Family member just got diagnosed with cancer

[lllN30lll]

not sure why i'm posting, and I never post in this section.

my Mum rang me today and told me that my Uncle had just been diagnosed with Cancer in his stomach

it hit me like a tonne of bricks, he was round my house last week with his 2 x kids (ages 10 and 16) and i was fixing his mini motard for his kids as he didn't have a clue. I don't see him much as he's a very busy plasterer with his own well known company.

he's a completely healthy man and the docs have given him 3 months to live

I'm stumped... heads gone. not sure how to cope, don't know what to do. he's asked his family and friends to come for a drink with him tonight, no idea what the atmosphere will be like, will it be happy and cheerful? will it be sad and quiet?

sorry for posting this but i've got a slight tear in my eye writing it and not sure what else to do.
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[Tarmacsurfer]

I hope for his sake it's a happy atmosphere. Last thing you want is people being miserable around you if you haven't got long to go. Go, have a laugh, and more importantly make sure he does.

[pwntifex]

You need a big hug.
Some sound advice from Tarmacsurfer.

Make a fuss and spend some time with him. My grandmother died suddenly one day and I've always regretted not being able to really spend time with her before she went.
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the warped one: This is a follow up from the thread 'my willy hurts'

[lllN30lll]

[NinaMarie]

Similar thing happened to me in january, we found out that my auntie in holland had cancer.
I rarely seen her, like it had been a good 5 years or more since i seen her and i went on holiday to see her in august last year.
Finding out was horrible i took it quite bad a first with the crying etc and thought to myself, i only seen her a few months ago.
You will have to stay positive for him no matter how upset you are, being upset in front of him will make him feel worse.

I'm sorry to hear about the news
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[Dave McCool]

Not a lot to say really, I'm a realist, so here is some realistic advice, it probably won't be pleasant reading but it's the culmination of my experiences on the subject.

I've lost way more than my fair share of loved ones to cancer, it really is a nasty business.

Don't know a lot about stomach cancer, but it's unlikely to be pleasant.

If you see him regularly from now on you will notice a steady decline, be prepared for this, towards the end it really isn't pleasant viewing. My auntie turned a very disturbing shade of yellow a few weeks before the end, as well as losing huge amounts of weight. This is probably the most difficult thing to cope with, you've basically already started mourning for him, but his physical decline will be very hard to take.

As to how you should treat him, that's a distinctly subjective matter, it very much depends on what sort of a person he is. He might prefer you all to stay positive, and basically ignore the issue, or he might want you all to be completely straight with him, and not pretend that nothing's happening, only you and the ones that know him can determine this.

I would say the most important thing would be for you all to make it clear to this guy that everything will be fine, things like his wife and kids being financially safe, and that you all love him.

Whichever way you deal with it, it's basically your job to make sure that the rest of his tragically limited life is as comfortable and happy as it possibly can be.

Genuinely sorry to hear of this mate, try to stay positive.
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[lllN30lll]

thankyou
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Turbo R1
CRF450R

[D O G]

A good friend of mine's mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer several months ago now (I can't remember which area), and was given 3 months to live.

Its now over 6 months later, and she is off the drugs and doing well.

Stay positive. The human body is an amazing thing.

As for how to act - be natural. If this means crying your eyes out when you meet, do it. Better out than in. There's no point ignoring the elephant in the room.

[EllioTT_GiXXeR]

Thats awfull news mate, i wouldn't listen to doctors, people can carry on for years, and i hope for his kids sake he does
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[Paddy Blake]

It is hard when someone is taken before their time and we just have to
take it.I can't tell you how to deal with it as I was crap when it got our
family.
Hope you and your family are close and that there are people there for
his kids and wife as time go on.

Paddy.

[techierob]

I'm really sorry to hear that. I hope the evening went ok.

It might be worth trying to find out the exact type or cancer and googling for it. I'm guessing that your uncle's tumour is inoperable and considered to be otherwise untreatable, but it still couldn't hurt to look up the survival rates and check round for any recent innovations in treatment. I personally know one case of somebody diagnosed with terminal cancer in the early 80's who was subsequently cured as a result of experimental treatments and is still alive to this day.
He should already have been put in touch with the macmillan nurses and they should be able to advise both him and his family on how best to deal with the condition and what possible treatments there are. For instance, signing up to a trial of dichloroacetate might at least produce some useful results for future treatments.

Depending on the type of person your uncle is, making a fight of it might even become something of a hobby for him, or else he might be the kind of person to calmly accept it. For example, when my dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer and given three months to live back in 2005, he decided to fight it and lasted until march of this year. It was a rather bittersweet experience, but I was delighted to be able to get to spend the extra time with him.

You're probably in the best position to know how your uncle will react. Discussing treatments might be enough to galvanise him a little, or else he might just write it off as so much false hope. Otherwise it's best to stick to drinking, laughing and enjoying whatever time's left. That's not to say you can't do both of course

[Mudskipper]