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Rogerborg
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PostPosted: 19:17 - 12 Apr 2018    Post subject: Reply with quote

Valerian and the Shitty Thousand Plots 4/10

No, being a visual feast doesn't excuse the famine of a narrative structure.

It's an over-long grinding mess, is what it is, paced as a series of and then... and then... and then... and then... vignettes.

Worst part is the the titular Valerian isn't the chic heroine, but some pouchy-eyed Rapey McDatist doing a shoddy Keanu Reeves voice. If you don't want to be him, and don't want to do him, what's the point of him?

The best thing I can say about it is that everybody in it seems to have agreed to speak their lines from the French transliterated with the same robotic am-dram lack of conviction. Perhaps the secret subtext is that it's a simulation and they're all low-resource subroutines?

If you're going to watch something spacey, spectacular and pointless, I'd go with Jupiter Ascending. And that's not much of a recommendation.
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sensi5446
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PostPosted: 19:35 - 12 Apr 2018    Post subject: Reply with quote

Lord Percy wrote:
Ready Player One - 5/10

Warner Bros trying to make bank off the new gaming generation.

It's a children's film with too many plot holes, and a narrative which is best described as a load of impossible situations overcome by nonsense 'eureka' moments.

Absolutely loaded with pop culture game and film references, but really that didn't mean much. Films are supposed to tell a story or present an idea. I'd have at least expected something a bit more 'sci fi' about it. It's just a simple childish action film with the usual hero, villain, quest etc, which happens to be set in a computer game(ish) world.

Just watch Tron instead.


No seen the film but I'm reading the book at the moment and it pretty cool.
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G
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PostPosted: 00:28 - 13 Apr 2018    Post subject: Reply with quote

Rogerborg wrote:
Valerian and the Shitty Thousand Plots meh

I was reading how it was a 'spiritual successor' to The Fifth Element and wondered if I'd perhaps missed the whole point of it - but I think you about summed it up.
Though I *like* over-long. To the point I've watched the director's cut of Dances with Wolves all the way though*. But this just seemed thrown together genericness aimed at a more 'kiddie' audience.

*I'm awaiting either a medal or a straight jacket.
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Bubbs
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PostPosted: 09:03 - 13 Apr 2018    Post subject: Reply with quote

sensi5446 wrote:
Lord Percy wrote:
Ready Player One - 5/10

Warner Bros trying to make bank off the new gaming generation.

It's a children's film with too many plot holes, and a narrative which is best described as a load of impossible situations overcome by nonsense 'eureka' moments.

Absolutely loaded with pop culture game and film references, but really that didn't mean much. Films are supposed to tell a story or present an idea. I'd have at least expected something a bit more 'sci fi' about it. It's just a simple childish action film with the usual hero, villain, quest etc, which happens to be set in a computer game(ish) world.

Just watch Tron instead.


No seen the film but I'm reading the book at the moment and it pretty cool.


I've read the book and it's amazing. Hoping the film is not as bad as Lord Percy says it is.
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The Artist
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PostPosted: 09:30 - 13 Apr 2018    Post subject: Reply with quote

Bubbs wrote:

I've read the book and it's amazing. Hoping the film is not as bad as Lord Percy says it is.


Depends what you go in expecting. It is not a masterpiece but it was entertaining. As has been said, it is really about the references rather than a story line so it will likely never be watched by anyone past this year.
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Rogerborg
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PostPosted: 10:01 - 13 Apr 2018    Post subject: Reply with quote

pinkyfloyd wrote:
The Hitmans Bodyguard 8/10

by god its funny at times.

That London traffic (lack of) is unintentionally hilarious.

Elodie Yung, just why, and Hollywood A listers in cramped tight-shot Euro locations always feels a bit weird: but yes, it cracks on at a good old pace, and the talent are all on screen. Worth a watch.

That Merc that catches fire is a diesel.

So is the van.

Direct witness testimony isn't "hearsay".
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CBFcarl
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PostPosted: 11:05 - 13 Apr 2018    Post subject: Reply with quote

Pacific Rim 2: Electo Boogaloo

Never saw the first. The Mrs and the clone did, and they loved it.
Went and saw the second, Idris Elbow and Charlie Hooman aren't in this one. Instead, we get the dude from the new Star Wars films, and I think, Thors brother?

The script is terrible. Cringey, and worse when paired with actors who clearly agree with me. The CGI isn't anything special, and the story is less than the original (from the wifes account).

I went in with low expectations because I don't think I am the target audience here. The Mrs was looking forward to it because she enjoyed the first, and the lad really wanted to like it. He did, in the end. He loved the bright colours, fighty aliens and robots and all that jazz. The mrs hated it, she fell asleep. I was in the middle. I've seen worse films, but I wouldn't watch this again.

5/10
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Rogerborg
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PostPosted: 16:24 - 13 Apr 2018    Post subject: Reply with quote

CBFcarl wrote:
The script is terrible. Cringey, and worse when paired with actors who clearly agree with me.

Apparently that was deliberate, at least in the first one. Deliberate non-sequiturs and mentalist technobabble, in the spirit of classic kaiju flicks.

That doesn't make it big or clever though.
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Lord Percy
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PostPosted: 09:16 - 15 Apr 2018    Post subject: Reply with quote

The Shape of Water: 5/10

Nonsense plot-hole-ridden SJW bestiality fest.

Set in 1960s USA:

☑ - Lead role played by a mute
☑ - Lead role's best friend at home is an old, lonely homosexual man
☑ - Lead role's best friend at work is a strong outspoken black woman
☑ - Strong outspoken black woman's husband is a useless slob beta male
☑ - Villain is a white, suit-wearing, aggressive, self-obsessed #metoo inducer
☑ - Lead role falls in love with a human-like water creature, because hey it's what's inside that counts and they had a connection
☑ - Sex with human-like water creatures is fine because... it's what's inside that counts and they had a connection?

Nothing happens in the film. SJW themes and narrative absurdity aside, the attempted romantic aspect doesn't even work.

If you're looking for a romance film based on an atypical relationship, just watch Brokeback Mountain instead.
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Lord Percy
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PostPosted: 09:25 - 15 Apr 2018    Post subject: Reply with quote

Bubbs wrote:
sensi5446 wrote:


No seen the film but I'm reading the book at the moment and it pretty cool.


I've read the book and it's amazing. Hoping the film is not as bad as Lord Percy says it is.


I had a peek on some IMDB reviews before watching the film. Everyone who had read the book said that the film was a serious disappointment. I hoped that by having not read the book I would be pleased. Sadly, it was still a disappointment!

I'd say it's still worth the watch for something to do. It just isn't anything at all special, I don't think.
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Going
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PostPosted: 22:14 - 16 Apr 2018    Post subject: Reply with quote

The Matrix - 10/10

Wish it was in 3d. Also it still looks good today.
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waffles
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PostPosted: 22:40 - 16 Apr 2018    Post subject: Reply with quote

I was also disappointed by Ready Player One. I wanted to like it, I really did but I spent most of my time trying to spot all the background references and then I got bored and fidgety. I got a copy of the book in a Loot crate so I will give it a go and see if I like that. My friend has read the book and said that as a standalone film he enjoyed it but if you look at is as an adaptation of the book it was too different.
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MarJay
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PostPosted: 22:57 - 16 Apr 2018    Post subject: Reply with quote

Watched a few movies I've been meaning to watch over the rainy weekend.

Oceans 11 8/10

Classy, fun and entertaining. Not Shakespeare but it has some surprisingly good performances from people who were obviously having a laugh. Probably too many characters, some seem wasted or pointless but a lot of fun. I've seen it before nearer when it came out so I remembered the twist which was a shame.

Oceans 13 7/10

End of the Oceans trilogy. Not quite as classy or fresh as the first, but Al Pacino does elevate it somewhat. Not as satisfying but I wouldn't say a re watch was a waste of time. Some moments are massively telegraphed but there was one nice unexpected twist which I had forgotten even though I've seen it before. Nice.

The Shining 5/10

I've read reviews of this which say it's a masterpiece, Kubrick does it again etc, but I think no. I don't really see the appeal. I'm not a massive horror fan, and I didn't find it that horrifying if I'm honest. The best it managed is mildly creepy. Maybe I'm more spoiled with more modern stuff? The story seemed to be missing some chunks and some of it barely made sense. The two main performances from Nicholson and Shelley Duvall seem to be surprisingly poor. Nicholson either overdid it, was drunk or thought the movie would be rubbish, and Duvall just seems like she's in one of those terrible leprechaun type low budget horrors. I'm not sure why people think this is a masterpiece. Some of the imagery is vaguely haunting I guess? I wanted to like it, it is iconic, but just doesn't meet expectation.

Big Trouble In Little China 8/10

Weirdly my image of this movie from when I was a kid was completely different to the actual experience. This was my first ever time watching it, but as a kid I thought it was a Kurt Russell action comedy with some perhaps slightly dodgy racial or cultural humour. It's actually a martial arts flick in which Kurt Russell is basically the audience proxy. He's neither the hero nor does he really affect the story massively. He does have a couple of heroic moments but serves as the comic relief. Surprisingly un-racist for an 80's movie with that title, and some of the martial arts scenes were very respectable. Loads of fun, sad I didn't watch it years ago.


Blade Runner 2049

One thing I've often said about the original Blade Runner is that it's an experiential movie. The Script is ropey, there are plot holes and it doesn't all make sense. The real reason it's a masterpiece is the world building and atmosphere it has. The experience. I think the same is true for David Lynch's Dune as well. So I acknowledge that neither movie is perfect, nothing else gives me the same feeling that either movie gives me (each different).

With this sequel, there is a massive danger that the good points of the original would be lost, and the bad points remain. Nothing could be further from the truth in my opinion. Dennis Villeneuve has managed to capture the atmosphere and world of the original and added a pretty decent story which fits in perfectly with the world of the original. Ryan Gosling is perfect as the slightly wooden but angst ridden and violent main character as he is in Drive and Only God Forgives and pretty much every movie he's in. Harrison Ford isn't fantastic, but he's little more than a cameo. The CG characters are better than the Rogue One equivalents but still not perfect. Even so, it's a great movie and I think I could watch it over and over and over again, and still catch new details. This movie reminds me why I like movies, and restores my faith that people can make movies that are really really good.

9/10 and well deserved, however I can absolutely see why people would disagree. In the same way that The Last Jedi divided people, I expect this to do so as well, but to a lesser extent.
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MCN
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PostPosted: 07:17 - 17 Apr 2018    Post subject: Reply with quote

Film reviews?

I just suffered minutes of The Shitman's Bodyform.

Shocked

Too many guns and bullet holes.



And everyone in England is a Cockney? Init.
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Powderhead
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PostPosted: 07:27 - 17 Apr 2018    Post subject: Reply with quote

Going wrote:
The Matrix - 10/10

Wish it was in 3d. Also it still looks good today.


The Wachowski Brothers don't Laughing
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andym
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PostPosted: 08:49 - 17 Apr 2018    Post subject: Reply with quote

Powderhead wrote:
Going wrote:
The Matrix - 10/10

Wish it was in 3d. Also it still looks good today.


The Wachowski Brothers sisters don't Laughing


FTFY Thumbs Up
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Powderhead
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PostPosted: 09:34 - 17 Apr 2018    Post subject: Reply with quote

andym wrote:
FTFY Thumbs Up


I refuse to gender them "correctly".
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CBFcarl
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PostPosted: 15:42 - 17 Apr 2018    Post subject: Reply with quote

Blockers

Date night, we had hoped to fit this in (wifes choice) and Truth or Dare (my choice). Unfortunately, ToD was booked up on both the early and later showings. Blockers is a teen sex comedy, in the mould of American Pie, but from the parents view of trying to stop their daughters from completing the pact. I expected it to be absolute bobbins, but it wasn't bad. It wasn't great either. Some parts felt shoehorned in (token lesbian character *ahem*). Wait until its on TV, or there is nothing else on the cinema that you fancy.

7/10
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Jayy
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PostPosted: 16:48 - 17 Apr 2018    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hostiles - 8/10

I saw Christian Bale in the cover with Wes Studi (That badass Indian from Last of the Mohicans) and thought, "This will be fucking good".... it was.

Very bleak and raw but it was a great film, highly recommended Thumbs Up
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Lord Percy
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PostPosted: 12:19 - 18 Apr 2018    Post subject: Reply with quote

Rampage - 7/10

Oddly watchable "King Kong vs Godzilla vs Megawolf vs The Rock" action flick about Dwayne Johnson going on the chase of his pet gorilla after it goes berserk and triples in size, along with a couple of other random creatures, also berserk and also tripled in size, with genetic mutations.
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