|
Author |
Message |
andym |
This post is not being displayed .
|
andym World Chat Champion
Joined: 16 Nov 2010 Karma :
|
|
Back to top |
|
You must be logged in to rate posts |
|
|
Raffles |
This post is not being displayed .
|
Raffles World Chat Champion
Joined: 14 Apr 2009 Karma :
|
|
Back to top |
|
You must be logged in to rate posts |
|
|
iooi |
This post is not being displayed .
|
iooi Super Spammer
Joined: 14 Jan 2007 Karma :
|
|
Back to top |
|
You must be logged in to rate posts |
|
|
Pete. |
This post is not being displayed .
|
Pete. Super Spammer
Joined: 22 Aug 2006 Karma :
|
Posted: 23:41 - 04 Feb 2019 Post subject: |
|
|
Once you've confirmed 100% that you have the kids and the address is right, give the details to your sister so she can write them a letter and then both of you leave it there. ____________________ a.k.a 'Geri'
132.9mph off and walked away. Gear is good, gear is good, gear is very very good |
|
Back to top |
|
You must be logged in to rate posts |
|
|
Riejufixing |
This post is not being displayed .
|
Riejufixing World Chat Champion
Joined: 24 Jun 2018 Karma :
|
|
Back to top |
|
You must be logged in to rate posts |
|
|
Diggs |
This post is not being displayed .
|
Diggs World Chat Champion
Joined: 03 Apr 2007 Karma :
|
Posted: 08:53 - 05 Feb 2019 Post subject: |
|
|
The kids might not know that they are adopted. Imagine the damage finding out could do... If they don't know, their adoptive parents need to be given the chance to tell them first, but I can't see that being an easy conversation... ____________________ Now - Speed Triple, old ratty GS550, GSXR750M
Gone (in order of ownership) - Raleigh Runabout, AP50, KH125, GP125, KH250, CBX550, Z400, CB750FII, 250LC, GS550, ZXR750H1, Guzzi Targa, GSX750F, KH250 x2, Bimota SB6R and counting... |
|
Back to top |
|
You must be logged in to rate posts |
|
|
pepperami |
This post is not being displayed .
|
pepperami Super Spammer
Joined: 17 Jan 2010 Karma :
|
|
Back to top |
|
You must be logged in to rate posts |
|
|
Ste |
This post is not being displayed .
|
Ste Not Work Safe
Joined: 01 Sep 2002 Karma :
|
|
Back to top |
|
You must be logged in to rate posts |
|
|
Polarbear |
This post is not being displayed .
|
Polarbear Super Spammer
Joined: 24 Feb 2007 Karma :
|
|
Back to top |
|
You must be logged in to rate posts |
|
|
R1stu |
This post is not being displayed .
|
R1stu Shrek!
Joined: 12 Mar 2003 Karma :
|
Posted: 13:36 - 05 Feb 2019 Post subject: |
|
|
Almost the exact same thing happened to me just before Xmas.
I had 2 sisters I never met. they were taken away from my mother by her parents when they were around 4 and 2 as my mum and their dad was only 15-16 at the time.
They were adopted and moved eventually I found out to Swindon!
Anyway, for the last 5 years or so, they have been trying to track us down and managed to find us just before Xmas. Mum died about 5 years ago so never got a chance to meet them.
I was told by my cousin, that they found my auntie and cousins in Scotland and met them, and she then told them they have a brother. They weren't sure if I knew about them, or even if I wanted to meet them.
I wasnt sure how I felt when she first told me, as I was never sure what my mum said half the time was true or not, and never expected to see them at all.
But I told her I did, and they then added me to facebook as friends, and we started chatting.
We have met up now, and the youngest is a spit of mum, and I almost lost it when I saw her, as it was like seeing a ghost, but I am glad I did.
We chat online now and have arranged a family get together in the summer to give mum a send-off.
If they are found, I would advise making contact first and then ask if they want to meet or talk to their mum, at least then they are not backed into a corner and can at least take some time to digest the situation. ____________________ Carbon closet tart! https://www.bikepics.com/members/r6stuk/02r6/
Stolen bike. 2000 R1: https://www.bikepics.com/members/r6stuk/00r1/
Current bike 1991 Honda ST1100 Pan European, 1986 Honda cb350sg (Finished) |
|
Back to top |
|
You must be logged in to rate posts |
|
|
The Shaggy D.A. |
This post is not being displayed .
|
The Shaggy D.A. Super Spammer
Joined: 12 Sep 2008 Karma :
|
|
Back to top |
|
You must be logged in to rate posts |
|
|
Riejufixing |
This post is not being displayed .
|
Riejufixing World Chat Champion
Joined: 24 Jun 2018 Karma :
|
Posted: 17:56 - 05 Feb 2019 Post subject: |
|
|
The Shaggy D.A. wrote: | As Polar has said, we can't advise without knowing the facts. |
That's why the relevant adoption agency should act as intermediary to find out what the facts are, and lay the groundwork. It's what they are for. They should be used.
A quick poke around shows an example from sfcs.org.uk:
"Support for birth families
It was once the case that adults who were adopted as children were able to find out little about their birth families.
Likewise, birth families often thought that they could discover very little about what happened to the child who was adopted.
With the implementation of the Adoption and Children’s Act 2002, birth relatives now have a right to request information.
If your child was adopted through St. Francis’ Children’s Society, the first step is to contact us and we can confirm whether we hold the relevant records.
If we do hold the records relating to your child’s adoption, you can make a formal application to trace your birth children through us, as long as they are over 18 and no restrictions have been placed on your contact."
There's also the concomitant statement:
"Adopted Adults – Your Rights
What if I don’t want any contact with my birth relatives?
If, as an adopted adult, you don’t want to have any contact with your birth family, you can make that choice. You can formally request an absolute or qualified veto with the appropriate adoption agency.
Where a veto is registered, the adoption agency would advise any intermediary agency that a veto is in place if they were contacted. In such a case, your name and identifying information will be kept confidential and not be given to your birth relatives." |
|
Back to top |
|
You must be logged in to rate posts |
|
|
andym |
This post is not being displayed .
|
andym World Chat Champion
Joined: 16 Nov 2010 Karma :
|
Posted: 19:15 - 05 Feb 2019 Post subject: |
|
|
Been working today so couldn't check this.
Reijufixing: When I moved back to Glasgow I contacted social services to see if they could help, because I wasn't immediate family they told me nothing (about 5 years ago), and unless I wanted to spend a couple of grand or register here there and everywhere in the hopes that they registered too then there was nothing I could do. My sister contacted social services and a few other organisations and was told most of the same stuff, but she had her address and phone number taken by social services then told that they would not pass the information on unless her kids contacted them and asked for it
She's been trying for the past 4 years to find them.
The kids were taken away about 20 years ago, but the dad kept in contact for a few years, until he split up with his new girlfriend then he lost interest in them.... the last photo (and the only photo I've ever seen since they were taken), was when they were between 10-12 (oldest) as it's hard to tell the age from the photo. Also if either of them has applied for a driving license then they will have noticed their birth name is different.
Anyway, I was contacted by the person that provided the address, it turns out the kids don't live there any more, but they are almost positive they have found one of them (same names and date of birth). As for just passing the details on to my sister, I know what she's like... if for example this contact gets back to me and says something like they don't want to know their real family, then as far as I'm concerned that's the end of it..... she wouldn't accept that.
Even if it turns out they are both found, they've probably had a fairly decent upbringing.... do they really need to know their mum is a washed out old junkie? |
|
Back to top |
|
You must be logged in to rate posts |
|
|
sickpup |
This post is not being displayed .
|
sickpup Old Timer
Joined: 21 Apr 2004 Karma :
|
|
Back to top |
|
You must be logged in to rate posts |
|
|
M.C |
This post is not being displayed .
|
M.C Super Spammer
Joined: 29 Sep 2015 Karma :
|
Posted: 19:26 - 05 Feb 2019 Post subject: |
|
|
It depends on the person, a pal met their dad for the first time when they were 18, it isn't personally something I'd be interested in doing and I've heard adopted people say the same thing. Also it was what he wanted, this sounds like it's for your sister, and if she's likely to be a negative influence on them I'd just let them get on with their lives as harsh as that sounds |
|
Back to top |
|
You must be logged in to rate posts |
|
|
andym |
This post is not being displayed .
|
andym World Chat Champion
Joined: 16 Nov 2010 Karma :
|
Posted: 19:50 - 05 Feb 2019 Post subject: Re: tracking down family... |
|
|
Polarbear wrote: | andym wrote: | Do I tell them I'm the reason they were taken from their mother? |
I think that bit needs elucidating on to make an informed response to your question. |
This is one of them "what if.." cases. It's something I've felt guilty about since that night 20 years ago... was I right or was I wrong kind of things.
About 20 years ago my sister was an alcoholic and probably a junkie by that point. On the day in question she had a massive fight with her boyfriend and threw him out (end of relationship), he'd asked me if I could go and check on the kids about 7pm that evening because he was worried about the state of her, I agreed.
I went round to hers just before 7 and knocked on the door, no answer. So I knocked again a bit louder and still got no answer, just as I was about to leave the oldest kid comes to the back of the door and says something about his mum not being in and he's scared. I calmed him down as best I could from the other side of the door, I explained I was going to leave for a bit, but I would be back.
I ran to the police station and explained to them and they said to go back and wait, about 2 hours later the police still hadn't shown up and the oldest was bawling his eyes out by that point. I told him to go to the living room as I was going to try getting in the door.... after about 10 minutes I'd only managed to hurt my shoulder and leg, and attract the attention of the next door neighbour... but still no police.
About 20 minutes later there was still no sign of the police and both kids were crying by this point, so I decided to climb up the 4 floors and break in through 1 of the windows, again I explained to the kid what I was going to do and to stay well away from all the windows. 5 minutes later I was inside.
There wasn't a single light on in the house, there was a clothes horse fully loaded less than a foot from an electric fire with all 3 bars lit.
I managed to calm the kids down eventually and waited for the police to arrive. Almost 2 hours after all this there was a knock on the door, finally the police arrived, I explained the situation through the letterbox and they said that I would probably be arrested for breaking in, I said I was concerned for the childrens safety etc.
Anyway, eventually my sister turned up completely shit faced and didn't have a clue what was happening.... he excuse was she'd gone out about 5pm to get some takeaway (it was after midnight by this point), social services were there at this point and said they were taking the kids in to care there and then..... she just shrugged basically.
The kids came to live at my parents the next night, and because their place is a complete shit hole, social services removed them from there.... and I've never seen them again.
So, in that kind of situation, what would you have done? |
|
Back to top |
|
You must be logged in to rate posts |
|
|
trevor saxe-coburg-gotha |
This post is not being displayed .
|
trevor saxe-coburg-gotha World Chat Champion
Joined: 22 Nov 2012 Karma :
|
|
Back to top |
|
You must be logged in to rate posts |
|
|
Riejufixing |
This post is not being displayed .
|
Riejufixing World Chat Champion
Joined: 24 Jun 2018 Karma :
|
Posted: 22:32 - 05 Feb 2019 Post subject: |
|
|
andym wrote: | Reijufixing: When I moved back to Glasgow I contacted social services to see if they could help, because I wasn't immediate family they told me nothing (about 5 years ago), and unless I wanted to spend a couple of grand or register here there and everywhere in the hopes that they registered too then there was nothing I could do. My sister contacted social services and a few other organisations and was told most of the same stuff, but she had her address and phone number taken by social services then told that they would not pass the information on unless her kids contacted them and asked for it
She's been trying for the past 4 years to find them. |
Hi, I'm afraid I have a healthy disregard for the capabilities of the SS. I think the same Act as mentioned above applies to Scotland, so I'd still ask an adoption agency, even if it's just for advice on how your sister should proceed, the agency should know the law better than the SS as well as what's possible.
Perhaps this could also be a good start point:
https://www.nrscotland.gov.uk/research/guides/adoption-records
There are pointers to other agencies, and general advice. It might be worth her/you just seeing what can be done, I don't think such advice costs.
Whether they'd want to know, or what might happen if they met or whatever seems a bit of an emotional minefield. Um.
EDIT: I tend to agree with Trevor Hyphen-Hyphen. Circumstances change, as do people, but taking care is still nice |
|
Back to top |
|
You must be logged in to rate posts |
|
|
MCN |
This post is not being displayed .
|
MCN Super Spammer
Joined: 22 Jul 2015 Karma :
|
Posted: 00:43 - 06 Feb 2019 Post subject: |
|
|
Andym, you did the responsible thing and possibly saved you sister's kids from worse.
Sorry but I wouldn't know where to start on a search.
My 2p.
Private Detectives usually offer a first consultation free.
They are usually ex-police who know the 'system'.
Maybe of some use. Maybe useless too.
I had to set a PI on someone years ago.
It did get some results but not a conclusion in that case.
I was looking for someone who did not want to be found though.
It's different looking for someone who is not actively hiding.
And you said there are two which is 100% better odds than looking for one person.
Good luck. ____________________ Disclaimer: The comments above may be predicted text and not necessarily the opinion of MCN. |
|
Back to top |
|
You must be logged in to rate posts |
|
|
Polarbear |
This post is not being displayed .
|
Polarbear Super Spammer
Joined: 24 Feb 2007 Karma :
|
Posted: 01:07 - 06 Feb 2019 Post subject: |
|
|
I have no idea what I would do in your situation but I would hope something like you did. ____________________ Triumph Trophy Launch Edition |
|
Back to top |
|
You must be logged in to rate posts |
|
|
WD Forte |
This post is not being displayed .
|
WD Forte World Chat Champion
Joined: 17 Jun 2010 Karma :
|
|
Back to top |
|
You must be logged in to rate posts |
|
|
King29 |
This post is not being displayed .
|
King29 World Chat Champion
Joined: 18 Oct 2017 Karma :
|
|
Back to top |
|
You must be logged in to rate posts |
|
|
Freddyfruitba... |
This post is not being displayed .
|
Freddyfruitba... World Chat Champion
Joined: 20 May 2016 Karma :
|
|
Back to top |
|
You must be logged in to rate posts |
|
|
Bhud |
This post is not being displayed .
|
Bhud World Chat Champion
Joined: 11 Oct 2018 Karma :
|
|
Back to top |
|
You must be logged in to rate posts |
|
|
Old Thread Alert!
The last post was made 5 years, 80 days ago. Instead of replying here, would creating a new thread be more useful? |
|
|
|