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Sun Wukong |
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Sun Wukong World Chat Champion
Joined: 02 Nov 2014 Karma :
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Posted: 13:06 - 08 Oct 2017 Post subject: Judged by actions… |
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A question.
If people have shown you kindness, given you help and/or charity, or general favours…
Does that allow/excuse them to be-
… unpleasant in their behaviour (eg controlling)?
… Unpleasant in their addressing of you and general conversation (eg calling you a nickname they know you don't like, or talking about you condescendingly).
… Nasty about any person you know, eg little digs at friends of yours or other relatives. Eg He was always a wanker etc.
… unpleasant about other groups, eg minorities, workers in other segments.
But,that said, what about if they had bad childhoods, poor social skills, or are not neurotypical (aspie,bipolar,autism etc).
It's a tough call.
Toxic people using good deeds to hook you in as you feel obliged to put up with it.
Or
Awkward people trying hard to relate, failing with conversation, so trying to make up for it by doing what help they can.
Or the no shit option,
It's case by case.
Point is, the people who have helped me the most have taken the greatest liberties, and can be really difficult (for me at least) to stay around them.
Trying to judge them by actions and ignore my gut feeling has bitten me a few times,but I also hate feeling ungrateful… and that a non-superficial relationship always has a lot of negative aspects too.
So, BCF, what do you reckon? ____________________ Top cat
"Hard times lead to hard people. Hard people lead to good times. Good times lead to weak people. Weak people lead to hard times." Smegballs
"Oh and STE balloons would be one of the nicer things we would receive at the office, the amount of dog turd in jiffy bags is not funny." Jsmith86 |
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The Shaggy D.A. |
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The Shaggy D.A. Super Spammer
Joined: 12 Sep 2008 Karma :
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Posted: 13:19 - 08 Oct 2017 Post subject: |
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If a relationship take more out of you than you get back, then there has to be a bloody good reason to keep it. No-one's perfect and can be forgiven a few lapses, but if it's become the norm with no sign of improving, I don't think it matters how good it was in the past. ____________________ Chances are quite high you are not in my Monkeysphere, and I don't care about you. Don't take it personally.
Currently : Royal Enfield 350 Meteor
Previously : CB100N > CB250RS > XJ900F > GT550 > GPZ750R/1000RX > AJS M16 > R100RT > Bullet 500 > CB500 > LS650P > Bullet Electra X & YBR125 > Bullet 350 "Superstar" & YBR125 Custom > Royal Enfield Classic 500 Despatch Limited Edition (28 of 200) & CB Two-Fifty Nighthawk > ER5 |
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Rogerborg |
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Rogerborg nimbA
Joined: 26 Oct 2010 Karma :
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Posted: 13:37 - 08 Oct 2017 Post subject: Re: Judged by actions… |
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Sun Wukong wrote: | … unpleasant in their behaviour (eg controlling)?
… Unpleasant in their addressing of you and general conversation (eg calling you a nickname they know you don't like, or talking about you condescendingly).
… Nasty about any person you know, eg little digs at friends of yours or other relatives. Eg He was always a wanker etc.
… unpleasant about other groups, eg minorities, workers in other segments.
But,that said, what about if they had bad childhoods, poor social skills, or are not neurotypical (aspie,bipolar,autism etc). |
How many "people" does this list cover? ____________________ Biking is 1/20th as dangerous as horse riding.
GONE: HN125-8, LF-250B, GPz 305, GPZ 500S, Burgman 400 // RIDING: F650GS (800 twin), Royal Enfield Bullet Electra 500 AVL, Ninja 250R because racebike |
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Tracey Suntan-King |
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Tracey Suntan-King World Chat Champion
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Sun Wukong |
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Sun Wukong World Chat Champion
Joined: 02 Nov 2014 Karma :
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Posted: 14:09 - 08 Oct 2017 Post subject: |
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About 7 over the past few years, some blood, mostly not.
As said, accepting charity does seem to bring it out of people, so that is a component.
And yes, many do it to all people they get to know … ie a pathology / limitation and not personal.
Which is the question I guess, when asked to judge people by actions… ie a bit odious/unpleasant but will drop everything to help you, how do you reconcile that with the gut feeling they are dangerous to be around.
Simple step would be stop accepting favours once unsafe feeling felt (and then watch the fireworks often), or never be around them when weak. Which is a better working strategy,but the somewhat defies the point of the relationship (and gives them no chance to redeem themselves)
____________________ Top cat
"Hard times lead to hard people. Hard people lead to good times. Good times lead to weak people. Weak people lead to hard times." Smegballs
"Oh and STE balloons would be one of the nicer things we would receive at the office, the amount of dog turd in jiffy bags is not funny." Jsmith86 |
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duhawkz |
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duhawkz World Chat Champion
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Sun Wukong |
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Sun Wukong World Chat Champion
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recman |
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recman World Chat Champion
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Joncrete Cungle |
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Joncrete Cungle World Chat Champion
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M.C |
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M.C Super Spammer
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Sun Wukong |
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Sun Wukong World Chat Champion
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Omega |
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Omega Crazy Courier
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M.C |
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M.C Super Spammer
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Omega |
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Omega Crazy Courier
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Sun Wukong |
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Sun Wukong World Chat Champion
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woo |
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woo World Chat Champion
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Omega |
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Omega Crazy Courier
Joined: 07 May 2009 Karma :
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Posted: 20:38 - 09 Oct 2017 Post subject: |
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Sun Wukong wrote: |
Not really.
Some could be, for sure, especially when I've been staying with people longer term.
However, other times it is a slow erosion of respect / respectful behaviour, others it could be aggressive or controlling behaviour, and others could be just awful social skills (control of which may take extra energy, so once familiar they drop their guard)
Interesting to think all people get on everybodies tits eventually. |
Maybe it's you. Maybe you're really good at short term friendships but not so good in the long run? Do you move around a lot or change hobbies/interests/groups regularly? Maybe you see it as controlling because they're restricting you to the kind of things that made you friends in the first place?
Only thinking out loud. I tend to over think social stuff in my own life too.
*Edit - I think the over thinking is a good thing. I know plenty of people who would go down the "I just cut contact immediately, fuck em" route. They miss out on so much because of their bullheadedness.* |
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Sun Wukong |
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Sun Wukong World Chat Champion
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Sun Wukong |
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Sun Wukong World Chat Champion
Joined: 02 Nov 2014 Karma :
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Posted: 07:11 - 21 Oct 2017 Post subject: |
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And we have another one. A possible future boss and currant course coordinator.
No attempt at preserving her boundaries, forces closeness and then feels that allows childish levels of pushiness. Controlling and coercive, possibly just fancies me and flirting funny, but not pleasant at all
Had just applied for a fairly cosy job,ultimately managed by her, and now think it would be unwise to accept it.
My fault somehow, but no idea how
She has gone above and beyond her direct duties for many people many times, and is a great person to have in your corner. I made sure to only show strength around her though, and have not accepted physical charity at all.
Annoying. ____________________ Top cat
"Hard times lead to hard people. Hard people lead to good times. Good times lead to weak people. Weak people lead to hard times." Smegballs
"Oh and STE balloons would be one of the nicer things we would receive at the office, the amount of dog turd in jiffy bags is not funny." Jsmith86 |
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M.C |
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M.C Super Spammer
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..... Quote Me Happy
Joined: 15 Jan 2005 Karma :
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Posted: 15:34 - 21 Oct 2017 Post subject: |
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Sun Wukong wrote: | And we have another one. A possible future boss and currant course coordinator.
No attempt at preserving her boundaries, forces closeness and then feels that allows childish levels of pushiness. Controlling and coercive, possibly just fancies me and flirting funny, but not pleasant at all
Had just applied for a fairly cosy job,ultimately managed by her, and now think it would be unwise to accept it.
My fault somehow, but no idea how
She has gone above and beyond her direct duties for many people many times, and is a great person to have in your corner. I made sure to only show strength around her though, and have not accepted physical charity at all.
Annoying. |
Have you tried raisin this with her? |
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Jewlio Rides Again LLB |
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Jewlio Rides Again LLB World Chat Champion
Joined: 06 Oct 2015 Karma :
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Posted: 17:31 - 21 Oct 2017 Post subject: |
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Joe wrote: | Sun Wukong wrote: | And we have another one. A possible future boss and currant course coordinator.
No attempt at preserving her boundaries, forces closeness and then feels that allows childish levels of pushiness. Controlling and coercive, possibly just fancies me and flirting funny, but not pleasant at all
Had just applied for a fairly cosy job,ultimately managed by her, and now think it would be unwise to accept it.
My fault somehow, but no idea how
She has gone above and beyond her direct duties for many people many times, and is a great person to have in your corner. I made sure to only show strength around her though, and have not accepted physical charity at all.
Annoying. |
Have you tried raisin this with her? |
I think the fruitiness she shows towards him is the issue. Some guys would say he's nuts (looks dependant, obviously) to complain. ____________________ Mpd72: I can categorically say i’m Brighter than that, no matter how I come across on here.
HAHAHA HAHAHA Blew Chilly MyCrowSystems |
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hellkat |
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hellkat Super Spammer
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hellkat |
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hellkat Super Spammer
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Posted: 22:20 - 21 Oct 2017 Post subject: |
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Sun Wukong wrote: |
Interesting to think all people get on everybodies tits eventually. |
Yeah but its not always forever.
Like, several of my friends have become to the point of being incredibly irritating to me*, or that I have for some reason felt compelled to take a powder about them, but when I see them I forget what it was that annoyed me, and its all okay again.
Those kind of people are usually people I've known for years, who know me quite well, but see me rarely. Which means we've had a blast in the past, and don't get in each other's faces too much any more, but still care what happens to one another, and have a good time when we are in the same place.
*and vice versa, no doubt - although I don't see how, cos I am so damn adorable ____________________ Not nearly as interesting in real life. |
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M.C |
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M.C Super Spammer
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Old Thread Alert!
The last post was made 6 years, 190 days ago. Instead of replying here, would creating a new thread be more useful? |
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