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Rogerborg |
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Rogerborg nimbA
Joined: 26 Oct 2010 Karma :
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Posted: 19:17 - 12 Apr 2018 Post subject: |
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Valerian and the Shitty Thousand Plots 4/10
No, being a visual feast doesn't excuse the famine of a narrative structure.
It's an over-long grinding mess, is what it is, paced as a series of and then... and then... and then... and then... vignettes.
Worst part is the the titular Valerian isn't the chic heroine, but some pouchy-eyed Rapey McDatist doing a shoddy Keanu Reeves voice. If you don't want to be him, and don't want to do him, what's the point of him?
The best thing I can say about it is that everybody in it seems to have agreed to speak their lines from the French transliterated with the same robotic am-dram lack of conviction. Perhaps the secret subtext is that it's a simulation and they're all low-resource subroutines?
If you're going to watch something spacey, spectacular and pointless, I'd go with Jupiter Ascending. And that's not much of a recommendation. ____________________ Biking is 1/20th as dangerous as horse riding.
GONE: HN125-8, LF-250B, GPz 305, GPZ 500S, Burgman 400 // RIDING: F650GS (800 twin), Royal Enfield Bullet Electra 500 AVL, Ninja 250R because racebike |
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sensi5446 |
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sensi5446 Trackday Trickster
Joined: 12 Feb 2014 Karma :
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G |
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G The Voice of Reason
Joined: 02 Feb 2002 Karma :
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Bubbs |
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Bubbs World Chat Champion
Joined: 28 May 2009 Karma :
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The Artist |
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The Artist Super Spammer
Joined: 06 Jan 2008 Karma :
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Rogerborg |
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Rogerborg nimbA
Joined: 26 Oct 2010 Karma :
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Posted: 10:01 - 13 Apr 2018 Post subject: |
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pinkyfloyd wrote: | The Hitmans Bodyguard 8/10
by god its funny at times. |
That London traffic (lack of) is unintentionally hilarious.
Elodie Yung, just why, and Hollywood A listers in cramped tight-shot Euro locations always feels a bit weird: but yes, it cracks on at a good old pace, and the talent are all on screen. Worth a watch.
That Merc that catches fire is a diesel.
So is the van.
Direct witness testimony isn't "hearsay". ____________________ Biking is 1/20th as dangerous as horse riding.
GONE: HN125-8, LF-250B, GPz 305, GPZ 500S, Burgman 400 // RIDING: F650GS (800 twin), Royal Enfield Bullet Electra 500 AVL, Ninja 250R because racebike |
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CBFcarl |
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CBFcarl Nearly there...
Joined: 29 Oct 2013 Karma :
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Posted: 11:05 - 13 Apr 2018 Post subject: |
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Pacific Rim 2: Electo Boogaloo
Never saw the first. The Mrs and the clone did, and they loved it.
Went and saw the second, Idris Elbow and Charlie Hooman aren't in this one. Instead, we get the dude from the new Star Wars films, and I think, Thors brother?
The script is terrible. Cringey, and worse when paired with actors who clearly agree with me. The CGI isn't anything special, and the story is less than the original (from the wifes account).
I went in with low expectations because I don't think I am the target audience here. The Mrs was looking forward to it because she enjoyed the first, and the lad really wanted to like it. He did, in the end. He loved the bright colours, fighty aliens and robots and all that jazz. The mrs hated it, she fell asleep. I was in the middle. I've seen worse films, but I wouldn't watch this again.
5/10 ____________________ thx1138 wrote: Well if you had a car, I'd bet it would smell like urine had had drunken sex with vomit and made a poo baby.
Polarbear wrote: They are all old now. Probably had more abuse that a Rotherham schoolgirl.
Hellkat wrote: I want to know if Nigella smells of garlic, or just minge. |
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Rogerborg |
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Rogerborg nimbA
Joined: 26 Oct 2010 Karma :
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Lord Percy |
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Lord Percy World Chat Champion
Joined: 03 Aug 2012 Karma :
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Lord Percy |
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Lord Percy World Chat Champion
Joined: 03 Aug 2012 Karma :
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Going |
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Going Nearly there...
Joined: 26 Feb 2012 Karma :
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waffles |
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waffles World Chat Champion
Joined: 04 Oct 2009 Karma :
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MarJay |
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MarJay But it's British!
Joined: 15 Sep 2003 Karma :
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Posted: 22:57 - 16 Apr 2018 Post subject: |
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Watched a few movies I've been meaning to watch over the rainy weekend.
Oceans 11 8/10
Classy, fun and entertaining. Not Shakespeare but it has some surprisingly good performances from people who were obviously having a laugh. Probably too many characters, some seem wasted or pointless but a lot of fun. I've seen it before nearer when it came out so I remembered the twist which was a shame.
Oceans 13 7/10
End of the Oceans trilogy. Not quite as classy or fresh as the first, but Al Pacino does elevate it somewhat. Not as satisfying but I wouldn't say a re watch was a waste of time. Some moments are massively telegraphed but there was one nice unexpected twist which I had forgotten even though I've seen it before. Nice.
The Shining 5/10
I've read reviews of this which say it's a masterpiece, Kubrick does it again etc, but I think no. I don't really see the appeal. I'm not a massive horror fan, and I didn't find it that horrifying if I'm honest. The best it managed is mildly creepy. Maybe I'm more spoiled with more modern stuff? The story seemed to be missing some chunks and some of it barely made sense. The two main performances from Nicholson and Shelley Duvall seem to be surprisingly poor. Nicholson either overdid it, was drunk or thought the movie would be rubbish, and Duvall just seems like she's in one of those terrible leprechaun type low budget horrors. I'm not sure why people think this is a masterpiece. Some of the imagery is vaguely haunting I guess? I wanted to like it, it is iconic, but just doesn't meet expectation.
Big Trouble In Little China 8/10
Weirdly my image of this movie from when I was a kid was completely different to the actual experience. This was my first ever time watching it, but as a kid I thought it was a Kurt Russell action comedy with some perhaps slightly dodgy racial or cultural humour. It's actually a martial arts flick in which Kurt Russell is basically the audience proxy. He's neither the hero nor does he really affect the story massively. He does have a couple of heroic moments but serves as the comic relief. Surprisingly un-racist for an 80's movie with that title, and some of the martial arts scenes were very respectable. Loads of fun, sad I didn't watch it years ago.
Blade Runner 2049
One thing I've often said about the original Blade Runner is that it's an experiential movie. The Script is ropey, there are plot holes and it doesn't all make sense. The real reason it's a masterpiece is the world building and atmosphere it has. The experience. I think the same is true for David Lynch's Dune as well. So I acknowledge that neither movie is perfect, nothing else gives me the same feeling that either movie gives me (each different).
With this sequel, there is a massive danger that the good points of the original would be lost, and the bad points remain. Nothing could be further from the truth in my opinion. Dennis Villeneuve has managed to capture the atmosphere and world of the original and added a pretty decent story which fits in perfectly with the world of the original. Ryan Gosling is perfect as the slightly wooden but angst ridden and violent main character as he is in Drive and Only God Forgives and pretty much every movie he's in. Harrison Ford isn't fantastic, but he's little more than a cameo. The CG characters are better than the Rogue One equivalents but still not perfect. Even so, it's a great movie and I think I could watch it over and over and over again, and still catch new details. This movie reminds me why I like movies, and restores my faith that people can make movies that are really really good.
9/10 and well deserved, however I can absolutely see why people would disagree. In the same way that The Last Jedi divided people, I expect this to do so as well, but to a lesser extent. ____________________ British beauty: Triumph Street Triple R; Loony stroker: KR1S; Track fun: GSXR750 L1; Commuter Missile: GSX-S1000F
Remember kids, bikes aren't like lego. You can't easily take a part from one bike and then fit it to another. |
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MCN |
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MCN Super Spammer
Joined: 22 Jul 2015 Karma :
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Posted: 07:17 - 17 Apr 2018 Post subject: |
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Film reviews?
I just suffered minutes of The Shitman's Bodyform.
Too many guns and bullet holes.
And everyone in England is a Cockney? Init. ____________________ Disclaimer: The comments above may be predicted text and not necessarily the opinion of MCN. |
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Powderhead |
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Powderhead Trackday Trickster
Joined: 06 Mar 2018 Karma :
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andym |
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andym World Chat Champion
Joined: 16 Nov 2010 Karma :
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Powderhead |
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Powderhead Trackday Trickster
Joined: 06 Mar 2018 Karma :
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CBFcarl |
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CBFcarl Nearly there...
Joined: 29 Oct 2013 Karma :
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Jayy |
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Jayy Mr. Ponzi
Joined: 08 Jun 2009 Karma :
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Posted: 16:48 - 17 Apr 2018 Post subject: |
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Hostiles - 8/10
I saw Christian Bale in the cover with Wes Studi (That badass Indian from Last of the Mohicans) and thought, "This will be fucking good".... it was.
Very bleak and raw but it was a great film, highly recommended |
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Lord Percy |
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Lord Percy World Chat Champion
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King29 |
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King29 World Chat Champion
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hellkat |
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hellkat Super Spammer
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AshWebster |
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AshWebster Brolly Dolly
Joined: 05 Jan 2017 Karma :
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CBFcarl |
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CBFcarl Nearly there...
Joined: 29 Oct 2013 Karma :
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Posted: 17:13 - 24 Apr 2018 Post subject: |
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I took the good lady to go and see A Quiet Place on Friday evening, which was a stroke of genius because a) it was nice so no-one went to the cinema (meaning loads of parking spaces, and no queues at the concessions stand), and b) it is a brilliant film. Well paced, practically no dialogue and some interesting (in a good way) choices in the story. I'd recommend it in the cinema, however being such a quiet film there is the risk of all the other people in the cinema being noisy f*ckers and ruining the film for you (IT was ruined for my by a bunch of E numbered up tweens sat in front of me and taking selfies all the way through). Luckily, because of the aforementioned weather, there were about 12 people in our screening. 8.5/10
And having just watched "The Defiant Ones" on Netflix (See box-set thread), I was recommended All Eyez On Me which I'd been delaying until I'd seen Straight Outta Compton. Never mind, stick it on. A great story, and the actor who played Tupac was scarily similar looking. From what I've read online, the film was criticised for not being completely faithful to the actual story, and had to sue Shakurs mother for access to the soundtrack, and it did seem a bit TV movie in places, but it was enjoyable. Still, looking forwards to SOC. 7/10 ____________________ thx1138 wrote: Well if you had a car, I'd bet it would smell like urine had had drunken sex with vomit and made a poo baby.
Polarbear wrote: They are all old now. Probably had more abuse that a Rotherham schoolgirl.
Hellkat wrote: I want to know if Nigella smells of garlic, or just minge. |
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M.C |
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M.C Super Spammer
Joined: 29 Sep 2015 Karma :
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Old Thread Alert!
The last post was made 5 years, 358 days ago. Instead of replying here, would creating a new thread be more useful? |
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