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Baffler186 |
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Baffler186 World Chat Champion
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Polarbear |
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Polarbear Super Spammer
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M.C |
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M.C Super Spammer
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Lord Percy |
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Lord Percy World Chat Champion
Joined: 03 Aug 2012 Karma :
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Posted: 10:47 - 22 Jan 2019 Post subject: |
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MCN wrote: | Lord Percy wrote: | One of my younger brothers is a bit like this. 26 years old, lived with parents forever and never pays rent/food money (even though he works full time). He has a good education and a chemistry degree, yet he's fucked around so much that he now works in a care home, literally cleaning old people's arses and feeding them pills.
He always has an excuse like he's saving up for something, or has a debt to pay elsewhere, etc etc, anything to make sure he continues getting everything for free at home. My dad hates it, but mum is a pushover. No idea why, me and my twin brother always got a proper bollocking if we were out of line.
He doesn't have a whiff of ADHD either, he's just a sociopathic cunt who'll take anything he can and never offers anything in return because, "Well if you didn't want to give/help/do anything for me then you shouldn't have done it in the first place."
He's perfected the art of manipulation, and knows exactly how to delegate blame onto other people so nothing ever appears to be his fault. The latest was, "Yeah mum and dad know I'm driving my car with no MOT", said in such a way as if to suggest that it'll be their fault if something bad happens.
He's the epitome of the millennial waster who thinks the world owes him everything.
Sorry, can't offer much advice, just thought I'd add a bit of a consolation story. I think a bit of honest tough love is the answer. My dad reckons he's gonna reach the tipping point soon, overrule my mum's soft touch policy and go into ultimate dad-rage mode and cause a massive family upset. |
Narcissistic is the psychological term. (From Greek)
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/narcissism
Cannot be reconciled and better avoided or kept at arm's length. |
Yes I know about narcissism, and the Greek god Narcissus who couldn't get enough of his own reflection and made women commit suicide because he never returned their love.
No my brother does not suffer from that. Maybe I didn't describe him properly.
I spent the past year living with the most narcissistic narcissist I've ever encountered, by a very large margin. I know very well what those kinds of folk are about. |
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M.C |
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M.C Super Spammer
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Skudd |
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Skudd Super Spammer
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Posted: 12:25 - 22 Jan 2019 Post subject: |
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I don't call my wife's lads my stepsons as they already have a Dad and don't see me as a father figure so therefor I haven't any Stepchildren. I also refuse to allow my ex wife to call that sniveling little shit a Stepfather to my kids, the shit couldn't be a proper father to his own bastard thieving drog end children, so he could never do the same to my children.
Anyway got side tracked there, if the lad has taken money then he needs to repay that money. Don't let the issue get between you and your wife as you need to show a united front. also he will fly the nest one day and you will still want to be with your wife.
Start with little things, one locked cupboard, proper hasp and clasp on it, on full show with things like your cash money tin that you are saving, luxury biscuits, any or all alcohol. Tins of beans and sausage, that sort of thing. Don't make a BIG thing of it just make it a thing. If you go out, lock stuff in it, maybe the TV remote or the last of the bread. Keep the other cupboards as bare as possible. Same for your bedroom, keep a locked draw in there with personal stuff in. When you go on holiday put a lock on the bedroom door, in fact put two, one top and the other at the bottom of the door, that way no accidental braking of the locks can happen.
Be subtle, only fish and chips for you and your wife, just make meals for you two and let him get his own, same with clothes and bed linen, just do your own and let his pile up. (the washing powder can go in the locked cupboard too) He may soon get the message. ____________________ Famous last words of Humpty Dumpty. " Stop pushing me "
Petty Anarchists look at "1984".............. The Visionary looks at "Animal Farm". |
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Robby |
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Robby Dirty Old Man
Joined: 16 May 2002 Karma :
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Posted: 14:49 - 22 Jan 2019 Post subject: |
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To counter the collection of threads that are edging ever close to corporal punishment, he may also need some help.
I accept that he's a manipulative little cumstain, but he may also be a manipulative little cumstain with no idea of how to behave or how to take care of himself. If you kick him out, or he has a tantrum and runs away from home, the long term consequences are going to be worse. The story has "vulnerable junkie" written all over it.
So you can't do the punishment thing, that's clearly her territory, even if she isn't doing it. You can still teach him how to be a man. Teach him how to service the bike before you sell it. That way he might learn something, and get a connection with the bike. Should mean it resonates a bit more with him when he watches the new owner ride away on it.
In short, although he may be 22, it sounds like you need to act as if he's 14, but without being a cunt about it. |
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Skudd |
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Skudd Super Spammer
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Lord Percy |
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Lord Percy World Chat Champion
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Polarbear |
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Polarbear Super Spammer
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Posted: 14:45 - 23 Jan 2019 Post subject: |
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So he doesn't suffer from what I posted earlier, IJAC?
I think he does.
A few kickings should sort him out. ____________________ Triumph Trophy Launch Edition |
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R1stu |
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R1stu Shrek!
Joined: 12 Mar 2003 Karma :
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Posted: 16:01 - 23 Jan 2019 Post subject: |
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Update:
Waiting to see if he's paid the fine as he promised on Monday. He is also doing drugs, but only weed, and who hasn't at that age?
He's blaming the death of his nan, and the other nan being put into a home, he refuses medical help because he doesn't want to be that person.
He says he's moving out, but his mates have a spare room, but they don't want him living with them, which has to say something!
I've been in their lives, home longer than their biological father. He walked out when eldest was 8, I've been there 8 years.
He said he is trying to change, but let's see. We asked him to put the rubbish out, and empty all the bins, but still, all the bathroom bins are full (1 for over a month now I refuse to back down!) and all the cardboard is still on the step.
If told my girlfriend if things have not improved by the time we get back from holiday, I will be leaving. ____________________ Carbon closet tart! https://www.bikepics.com/members/r6stuk/02r6/
Stolen bike. 2000 R1: https://www.bikepics.com/members/r6stuk/00r1/
Current bike 1991 Honda ST1100 Pan European, 1986 Honda cb350sg (Finished) |
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iooi |
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iooi Super Spammer
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A100man |
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A100man World Chat Champion
Joined: 19 Aug 2013 Karma :
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Posted: 16:26 - 23 Jan 2019 Post subject: |
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R1stu wrote: | Update:
I've been in their lives, home longer than their biological father. He walked out when eldest was 8, I've been there 8 years.
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But his mother has been there throughout his 22 years.. and where children are concerned the women have always the final say..'
..unless they are a psycotic nightmare and kid wants to be with Dad for his/her own sanity and security.
If you feel you have bent as far as you want to then you're probably right to pack your bags. ____________________ Now: A100, GT250A, XJ598, FZ750
Then: Fizz, RS200, KL250, XJ550, Laverda Alpina, XJ600, FZS600 |
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Pigeon |
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Pigeon World Chat Champion
Joined: 27 Sep 2012 Karma :
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Posted: 23:21 - 23 Jan 2019 Post subject: |
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Robby wrote: |
Medication is simple and effective, using stimulants. The hyperactivity bit of reduces through teens into twenties, or gets more controllable as the brain develops. It is also common for people with the condition to have a few things they can absolutely focus on, with hours of uninterruptible concentration.
Which is a long winded way of saying, bollocks is it ADHD with that kid. That would be a valid excuse if he was 8. Now he's an adult with an excuse, and needs to learn that actions have consequences.
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I'm not going to excuse someone old enough to know right from wrong. But one of the main issues about not having brakes in the brain is very poor impulse control.
If someone has ADHD / ADD, and especially someone young, they find a source that generates Dopamine which they normally would struggle to do from other activities (where there is no reward felt from basic things) then its possible to believe the person would struggle to find impulse control on being self aware enough to asses that in the moment. Even if they could, they'd quite possibly find ways of justifying it to themselves afterwards.
Medication helps (but brings side effects). Diagnosis also brings the need to inform DVLA (because of the impulse control issues). The DVLA could change their stance on whether or not to automatically remove a persons license for a ADHD diagnosis (they currently don't).
Actions have consequences all over the place
Again. Wrong is wrong, not disputing that. But the lads brain has joined the dot between feeling good (the girl) and doing whatever to keep her happy. That pattern needs to be challenged and he needs to find alternative methods to better cope with his brain.
Medication is one. Diet another. Exercise. Cutting out sugar, reducing glutamate, cutting out caffeine, reducing alcohol. Meditation.... 22.....mmmm perhaps unrealistic, but. |
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Pete. |
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Pete. Super Spammer
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Posted: 01:10 - 24 Jan 2019 Post subject: |
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I would stick him out on his ear right now without a moment's hesitation. 22 and stealing holiday money. GTFO.
You should have reported the first theft to the law, or if not that then certainly the second theft. If this situation escalates and the mother takes his part you might end up on the wrong side of a cell door one day. You might as well pay the SORN fine because he won't and it'll keep doubling-up when the bailiffs get involved and that will reflect on your future credit rating too since he's at your address.
Playing who blinks first with the rubbish bins is folly because you're empowering him with your example of how to deal with that. You won't back down, he won't back down - he's going to be fine with that and he'll know that it's eating away at you. Empty the bin and find a more subtle way of letting him know who is boss.
You've been there 8 years and he's 22 so he was 14 when you first arrived. 8 years isn't enough for you to establish enough of a judgement of his character to see how being guarantor for the finance on his scooter was going to pan out?
I suspect you have a few more surprises to come yet. ____________________ a.k.a 'Geri'
132.9mph off and walked away. Gear is good, gear is good, gear is very very good |
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M.C |
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M.C Super Spammer
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Baffler186 |
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Baffler186 World Chat Champion
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R1stu |
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R1stu Shrek!
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Posted: 18:27 - 24 Jan 2019 Post subject: |
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A bit of both, I can't be a father to my kids, and I really want to be in their lives but cant.
She is the parent but she hates being an adult. she uses being left by her ex with 3 kids as her reason.
She couldn't cope and pretty much left them to it, the second 2 coped way better and are a lot more responsible and both are managers at maccers. ____________________ Carbon closet tart! https://www.bikepics.com/members/r6stuk/02r6/
Stolen bike. 2000 R1: https://www.bikepics.com/members/r6stuk/00r1/
Current bike 1991 Honda ST1100 Pan European, 1986 Honda cb350sg (Finished) |
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Baffler186 |
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Baffler186 World Chat Champion
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dransy |
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dransy World Chat Champion
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MCN |
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MCN Super Spammer
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Baffler186 |
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Baffler186 World Chat Champion
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Polarbear |
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c_dug |
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c_dug Super Spammer
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Old Thread Alert!
The last post was made 5 years, 86 days ago. Instead of replying here, would creating a new thread be more useful? |
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