Problems with Stepson

Baffler186 · World Chat Champion Joined: 31 May 2013 Karma :

I had the same with my ex wife and stepdaughter. Your GF is basically allowing your stepson to steal, and not acting on it. Worse still, she doesn't mind that you are losing out either. Those are the facts. She can't defend her son and expect other people to suffer for his actions.

How well are you two with speaking frankly to each other? Because you need to do it, and soon. And you need to be prepared for what you're going to do if she keeps up with the "he can't help it, he's disabled" routine. Sorry to be harsh but you have to think about yourself too.
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Skudd · Super Spammer Joined: 01 Oct 2006 Karma :

I don't call my wife's lads my stepsons as they already have a Dad and don't see me as a father figure so therefor I haven't any Stepchildren. I also refuse to allow my ex wife to call that sniveling little shit a Stepfather to my kids, the shit couldn't be a proper father to his own bastard thieving drog end children, so he could never do the same to my children.

Anyway got side tracked there, if the lad has taken money then he needs to repay that money. Don't let the issue get between you and your wife as you need to show a united front. also he will fly the nest one day and you will still want to be with your wife.

Start with little things, one locked cupboard, proper hasp and clasp on it, on full show with things like your cash money tin that you are saving, luxury biscuits, any or all alcohol. Tins of beans and sausage, that sort of thing. Don't make a BIG thing of it just make it a thing. If you go out, lock stuff in it, maybe the TV remote or the last of the bread. Keep the other cupboards as bare as possible. Same for your bedroom, keep a locked draw in there with personal stuff in. When you go on holiday put a lock on the bedroom door, in fact put two, one top and the other at the bottom of the door, that way no accidental braking of the locks can happen.

Be subtle, only fish and chips for you and your wife, just make meals for you two and let him get his own, same with clothes and bed linen, just do your own and let his pile up. (the washing powder can go in the locked cupboard too) He may soon get the message.
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Robby · Dirty Old Man Joined: 16 May 2002 Karma :

To counter the collection of threads that are edging ever close to corporal punishment, he may also need some help.

I accept that he's a manipulative little cumstain, but he may also be a manipulative little cumstain with no idea of how to behave or how to take care of himself. If you kick him out, or he has a tantrum and runs away from home, the long term consequences are going to be worse. The story has "vulnerable junkie" written all over it.

So you can't do the punishment thing, that's clearly her territory, even if she isn't doing it. You can still teach him how to be a man. Teach him how to service the bike before you sell it. That way he might learn something, and get a connection with the bike. Should mean it resonates a bit more with him when he watches the new owner ride away on it.

In short, although he may be 22, it sounds like you need to act as if he's 14, but without being a cunt about it.

Skudd · Super Spammer Joined: 01 Oct 2006 Karma :

25yrs old seems to be the new 15yrs old. Bloody Snowflakes.
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Famous last words of Humpty Dumpty. " Stop pushing me "
Petty Anarchists look at "1984".............. The Visionary looks at "Animal Farm".

Lord Percy · World Chat Champion Joined: 03 Aug 2012 Karma :

Polarbear · Super Spammer Joined: 24 Feb 2007 Karma :

So he doesn't suffer from what I posted earlier, IJAC?

I think he does.

A few kickings should sort him out. Thumbs Up

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R1stu · Shrek! Joined: 12 Mar 2003 Karma :

Update:

Waiting to see if he's paid the fine as he promised on Monday. He is also doing drugs, but only weed, and who hasn't at that age?

He's blaming the death of his nan, and the other nan being put into a home, he refuses medical help because he doesn't want to be that person.

He says he's moving out, but his mates have a spare room, but they don't want him living with them, which has to say something!

I've been in their lives, home longer than their biological father. He walked out when eldest was 8, I've been there 8 years.

He said he is trying to change, but let's see. We asked him to put the rubbish out, and empty all the bins, but still, all the bathroom bins are full (1 for over a month now I refuse to back down!) and all the cardboard is still on the step.

If told my girlfriend if things have not improved by the time we get back from holiday, I will be leaving.
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Pete. · Super Spammer Joined: 22 Aug 2006 Karma :

I would stick him out on his ear right now without a moment's hesitation. 22 and stealing holiday money. GTFO.
You should have reported the first theft to the law, or if not that then certainly the second theft. If this situation escalates and the mother takes his part you might end up on the wrong side of a cell door one day. You might as well pay the SORN fine because he won't and it'll keep doubling-up when the bailiffs get involved and that will reflect on your future credit rating too since he's at your address.
Playing who blinks first with the rubbish bins is folly because you're empowering him with your example of how to deal with that. You won't back down, he won't back down - he's going to be fine with that and he'll know that it's eating away at you. Empty the bin and find a more subtle way of letting him know who is boss.
You've been there 8 years and he's 22 so he was 14 when you first arrived. 8 years isn't enough for you to establish enough of a judgement of his character to see how being guarantor for the finance on his scooter was going to pan out?

I suspect you have a few more surprises to come yet.
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Baffler186 · World Chat Champion Joined: 31 May 2013 Karma :

R1stu · Shrek! Joined: 12 Mar 2003 Karma :

A bit of both, I can't be a father to my kids, and I really want to be in their lives but cant.

She is the parent but she hates being an adult. she uses being left by her ex with 3 kids as her reason.

She couldn't cope and pretty much left them to it, the second 2 coped way better and are a lot more responsible and both are managers at maccers.
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Stolen bike. 2000 R1: https://www.bikepics.com/members/r6stuk/00r1/
Current bike 1991 Honda ST1100 Pan European, 1986 Honda cb350sg (Finished)

Baffler186 · World Chat Champion Joined: 31 May 2013 Karma :

Just make sure you are leaving for the right reasons and it's all square in your head. It broke my heart when i had to leave my wife and son, but i would have gone downhill quickly if i had stayed. Your kids will be ok if you and the Mrs both behave like adults and are civil to each other. But life goes on. Just be sure what you stand to lose and what you can potentially gain.

But who knows, your gf might turn things around. I hope she does
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dransy · World Chat Champion Joined: 04 May 2005 Karma :

Just keep your money in your pocket ? Done
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Baffler186 · World Chat Champion Joined: 31 May 2013 Karma :

It's certainly cards on the table time. Make sure you speak frankly and honestly. You have nothing to lose. If she respects your feelings and concerns then there is every chance it could work. If nothing changes then you know what to do. Some people, like my ex, are not capable of change and you need to put your own happiness first and find someone where life will be simple and enjoyable.
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Polarbear · Super Spammer Joined: 24 Feb 2007 Karma :

Don't end up being a doormat in the hope everything will turn out OK if you don't cause waves.

Pick your lines, make them clear and stand by them.

Once you lose their respect, either woman or son, you are stuffed, they'll walk all over you.
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c_dug · Super Spammer Joined: 04 Sep 2007 Karma :