One-liners!!

[Mudskipper]

So Batman came up to me & he hit me over the head with a vase & he went T'PAU! I said "Don't you mean KAPOW?? He said "No, I've got china in my hand."

You invented Tipp Ex, correct me if I'm wrong.

I'm so lazy I've got a smoke alarm with a snooze button.

I bought some Armageddon cheese today, and it said on the packet 'Best Before End'

So I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said "Analogue?" I said "No, just a watch."

I went into a shop and I said, "Can someone sell me a kettle?" The bloke said "Kenwood?" I said, "Where is he?"

So I went in to a pet shop. I said, "Can I buy a goldfish?" The guy said, "Do you want an aquarium?" I said, "I don't care what star sign it is."

I was in this restaurant and I asked for something herby. They gave me a Volkswagen with no driver.

My mate is in love with two schoolbags. He's bisatchel.

I went to the doctor. I said to him "I'm frightened of lapels." He said, "You've got cholera."

So I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can't remember his name, it's P something T something R.

I was reading this book today, The History Of Glue, and I couldn't put it down.

I phoned the local ramblers club today, and this bloke just went on and on.

My mate asked me "What do you think of voluntary work??" I said "I wouldn't do it if you paid me."

So I was in the jungle and there was this monkey with a tin opener. I said, "You don't need a tin opener to peel a banana." He said, "No, this is for the custard."

This policeman came up to me with a pencil and a piece of very thin paper. He said, "I want you to trace someone for me."

So this lorry full of tortoises collided with a van full of terrapins. It was a turtle disaster.

So I told my girlfriend I had a job in a bowling alley. She said "Tenpin?" I said, "No, it's a permanent job."

So I told my mum that I'd opened a theatre. She said, "Are you having me on?" I said, "Well I'll give you an audition, but I'm not promising you anything."

I phoned the local builders today, I said to them "Can I have a skip outside my house?" He said, "I'm not stopping you"

So this cowboy walks in to a German car showroom and he says "Audi!"

So I fancied a game of darts with my mate. He said, "Nearest the bull goes first" He went "Baah" and I went "Moo" He said "You're closest"

So I met this bloke with a didgeridoo and he was playing Dancing Queen on it. I thought that's Aboriginal.

I visited the offices of the RSPCA today. It's tiny, you couldn't swing a cat in there.

I bought a train ticket and the driver said "Eurostar" I said "Well I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin"

I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits. He said, "How flexible are you?" I said, "I can't make Tuesdays or Thursdays."

So I went to the local video shop and I said, "Can I take out The Elephant Man?" He said, "He's not your type." I said "How about Batman Forever?" He said, "No, you'll have to bring it back tomorrow"

Mudskipper
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CBR125|||GSXR400|||CBR400|||CBR400|||CB250RS|||GSXR750|||CB250RS
"You're clumsy, you eat too much and you behave like a 12 year old boy. But you know what? Every once in a while, you find a thumb."

[six]

[m0l0t0v]

That just reminds me of my favourite pick-up line.

Hey does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

Works a charm!
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'99 Hornet 600 , VFR 400 NC30 '92 , Kasawamasaki GT 550 , '98 Hornet 600
**\Tarmacsurfer/** said: It's that immaculately manly coiffure of yours isn't it. One glimpse of your virile locks and the punters can't wait to buy whatever it is you suggest, as it might let them be just a little bit like the Adonis that is our very own Molly Doovydoo said: Its not my fault I can't get it up properly, I just wasn't blessed

[grandmaster]

Fantastic!!!!


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Yamaha FZR600 '91

[JBurrows88]

lol,




One my fav. is, "on the other hand you have more fingers"

Or the best chat up line is, "you've pull'd, get your coat!" -- Never works!
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Dave
XJR400 Kenney Roberts Paint Job

[puremagic72]

whats black and blue and smells of cum?

A rape victim!!!

Baz.
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Make; cbr929cc blade Year; 2001
Gsxr 750 2000, alstare Corona, Current bike 1999 R6
(1) Kids in the back seat cause accidents; accidents in the back seat cause kids.