need some laughter?

[CR]

THE WIFE
She came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman. The wife was VERY upset!

"You are a disrespectful pig!" she cried. "How dare you do this to me -a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving you. I want a divorce straight away!"

And he replied:

"Hang on just a minute luv, so at least I can tell you what happened"

"Fine, go ahead", she sobbed, " but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!"

And he began:

"Well, I was getting into the car to drive home and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenceless that I took pity on her and let her into the car. I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty.

She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days! So, in my compassion,

I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments.

Since she needed a good clean-up I suggested a shower and while she was doing that I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes so I threw them away. Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't wear because you say they are too tight. I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't wear because I don't have good taste.

I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't wear just to annoy her and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't wear because someone at work has a pair like
them.."

He took a quick breath and continued:

"She was so grateful for my understanding and help and as I walked her to the door she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said

'"Please........do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?'
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[CR]

Sorry for all the >>> it was in a email.

>>> Thanksgiving Divorce
>>>
>>> A man in Phoenix calls his son in New York the day before
>>> Thanksgiving and says," I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell>>> you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery >>> is enough.
>>>
>>> "Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams. We can't stand >>> the sight
>>>
>>> of each other any longer," the father says. "We're sick of each
>>> other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister
>>> in Chicago and tell her."
>>>
>>> Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like >>> heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this,"
>>>
>>> She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at her father, "You are >>> NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm
>>> calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until >>> then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.
>>>
>>> The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay," he
>>> says, "they're coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own way."
>>>
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[CR]

Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up
that morning. I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife
would be pleasant and say, "Happy Birthday!", and possibly
have a present for me. As it turned out, she barely said "Good
morning", let alone "Happy birthday."

I thought... well, that's marriage for you, but the kids will remember.
My kids came to breakfast and didn't say a word. So when I left
for the office, I was feeling pretty low and somewhat despondent.
As I walked into my office, my secretary, Jane, said, "Good morning,
boss, happy birthday!" It felt a little better that at least someone had
remembered.

I worked until one o'clock and then Jane knocked on my door and said,
"You know, it's such a beautiful day outside, and it's your birthday; let's

go out to lunch, just you and me." I said, "Thanks, Jane, that's the
greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go!" We went for lunch, but
we didn't go where we normally would go. We dined instead at a
little place with a private booth. We had two martinis each and I
enjoyed the meal tremendously

On the way back to the office, Jane said, "You know, it's such a
beautiful day.. we don't need to go back to the office, do we?"
I responded, "I guess not. What do you have in mind?"
She said, "let's go to my apartment"

After arriving at her apartment, Jane turned to me and said, "Boss,
if you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for a moment and
I'll be right back." "Ok." I nervously replied.

She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out
carrying a huge birthday cake... followed by my wife, kids, and dozens of
my friends and co-workers, all singing, "Happy Birthday".


And I just sat there...
















on the couch....
























naked...
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[GodzGift]

not bad
____________________
Bike Level: Amateur | CBT Passed

[shaun_04]

They are all very old.

Although I do remember finding the last joke immensely funny the first time I heard it.

[mattwesti83]