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Depression and all that lot

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chris-red
Have you considered a TDM?



Joined: 21 Sep 2005
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PostPosted: 13:00 - 12 Mar 2018    Post subject: Reply with quote

Other than sharing the opinion of 'go to your doctor', I'd suggestion some form of exercise, it is supposed to help with the head and has the added bonus of being good for you and free! Walk/Run/Cycle etc. If you are still suspended you'll have free time, there isn't really a downside other than the struggle to get out the door.

Consider re-evaluating your career, I imagine it is not an easy place to work and it must be a mental strain. It's not worth it if it fucks your head too much.
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M.C
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PostPosted: 18:19 - 12 Mar 2018    Post subject: Reply with quote

Screw Loose wrote:
The job I do is, supposedly, one of the most stressful jobs you can do. I find that the prisoners themselves hardly ever stress me out, sure they frustrate me at times, but its the politics and management at work which causes the huge stresses for me. Management are constantly looking for ways to 'out' me in one way or another.

FWIW I can relate to your work experiences, it sounds very similar, it might even be the same parent company Shifty It never made sense to me until a union rep' strike strike strike explained how they operate and how they make their money. I also strongly suspect they're deliberately shit to good employees. It sounds counter-intuitive but they need reliable people, trouble makers they move on so they're someone else's problem.

Screw Loose wrote:
That, and now is about the time the little one would of been here, I'm sure it worked out february/march time. Not that its much use thinking of that, but it does make me sick to my stomach. Despite the fact that it was only a tiny featus at 11 weeks old (ish) it still affects me, just wondering what might of been.

Thanks again everyone, just to avoid any concern whilst the thoughts do crop up every now and again, ive no intent of self harm or suicide at this stage, I just know its coming, and want to stop it before it gets that far.

I'm probably gonna sound a bit insensitive here but you need some mind-management. It sounds stupid but tell yourself no when your thoughts betray you, and you'll find overtime your thoughts won't drift in the same way. We forget we're essentially stupid animals and can be trained.

You can't dwell on stuff like that. A friend at 21 got a 16 year old girl pregnant, and was against her having an abortion because he didn't believe in it Rolling Eyes After she did he said he couldn't leave the house when school kids might be out Confused

This same guy f**ked up/got sacked from a good job (I'd got him), that was massively more money than he'd previously been earning, because he was turned down for a team leader role as he didn't have a driving license. Doing the same job I saved up for lessons and got mine. He's the most self-destructive individual I know and as harsh as it sounds, you can't afford to be like that.
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Pigeon
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PostPosted: 00:56 - 14 Mar 2018    Post subject: Reply with quote

Try meditation. Seriously, please don't discount it because it might work for you. It has me.

It trains you to focus on something with less mind interference and to not pay attention to your minds thoughts. Then (after some practice) creates space in your thought process for your mind to calm the feck down and you can enjoy just being as you are.

The space, the feeling of relief when you are not trapped by your mind can be quite profound. I went from months of having no hope, having a body and head heavy with darkness and too much time contemplating things I shouldn't.
From that, to tears of quiet joy and a love for living.

Admittedly that intensity only lasted a few days, but it was incredible and completely self generated without drugs or alcohol or therapy.

But even now, I can bring my emotions back in check (a lot of the time) just by closing my eyes for 0.5 seconds and taking in a breath.

Anyone and everyone can do it.

It certainly won't hurt to try. 5-10 minutes an evening 30 mins before bed and you'll sleep better and feel better.

......But it might take a month to really appreciate/notice. But please try it.


Download phone app Headspace and try "2 days" at a time. Then repeat the 10 day trial until you can do it by yourself.

Exercise, diet, cutting out sugar and caffeine.

Cycling. Painting.

Focusing on the now.

Best of luck Sir.
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Current: 2014 GSXR-1000 L5 + 2013 Triumph Street Triple + 1998 Honda XR250R -- Prior: 1990 Suzuki TS50X, 1988 GP100, 1998 Honda CG125, 2011 AJS JS125-E2 (Jianshe JS125-6A), 2000 Suzuki SV650S.


Last edited by Pigeon on 23:31 - 17 Mar 2018; edited 1 time in total
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Baffler186
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PostPosted: 09:52 - 14 Mar 2018    Post subject: Reply with quote

Easy for me to say this, but I will anyway. Your relationship wasn't perfect. Your desire to make it work is commendable but you have to look at the facts - every time you got together, it fell apart. This is no-one's fault, it just happens sometimes.

I would recommend getting on a waiting list for NHS counselling, but in the meantime (could be months of waiting) go and see a private counselor. I wish I had done this years ago, but after having ~6 weeks of counselling I'm feeling the best I have ever felt, and it was/is the best investment I have ever made money-wise.

it's not about relatinoships, it's about you and your happiness. It's a hard concept to understand, it took me ages, but the penny has finally dropped. You can do anything you want (within reason) and you can be anyone you want, but you have to give yourself permission to think about you, and only you. The rest will fall into place I guarantee.

I have only bad things to say about anti-depressant medication, but that is your choice. I might sound like a hippy (I am far from it) but happiness and contentment can only be found within yourself. Drugs can only do so much, and for me they just made everything worse and left me with unpleasant side affects.

In summary, learn to love yourself first. Give yourself permission to put your needs first before others.
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Rogerborg
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PostPosted: 11:22 - 14 Mar 2018    Post subject: Reply with quote

Never put your dick in crazy.
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M.C
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PostPosted: 20:42 - 14 Mar 2018    Post subject: Reply with quote

Baffler186 wrote:
Easy for me to say this, but I will anyway. Your relationship wasn't perfect. Your desire to make it work is commendable but you have to look at the facts - every time you got together, it fell apart. This is no-one's fault, it just happens sometimes.

I would recommend getting on a waiting list for NHS counselling, but in the meantime (could be months of waiting) go and see a private counselor. I wish I had done this years ago, but after having ~6 weeks of counselling I'm feeling the best I have ever felt, and it was/is the best investment I have ever made money-wise.

it's not about relatinoships, it's about you and your happiness. It's a hard concept to understand, it took me ages, but the penny has finally dropped. You can do anything you want (within reason) and you can be anyone you want, but you have to give yourself permission to think about you, and only you. The rest will fall into place I guarantee.

I have only bad things to say about anti-depressant medication, but that is your choice. I might sound like a hippy (I am far from it) but happiness and contentment can only be found within yourself. Drugs can only do so much, and for me they just made everything worse and left me with unpleasant side affects.

In summary, learn to love yourself first. Give yourself permission to put your needs first before others.

I don't think the aforementioned pal was helped by either TBH. The anti-depressants made him fat, and generally monged out, then he got put on an 18 month group counselling programme Confused He then developed anxiety as he was barely going out.
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Pigeon
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PostPosted: 02:15 - 15 Mar 2018    Post subject: Reply with quote

Baffler186 wrote:

it's not about relatinoships, it's about you and your happiness. It's a hard concept to understand, it took me ages, but the penny has finally dropped. You can do anything you want (within reason) and you can be anyone you want, but you have to give yourself permission to think about you, and only you. The rest will fall into place I guarantee.

I have only bad things to say about anti-depressant medication, but that is your choice. I might sound like a hippy (I am far from it) but happiness and contentment can only be found within yourself. Drugs can only do so much, and for me they just made everything worse and left me with unpleasant side affects.



Truth.

In addition to counselling. Grab a copy of The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment is a book by Eckhart Tolle.
(thanks to another forum member for the recommendation, quite literally a life saver!).

It may sound crazy-american, but its full of gems and practical stuff which works because its so simple.

The stuff around pain, how you can become it, re-living it, growing it, putting it onto yourself and others. And how to, all intense and purposes, get rid of it.

Couple that with meditation and it's quite amazing. Or can be.
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Screw Loose
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PostPosted: 02:38 - 16 Mar 2018    Post subject: Reply with quote

Morning all,

Just wanted to express my biggest of thanks to each and everyone of you who has and continues to reply, I'm taking everyones suggestions on board and am going to systematically try every reccomendation you've all taken time out of your day to put to me.

BCF truly is the best site going, and I owe you all a beer if/when I can get to the BBQ!
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hellkat
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PostPosted: 22:03 - 17 Mar 2018    Post subject: Reply with quote

Rogerborg wrote:
Never put your dick in crazy.



All women are crazy.
There's just different levels of crazy, that's all.

Some of us are more barking than others.
(but adorable with it) Laughing Thumbs Up

When I think about just how peculiar I can be (when it suits me) and then I look at other women who are definitely further out in left field than I am, and I think "Crikey Luv ... calm down" Brick Wall

Still, at least I have a yardstick: "That woman is a classic example of just how crazy I definitely never want to become".
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hellkat
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PostPosted: 22:07 - 17 Mar 2018    Post subject: Reply with quote

Baffler186 wrote:
it's not about relatinoships, it's about you and your happiness. . . You can do anything you want (within reason) and you can be anyone you want, but you have to give yourself permission to think about you, and only you. The rest will fall into place


This is so so so true.
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Pigeon
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PostPosted: 23:55 - 17 Mar 2018    Post subject: Reply with quote

hellkat wrote:

All women are crazy.
There's just different levels of crazy, that's all.


Not wanting to hijack thread or start some shizzle.

But the generalisation that women are crazy, that their behaviour is erratic or thoughts strange and often this is down to regular changes in body hormone levels is either not entirely true, or at least not the whole picture.

I think blokes have the capacity to equally be as crazy. In fact, if you think that governments and business for the last 2k years are largely male dominated and the world gets itself in a right old pickle, you have to say that men are equally as crazy and make poor decisions based on their egos.

The "crazyness" is, imho, down to that internal voice, the mind / ego.
The ego is rarely satisfied, it plots, plans and schemes. Makes lists, rehearses interactions / scenarios. Its focus is on the past or the future and is driven by them. It's not often happy with what is and is very judgemental.

It's just that men, generally, have had more causes to satisfy their ego's. So their mind stays quiet for longer. Whereas women tend to have to deal with more life injustice, their egos are more unsatisfied, so are far more switched on more of the time.

When I look round the work office. The guys are generally able to sit there working on tasks in silence and be happy to do so.
The woman just prefer not to. They are constantly multi-tasking in the form of talking and doing the work.
Is this because they are just smarter, more capable and are bored easily by the tasks. Or is it because their minds won't switch off / leave them alone in the silence, so they fill the silence looking for mental stimulation.
Or none of the above Smile


Whatever, if both sexes can learn to reduce the frequency and intensity of their yabbering mind, and know how/when to ignore it, the world would be a lot less crazy.
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M.C
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PostPosted: 01:31 - 18 Mar 2018    Post subject: Reply with quote

Pigeon wrote:
In fact, if you think that governments and business for the last 2k years are largely male dominated and the world gets itself in a right old pickle, you have to say that men are equally as crazy and make poor decisions based on their egos.

Eh? Sounds like this self-hating men cause all the worlds ills narrative. Women don't make decisions, sure men sometimes make bad ones but the ability of women to procrastinate is truly astonishing. They're also bad under pressure, which doesn't help the decision process.

Pigeon wrote:
Whereas women tend to have to deal with more life injustice, their egos are more unsatisfied, so are far more switched on more of the time.

Again the narrative. It's not 1940 anymore, the fact women have a inferiority complex is in itself quite telling.

Pigeon wrote:
When I look round the work office. The guys are generally able to sit there working on tasks in silence and be happy to do so.
The woman just prefer not to. They are constantly multi-tasking in the form of talking and doing the work.
Is this because they are just smarter, more capable and are bored easily by the tasks. Or is it because their minds won't switch off / leave them alone in the silence, so they fill the silence looking for mental stimulation.

No it's just what they do Smile And the whole multi-tasking thing is BS as well. Guys generally shut-up and get on with whatever they have to do, women talk about doing it.

[generally speaking]
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Omega
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PostPosted: 07:01 - 18 Mar 2018    Post subject: Reply with quote

You're putting far too much emphasis on finding a relationship to make you happy. Spend at least 12 months flying solo and find out what you enjoy in life. Don't allow yourself to get close to any women while on your journey of self discovery Thumbs Up Very Happy . Don't see it as giving up on people you are close to right now! You can come back to them after your 12 months if you really want to. They just need to allow you this personal time.

In that time you'll hopefully find that most of the pressure you are putting on yourself will vanish. When you're solo, nothing can really go wrong!

Also, do the doctor thing like the others have suggested.
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Polarbear
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PostPosted: 07:24 - 18 Mar 2018    Post subject: Reply with quote

Omega wrote:
You're putting far too much emphasis on finding a relationship to make you happy. Spend at least 12 months flying solo and find out what you enjoy in life. Don't allow yourself to get close to any women while on your journey of self discovery Thumbs Up Very Happy . Don't see it as giving up on people you are close to right now! You can come back to them after your 12 months if you really want to. They just need to allow you this personal time.

In that time you'll hopefully find that most of the pressure you are putting on yourself will vanish. When you're solo, nothing can really go wrong!

Also, do the doctor thing like the others have suggested.


Got to agree with that. The best of women expect to be the centre of your universe when in a relationship. You don't need the extra pressure that comes with worrying about someone else while in your situation.
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Powderhead
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PostPosted: 12:26 - 21 Mar 2018    Post subject: Reply with quote

I don't have much to add here - all of the above is good advice.

Well done for writing it down, and best of luck to you sir.

I've been there myself, and it sure as hell ain't easy. If you ever want to talk, feel free to PM me Thumbs Up
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Rogerborg
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PostPosted: 12:43 - 21 Mar 2018    Post subject: Reply with quote

Never put your dick in hellkat.
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Skudd
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PostPosted: 12:49 - 21 Mar 2018    Post subject: Reply with quote

Rogerborg wrote:
Never put your dick in hellkat.


Not even a little bit? Or in my case a little dick?
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Bubbs
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PostPosted: 15:24 - 21 Mar 2018    Post subject: Reply with quote

If it was me, and I was in the advantageous position where I had no responsibility for kids and I had no debts to worry about then I'd get in touch with a travel company and do seasonnaire work in the Sun/Snow for as long as it takes to get my head straight.

Zero responsibilities, everyone having a good time, in a foreign country with plenty of ladies and nice food. You get paid shit, but you get free digs, free food and free activities.

Fuck, what do you have to lose? You've already attempted suicide... why not just say "Fuck it, bring on the fun". Maybe even treat yourself to some good looking hookers here and there to get your loins warmed up.

Losing your job may be the best thing that ever happened to you.

(Picture below shows a standard night out in a skiresort - I think this was a Wednesday)
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Powderhead
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PostPosted: 17:43 - 21 Mar 2018    Post subject: Reply with quote

Bubbs wrote:
Zero responsibilities, everyone having a good time, in a foreign country with plenty of ladies and nice food. You get paid shit, but you get free digs, free food and free activities.


Can confirm Cool
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Hetzer
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PostPosted: 22:58 - 23 Mar 2018    Post subject: Reply with quote

Read.

Some.

Fucking.

Books.

The greatest cure for depression is distraction and reading is the easiest of them. Second-hand bookshop, library (but you can't take many at a time, hence 2nd-hand).

You're going to die anyway, so why rush it? Ah, but that black abyss, the insanity of nothing, it's all too much. What's the worst that can happen? You lose your mind. Oh well, so fucking what. Bring it on.

Stop giving fucks, read books, laugh at the insanity that is this supposed reality. It's not real. Or maybe it is, who cares.

Depression is a zen-state and you can step outside of it and dispassionately observe. Your body and brain are not you, they are illusory vessels for your consciousness (which is affected by them until you realise and recognize the reality).

But blah blah blah. Read books, lose yourself in the stories, eat pizza and drink lemonade. Or hang yourself, then kick yourself when you're dead and realise it was unnecessary.
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hellkat
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PostPosted: 23:35 - 23 Mar 2018    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thinking *wonders if that's too much to put as a signature...* Thinking
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Ste
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PostPosted: 23:56 - 23 Mar 2018    Post subject: Reply with quote

Idea

BCF is at least one hundred times better with signatures disabled, especially if ever browsing on your phone.

Wink
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Rogerborg
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PostPosted: 01:39 - 24 Mar 2018    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ste wrote:
BCF is at least one hundred times better with signatures disabled

And avatars.

And 90% of it enemied.

Ste for mod, let's get it to 100%.
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Ste
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PostPosted: 08:14 - 24 Mar 2018    Post subject: Reply with quote

Avatars are important and disabling them doesn't make the page smaller as there's still the blank column to the left of every post. Sad
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Eddie Hitler
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PostPosted: 15:32 - 04 May 2018    Post subject: Reply with quote

Number one drug for depression is excersise.

It's usually a response that things are not how you want them to be in life (job, education, relationship). Takes effort to change, but it can be done. And you realise after a lot of hard work and a few years what its like to be happy again. I know. Thumbs Up .
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