Farrah Faucet arrived in heaven and God said,
"you lead a good a meaningful life, is there any last wish I could grant for you?"
She said "Yes, Could you grant a wish to keep all the children of the world safe"
So God killed Michael Jackson.
Q: What has Janet Jackson got in common with Australia?
A: They're both taking home the ashes this summer!
in honor of Michael Jackson... let's all grab our crotch for a moment and just beat it.
After MJ collapsed, Bubbles jumped on him to give him the kiss of life; but alas! for some reason bubbles was only trained to suck.
Janet Jackson phoned the undertakers to arrange the funeral. First thing she asked them was "Do you take plastic?"
50 years is apparently how long it takes to stop when you get enough.
MJ was on Family Fued one time. And when asked "name a place you can take children"?
"up the ass" was not in the top 10 answers.
In his list of last wishes, Michael Jackson stated that the time at which he wishes to be buried is, and I quote:
"when the big hand is holding the little hand."
Doctors are baffled at the many claims about Michael Jackson allergies could have caused his death. Apparently the last report points out the demise could have been caused by an allergic reaction... from eating 12 year old nuts!
It's a shame, he was just going to release a song about his life too...'Michael Jackson in A minor'
Q:What do Michael Jackson and Santa Claus have in common?
A: Neither of them exist anymore, and both leave little boys' rooms with empty sacks!
8 year old Timmy of CA said he felt touched when MJ died. Man, even after death he wont leave kids alone.
Q: What is the difference between a farewell concert and a 12 yr old boy?
A: Michael Jackson never managed to pull off a farewell concert.
So, MJ's dead. I didn't know plastic has an expiration date!
I just bought a new car stereo... When you shout out "Soul", it plays soul music. When you shout out "Rock", it plays rock music. Some kids ran in front of my car, and I shouted "fucking kids!", and it played Michael Jackson
Michael Jackson bumps into Elvis in heaven, Elvis says 'You married my daughter didn't you?' MJ says 'Yes' Elvis says 'Thank fuck for that, I heard she married a nigger.
Shame MJ died actually... he was just 3 molestations away from becoming Pope.
Michael Jackson, Ed McMahon, and Farrah Fawcet arrive at the Pearly Gates. St.Peter welcomes them warmly, and asks them if there was anyone in Heaven they'd like to see first.
-Ed McMahon tells St. Peter that he really misses his old friend, Johnny Carson. "Heeerreee's Johnny", says St. Peter, and the old friends are together again.
-Farrah speaks up next and tells St. Peter that she really misses her sister, and they too are reunited moments later.
-"How about you Michael, who would you most like to spend time with on your first day in Heaven?"
-Michael pauses for a moment and says, "Now, where's that baby Jesus?"
I've just heard that Michael Jackson was to bring out an 'ultra-exclusive one of a kind limited edition box-set' next week.
Why they can't just call it a coffin I don't know.
Michael Jackson gets to heaven and he meets God.
God, upon seeing him, says "Come to me, my child".... Read More
MJ thinks, "Mmm, I know where this is heading..."
Good thing he died when he did. If he had of survived the heart attack
he would have been found 10 mins later in the children ward having a stroke.
Q: What's the difference between Farrah and Michael?
A: apart from 3 hours... Farrah was a pinup girl above young boys bed, Michael pinned down young boys on their beds.
Rot in hell MJ, oh sorry, I'M BAD
Anyone else notice that- 'The singer and dancer Michael Jackson' is an anagram of
- 'Danger as he jams a cock in ten children'
R.I.P Michael Jackson. You touched a whole generation... well the ones under 12 anyway.
Micheal's kids have been asked not to go to his funeral, in case MJ has a resERECTION.
when everybody found out they wanted to cremate Michael Jackson the world went into meltdown. ... Read More
Now they dont have to do his make up for the 30 yr anniversary of thriller
Apparently CPR isnt as easy 123, ABC!
In his will, Michael Jackson stated that he wanted his ashes to be put inside an etcha'sketch so little kids can still play with his knob
Why did MJ convert to Muslim?
He heard he would be greeted by 72 year old virgins (70 x 2 year olds)
BREAKING NEWS FROM LA: Initial reports that MJ's doctor was in the room with him when he died are false. It's now being reported, that in fact, it was not a doctor and that the real persons his mommy came by and picked him up a half-hour earlier
Did you hear that Michael Jackson had requested a child's coffin? He wanted to spend eternity stuffed tightly in a little boy's box.
Being Michael was like 97% plastic, in his will it states Micheal has requested to be melted down and made into a Nintendo so that some kid somewhere can still turn him on.
Maculay Culklin is refusing to attend Michael Jackson's funeral. He says their time together left a bad taste in his mouth.... Read More
Q: whats the difference between Michael Jackson & Farrah Faucet?
A: Farrah had fun with MAJORS, Micheal had fun with MINORS
E-bays just had its first million dollar bid--
Gary Glitter has put in a bid for Micheal Jacksons computer & address book.
Billy Mays died when asked if he could pitch sell the fact MJ wasn't a pedophile. he jumped out the window having met his match.
Q: Did you hear Michael Jackson's upcoming dates were canceled?
A: Henry (age 9) and Paul (age 7) Simon (age 6)
Q: What can Disney still do that Michael Jackson can't? -
A: Touch Children.... Read More
have you heard all the jockeys at Newmarket tomorrow will wear black arm bands in memory of the one man who successfully rode more three year olds than anyone else
NEWSFLASH JUST IN FROM HELL - Casper molested already!
Q: What will Michael's children miss most about him?
A: The blowjobs.
McDonald's will soon be releasing the Jacko Burger. It will be a regular hamburger, but the tribute is it's 50 year old meat in a 12 year old bun.
Just before Michael died they where wheeling him through the children's ward and his last words where, "I KNEW I'D GO TO HEAVEN"
Least now he's dead he can never "BEAT IT" again.... oh his name was Michael Jackson, he was in love with his hand, he liked to BEAT IT, BEAT IT, Beat the little boys down the street, eat there meat, give em 2 million each, so they wouldn't screech, but not he's KICKED IT
Upon analyzing the corpse, the mortician said Michael hadn't been this stiff since the last time he was watching Sesame Street.
Q: what was MJ's last hit?
A: The floor!
Jackson 5 tickets... 20% off!!!
The paramedics said Michael Jackson's last words were "Can you take me to Children’s Hospital?"
Q: What do Farrah Fawcett, Micheal Jackson and Billy Mays all want for Christmas?
A: Patrick Swayze
Q: Why are AC/DC suing MJ?
A: They never gave copyright permission for him to sing BACK IN BLACK.
reports of michael jackson having died from a heart attack are incorrect
at the time he was in the childrens ward having a stroke.
Q. whats the difference between michael jackson and Alex Ferguson
A. Ferguson will be playing Giggs in August
Q: What is the difference between Micheal and a shopping bag?
A: One is plastic and harmful to kids,
the other is used to carry groceries
Michael Jackson was asked what age group he liked to have sex with?
He responded, 26 year olds. When asked why he giggled and said
"Because, there is 20 of them!"
Q: Why did Michael Jackson go to K Mart?
A: He heard they had small boys pants half off.
Q: Why did Michael Jackson want to move to Ohio?
A: He heard there's a Youngstown there.
Q: Did you hear why he was taken to the Emergency Room in the first place?
A: He was choking on a small bone!
Michael was known to sleep with kids so young,
after he got blown, he had to burp them.
Q: How many times does 12 go into 35?
A: Should have Asked Michael Jackson.
Q: What's soft and brown and sometimes found in little boy's diapers?
A: Michael Jackson's hand!
Q. Who does Michael Jackson consider a perfect 10?
A. Two 5 year olds.
Q: Why was Michael Jackson kicked out of the Boy Scouts?
A; He was up to two packs a day.
Q: What do Michael Jackson and Rum have in common?
A: They both come in tots.
Q: What's black and white and comes in little cans?
A: Michael Jackson.
Q: Have you seen the new Michael Jackson candy bar?
A: It's white chocolate with no nuts.... (but kids like it)
Q: How do you find out Michael Jackson's sperm count?
A: Look it up in Webster's.
Janet and Michael Jackson were at home one night...
Janet: Shall we get a pizza and video tonight?
Michael: Yeah, ok, can we get Aladdin?
Janet: No, just a pizza and video.
Have you heard that Michael Jackson was spotted in the River Thames in
London one time. At 1st it was thought that it was a suicide attempt
but it was realized that he was just clinging onto a small buoy.
Q: What was the big break in the Michael Jackson molestation case?
A: A doctor did a rectal exam of one of the boys bringing charges and found
... a white glove.
Q: What is the most difficult thing to get out of little boys underwear?
A: Michael Jackson's makeup!
Q: What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a racing jockey?
A: A jockey LEGALLY could mount three year olds.
Q; Whats the difference between Micheal Jackson dead on the road, and a skunk dead on the road?
A: there skid marks around the skunk were somebody tried to avoid hitting it!
Q: Do you know how to stop save Micheal Jackson when he is drowning?
A: NO? GOOD!
Q: What do you have when you have a cret filled with concrete up to micheal jacksons neck?
A: Not enough concrete!
Q: What's the difference between Michael Jackson and greyhound racing?
A: The greyhounds wait for the hares to come out.
Q: What is the difference between Michael Jackson and the PLO?
A: The PLO pulled out of Jordan.
In an effort to dissuade all this bad publicity, Michael Jackson has pledged
a significant amount of his fortune to found a new university.
It's going to be called, "Bring 'em Young."
Q: Who's happy when Michael Jackson gets a boy to stay over?
A: Bubbles.
Q: Which chips does Michael Jackson like to munch on?
A: O'Boysies.
Q: Where does Michael Jackson write his songs for the kids?
A: In his tanning salon.
Q: What did the mother at the beach say to Michael Jackson?
A: "Excuse me, but you're in my son."
Q: What do any of the Mets have in common with Michael Jackson?
A: They all wear one glove for no apparent reason.
Micheal Jackson went to church and confessed "Forgive me father, for I have
sinned with young boys". The priest replied "It's OK, I have done it also."
Q: Why did Pepsi sign up Michael Jackson for their ads?
A: Because he likes the taste of a new generation.
Did you hear that Pepsi signed Michael Jackson to another contract?
They felt that he was the only one who could suck that little boy out of
the bottle.
Q: What was Michael Jackson thinking about on his wedding night?
A: Hmmm, now Lisa-Marie can give me a little boy of my own.
Q: What did Lisa Marie Presley say to Micheal Jackson when he popped her
the question?
A: "Yes, I'll marry you. But promise me one thing... NO KIDS!"
Q: What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley?
A: About two dress sizes!!!
Q: What does micheal jackson eat when he's on a diet?
A: Cabbage patch kids!
Q. Why did Michael Jackson dangle his baby over a balcony?
A. Because he overheard his wife asking someone to drop the children off a few
sQ. How does Michael Jackson pick his nose?
A. From a catalogue.
Q: Have you heard about Michael Jackson's New Book?
A: It's called "The In's and Out's of Child Rearing”.
Q. How do you know Michael Jackson is having a party?
A. There are a bunch of tricycles in front of his house.
Q. What's the difference between Mr. Potato Head and Michael Jackson?
A. Michael Jackson has had more noses.
Q. When is it bed time at Michael Jackson’s house?
A. When the big hand is on the little hand!
Q. Why did Michael Jackson decide to have a boy of his own?
A. Because it's too expensive to rent them at $2 million a pop!
Q: Why did Pepsi fire Michael Jackson?
A: Because he was caught sucking on a Squirt!!
Q. What does Michael Jackson reminisce about?
A. Blowing his first nose.
Q. What did Elvis say after seeing Michael and Lisa Marie on television?
A. "Boy, that's a relief. I though she married a black guy!"
Q. What were Lisa-Marie's newlywed complaints about Michael Jackson?
A1. He leaves the lid off the mascara, causing it to dry out.
A2. That battleaxe Liz Taylor never calls before she comes over.
A3. She suspects he's using her to get to Elvis' bones.
A4. He touches her kids more than he touches her.
Q. Why did Michael Jackson cross the road?
A. He saw someone blowing bubbles and thought he'd join in.
Q. Why did Michael Jackson place a phone call to Boyz-2-Men?
A. He thought it was a delivery service.
Q: Why are Michael Jackson's pants so small?
A: Because they aren't his!
Q. How did Michael Jackson get in trouble?
A. He was feeling a little Randy.
Q. Why does Michael Jackson like children so much?
A. He knows how they feel.
Q. What did Michael Jackson say when he got back to Neverland Ranch from drug rehab?
A. You know, I feel like a new boy!
Q. How do we know Michael Jackson is guilty?
A. Several children have fingered him.
Q. Why is Michael Jackson so tough?
A. He can lick any kid on the block.
Q: What did Woody Allen say when he played poker with MJ?
A: Swap you two 5's for a 10!
Knock Knock!
Who's There?
Little boy blue!
Little boy blue who?
Michael Jackson!
Michael Jackson was on a ship with 100 cub scouts when it hit an iceberg and
started to sink. The captain announced, "We're sinking! Everyone abandon ship!"
Michael Jackson asked, "What about the children?"
The captain replied, "Screw the children!"
Michael Jackson looked around eagerly and said, "Do we have time?"
A little boy goes up to his mother and asks, "Is God a male or a female?"
After thinking for a moment, his mother responds, "Well, God is both a male and a female."
This confuses the little boy, so he asks, "Is God black or white?"
"Well, God is both black and white."
At this, the boy's face lights up with understanding and he triumphantly asks,
"Is Michael Jackson God?"
Michael Jackson asked his wife's doctor how soon after the birth could he have
sex. The doctor told him he should wait until the kid is at least 12 or 13 years
old.
The Pope has issued a proclamation on Michael Jackson. If he hears any more
allegations about little boys, the Pope says he'll have no choice but to make
him a priest.
____________________
I hope it's not a repost! |
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