joke thread.

[MaybeGuy]

do your worst... the more offensive the better.


whats black and blue and full of protein?

madeline mccann
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Blue_SV650S wrote: it was a sh1te wheelie, but it proves that he can get it up in 3rd and can do angles. In summery, mattsprattuk is a gobby little sh1tebag, dopehead tw4t, but sadly for all of us, he probably isn't THAT full of sh1te!!
Kickstart wrote: Hi I tend to agree with Matt. All the best Keith

[Ariel Badger]

You could loose karma for that, proper nouns should be capitalised and there is no full stop at the end of the sentence as well as capitalisation for the first word.
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Bikers make great organ donors, get 115 on your licence today.

[MaybeGuy]

[cal91]

Knock knock... *whos there* well its not gonna be madeline mccane now is it?

How do you stop a baby crawling around in circles?
Nail its other hand to the floor.

Does a cat scream when its put in the microwave? Well i dunno i was too busy wanking.

Gordon Brown and Obama have a meeting, Gordon says, if you put the queens face on your dollar bill, then we will continue putting your face on the jam jars.

'If the river runs red, take it up the dirt track'

Yes i know there shocking and sick but thats why there funny.
BTW none of them are in anyway true, i just got told them by people.
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We are the Patriots! Love your country.

[map]

Two Middle East mothers are sitting in the cafe chatting over a lemon tea.

The older of the mothers pulls her bag out and starts flipping through pictures and they start reminiscing.

This is my oldest son Mohammed. He's 24 years old now.

Yes, I remember him as a baby, says the other mother cheerfully.

He's a martyr now though, mum confides.

Oh, so sad dear, says the other.

And this is my second son, Khalid. He's 21.

Oh, I remember him, says the other happily, he had such curly hair when he was born.
He's a martyr too, says mum quietly.

Oh gracious me says the other.

And this is my third son. My baby. My beautiful Ahmed. He's 18, she whispers.

Yes, says the friend enthusiastically, I remember when he first started school.

He's a martyr also, says mum, with tears in her eyes.

After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Muslim mother looks wistfully at the photographs and says...

They blow up so fast, don't they?
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...and the whirlwind is in the thorn trees, it's hard for thee to kick against the pricks...
Gibbs, what did Duckie look like when he was younger?

[Faldo]

Not sick, or even LOL funny, but I like it:



A German guy approaches a prostitute...

"I vish to buy sex viz you."

"OK," says the girl, "I'll charge £20 an hour."

"Ist goot, but I must varn you, I am a little kinky."

"No problem," she replies cautiously. "I can do a little kinky."

So off they go to the girl's apartment, where the German produces four large bedsprings and a duck caller.

"I vant zat you tie ze springs to each of your hans und knees."

The girl finds this most odd, but complies, fastening the springs to her hands and knees as he had said.

"Now you vill get on your hans und knees."

She duly does this, balancing precariously on the springs.

"You vill please to blow zis kwacker as I make love to you."

She finds it odd, but figures it's harmless (and the guy is paying.) She finds the sex is fantastic, as she is bounced all over the room by the energetic German, all the time honking on the duck caller.

The climax is the most sensational that she has ever experienced and it is
several minutes before she has enough breath to say, "That was totally amazing! What do you call that position?"

"Ah," says the German, "zat is ze 'Four-sprung Duck Technique'."
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Current: ZZR1400
Previous: ZXR 400 L9, ZX-7R P5, ZZR 400, ZX-7R P6, Bandit 600, GSXR 750 Slingshot, DRZ400, DR650, ZX10R C1H, ZXR 750 L1, ZXR 750 L3, '99 ZX7R P4, KTM 300 EXC, ZX-9R E1, TDM850

[The Artist]

the last 2 had me laughing out loud! brilliant

[mooserx]

whats red and silver and bumps into things?

a toddler with a fork in each eye.

thank you. good night.
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TL1000r-handful.

[panrider_uk]

[Ste]

Don't read any of this lot if you get offended by offensive jokes.




Barak Obama had to give his victory speech behind 3 inches of bullet proof glass.
I thought that was a bit harsh - just because he's black doesn't mean he's going to shoot anyone.


Why did the little girl fall off the swing?
Because she had no arms


I met a 14 year old girl on the internet. She was clever, funny, sexy and flirty, so I suggested we meet up.
She turned out to be an undercover detective.
How cool is that at her age?!


A paedophile has sex with a dwarf.
Should have gone to Specsavers!


I decided to burn some calories today, so I set a fat kid on fire.


A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year-old daughter.
Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them... they're bound to be curious about sex at that age."
"Curious about sex?" replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her fucking appendix out!"


"A child sit's on Santa's knee at the shopping centre.
"What would you like the most for Christmas young boy?" he asks.
"Ooh, that's a hard one!"
Santa looked rather uncomfortable, and said "Yes, err...sorry about that..."


Has it ever occurred to you that maybe you are a paedophile, but you just haven't met the right child yet?


A Paki went into a bar and asked, "could you recommend your finest port?"
"Yes," said the barman. "Dover, now fuck off."


"Dreaming of a White Christmas"
BNP 2008


Why are there so many Chinese people in Harrow?
Because they get off the plane, get in a taxi and say "HARROW!!"


What can't Google find?
Madeleine McCann


How do you know if a black guy has been using your computer?
It's gone


Gerry and Kate McCann went to see the Pope to ask if he could help find their daughter.
The Pope said he'd love to help but the Catholic Clergy was more used to hunting down small boys


I'm so glad that telling all these jokes doesn't make me a racist. Racism is a crime, and crime is for black people.

[The Artist]

Us British keep our spades in the shed, Americans keep theirs in the whitehouse.

[PeterNSR]

Just bought a Glasgow advent calendar- fuckin typical !

All the windows are boarded up and some bastards nicked the chocolates

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Current: Honda NSR 125

My bike

[map]

Applying for a visa...

Name.....?

Abdul Ali Rahzeb.

Sex.....?

About three to five times a week.

No, no, I mean male or female.

Male, female, donkey, sometime even camel.

Holy Cow !!!

Yes, cow, sheep, goat, whatever come my way.

But isn't that hostile?

Horse style, doggy style, any style.

Oh dear!

No, no, no !! deer run too fast.
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...and the whirlwind is in the thorn trees, it's hard for thee to kick against the pricks...
Gibbs, what did Duckie look like when he was younger?

[Blackwolf]

Maddy Mcann is still the worlds hide and seek champion after contender Shannon matthews was found...


Poor i know, i cant quite rememeber it exactly
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Current: Ducati Multistrada 1200s

[CaNsA]

[Renton]

What sits in a corner, getting smaller and smaller?

A baby shaving it's head with a potato peeler!



How do you know if an Ethiopian is pregnant?

Her tampon is half eaten!
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This is my motorcycle. There are many others like it, but this one is mine.
Without me, my motorcycle is useless. Without my motorcycle, I am useless.

[tutton]

Q. What’s the difference between Gary Glitter and acne ?
A. Acne waits till you’re 13 before it comes on your face.
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Humpty Dumpty sat on his bed
As little Bo Beep was giving him head
Just as he came she began to weep
She could tell by the taste he’d been shaggin her sheep!!
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Q. What does a dwarf get when he runs through a woman’s legs?
A. A clit round the ear and a flap across the face!
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Two Irish couples agree to swap partners for the night.
After 3 hours of amazing sex Paddy says to Murphy....
"I wonder how the women are getting on!"
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Past: '05 Peugeot XPS '99 Aprillia RS125 '94 FZR600R
Current: '02 ZX636 A1P '51 CCM R30

[killa]

Whats red and mows my lawn?

He's my nigger ill paint him any colour i want




Whats worse than a pile of dead babies

The one at the bottom trying to nibble his way out




Whats the difference between a pile of dead babies and Mercedes

I don't have a mercedes in my garage
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Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.
Bike:- Yamaha TRX850 | Killas Biking History | Killas Gaming History | Killas autmotive history

[The Shaggy D.A.]

Q. How many blacks does it take to tarmac a drive?
A. It depends on how thinly you slice them.
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Chances are quite high you are not in my Monkeysphere, and I don't care about you. Don't take it personally.
Currently : Royal Enfield 350 Meteor
Previously : CB100N > CB250RS > XJ900F > GT550 > GPZ750R/1000RX > AJS M16 > R100RT > Bullet 500 > CB500 > LS650P > Bullet Electra X & YBR125 > Bullet 350 "Superstar" & YBR125 Custom > Royal Enfield Classic 500 Despatch Limited Edition (28 of 200) & CB Two-Fifty Nighthawk > ER5

[Blackwolf]

A black was crossing a zebra crossing,

now you see them,
now you dont,
now you see them,
now you dont,
now you see them....
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Current: Ducati Multistrada 1200s

[Renton]

Why are a black man's eyes always red after sex?

Because of the mace.




What's the difference between a pizza and a Jew?

Pizza's don't scream in the oven.
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This is my motorcycle. There are many others like it, but this one is mine.
Without me, my motorcycle is useless. Without my motorcycle, I am useless.

[The Artist]

https://www.bikechatforums.com/files/eliminated_the_juice.jpg

[matt_uk]

Whats the difference between a ford and a mercades?
Princess Diana wouldnt be seen dead in a ford.

What's the difference between Pope John Paul II and Madeleine McCann?
The Pope died a virgin

What's the difference between the McCanns and Gary Glitter?
Gary Glitter comes back from his holidays with more kids than he left with.

What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
Wiped his ass.

What's so good about an Ethiopian blow job?
You just KNOW she'll swallow.

How do the little boys at Michael Jackson's ranch know when it is bedtime?
When the big hand touches the little hand

What's blue and never fits properly?
A dead epileptic

How do you stop a gay from drowning?
Take your foot of his head!

Whats the best thing about twenty six year olds?
Theres 20 of them.


coat.. door... gone..




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- - - BIKE - - - Passed CBT : 21/07/06 - - - Currently : Riding a 2001 Aprilia rs125 (SOLD)
- - - CAR - - - Passed Theory 20/07/06 - - - Lessons, Test on 15th Jan 08... Passed 2 minors

[mooserx]

i was walking down the street the other day and saw a paki standing outside his house shaking a carpet.
so i shouted to him "wats up abdul wont it fucking start?"

a guy met a woman on a plane
she says my names carmen because i like cars and men
he replied
pleased to meet you i'm charlie beercunt.

what do you do if you wake up in the night and see your telly floating across the room?
shoot the black guy and get back in bed

thank you, ggod night!!
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TL1000r-handful.

[Suitor_Stu]