Struggling with contentment?

[SpiritMr89]

Grew up being the least favourite child. Borther and sister were amazing at school, I was top sets but more for having fun and exploring stuff than books.

After school went into the same field as my father and was always refered too as 'So and So's son.' Which pissed me off.
Despite having gaind records as youngest at the time for gettings quals years above me.

Am now in a completely different field. And told I am the best on site at doing pretty much everything there is. Which av strived for forever.
But it still all feels meh.

Think it is something on the lines of:
Emotional disasotiative disorder.

Basically you don't feel the emotions you should. When anything happens. Can be anything from happiness to pain and anger.

The wife knows about the past and stuff. Along with all the struggles, each day has.

Said to my wife honestly after about a year of being together:
I don't know what love or happiness is, I know I love you, but can't feel it.

Broke her heart, but understanding me not feeling emotions. Made her more determinded to make it happen.

Still don't feel naff all but the thought of it is there.

Something which always pops into my head is what badger said many many many moons ago, think it was somewhere between 'it was blocked so I shot it' and his knee replacement.

'Pain is just an emotion. You can turn it off.'

Think a took that a bit too far.
____________________
Hello

[JustinW]

Dogs = happiness

[Nobby the Bastard]