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doggone
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Joined: 20 May 2004
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PostPosted: 10:32 - 31 May 2021    Post subject: Reply with quote

We had a drive to the beach today and I can't believe what we saw down there.

A man and woman arguing in front of a load of kids then she smacked him one on the back of the head and it all kicked off between them.
The police turned up and the policeman ended up using his baton on the bloke, but the man managed to get the baton off the copper and started hitting the copper and the woman with it!

Then a crocodile turned up and stole all the sausages off the woman as the man started shouting "That's the way to do it!".
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Skudd
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PostPosted: 10:48 - 31 May 2021    Post subject: Reply with quote

doggone wrote:
We had a drive to the beach today and I can't believe what we saw down there.

A man and woman arguing in front of a load of kids then she smacked him one on the back of the head and it all kicked off between them.
The police turned up and the policeman ended up using his baton on the bloke, but the man managed to get the baton off the copper and started hitting the copper and the woman with it!

Then a crocodile turned up and stole all the sausages off the woman as the man started shouting "That's the way to do it!".


1956 is back in fashion.
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chickenstrip
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Joined: 06 Dec 2013
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PostPosted: 11:18 - 31 May 2021    Post subject: Reply with quote

Skudd wrote:
doggone wrote:
We had a drive to the beach today and I can't believe what we saw down there.

A man and woman arguing in front of a load of kids then she smacked him one on the back of the head and it all kicked off between them.
The police turned up and the policeman ended up using his baton on the bloke, but the man managed to get the baton off the copper and started hitting the copper and the woman with it!

Then a crocodile turned up and stole all the sausages off the woman as the man started shouting "That's the way to do it!".


1856 is back in fashion.


FTFY.
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Chickenystripgeezer's Biking Life (Latest update 19/10/18) Belgium, France, Italy, Austria tour 2016 Picos de Europa, Pyrenees and French Alps tour 2017 Scotland Trip 1, now with BONUS FEATURE edit, 5/10/19, on page 2 Scotland Trip 2 Luxembourg, Black Forest, Switzerland, Vosges Trip 2017
THERE'S MILLIONS OF CHICKENSTRIPS OUT THERE!
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Easy-X
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Joined: 08 Mar 2019
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PostPosted: 13:07 - 31 May 2021    Post subject: Reply with quote

doggone wrote:
We had a drive to the beach today and I can't believe what we saw down there.

A man and woman arguing in front of a load of kids then she smacked him one on the back of the head and it all kicked off between them.
The police turned up and the policeman ended up using his baton on the bloke, but the man managed to get the baton off the copper and started hitting the copper and the woman with it!

Then a crocodile turned up and stole all the sausages off the woman as the man started shouting "That's the way to do it!".


Wife totally fell for this one Thumbs Up
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recman
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Joined: 26 Mar 2012
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PostPosted: 20:56 - 31 May 2021    Post subject: Reply with quote

The lead actor in the local pantomime production of Aladdin was anally raped by the gay genie on stage last night - to be fair the audience did try to warn him.

Got a new Jack Russell pup today, he's mainly black and brown with just a small white area so I've called him Bradford.
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King29
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Joined: 18 Oct 2017
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PostPosted: 07:37 - 01 Jun 2021    Post subject: Reply with quote

A duck waddles into a pub and goes up to the bar and says to the barman " do you sell any fish" ? The barman looks at him and replies" no we don't sell any fish" The duck turns around and waddles out the pub.
The next day the duck waddles into the same pub goes up to the bar and asks the barman the same question " do you sell any fish" the barman replies " no we don't sell any fish. This is a pub we only sell drinks". The duck turns around and waddles out of the pub. Again the next day the duck waddles into the pub goes up to the bar and asks the barman" do you sell any fish" ? The barman by now is getting very annoyed with this and replies " look you've been coming in here for the past three days asking me "do I sell any fish" I don't sell any fish. If you come in again tomorrow I'm going to nail your webbed feet to the floor. The duck turns around and waddles out the door.
The next day the duck waddles back into the pub and goes up to the bar and says to the barman " do you sell any nails" . "No" replies the barman "I don't sell any nails" so the duck replies " in that case do you sell any fish "
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defblade
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Joined: 30 Apr 2009
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PostPosted: 06:34 - 02 Jun 2021    Post subject: Reply with quote

King29 wrote:
A duck waddles into a pub and goes up to the bar and says to the barman " do you sell any fish" ? The barman looks at him and replies" no we don't sell any fish" The duck turns around and waddles out the pub.
The next day the duck waddles into the same pub goes up to the bar and asks the barman the same question " do you sell any fish" the barman replies " no we don't sell any fish. This is a pub we only sell drinks". The duck turns around and waddles out of the pub. Again the next day the duck waddles into the pub goes up to the bar and asks the barman" do you sell any fish" ? The barman by now is getting very annoyed with this and replies " look you've been coming in here for the past three days asking me "do I sell any fish" I don't sell any fish. If you come in again tomorrow I'm going to nail your webbed feet to the floor. The duck turns around and waddles out the door.
The next day the duck waddles back into the pub and goes up to the bar and says to the barman " do you sell any nails" . "No" replies the barman "I don't sell any nails" so the duck replies " in that case do you sell any fish "


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MtN1YnoL46Q
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MCN
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Joined: 22 Jul 2015
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PostPosted: 07:20 - 02 Jun 2021    Post subject: Reply with quote

defblade wrote:
King29 wrote:
A duck waddles into a pub and goes up to the bar and says to the barman " do you sell any fish" ? The barman looks at him and replies" no we don't sell any fish" The duck turns around and waddles out the pub.
The next day the duck waddles into the same pub goes up to the bar and asks the barman the same question " do you sell any fish" the barman replies " no we don't sell any fish. This is a pub we only sell drinks". The duck turns around and waddles out of the pub. Again the next day the duck waddles into the pub goes up to the bar and asks the barman" do you sell any fish" ? The barman by now is getting very annoyed with this and replies " look you've been coming in here for the past three days asking me "do I sell any fish" I don't sell any fish. If you come in again tomorrow I'm going to nail your webbed feet to the floor. The duck turns around and waddles out the door.
The next day the duck waddles back into the pub and goes up to the bar and says to the barman " do you sell any nails" . "No" replies the barman "I don't sell any nails" so the duck replies " in that case do you sell any fish "


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MtN1YnoL46Q


If there actually is a God, may he make your next shite a Hedgehog. Mad
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Keithy
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Joined: 22 Sep 2020
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PostPosted: 09:20 - 02 Jun 2021    Post subject: Reply with quote

I told my psychiatrist that I kept imagining I was a tin of deodorant.

He said “Are you Sure?”
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RhynoCZ
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Joined: 09 Mar 2012
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PostPosted: 19:27 - 09 Jun 2021    Post subject: Reply with quote

I used to be young and poor.
But now, after a few decades of hard work, I'm not young anymore.
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Keithy
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Joined: 22 Sep 2020
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PostPosted: 20:41 - 09 Jun 2021    Post subject: Reply with quote

What do gynaecologists and puppies have in common?




Wet noses.
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King29
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Joined: 18 Oct 2017
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PostPosted: 18:43 - 11 Jun 2021    Post subject: Reply with quote

Did you know the actor Yul Brynner was a lifelong Liverpool fan and he never wore aftershave his entire life.

That's right.

Yul never wore cologne...
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chickenstrip
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Joined: 06 Dec 2013
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PostPosted: 22:41 - 12 Jun 2021    Post subject: Reply with quote

Someone has been nicking toilets from police stations. A police spokesman said they currently have nothing to go on.
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Chickenystripgeezer's Biking Life (Latest update 19/10/18) Belgium, France, Italy, Austria tour 2016 Picos de Europa, Pyrenees and French Alps tour 2017 Scotland Trip 1, now with BONUS FEATURE edit, 5/10/19, on page 2 Scotland Trip 2 Luxembourg, Black Forest, Switzerland, Vosges Trip 2017
THERE'S MILLIONS OF CHICKENSTRIPS OUT THERE!
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chickenstrip
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PostPosted: 22:46 - 12 Jun 2021    Post subject: Reply with quote

A woman asked me for an example of a double entendre, so I gave her one.
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Chickenystripgeezer's Biking Life (Latest update 19/10/18) Belgium, France, Italy, Austria tour 2016 Picos de Europa, Pyrenees and French Alps tour 2017 Scotland Trip 1, now with BONUS FEATURE edit, 5/10/19, on page 2 Scotland Trip 2 Luxembourg, Black Forest, Switzerland, Vosges Trip 2017
THERE'S MILLIONS OF CHICKENSTRIPS OUT THERE!
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RhynoCZ
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Joined: 09 Mar 2012
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PostPosted: 19:52 - 13 Jun 2021    Post subject: Reply with quote

chickenstrip wrote:
Someone has been nicking toilets from police stations. A police spokesman said they currently have nothing to go on.


That's quite literally taking the piss.Thinking
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Hong Kong Phooey
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Joined: 30 Apr 2016
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PostPosted: 09:18 - 14 Jun 2021    Post subject: Reply with quote

RhynoCZ wrote:
chickenstrip wrote:
Someone has been nicking toilets from police stations. A police spokesman said they currently have nothing to go on.


That's quite literally taking the piss.Thinking


Good job nobody gives a shit.
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Easy-X
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Joined: 08 Mar 2019
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PostPosted: 00:17 - 19 Jul 2021    Post subject: Reply with quote

TOP TIPS

Are you a professional footballer? Unhappy they phased out the old £50 notes you used to dry your eyes from all that Twitter abuse? Worry not! You can make a funnel from the plastic fifty and collect those tears in a discarded champagne bottle!
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RhynoCZ
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PostPosted: 19:34 - 22 Jul 2021    Post subject: Reply with quote

"My wife had a really horrible car accident."
"Oh boy, is she hurt?!"
"Not yet, she locked herself in the bathroom."
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'87 Honda XBR 500, '96 Kawasaki ZX7R P1, '90 Honda CB-1, '88 Kawasaki GPz550, MZ 150 ETZ
'95 Mercedes-Benz w202 C200 CGI; MZ 150 ETZ, '98 Mercedes-Benz w210 E200 Kompressor
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Howling Terror
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Joined: 05 Dec 2008
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PostPosted: 16:11 - 28 Oct 2021    Post subject: Reply with quote

Aaah crap, my son has been arrested for theft at his job at the highways agency.

This is terrible news. Obviously I couldn't believe it but when we checked in his bedroom...the signs were all there.
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Keithy
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Joined: 22 Sep 2020
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PostPosted: 21:09 - 28 Oct 2021    Post subject: Reply with quote

What’s the difference between a chickpea and a mung bean?

Nobody pays to have a mung bean on their face.
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Raffles
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Joined: 14 Apr 2009
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PostPosted: 23:18 - 30 Oct 2021    Post subject: Reply with quote

https://sickcdn.azureedge.net/mainpic55663/55663.jpg
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Fisty
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PostPosted: 16:57 - 23 Nov 2021    Post subject: Reply with quote

Why doesn’t Donk like his karma?





Because it’s black.
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A100man
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PostPosted: 23:55 - 25 Nov 2021    Post subject: Reply with quote

What's the difference between an egg and a wank?






..you can beat an egg.
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Easy-X
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PostPosted: 11:35 - 26 Nov 2021    Post subject: Reply with quote

'Twas the night before Christmas
And all through the store
The Karens were screeching
Like a ten dollar whore

The shelving was empty
Stripped to the bone
And those folks remaining
To the staff they did moan

"Where are the drivers?"
Or "It's Covid, I fear"
"They'll blame it on Brexit"
No festive mood here

So if this season is stressful
And you can't take the strain
Just hope that dear Boris
Will cancel Christmas again
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Skudd
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PostPosted: 15:54 - 26 Nov 2021    Post subject: Reply with quote

What is the difference between kinky and perverted?

Kinky is when you use a feather for sexual titillation.
Perverted is when you use the whole chicken.


Why did the pervert cross the road?

He was handcuffed to the chicken.
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Petty Anarchists look at "1984".............. The Visionary looks at "Animal Farm".
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Old Thread Alert!

The last post was made 2 years, 123 days ago. Instead of replying here, would creating a new thread be more useful?
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