem is I'm not sure if I'm being a dick about it. In that perhaps I expect higher standards from people these days.

Isn't that what friends are for?

In my small circle of friends we're there for each other. Wife kicks them out they can stay at mine, other problems we chat, play games have a few drinks.

But over the past few weeks I've been onto a downer and not really wanted to bother any of those people and have just been keeping myself busy.

What is your verdict?
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Spain 2008France 2007Big one 2009 We all die. The goal isn't to live forever, the goal is to create something that will. In the end, your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it is worth watching.

[Clanger]

Its a bit hard to judge from a single sided perspective...but I'd probably make a docs appointment, go with him and outline some of the things he's been saying.

It could be that he's having a mental breakdown...but I'm no doctor...

I had an acquaintance who told me he was going to commit suicide, I frantically rang his mum. She sorted him out. He went ape at me...we're not friends anymore...but at least I know he was safe after telling me his plans.

It might be the same for you, in this case. If that is the case, and you do lose the 'friendship' would it really be a huge loss? Friendships are supposed to be a two way street. From my perspective it seems you are doing all the giving.

At the end of the day it's your call.
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter won't mind - Dr. Seuss

[b422063]

My best friend is bipolar. His bipolar makes him the most selfish, irrational, self obsessed antisocial bastard who sets out to destroy every relationship he has.

Equally, when he's stable, he's a really cool guy who can handle shit. He's also a very loving and caring person who can just listen.

It sounds like him needs to see his psychiatrist and get medication cycled or adjusted. Believe me when I say I know how easy it is to say "he needs to see his psychiatrist" yet convincing him of this can be bloody difficult.

Please don't abandon him without remembering he has bipolar. It's difficult to stand by them but it's even more difficult having the constant mood swings.

[Bikeless]

I had a friend through childhood,a lovely kid,generous,help anybody out etc,he was diagnosed with bipolar then schizophrenia in his early twenties,very erratic and hard to talk to. I tried and tried with him but it got to the point where if I saw him,I would have probably tried to avoid him which was a crying shame. I hadn't seen him for a year or so when I found out he had committed suicide,I think about him a lot but some things you can't help and it was only a matter of time really.

[Ste]

"watching him flip from one extreme to the other" that's not bipolar.

Do you know if he's got a current care coordinator with the local mental health services?

"He then dresses up at 6pm and says he’s going out not even a mention of an invite." I don't know why but that's perhaps the most concerning sentence in your post.

Presumably the local hard men are to do with some type of drug debt or something along those lines?

[Itchy]

[Tracey Suntan-King]

Any relationship should enhance, or at the very least, bring pleasure, into your life. Whether that's the pleasure of a mutually satisfying relationship or the altruistic pleasure that can be derived from helping someone with problems worse than your own.

So, if helping him and getting nothing but grief, worry and energy-sapping neediness in return is your thing, stand by him.

However, if you prefer a mutually satisfying friendship where you support and help each other as needs want, then get the hell out. He's not going to reciprocate and you almost certainly will never make any difference to whatever fate has in store for him.

Me? I would never lean so heavily on a friend and would not expect them to do that to me.

Time to start screening?
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Whether you think you can, or think you can't, you're probably right

[stevo as b4]

I've got my own problems, and I'm selfish so would never get involved with someone with far worse problems than me, mental disorder's, no home/family, someone in debt to local hard men/gangs/nutter's and someone who might well die soon of an incurable illness.

Call me a bastard I don't care. Don't you have enough stuff going on in your own life to not need to be a friend/involved with someone with such serious issue's?

If me or you get shot/stabbed or mown down in the street then probably 9 out of every 10people would step over us and go about their daily business. Why should we be any different, unless it's someone who means the whole world to us?

[janner_10]

As above - the bloke needs professional help first and foremost.

Walk away IMO
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Yamaha FZS600 (Now gone to heaven) > CBR600F4i (SOLD) > '99 YZF-R1

[BigShow]

He's not your responsibility, and presumably you have no obligations to him. if it were me I'd avoid him in the nicest way possible.

I'd only put up with this kind of drama if they were one of my oldest and closest childhood friends.

[Itchy]

[Andy_Pagin]

I know it's a horrible thing to say, but if he has bowel cancer, then he's not likely to be a problem to you for much longer.
Also I thought that in bi-polar the manic and depressive phases lasted consistently for months at a time. Flipping from one extreme to the other in front of your face doesn't sound like bi-polar.
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They're coming to take me away, ho-ho, hee-hee, ha-haaa, hey-hey,
the men in white coats are coming to take me away.
Yamaha Vity -> YBR125 -> FZS600 Fazer -> FZ1-S Fazer

[metalangel]

[hellkat]