losing a good friend due to them passing on

firefox · World Chat Champion Joined: 20 Oct 2005 Karma :

Hi im after advice on how to take my mind off the death of my friend, maybe you have heard it on the news, he was 15 called daniel ( danson to us ) he was drunk and went swimming in a quarry and drowned Crying or Very sad

they found his body the other day and its been playing on my mind getting me down even worse, what topped it off was my cousin hung himself 1 month ago and my aunty and uncle both died within the same month so thats 4 people close to me ive lost and im struggling to cope now.

any advice would be great
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bye bye gti <^>( ' . ' )<^>
*officer* what caused the crash ? *firefox* you see that wall up there sir ?
*officer* yes what about it *firefox* i tooted my horn but it refused to move i had to teach it a lesson.

Sephiroth · World Chat Champion Joined: 09 Apr 2006 Karma :

I can't really give you any advice all I want to say is I'm sorry to hear that and hope you feel better soon. Thumbs Up

Sparks! · Sir Tart-a-lot Joined: 30 Aug 2003 Karma :

go see your gp not some internet chat forum... just my 2 cents and sorry to hear about the bad month, hate to think what it'd be like, but honestly a GP is your best bet he/she could advise you better than anyone here.
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Current Toys: 06 Yamaha WR250F | Nissan 350Z GT | Tech 4 Homes

firefox · World Chat Champion Joined: 20 Oct 2005 Karma :

Thanks guys, funny enough sparks ive been sitting watching one of your first stunt vids over and over Confused

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bye bye gti <^>( ' . ' )<^>
*officer* what caused the crash ? *firefox* you see that wall up there sir ?
*officer* yes what about it *firefox* i tooted my horn but it refused to move i had to teach it a lesson.

Sparks! · Sir Tart-a-lot Joined: 30 Aug 2003 Karma :

firefox · World Chat Champion Joined: 20 Oct 2005 Karma :

yes and no ive got that one on my pc but its more like 8 mins long, dont supose you have msn could do with some wheeling tips lol
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bye bye gti <^>( ' . ' )<^>
*officer* what caused the crash ? *firefox* you see that wall up there sir ?
*officer* yes what about it *firefox* i tooted my horn but it refused to move i had to teach it a lesson.

Sparks! · Sir Tart-a-lot Joined: 30 Aug 2003 Karma :

Mr.Everready · World Chat Champion Joined: 28 Mar 2003 Karma :

Sorry to hear m8.

I think it would be best to talk to someone, a friend, your parents or even a counsellor. Sometimes letting out your feelings is the best thing you can do. Karma

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the undemocratically unelected mod of the Scottish section

firefox · World Chat Champion Joined: 20 Oct 2005 Karma :

i feel stupid now i looked at the mb instead of length Evil or Very Mad

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bye bye gti <^>( ' . ' )<^>
*officer* what caused the crash ? *firefox* you see that wall up there sir ?
*officer* yes what about it *firefox* i tooted my horn but it refused to move i had to teach it a lesson.

Sparks! · Sir Tart-a-lot Joined: 30 Aug 2003 Karma :

BanditBitch · World Chat Champion Joined: 03 Sep 2005 Karma :

Sorry to hear about your friend? Sad

and your relatives.

You dont mention how old you are? but if the lad that died was 15, then I should imagine your quite young.

Dont sit and bottle your feelings up. Try and explain to your parents, or some other adult that you feel close to, how you are feeling, with a view to making an appointment to see your gp. They will be able to sort you out some kind of counselling and help you make sense of how you are feeling at the moment.

killa · Won't Shut Up Joined: 18 Oct 2004 Karma :

Guys, wouldn't the GP try and perscribe something?

I might be wrong, but it's a bad bad idea taking anything for this.

Talking to people helps. Thumbs Up

Sorry to hear of your loses Firefox.
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Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.
Bike:- Yamaha TRX850 | Killas Biking History | Killas Gaming History | Killas autmotive history

firefox · World Chat Champion Joined: 20 Oct 2005 Karma :

answer to your question im 17, he was in the year below me.
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bye bye gti <^>( ' . ' )<^>
*officer* what caused the crash ? *firefox* you see that wall up there sir ?
*officer* yes what about it *firefox* i tooted my horn but it refused to move i had to teach it a lesson.

Tarmacsurfer · World Chat Champion Joined: 29 Jun 2004 Karma :

Best advice I can offer is don't try to distract yourself and take your mind off it, learn to accept it. Most people seem to think that ignoring emotional shit is the way to deal with things and to be honest, it's not.

Death may or may not be a good thing, but the fact is, it's there. It happens. At the end of the day if the person who died cared about you or was any kind of friend at all then no way would they want you to be feeling miserable. Pick somewhere special to you or them, head there and sit and have a think about some of the good times. Remember the person, I don't mean mythologise how wise wonderful and good they were, I just mean remember your friend both good points and bad and then wish them well. Maybe they'll hear it, maybe they won't, but you'll have said goodbye and that's a very important part of accepting things like this.
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I'm immortal. Well, so far.

techierob · Traffic Copper Joined: 05 Oct 2006 Karma :

really sorry to hear about that.

How are his family handling things? Does he have any brothers or sisters? I find that the best way to cope with a death is to try and deal with the fallout. The family would almost certainly be grateful of an extra pair of hands round about this time, and busying yourself with the arrangements is the best way to work off the grief imo.

For what it's worth, when my father died last week, I found that things were a lot more bearable when I was with my mother and sister. We'd be bright and cheery so long as we were together, but none of us could keep from breaking down if we were left alone. Dealing with the death certificate, notifying the family and making funeral arrangements gave us all something to focus on and kept us going for the first few days. If it hadn't been for that, I'm sure I'd have kept crying 'til my eyes bled.

My favourite answer to bereavement is a proper irish wake. Getting together with mutual friends, getting bladdered and reminiscing has always worked for me. The idea sounds barbaric to some people, but I fully endorse this method. It encourages you to remember the dead, but to concentrate on the living. The best way to pay your respects to a lost friend or relative is look after the things they looked after and care about the things they cared about.

sickpup · Old Timer Joined: 21 Apr 2004 Karma :

Sometimes we see to much to soon in life, sounds like you are in this position at the moment.

As Tarmacsurfer says dont hide from the pain, sometimes its better to chase it, to get a hold on it before it has a chance to consume you and you do something stupid.

Kwaks · I'm not a fast rider Joined: 28 Jan 2006 Karma :

I find forcing yourself to think about it and letting the emotions out is the best remedy, gives you a release allowing you to get back to normal for a while. Otherwise just taking your mind off things by watching a good film or playing a game that requires all your attention.

Sorry to see you have had such a bad month, but take your turn at being the strong one for those suffering,and let them be strong for you when you need it Thumbs Up

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lozzypop1 · Certified MILF! Joined: 04 Jan 2006 Karma :

cokker · Spanner Monkey Joined: 22 Mar 2006 Karma :

Blackrhythms · Scooby Slapper Joined: 18 Sep 2006 Karma :

When my very good friend was killed off his bike the first year I was biking, I thought I'd never be able to cope with the pain and the loss. It hit our little 'gang' so hard. We'd had all the older bikers telling us about friends they'd lost through biking, but having not lost anyone that way ourselves before that, we couldn't really relate to it.

When it happened, we all rallied together and we talked endlessly about him - he was such a funny charachter and we laughed and cried as we remembered all the stuff we'd got up to. We went to all our favourite hangouts and remembered how we christened that humpback bridge 'Benny's Bridge' after him when he did a perfect donut on top of it and claimed the bridge as his own. We went to the old closed off road where he'd burned his tyre to the shape of the T on the word STOP. We went out to the lake where we'd all gone to camp out. I cried pretty much non-stop the whole time - I thought I was never going to be able to stop.

We finally went out to his home and talked about him with his parents and brother and sister. Ultimately, we got together and remembered him, laughing and crying through it all, and that helped us to deal with what for us was one of the biggest losses we'd ever had to deal with.

It was hard, but we all got through it. As others have said above, don't try and distract yourself, but rather, remember, with other mutual friends, the laughs and the rows and all the times you spent together. I found that way helped us all to deal with it better. Karma

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firefox · World Chat Champion Joined: 20 Oct 2005 Karma :

J0Al1 · World Chat Champion Joined: 25 Nov 2006 Karma :

st3v3 · Super Spammer Joined: 16 Oct 2006 Karma :

Might be worth you considering giving samaritans a ring, they are anonymous and you just pick up the phone and chat to them, talking to a stranger can really help you but as said, don't bottle it all up cos later on when you finally get used to him not being around, the grief will hit, so try to deal with it early, then the pain will be easier later on. Sorry for your losses and hope you get through it, cos over time it will start to heal Karma

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gavin · World Chat Champion Joined: 05 Jul 2005 Karma :

well......i put my friends coffin in the ground, took up a spade and filled the hole in, then got down on my knees and decorated the grave with the help of a few others. then i went to the local pub and got horribly drunk, and made new friends with friends of his that i didnt know.

that helped quite a lot.

trouble is, his death coincided with a few other troubles and all added up it was a bit too much.....i went of the rails for a bit, had a couple of affairs, lost my job, an unborn child and nearly lost my house.

drugs dont work, therapy dosent really work either; all i can say is, losing someone close is very hard, you wont totally get over it, because it changes your perspective, but you will know when you have dealt with it. it just takes time to get there. good luck finding your way Thumbs Up

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Itchy · Super Spammer Joined: 07 Apr 2005 Karma :

Chatting is great catharsis,

I think you should take this as a warning and a great motivator in life,

I always having niggling doubts to myself now and again,

I'm thinking of backing out of this tour , since its going to be solo, which in my book is a bit iffy

but I am reminded of this:

"Life is short," , "make the most of it"

celebrate their lives, remember their lives rationalise and try to find some peace or acceptance
do not bury it or play distraction on it since suppressing it does nothing and may lead to future
problems, and take note of the above "life IS short , make the most of it"

this is probably why I feel so incredibly uncomfortable watching TV , or sitting in a dead end job
or even just having a lie in , my own experiences with my old riders , some of my friends who can
no longer be with us causes this.

Though this isn't an excuse to abuse your health or anything.

Although YMMV , I do not claim to have the answers to everything in life.
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Spain 2008France 2007Big one 2009 We all die. The goal isn't to live forever, the goal is to create something that will. In the end, your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it is worth watching.