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chris-red |
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chris-red Have you considered a TDM?
Joined: 21 Sep 2005 Karma :
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M.C |
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M.C Super Spammer
Joined: 29 Sep 2015 Karma :
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Posted: 18:19 - 12 Mar 2018 Post subject: |
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Screw Loose wrote: | The job I do is, supposedly, one of the most stressful jobs you can do. I find that the prisoners themselves hardly ever stress me out, sure they frustrate me at times, but its the politics and management at work which causes the huge stresses for me. Management are constantly looking for ways to 'out' me in one way or another. |
FWIW I can relate to your work experiences, it sounds very similar, it might even be the same parent company It never made sense to me until a union rep' strike strike strike explained how they operate and how they make their money. I also strongly suspect they're deliberately shit to good employees. It sounds counter-intuitive but they need reliable people, trouble makers they move on so they're someone else's problem.
Screw Loose wrote: | That, and now is about the time the little one would of been here, I'm sure it worked out february/march time. Not that its much use thinking of that, but it does make me sick to my stomach. Despite the fact that it was only a tiny featus at 11 weeks old (ish) it still affects me, just wondering what might of been.
Thanks again everyone, just to avoid any concern whilst the thoughts do crop up every now and again, ive no intent of self harm or suicide at this stage, I just know its coming, and want to stop it before it gets that far. |
I'm probably gonna sound a bit insensitive here but you need some mind-management. It sounds stupid but tell yourself no when your thoughts betray you, and you'll find overtime your thoughts won't drift in the same way. We forget we're essentially stupid animals and can be trained.
You can't dwell on stuff like that. A friend at 21 got a 16 year old girl pregnant, and was against her having an abortion because he didn't believe in it After she did he said he couldn't leave the house when school kids might be out
This same guy f**ked up/got sacked from a good job (I'd got him), that was massively more money than he'd previously been earning, because he was turned down for a team leader role as he didn't have a driving license. Doing the same job I saved up for lessons and got mine. He's the most self-destructive individual I know and as harsh as it sounds, you can't afford to be like that. |
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Pigeon |
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Pigeon World Chat Champion
Joined: 27 Sep 2012 Karma :
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Baffler186 |
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Baffler186 World Chat Champion
Joined: 31 May 2013 Karma :
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Posted: 09:52 - 14 Mar 2018 Post subject: |
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Easy for me to say this, but I will anyway. Your relationship wasn't perfect. Your desire to make it work is commendable but you have to look at the facts - every time you got together, it fell apart. This is no-one's fault, it just happens sometimes.
I would recommend getting on a waiting list for NHS counselling, but in the meantime (could be months of waiting) go and see a private counselor. I wish I had done this years ago, but after having ~6 weeks of counselling I'm feeling the best I have ever felt, and it was/is the best investment I have ever made money-wise.
it's not about relatinoships, it's about you and your happiness. It's a hard concept to understand, it took me ages, but the penny has finally dropped. You can do anything you want (within reason) and you can be anyone you want, but you have to give yourself permission to think about you, and only you. The rest will fall into place I guarantee.
I have only bad things to say about anti-depressant medication, but that is your choice. I might sound like a hippy (I am far from it) but happiness and contentment can only be found within yourself. Drugs can only do so much, and for me they just made everything worse and left me with unpleasant side affects.
In summary, learn to love yourself first. Give yourself permission to put your needs first before others. ____________________ Current: 2009 SV650 S, 1990 Kawasaki GT550
Previous: 2009 CBF125, 1998 GSF600, 2004 FZ6 Fazer, 1978 CB400a Hondamatic |
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Rogerborg |
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Rogerborg nimbA
Joined: 26 Oct 2010 Karma :
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Posted: 11:22 - 14 Mar 2018 Post subject: |
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Never put your dick in crazy. ____________________ Biking is 1/20th as dangerous as horse riding.
GONE: HN125-8, LF-250B, GPz 305, GPZ 500S, Burgman 400 // RIDING: F650GS (800 twin), Royal Enfield Bullet Electra 500 AVL, Ninja 250R because racebike |
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M.C |
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M.C Super Spammer
Joined: 29 Sep 2015 Karma :
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Posted: 20:42 - 14 Mar 2018 Post subject: |
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Baffler186 wrote: | Easy for me to say this, but I will anyway. Your relationship wasn't perfect. Your desire to make it work is commendable but you have to look at the facts - every time you got together, it fell apart. This is no-one's fault, it just happens sometimes.
I would recommend getting on a waiting list for NHS counselling, but in the meantime (could be months of waiting) go and see a private counselor. I wish I had done this years ago, but after having ~6 weeks of counselling I'm feeling the best I have ever felt, and it was/is the best investment I have ever made money-wise.
it's not about relatinoships, it's about you and your happiness. It's a hard concept to understand, it took me ages, but the penny has finally dropped. You can do anything you want (within reason) and you can be anyone you want, but you have to give yourself permission to think about you, and only you. The rest will fall into place I guarantee.
I have only bad things to say about anti-depressant medication, but that is your choice. I might sound like a hippy (I am far from it) but happiness and contentment can only be found within yourself. Drugs can only do so much, and for me they just made everything worse and left me with unpleasant side affects.
In summary, learn to love yourself first. Give yourself permission to put your needs first before others. |
I don't think the aforementioned pal was helped by either TBH. The anti-depressants made him fat, and generally monged out, then he got put on an 18 month group counselling programme He then developed anxiety as he was barely going out. |
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Pigeon |
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Pigeon World Chat Champion
Joined: 27 Sep 2012 Karma :
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Posted: 02:15 - 15 Mar 2018 Post subject: |
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Baffler186 wrote: |
it's not about relatinoships, it's about you and your happiness. It's a hard concept to understand, it took me ages, but the penny has finally dropped. You can do anything you want (within reason) and you can be anyone you want, but you have to give yourself permission to think about you, and only you. The rest will fall into place I guarantee.
I have only bad things to say about anti-depressant medication, but that is your choice. I might sound like a hippy (I am far from it) but happiness and contentment can only be found within yourself. Drugs can only do so much, and for me they just made everything worse and left me with unpleasant side affects.
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Truth.
In addition to counselling. Grab a copy of The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment is a book by Eckhart Tolle.
(thanks to another forum member for the recommendation, quite literally a life saver!).
It may sound crazy-american, but its full of gems and practical stuff which works because its so simple.
The stuff around pain, how you can become it, re-living it, growing it, putting it onto yourself and others. And how to, all intense and purposes, get rid of it.
Couple that with meditation and it's quite amazing. Or can be. |
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Screw Loose |
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Screw Loose Scooby Slapper
Joined: 09 Feb 2012 Karma :
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hellkat |
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hellkat Super Spammer
Joined: 12 Jul 2004 Karma :
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Posted: 22:03 - 17 Mar 2018 Post subject: |
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hellkat |
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hellkat Super Spammer
Joined: 12 Jul 2004 Karma :
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Pigeon |
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Pigeon World Chat Champion
Joined: 27 Sep 2012 Karma :
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Posted: 23:55 - 17 Mar 2018 Post subject: |
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hellkat wrote: |
All women are crazy.
There's just different levels of crazy, that's all.
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Not wanting to hijack thread or start some shizzle.
But the generalisation that women are crazy, that their behaviour is erratic or thoughts strange and often this is down to regular changes in body hormone levels is either not entirely true, or at least not the whole picture.
I think blokes have the capacity to equally be as crazy. In fact, if you think that governments and business for the last 2k years are largely male dominated and the world gets itself in a right old pickle, you have to say that men are equally as crazy and make poor decisions based on their egos.
The "crazyness" is, imho, down to that internal voice, the mind / ego.
The ego is rarely satisfied, it plots, plans and schemes. Makes lists, rehearses interactions / scenarios. Its focus is on the past or the future and is driven by them. It's not often happy with what is and is very judgemental.
It's just that men, generally, have had more causes to satisfy their ego's. So their mind stays quiet for longer. Whereas women tend to have to deal with more life injustice, their egos are more unsatisfied, so are far more switched on more of the time.
When I look round the work office. The guys are generally able to sit there working on tasks in silence and be happy to do so.
The woman just prefer not to. They are constantly multi-tasking in the form of talking and doing the work.
Is this because they are just smarter, more capable and are bored easily by the tasks. Or is it because their minds won't switch off / leave them alone in the silence, so they fill the silence looking for mental stimulation.
Or none of the above
Whatever, if both sexes can learn to reduce the frequency and intensity of their yabbering mind, and know how/when to ignore it, the world would be a lot less crazy. |
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M.C |
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M.C Super Spammer
Joined: 29 Sep 2015 Karma :
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Posted: 01:31 - 18 Mar 2018 Post subject: |
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Pigeon wrote: | In fact, if you think that governments and business for the last 2k years are largely male dominated and the world gets itself in a right old pickle, you have to say that men are equally as crazy and make poor decisions based on their egos. |
Sounds like this self-hating men cause all the worlds ills narrative. Women don't make decisions, sure men sometimes make bad ones but the ability of women to procrastinate is truly astonishing. They're also bad under pressure, which doesn't help the decision process.
Pigeon wrote: | Whereas women tend to have to deal with more life injustice, their egos are more unsatisfied, so are far more switched on more of the time. |
Again the narrative. It's not 1940 anymore, the fact women have a inferiority complex is in itself quite telling.
Pigeon wrote: | When I look round the work office. The guys are generally able to sit there working on tasks in silence and be happy to do so.
The woman just prefer not to. They are constantly multi-tasking in the form of talking and doing the work.
Is this because they are just smarter, more capable and are bored easily by the tasks. Or is it because their minds won't switch off / leave them alone in the silence, so they fill the silence looking for mental stimulation. |
No it's just what they do And the whole multi-tasking thing is BS as well. Guys generally shut-up and get on with whatever they have to do, women talk about doing it.
[generally speaking] |
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Omega |
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Omega Crazy Courier
Joined: 07 May 2009 Karma :
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Posted: 07:01 - 18 Mar 2018 Post subject: |
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You're putting far too much emphasis on finding a relationship to make you happy. Spend at least 12 months flying solo and find out what you enjoy in life. Don't allow yourself to get close to any women while on your journey of self discovery . Don't see it as giving up on people you are close to right now! You can come back to them after your 12 months if you really want to. They just need to allow you this personal time.
In that time you'll hopefully find that most of the pressure you are putting on yourself will vanish. When you're solo, nothing can really go wrong!
Also, do the doctor thing like the others have suggested. |
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Polarbear |
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Polarbear Super Spammer
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Powderhead |
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Powderhead Trackday Trickster
Joined: 06 Mar 2018 Karma :
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Posted: 12:26 - 21 Mar 2018 Post subject: |
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I don't have much to add here - all of the above is good advice.
Well done for writing it down, and best of luck to you sir.
I've been there myself, and it sure as hell ain't easy. If you ever want to talk, feel free to PM me |
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Rogerborg |
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Rogerborg nimbA
Joined: 26 Oct 2010 Karma :
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Posted: 12:43 - 21 Mar 2018 Post subject: |
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Never put your dick in hellkat. ____________________ Biking is 1/20th as dangerous as horse riding.
GONE: HN125-8, LF-250B, GPz 305, GPZ 500S, Burgman 400 // RIDING: F650GS (800 twin), Royal Enfield Bullet Electra 500 AVL, Ninja 250R because racebike |
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Skudd |
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Skudd Super Spammer
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Bubbs |
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Bubbs World Chat Champion
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Powderhead |
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Powderhead Trackday Trickster
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Hetzer |
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Hetzer Super Spammer
Joined: 19 Feb 2007 Karma :
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Posted: 22:58 - 23 Mar 2018 Post subject: |
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Read.
Some.
Fucking.
Books.
The greatest cure for depression is distraction and reading is the easiest of them. Second-hand bookshop, library (but you can't take many at a time, hence 2nd-hand).
You're going to die anyway, so why rush it? Ah, but that black abyss, the insanity of nothing, it's all too much. What's the worst that can happen? You lose your mind. Oh well, so fucking what. Bring it on.
Stop giving fucks, read books, laugh at the insanity that is this supposed reality. It's not real. Or maybe it is, who cares.
Depression is a zen-state and you can step outside of it and dispassionately observe. Your body and brain are not you, they are illusory vessels for your consciousness (which is affected by them until you realise and recognize the reality).
But blah blah blah. Read books, lose yourself in the stories, eat pizza and drink lemonade. Or hang yourself, then kick yourself when you're dead and realise it was unnecessary. ____________________ "There's the horizon! Ride hard, ride fast and cut down all who stand in your way!" |
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hellkat |
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hellkat Super Spammer
Joined: 12 Jul 2004 Karma :
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Posted: 23:35 - 23 Mar 2018 Post subject: |
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*wonders if that's too much to put as a signature...* ____________________ Not nearly as interesting in real life. |
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Ste |
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Ste Not Work Safe
Joined: 01 Sep 2002 Karma :
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Posted: 23:56 - 23 Mar 2018 Post subject: |
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BCF is at least one hundred times better with signatures disabled, especially if ever browsing on your phone.
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Rogerborg |
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Rogerborg nimbA
Joined: 26 Oct 2010 Karma :
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Ste |
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Ste Not Work Safe
Joined: 01 Sep 2002 Karma :
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Posted: 08:14 - 24 Mar 2018 Post subject: |
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Avatars are important and disabling them doesn't make the page smaller as there's still the blank column to the left of every post. |
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Eddie Hitler |
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Eddie Hitler World Chat Champion
Joined: 06 Nov 2007 Karma :
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Posted: 15:32 - 04 May 2018 Post subject: |
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Number one drug for depression is excersise.
It's usually a response that things are not how you want them to be in life (job, education, relationship). Takes effort to change, but it can be done. And you realise after a lot of hard work and a few years what its like to be happy again. I know. . |
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Old Thread Alert!
The last post was made 5 years, 357 days ago. Instead of replying here, would creating a new thread be more useful? |
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