Resend my activation email : Register : Log in 
BCF: Bike Chat Forums


Todays - What grinds my gears

Reply to topic
Bike Chat Forums Index -> Dear Auntie BCF... Goto page Previous  1, 2, 3 ... 584, 585, 586, 587, 588  Next
View previous topic : View next topic  
Author Message

hellkat
Super Spammer



Joined: 12 Jul 2004
Karma :

PostPosted: 13:05 - 23 May 2020    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yea I had cause to do one something like that, about a year ago: applied to a sort of training course thing, for which you had to have fairly hefty vetting, i.e., more than just a garden or variety DLB check, which I always pass with flying colours (of course).

They wanted to know my previous partners, and when I listed them (the last three, anyway) I was like "Fuuuuuuuuu" ... they all had police records and history of varying degrees, including the one which I had had arrested for assault (upon me) but all three were "fairly well known" to police forces here and, erm, abroad Laughing

So I just winged it and wrote something in the "supporting statement" which basically amounted to "Guys, don't judge. I'm a nice girl really" Laughing
____________________
Not nearly as interesting in real life.
 Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail You must be logged in to rate posts

Paddy.
Red Rocket



Joined: 14 Feb 2008
Karma :

PostPosted: 13:09 - 23 May 2020    Post subject: Reply with quote

hellkat wrote:
Oh, yes. And apparently the sinister fiend has now dumped me because I did not keep 2m distance from the MOT man.

Either way, single girl again.


Bullet dodged, sounds like a prick Laughing
____________________
Current ride : Suzuki GSXR1000 L0 My biking history so far
Rogerborg wrote: Whole life care for a VTR full of quadraspazzed Darrryls and Shoniq'uas cost mad dollah.
 Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail You must be logged in to rate posts

Easy-X
World Chat Champion



Joined: 08 Mar 2019
Karma :

PostPosted: 13:21 - 23 May 2020    Post subject: Reply with quote

Talking of bullets [tenuous segue] the other day my wife came back flustered "there's police all round Nonna's flats!" and "apparently someone got shot in the side alley and the gunman's still on the loose!" etc.

Turns out it was just a drugs raid. No one got shot, no guns found at the scene.

Where did she hear this fanciful tale? Kid next door who heard it from their mate who heard it from... you catch the drift. The tragic combination of fantasy and social media. Lies delivered in moments Sad

What would be nice is if someone traced it all back and, for every embellishment or lie added to the story, that person got a slap. My wife would be fine (naturally) as she repeated the story verbatim. Whomever added "...and his brains were all splattered over the alleyway!" would get a good kicking Evil or Very Mad
____________________
Yamaha DT175 (WIP) Honda Rebel, Suzuki SV650 (loan) Fazer 600, Keeway Superlight 125, 50cc turd scooter,
 Back to top
View user's profile Send private message You must be logged in to rate posts

hellkat
Super Spammer



Joined: 12 Jul 2004
Karma :

PostPosted: 13:24 - 23 May 2020    Post subject: Reply with quote

Paddy. wrote:

Bullet dodged, sounds like a prick Laughing

Nah, he was alright, actually Sad
Well, maybe. Promising, perhaps was a better word.
Oh well.
Onwards and upwards.
____________________
Not nearly as interesting in real life.
 Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail You must be logged in to rate posts

hellkat
Super Spammer



Joined: 12 Jul 2004
Karma :

PostPosted: 16:59 - 23 May 2020    Post subject: Reply with quote

Easy-X wrote:
Talking of bullets [tenuous segue] the other day my wife came back flustered "there's police all round Nonna's flats!" and "apparently someone got shot in the side alley and the gunman's still on the loose!" etc.

Turns out it was just a drugs raid. No one got shot, no guns found at the scene.

Where did she hear this fanciful tale? Kid next door who heard it from their mate who heard it from... you catch the drift. The tragic combination of fantasy and social media. Lies delivered in moments Sad

What would be nice is if someone traced it all back and, for every embellishment or lie added to the story, that person got a slap. My wife would be fine (naturally) as she repeated the story verbatim. Whomever added "...and his brains were all splattered over the alleyway!" would get a good kicking Evil or Very Mad


"Nonna" ?
That's a very mediterranean sort of nomenclature.

Are you sure his brains weren't splattered all over the contract?
Oh wait. They did the horses head thing instead?
____________________
Not nearly as interesting in real life.
 Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail You must be logged in to rate posts

hellkat
Super Spammer



Joined: 12 Jul 2004
Karma :

PostPosted: 17:04 - 23 May 2020    Post subject: Reply with quote

I have decided to celebrate being dumped by smoking the rest of the "Dead Man Walking" and bingewatching Netflix until 2am Tuesday morning.

Better get in some custard and Soleros*, just to be on the safe side.

Happy days.





*Soleroes/Solero's Question Laughing
____________________
Not nearly as interesting in real life.
 Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail You must be logged in to rate posts

Kawasaki Jimbo
World Chat Champion



Joined: 09 Oct 2015
Karma :

PostPosted: 18:29 - 23 May 2020    Post subject: Reply with quote

Negative (1-star) Amazon reviews which it turns out aren't even talking about the same item on sale. I don't know how that happens but I've seen or suspected it quite often.
Quote:
Crap Yamaha subwoofer! No track playing information shows on screen of subwoofer. i pod will not fit safely and securely in i pod socket.

There was no screen or iPod connection. Idiots!
 Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail You must be logged in to rate posts

Riejufixing
World Chat Champion



Joined: 24 Jun 2018
Karma :

PostPosted: 20:50 - 23 May 2020    Post subject: Reply with quote

I have been getting ready to my dinner, which I am looking forward to, but I have exploded some chicken in curry sauce in the microwave. Bother.
 Back to top
View user's profile Send private message You must be logged in to rate posts

stinkwheel
Bovine Proctologist



Joined: 12 Jul 2004
Karma :

PostPosted: 21:02 - 23 May 2020    Post subject: Reply with quote

Minor one but it did annoy me slightly. Went to shoot a sheep today with a captive bolt stunner. There are different grades of percussion cap for these, the bigger the animal, the more grains of explosive you need. They are colour coded.

Anyway, for a sheep, you just need the small ones, 1.25 grain. They have a pink top. Relatively small pop and the job is done.

Shot the sheep. Oohyah fucker! Whole hand is dinging, super loud bang. Nearly dropped the stunner which recoiled like a frigging jackhammer. Was actually a 4 grain red top which you'd use for a bull. You also usually use them in a different stunner which is more heavy-duty. (a 9mm handgun will use a 4 grain charge).

It's not unmanageable but damn was it unexpected!

Who the hell decided on these colours? I mean, I'm not colour blind but the difference between a dab or red and pink paint on brass? Or if you're going to do that, why not make them sequential rather than the least and most powerful you can fire from that stunner?

Would have been worse if I'd tried to shoot a bull with a pink top I suppose. Shocked
____________________
“Rule one: Always stick around for one more drink. That's when things happen. That's when you find out everything you want to know.
I did the 2010 Round Britain Rally on my 350 Bullet. 89 landmarks, 3 months, 9,500 miles.
 Back to top
View user's profile Send private message You must be logged in to rate posts

Easy-X
World Chat Champion



Joined: 08 Mar 2019
Karma :

PostPosted: 21:12 - 23 May 2020    Post subject: Reply with quote

hellkat wrote:
"Nonna" ?
That's a very mediterranean sort of nomenclature.


She's 98 and a great-great-grandmother... you start running out of titles at that point and just flap about and grab what you can!
____________________
Yamaha DT175 (WIP) Honda Rebel, Suzuki SV650 (loan) Fazer 600, Keeway Superlight 125, 50cc turd scooter,
 Back to top
View user's profile Send private message You must be logged in to rate posts

Easy-X
World Chat Champion



Joined: 08 Mar 2019
Karma :

PostPosted: 21:30 - 23 May 2020    Post subject: Reply with quote

So not me but the wife this evening...

Drug dealers in a (not, as it's BMW) Mini looking pretty obvious parked up on the road outside. Bloke pulls up in a silver car who only fecking lives 6 doors down WTF you lazy sod, get your daily exercise, WTF, dude!

Anyhoo, deal done they sling their rubbish out of the window. Drug dealing is one thing but my wife lost her shit at this point. (BTW, Mini sounded like a box of spanners as it sped away.)

Moments later the neighbour pulls up to another Mini 10 yards away and waits... and waits... and... then he's on his phone (dark enough to see the screen light up from our front window.)

"That's not the drug dealers' car you fucking moron!" [it's another neighbours car, been parked there all day]

Guy's obvious already off his tits. Mini (box of spanners) returns, another drug deal done and the world returns to normal....

NOPE! My wife has gone to the extra effort of making a big banner with "Please do drug deals outside your own house and here's the rubbish your dealers left" which she is just about to pin under the windscreen wipers of the silver car that's just up the road.

Discretion, the word for today is Discretion.
____________________
Yamaha DT175 (WIP) Honda Rebel, Suzuki SV650 (loan) Fazer 600, Keeway Superlight 125, 50cc turd scooter,
 Back to top
View user's profile Send private message You must be logged in to rate posts

Riejufixing
World Chat Champion



Joined: 24 Jun 2018
Karma :

PostPosted: 23:18 - 23 May 2020    Post subject: Reply with quote

My [CENSORED] bank [CENSORED] card [CENSORED] expired at the end of last [CENSORED] month and, [CENSORED] it, I didn't [CENSORED] well notice and now there are [CENSORED] consequences, OH [CENSORED] IT, and [CENSORED] it again!

SIDEWAYS!
 Back to top
View user's profile Send private message You must be logged in to rate posts
JackButler This post is not being displayed because it has a low rating (Abusive). Unhide this post / all posts.

stinkwheel
Bovine Proctologist



Joined: 12 Jul 2004
Karma :

PostPosted: 01:22 - 24 May 2020    Post subject: Reply with quote

JackButler wrote:
OK, so we been 'outed' as non furzday night clappers. It has hit the village website that there is a distinct lack of clapping from our direction on furzday nights at approx 8pm.

P'raps I should let a few whizzbang fireworks (or even my shotgun) off outside the 'snivelling left wing scums' window at the 4am I have to be up???


Here's an idea. Go out on a Thursday night and clap for someone/something else.
____________________
“Rule one: Always stick around for one more drink. That's when things happen. That's when you find out everything you want to know.
I did the 2010 Round Britain Rally on my 350 Bullet. 89 landmarks, 3 months, 9,500 miles.
 Back to top
View user's profile Send private message You must be logged in to rate posts

BigTim
Nova Slayer



Joined: 29 Sep 2017
Karma :

PostPosted: 10:11 - 24 May 2020    Post subject: Reply with quote

doggone wrote:
BigTim wrote:


For clarity: I didn't fuck a lorry driver even during my experimental stage!

You forgot that night on the B2761 layby then? Wub


Fuck 'em and forget 'em, cos I'm a biker ain't I!
____________________
[s]MZ S50B[/s], [s]Suzuki GP100[/s], Time passed, Honda CBF1000, Honda Blackbird (I like my Blackbird)
 Back to top
View user's profile Send private message You must be logged in to rate posts

BigTim
Nova Slayer



Joined: 29 Sep 2017
Karma :

PostPosted: 10:18 - 24 May 2020    Post subject: Reply with quote

:[/quote]

I remember , I was hiding in the bushes watching Eh? Pale[/quote]

Watching and Waiting but lacking the confidence to join in, so you had a wank instead?

Perhaps you should post this in Best n worst one night stand thread? Very Happy
____________________
[s]MZ S50B[/s], [s]Suzuki GP100[/s], Time passed, Honda CBF1000, Honda Blackbird (I like my Blackbird)
 Back to top
View user's profile Send private message You must be logged in to rate posts

Islander
World Chat Champion



Joined: 05 Aug 2012
Karma :

PostPosted: 11:34 - 24 May 2020    Post subject: Reply with quote

Riejufixing wrote:
My [CENSORED] bank [CENSORED] card [CENSORED] expired at the end of last [CENSORED] month and, [CENSORED] it, I didn't [CENSORED] well notice and now there are [CENSORED] consequences, OH [CENSORED] IT, and [CENSORED] it again!

SIDEWAYS!


Having a bad week are you? Laughing
 Back to top
View user's profile Send private message You must be logged in to rate posts

hellkat
Super Spammer



Joined: 12 Jul 2004
Karma :

PostPosted: 11:43 - 24 May 2020    Post subject: Reply with quote

Poor Reijubobbins. Laughing
Hopefully you got it all sorted out, geezer.
____________________
Not nearly as interesting in real life.
 Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail You must be logged in to rate posts
JackButler This post is not being displayed because it has a low rating (Abusive). Unhide this post / all posts.

Jewlio Rides Again LLB
World Chat Champion



Joined: 06 Oct 2015
Karma :

PostPosted: 18:26 - 24 May 2020    Post subject: Reply with quote

JackButler wrote:
You really do have a problem with being identified as "snivelling left wing scum" don't you?

What part of it hurts your feelings, is it the "snivelling", the "left wing", or the "scum" part of it???


Eh?
____________________
Mpd72: I can categorically say i’m Brighter than that, no matter how I come across on here.
HAHAHA HAHAHA Blew Chilly MyCrowSystems
 Back to top
View user's profile Send private message You must be logged in to rate posts

Paddy.
Red Rocket



Joined: 14 Feb 2008
Karma :

PostPosted: 22:43 - 24 May 2020    Post subject: Reply with quote

JackButler wrote:
OK, so we been 'outed' as non furzday night clappers. It has hit the village website that there is a distinct lack of clapping from our direction on furzday nights at approx 8pm.

P'raps I should let a few whizzbang fireworks (or even my shotgun) off outside the 'snivelling left wing scums' window at the 4am I have to be up???


Poor baby all cry cry. Get back in the bin you've been hiding in the last few weeks you miserable cunt. Laughing
____________________
Current ride : Suzuki GSXR1000 L0 My biking history so far
Rogerborg wrote: Whole life care for a VTR full of quadraspazzed Darrryls and Shoniq'uas cost mad dollah.
 Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail You must be logged in to rate posts

MilfHunter
Renault 5 Driver



Joined: 15 May 2020
Karma :

PostPosted: 10:44 - 25 May 2020    Post subject: Reply with quote

Banned from Facebook again for spitting facts.

'Women are the most cold blooded animals on the planet'
____________________
Settle for nothing less than twin underseat pipes and round lights, anything else is inferior.

Make Men Great Again.
 Back to top
View user's profile Send private message You must be logged in to rate posts

hellkat
Super Spammer



Joined: 12 Jul 2004
Karma :

PostPosted: 11:08 - 25 May 2020    Post subject: Reply with quote

MilfHunter wrote:
Women are the most cold blooded animals on the planet

Have you accidentally brushed up against an apex predator in your quest for wrinkly poontang, Ashley dear?
____________________
Not nearly as interesting in real life.
 Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail You must be logged in to rate posts

Tracey Suntan-Leftwaffe
Formerly known as
Tracey Suntan-King



Joined: 10 Nov 2012
Karma :

PostPosted: 11:59 - 25 May 2020    Post subject: Reply with quote

MilfHunter wrote:


'Women are the most cold blooded animals on the planet'


Why Aaaashley*.......you almost make it sound like a bad thing Laughing




* I always think Ashley should be pronounced Aaaashley because, Gone With the Wind
____________________
Whether you think you can, or think you can't, you're probably right
 Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail You must be logged in to rate posts

hellkat
Super Spammer



Joined: 12 Jul 2004
Karma :

PostPosted: 13:16 - 25 May 2020    Post subject: Reply with quote

I might have to resort to "Ashypoos".
I feel as a nickname that it has an appropriately warm but squishy validity.

I shall be most grateful if the karma warriors amongst you didn't blight Ashypoos' profile too much.

Alpha females need a hapless gobshite to occasionally taunt as well, you know.
____________________
Not nearly as interesting in real life.
 Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail You must be logged in to rate posts
Display posts from previous:   

Post new topic   Reply to topic    Bike Chat Forums Index -> Dear Auntie BCF... All times are GMT + 1 Hour
Goto page Previous  1, 2, 3 ... 584, 585, 586, 587, 588  Next
Page 585 of 588

 
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
You cannot attach files in this forum
You cannot download files in this forum

Read the Terms of Use! - Powered by phpBB © phpBB Group
 

Debug Mode: ON - Server: enterprise (www) - Page Generation Time: 0.24 Sec - Server Load: 1.21 - MySQL Queries: 16 - CDN Objects: 56 - Page Size: 141.96 Kb