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CBFcarl |
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CBFcarl Nearly there...
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fatjames |
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fatjames World Chat Champion
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panrider_uk |
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panrider_uk World Chat Champion
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King29 |
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King29 World Chat Champion
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Rogerborg |
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Rogerborg nimbA
Joined: 26 Oct 2010 Karma :
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Posted: 12:00 - 22 Dec 2017 Post subject: |
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Bright [Netflix] 3/10
Oh, I get it, it's a buddy cop movie, only in a shocking twist which we've never seen before Alien Nation Wil Smith's parker is a alien orc.
Orc diversity targets, aaah, da orcs are considered to be stupid subhumans who are inherently criminal and gang minded, while elves swan around in Ferraris buying designer clothes.
Look at all the institutional tuskish racism and pointy privilege. Wow, those white cops are beating down a orc who doubtless dindu nuffin. It's almost like a metaphor for sumtin. Orc bluds can't catch no break.
Ow. Stop. Beating. Me. Wit. The. Metaphor.
What on Middle Earth was Smith thinking? Netflix obviously wanted a Name, but they likely spunked too much of the estimated $90 million budget (wut?) on his fee, and on getting the director of Suicide Squad (lulz).
I get what they were trying for, but it's a pedestrian effort by all concerned. It just feels made-for-TV, clumsy, and old fashioned. ____________________ Biking is 1/20th as dangerous as horse riding.
GONE: HN125-8, LF-250B, GPz 305, GPZ 500S, Burgman 400 // RIDING: F650GS (800 twin), Royal Enfield Bullet Electra 500 AVL, Ninja 250R because racebike |
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Ribenapigeon |
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Ribenapigeon Super Spammer
Joined: 20 Feb 2012 Karma :
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M.C |
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M.C Super Spammer
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Rogerborg |
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Rogerborg nimbA
Joined: 26 Oct 2010 Karma :
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Posted: 09:09 - 23 Dec 2017 Post subject: |
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M.C wrote: | Rogerborg wrote: | Watches shite on Netflix, turns out to be shite. |
Would you have otherwise sought out the film? |
I would otherwise not have known about it, and been better off.
Netflix are convinced that their path to glory is creating and promoting their own original content rather than buying it in. However, if they're going to flush close to 9 figures on a "feature" film then they should really try to come up with something original where the budget makes it to the screen.
Well, never say I won't take one for the BCF team:
5th Wave [Netflix] 0.5/10
I was fooled by the promo poster and Chloƫ Grace Moretz's plump and now totally legal lip, which does get chewed slightly.
Urgh, it's not really an alien invasion flick, it's sub-Divergent teen angst piece, oh allah, the first of a trilogy "that should do for aliens what Twilight did for vampires."
This is a cosmetics and hair products apocalypse. The plot quickly schisms, Moretz is only in half of it, and she's the only watchable thing on screen. So while I'd definitely give her one, I'd give this mess a miss. ____________________ Biking is 1/20th as dangerous as horse riding.
GONE: HN125-8, LF-250B, GPz 305, GPZ 500S, Burgman 400 // RIDING: F650GS (800 twin), Royal Enfield Bullet Electra 500 AVL, Ninja 250R because racebike |
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Tracey Suntan-King |
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Tracey Suntan-King World Chat Champion
Joined: 10 Nov 2012 Karma :
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M.C |
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M.C Super Spammer
Joined: 29 Sep 2015 Karma :
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Going |
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Going Nearly there...
Joined: 26 Feb 2012 Karma :
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Lord Percy |
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Lord Percy World Chat Champion
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M.C |
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M.C Super Spammer
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M.C |
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M.C Super Spammer
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Posted: 21:05 - 25 Dec 2017 Post subject: |
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Get Out - 3.5/10 it's the guy from a Black Mirror episode, with a Black Mirror-esque story, but they decided to make it all about race, something they even acknowledge in the film to be superfluous. Funnily enough they stuck in a stereotypical black friend who was actually the highlight of the whole thing. I'd say don't waste your time but people seem to be lapping it up |
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johnsmith222 |
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johnsmith222 World Chat Champion
Joined: 26 Dec 2008 Karma :
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RhynoCZ |
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RhynoCZ Super Spammer
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Posted: 22:41 - 25 Dec 2017 Post subject: |
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Brawl in Cell Block 99 - 5/10 (7.2/10 on IMDb)
This was a action film where Vince Vaughn deals drugs and something goes wrong, so he ends up in the prison. While being in prison someone kidnaps his pregnant wife and wants Vaughn to kill an inmate in a completele different prison facility, or they'll going to SPOILER: cut two limbs off his unborn child and leave the rest there to be born; or even cut some blood vessels, so his wife will carry the child the whole 9 months and then give birth to a stillborn,....
So, in order to protect his wife, he gets to that other prison facility and does what he's supposed to, eventually. The way how he gets there though, heh, well, Hollywood.
The whole film you're going to question the film maker's decisions. For starters, Vince Vaughn is bald with a cross on the back of his head, playing a good guy? Then the action scenes are just amusing, you won't really take his character seriously, after all he was a alright comedian. Right in the begining he SPOILER: smashes his wife's car, with bare hands, including smashing the headlights and ripping out the light bulbs and ripping off the bonet and tossing it. That's not the most fecked up thing in the whole film.
I only watched it till the end because of the action stunts and practical effects. The whole thing felt like the 80's, early 90's ''straight to the VHS'' action films. It was a good B movie. After all, there were even more idiotic action film plots in the 80's/90's with far better paid actors and those were block buster films.
Summary,
It was over 2 hours long, there was quite a lot of violence, very graphic, all practical effects (good) and that's that. Nothing you should watch with your children and also nothing that you'd watch for the story telling. ____________________ '87 Honda XBR 500, '96 Kawasaki ZX7R P1, '90 Honda CB-1, '88 Kawasaki GPz550, MZ 150 ETZ
'95 Mercedes-Benz w202 C200 CGI, '98 Mercedes-Benz w210 E200 Kompressor |
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M.C |
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M.C Super Spammer
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Rogerborg |
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Rogerborg nimbA
Joined: 26 Oct 2010 Karma :
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Posted: 23:21 - 26 Dec 2017 Post subject: |
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American MAID.
Bushwick -25/10
Spoilers, so that you don't make my mistake.
The premise: the South has risen again because Trump. No, I swear to allah, I wish I was making that up, but I am not. This is a real plot that actual Murcans were compelled to write and film because Hitlery was cheated out of Her rightful throne.
Missy McMidwest, who we inadvertently establish at 2 minutes in is a horrible, horrible human being, must travel through Grand Theft Auto IV in order to meh the blah for whatevs. And Missy is like? You know? Totally from New York? And junk? And not, like, ewwww, the Valley?
Missy is aided in her quest by Grunt Hulkworthy who is mostly white, and her slutty stoner sister who is inexplicably a bit less white and a lot more Nuw Yoik, and hampered by variously thuggish, murdery and rapey non whites, but that's all good because ethnodiversity is our strength.
These are actual words from the actual film that real people went out and genuinely made.
They made it in one 90 minute "scene" by dint of careful cutting while zoomed in on stairs and brickwork, a genius trick that never gets old even after it's been used again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and Children of Man it ain't.
I honestly don't even. Whatever they were trying to do, I stopped caring with 30 minutes to go and just ragequit. For ethnodiversity. ____________________ Biking is 1/20th as dangerous as horse riding.
GONE: HN125-8, LF-250B, GPz 305, GPZ 500S, Burgman 400 // RIDING: F650GS (800 twin), Royal Enfield Bullet Electra 500 AVL, Ninja 250R because racebike |
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thx1138 |
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thx1138 World Chat Champion
Joined: 06 Oct 2005 Karma :
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Posted: 01:34 - 27 Dec 2017 Post subject: |
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23 with Jim Carrey
It really is truly awful.
It's like the movie makers watched Angel Heart, and Pi the movie, and decided to combine some of those elements whilst attempting to make the crappiest film that they could. |
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King29 |
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King29 World Chat Champion
Joined: 18 Oct 2017 Karma :
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Rogerborg |
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Rogerborg nimbA
Joined: 26 Oct 2010 Karma :
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Posted: 16:21 - 27 Dec 2017 Post subject: |
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Pirates of the Caribbean: Salazar Slitherin and the Deathly Dull Tale. 3/10
Essentially a clip show from the previous eleventy films. Zombie pirates? No, they're ghosts? But they have zombie sharks. And there's a Magical McGuffin and some big set piece run-jump scenes based on the Lego game and... why? Just why?
Was it even written by a native English speaker? "This is treason!"
Err... sea treason, see. We should have a word for that. Muttony!
Hammy performances all round, everyone's just there to pick up their 30 pieces of eight. Let it rot in pieces. ____________________ Biking is 1/20th as dangerous as horse riding.
GONE: HN125-8, LF-250B, GPz 305, GPZ 500S, Burgman 400 // RIDING: F650GS (800 twin), Royal Enfield Bullet Electra 500 AVL, Ninja 250R because racebike |
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Hetzer |
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Hetzer Super Spammer
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Posted: 17:53 - 27 Dec 2017 Post subject: |
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Last Flag Flying. 9/10. It has the lead guy from Breaking Bad in it. Quality movie. ____________________ "There's the horizon! Ride hard, ride fast and cut down all who stand in your way!" |
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CBFcarl |
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CBFcarl Nearly there...
Joined: 29 Oct 2013 Karma :
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Posted: 13:52 - 28 Dec 2017 Post subject: |
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Arthur Christmas.
Not bad, as far as Christmas films go. But, it is still a Christmas film. 6/10
Pitch Perfect 3.
Me and the Mrs enjoyed the first 2, and this was more of the same, but more watered down. Not bad, but it won't be topping anyones Film of the Year lists. 6/10
Die Hard
In my top three Christmas films (I don't care what you say. Bing f'kin Crosby is on the soundtrack, there is a Christmas Party, there are Santa hats), and still stands up. Sooooo so good. 9/10 ____________________ thx1138 wrote: Well if you had a car, I'd bet it would smell like urine had had drunken sex with vomit and made a poo baby.
Polarbear wrote: They are all old now. Probably had more abuse that a Rotherham schoolgirl.
Hellkat wrote: I want to know if Nigella smells of garlic, or just minge. |
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hellkat |
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hellkat Super Spammer
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Posted: 14:30 - 28 Dec 2017 Post subject: |
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Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Wossname
It was okay.
Only the second HP film I've watched in 10 years and even then, because Christmas telly fodder.
Might watch the other eleventy million.
Might not.
But only cos I have a girl crush on Helena Bonham Carter... ____________________ Not nearly as interesting in real life. |
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M.C |
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M.C Super Spammer
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Posted: 22:06 - 29 Dec 2017 Post subject: |
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CBFcarl wrote: | Pitch Perfect |
One of my guilty pleasures, along with Magic Mike
hellkat wrote: | Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Wossname
It was okay.
Only the second HP film I've watched in 10 years and even then, because Christmas telly fodder. |
Part of the reason I don't like Harry Potter, I never know where it fits into the f'ing franchise, why can't they be called Harry Potter 3: first wank over Hermione etc. The other reason is that it's regurgitated shite.
Speaking of which, what follows is a review for a Zac Efron move I got lured into it with the motor racing element and the trailer which made it look more in-depth than you'd expect...
At Any Price 3.5/10 - its got the mum from fear the walking dead, a few years before the show but massively more attractive , and Heather Graham (ginger from Scrubs) Oh right the story, corn farmer thing with a small element of motor racing. It introduces lots of ideas, doesn't run with a lot of them, concludes none of them. In itself that's odd for an American film, to leave things hanging. |
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Old Thread Alert!
The last post was made 6 years, 122 days ago. Instead of replying here, would creating a new thread be more useful? |
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