Bhinso

[MCN]

[chris-red]

Personally alcohol and anxiety is a terrible mix. I was really bad end of last year and it is something I have never had before. I was fine while drinking but the next day was always a nightmare.

I'm not an expert and I don't want to judge and compare but I think I had it pretty bad. I'll go into my experiences and how I sorted myself out mostly. I had never had anxiety until Autumn 2018

Several weeks of throwing up pretty much every morning and when I had an bad attack often minutes later I was on the shitter with the world falling out of my arse and vomiting into the bath at the same time.

I once burst into tears just coming out the Limehouse Link and was proper bawling the entire length of Commercial Street, I had no idea what to do I saw a police car and was going to flag them down and get them to help me because I had no idea what the fuck to do. Anxiety attacks make you stupid, it drains blood from the brain, as sends it to the muscles for fight or flight.

A few times I considered throwing myself down the stairs or walking into traffic not to kill myself but to give me something else (valid) to worry about. I randomly burst into tears several times, and once called samaritans because I had no idea what to too I was in bed crying and shaking so much for no apparent reason.

The window on my Scooby wasn't working properly I took it to a specialist to have a look and he had a look and said something like "hmm I'm not sure why that is doing that." About 20 seconds later I was throwing up, it was as if he had told me the car was scrap. I felt like I would never get better, and did actually for the first time in my life vaguely considered that I would kill myself if it carried on.

The maddest thing for me about anxiety is that when I was bad I would wake up anxious. I'll open my eyes and the first feeling is anxiety. I do not under how it is possible to wake up anxious, but it is!

I was very fortunate I had AMAZING support, My friends, family, doctor, fiancee and my work were all phenomenal. Work let me do what I wanted while I was getting better with regard to working from home/sick days they also provided me with counselling via an Employee Assistance Program.

I have subsequently found out there is a phone line called No Panic, that can help you better than the samaritans if you are really not in a good way. Not bashing the Sams at all, the lady i spoke to did help me but it isn't really what they are meant for. https://www.nopanic.org.uk/

Through counselling, friends and family, and just life getting better I'm almost back to normal. I'm not convinced I'll ever be back to how I was before it really is a life changing experience.

My Top Tips...

Talk to people, I was very open and spoke to pretty much everyone about it and never had a bad response.

You aren't alone, I reckon 1/4 ish of the people I spoke to about it told me they had had similar experiences. In my close friendship group of 12 people (guys I've known a minimum of 15 years) I sent a message out on Whatsapp letting them know I was in a bad way and might have been a little weird recently. 2 of them privately messaged me to say they had had the same issue.

No Booze, Hangovers were awful for me, the depressive effect of alcohol may be very prone to bad attacks.

Get 'proper' help, see a doctor/counsellor for me they made me a lot better.

Tell your work, mines were incredibly supportive. The day I burst into tears on my bike was when I was going into work. I got in told my boss I was fucked up, emailed HR asking for a meeting and went and met a mate who talked to me for a few hours. Went back to work and had the meeting the lady from HR was lovely, told me not to worry about anything, have as much time off as I needed see the doctor and all the EAP (which I was unaware of). She even offered to put me in a cab to get home. I called the EAP and the lady chatted with me told me some coping techniques and I had a counsellor session booked a few days later.

Distractions, when I was very bad the one light I remember was when I went to the pub with my missus, we each had a pint and did the puzzle page of the independent it was bliss, it was probably the first hour in weeks I hadn't felt awful. I also downloaded loads of Stupid phone games. I'm still playing 'Harry Potter Hogwarts Mystery' I'd bury myself in them.

Going through this has made me a nicer person to strangers. When I was at my worst it was crazy how much better I felt interacting with someone that was nice. A stranger being friendly to me gave me a feeling akin to winning £50 on a scratchcard.
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Well, you know what they say. If you want to save the world, you have to push a few old ladies down the stairs.
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