Old Clans?, Death and dealing with it?

[Itchy]

Warning post involves the subject of Death don't read if you don't want to take part in this debate.

I've been a member of many clans , I've got patches , become a legend in some of them, the term
you mad mad bastard is a normal one.and as part of my time off I thought on my way back from tour I
shall go visit them. You may notice I am called Itchy I always end up leaving after a while with them itchy
feet you see....

Recently with thoughts and time for touring I thought hmm why not check out the old clan?

I check out their portal and 4 of them have died in bike related RTCs, I'm not really sure how to approach this
when going back to the old clan to say hi, I've not really kept that much in touch exchanging the odd email now and
again, to say hi and them sometimes doing the same.Its semi why I've been trying to build a clan but failing miserably
around Manchester.I'm not exactly going to ask wheres X and be told X is dead .I've not exactly posted condolences or
anything since I never know what to say and that I'm not a regular there anymore and often discover months after
the event.

I've been in Manchester over a year now , and except for Jack who was really BWFC's best mate, and CBR Man
who only very occassionally went out riding with me, nobody as close has died. There have been injuries but no deaths,
I'm sort of wondering how to approach this , since I've been away and I'm some sort of an outsider now , when before
we were as close as family we were >< tight .

Has anybody experienced something similar? , I remember J saying to me I'll still be here in a year so don't
fret about leaving for a while , I left he died in my absence, I'm not exactly blaming myself he was a highly
experienced rider nor do I know or want to know the exact circumstances. I just don't want to come over as some
out of towner who acts all harsh about these happenings. While I'm no stranger to death having witnessed it personally
I'm not sure how to approach it returning as a semi outsider.

my point is has anybody left a group for a long time and come back , and had to deal with the death of very popular
very close riders of an old group which you'd sort of drifted from?.

I'm wondering if I should ever go back to see them , seems a bit of a waste since I'm passing there anyway.I'm semi
fearful about things like WHY DID YOU NOT COME BACK FOR XYZ's funeral?.

Anythoughts?

Thanks.
____________________
Spain 2008France 2007Big one 2009 We all die. The goal isn't to live forever, the goal is to create something that will. In the end, your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it is worth watching.

[Born2bVile]

Bear with me for the reply, cos the first bit may sound harsh.

Here it is..........


Ready?

Shit Happens!

Told you it sounded harsh, but let me explain why I said it.

People move around, lose touch or as you say, have a vague feeling of still being connected to a former crowd of mates.

A few years ago, we lost a fairly well-known mate. People appeared from all over the country for his funeral.

But we had a bike club/pub reunion last year and people turned up expecting him to be there. They hadn't been told. Everybody assumed that somebody would get in touch and tell them. Nobody had.

Not their fault.

Just a case of 'Shit Happens'.

Cheers,

Byrnie
____________________
NABD Treasurer
National Association for Bikers with a Disability
Reg Charity No. 1040907

[techierob]

for what it's worth, I find that death's a much harder subject to deal with as an outsider. If you're close to the person who died and truly feel the loss, then you're less concerned about sympathising and more concerned about acting in the best interests of the dead and the people they left behind.
There's no one right answer on how to deal with the subject, but my best advice would be to be bright and positive and draw the line at being crude. Put yourself in the place of the dead person and/or their immediate friends/family and imagine how you'd want others to behave: That's pretty much the right way to act.