Bullying at school, what's the cure?

[Whosthedaddy]

Just after a few kind words to suggest that there is hope and eventually it works out.

Our eldest, nearly 6 has speech and language probems and is still being investigated into whether or not part of autism umbrella. He has just started a new school following coming home from Oz. We suspect from his few comments about his day and demenear that he may be being bullied.

What actions do the schools and the zero tolerance towards bullying actually do? If proved right is it different classes but same play ground, better obs in interaction with other kids?

Anyone got experience with kids and bullying.

Thanks in advance.
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[WildGoose]

Short of having a quiet word in the ear or said bully, your school can't and won't do anything. They simply cannot monitor all kids, all day, end of story.

Bullying will forever be a part of school, and I think now worse than ever in this world of over the top political correctness, schools are in a worse position than before to exert any authority over the little shits.

With a Mum as a teacher, I know all too much about this. Repercussions are felt for years.

I was bullied at school, and looking back I wish I had had the assertiveness to thump a few skulls. But alas I didn't have the confidence I do now.

I'm not a parent, but if I were; I would encourage standing up for yourself, be it through verbal wit which is often enough, or physical means if necessary.

But hindsight is wonderful, and the world through the eyes of a pre-teen is a very different beast.
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[TUG]

Start getting on the schools case, They dont do anything an bullies just continue to make someones life shit unchallanged.
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[dgo1212]

Next time you pick your son up from school try getting him to point the bully out,have a good look at the bullies parent and decide wether the said parent seems like a decent person or a piece of scum.If the parent seems aproachable go have a word,decent parents would be disgusted to hear their child has been bullying and will do something about it,they may not even know what their son has been up to and will be gratefull you've brought it to their attention.However a scumbag parent will get a kick out of their child bullying others,and will probably make a scene if you approach them,making you feel intimidated and humiliated and no doubt make the situation worse for your son.Only you can make the decision on wether you should approach them or not and if there's any doubt about how they might react then you're probably best dealing with it through the schools system

[stinkwheel]

Probably not good advice, but I used to get bullied at secondary school because I was 2 years younger (and therefore a lot smaller) than a lot of the kids at. This was due to a combination of when my birthday fell and because I was a obnoxious little git so my folks sent me away to school as soon as they could to get me out of the house (age of 4).

Anyway. One day I flipped, dispensed a running, flying headbutt to one of the main and biggest perpetrateurs of said bullying (had to jump to reach) and hit another one of them round the back of the head with a chair. Knocked both of them flat on the deck.

This gained me a reputation as being a radge wee bastard (and two weeks detention, which I never went to) and I was left alone thereafter.

Incidentally, I had a good one the other day. Couple of wide boys were stood outside the local shop and started taking the piss of my beard. I told them that when they could grow one of their own, they would be in a position to comment. Their mates ripped into them right away. It was beautiful to watch.
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[chris-red]

I was bullied at school, despite many attempts by the school the only thing that stopped it was me turning round and lamping a kid, putting him on his arse. People rarely came up to me after that. Sad fact is if he is different he probably will be bullied, there will be very little effective action the school can take most of the things they do will make it worse.
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[pyx_e]

My dad was the head of the maths dept at my school, as above it only stopped when I went mental and (as above) leapt at the leader and had to be pulled off by a teacher. With your son, it is a bit more tricky, a hand delivered letter to the head teacher, mclearley stating your concerns and with it dated, foolowed by the same copy to the LEA could be a way forward.

Your son needs self worth imho, martial arts traning, finding what he is good at and encouraging him in that would all help.
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[Wafer_Thin_Ham]

Give him a can of mace to be used on the head bully.
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[Feasty]

I was bullied as were quite a few kids to a certain extent in middle school by a group of italian kids who loved to think they 'ruled the roost' so to speak. I knew I could take a few of them on but one guy who was really quite evil was a different story. I hadn't been in a fight before so had no experience other than what you see in films.
At one point I'd had enough and arranged to fight him specifically in the playground at break knowing I'd lose coz he was just bigger than me, I also just so happened to pick a time when a teacher I knew liked me ( but not in THAT way! ) would be patrolling. I then quickly went up to him and whacked him one before he was ready, he had me on the floor a second later and the teacher then arrived and dragged him off, he almost got expelled and I got a 'fearless' reputation - worked a treat! They left me alone after that apart from the odd banter about him beating me, he never bullied me again afterwards though.
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[Dragonfly]

Since he is only 6 my advice of beating the bully up wont work which is what I done and near killed them., It did work, no one ever touched me again after that as I had little tolerance after years of bullying. Even when I changed schools in the end I still choked the shit out of anyone that picked on me Thats why I liked the last school. I got a rep from my other school not to be messed with and had a great time, no bullys.

OK back to 6 year old. Going to parents usually explodes in your face, parents can either think their child is an angle or be absolute scum either way it normally doesnt work. The school approaching parents may work better. Schools done nothing in my day but I am sure there is more awareness now.
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[Skudd]

My daughter was being bullied for her learning issues and she in tern became a bully ( only for the one term ) One of the parents was good enough to approach us and say what was going on. We were able to nip it in the bud with regards my daughter being the bully, but it has taken more time for my daughter not to be the victim.

Some tried to bully me at school, it always seemed to be the little shits who had brothers in another part of the school, I always stuck up for myself and never backed down. it did come to a head one day when I battered three lads, They were smaller than me but two years older, the problem was that they were treated as individuals with me beating each one seperately and not as the gang who jumped me all at the same time.

I still see some of the teachers at the school who had it in for me because I looked after myself, I give them a hard time when they trawl out the crap about how they deal with bullies in the school, my answer to them is to ask if the still punish the victim like they did with me.
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[Aka Matt]

I was bullied throughout my first year of secondary school because I was extremely tall for my age (6ft2 at 12...), nothing was ever done by the teachers even after being made aware of what was happening. It only stopped cos I had enough and clumped a few of them.

One of my best mates has a pretty bad lisp which he was bullied by everyone for including teachers by doing impressions of him. In the end he was pretty much left with no choice but to leave the school. My mum was a teachers assistant at another school and even there the biggest punishment was a detention which is no punishment for kicking the living crap out of another student or making someones life a miserable. The problem is that schools don't like to kick kids out of their schools because it costs them too much financially so really is used as a last resort response...... if you're lucky.

As for your child, as said before the best thing to do for now is to write a letter to the head teacher and perhaps the LEA too as it should get matters looked into at least and hopefully get the school ready for any potential bullying before it arises.
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[lydanial]

my son was bullied in the village primary school for about 3 years, same group of kids. after about a year of it he took up tae kwon do, 2 years later his confidence had risen considerably.

bullies started on him one day and he knocked one on his arse along with the other guy that then started.. he was about 10 at the time.

hes now 14, and extremely good at his art, he hasnt turned into a bully but being 5'10 and although skinny he is ripped all over and very powerful, he doesnt have any problems at all.

we found that the martial art did wonders for his confidence and although i knew he could punch hard when getting bullied he lacked the confidence to open his mouth and go for it.

i have always been a firm believer of my kids protecting themselves and have said to them and the schools that if someone hits my child (or in the case of my son now, attempts to)i will not mind if my kid hits them back ...properly!

perhaps some form of martial art will help your son build confidence and friends along with being able to defend himself against these little shits.

[Fawbish]

Unfortunately, bullying will never stop. We all had to grow up with it, and yes, it may be more difficult in certain situations. But you cannot mollycoddle too much, as he will never learn to defend himself.

My general advice, in short, is to find things he is good at and enjoys. Make sure this is what he experiences, as happyness leads to confidence. Confidence can lead to dealing with the social situations.

If he isnt into martial arts, team sports is what I suggest. The team dynamic is brilliant, as usually in a situation like that, all kids are brought together as strangers, at this age. There usually arent many "cliques". Of course you get little individual shits, but sometimes you find your child can learn from these little ones that have oodles of confidence, when pitted in the same team against a common enemy.


And personally, I wouldnt choose football (unless he enjoys it obviously).

Rugby is where its at. It can be a good indicator of any other problems also, that you wouldnt notice in a normal environment. This isnt meant to sound horrible, but if there are any motor functions he does not excel at, this can lead to finding important information out about your child.

Find out what his strengths are. Is he really fast? Does he have a natural affinity for hand to eye co-ordination? Can he boot a ball like no other 6 year old? Is he strong? If he is possibly under the autism umbrella, I understand this can lead to shyness and quietness. It is possible that a team sport can improve these aspects, encouraging him to open up more. You may find he connects intimately with the dynamic of whatever sport it is, and find he is a natural tactician within the field of whatever sport. (I understand that some forms of autism can relate to higher functioning brain activities in some cases, with motor skills and communication the price?)

I started at 6 years old, so did my brother.

Whilst we were brought up extremely well, we can both "switch" the red mist on and off when we want. Its a brilliant life lesson, I played until I was 18, and then work/uni took over.

His speech/language impediments wont have a massively adverse affect, as a lot of the game is and can be shown by representation, physical situations.

The one thing I think a kid should have, is no fear of pain. fear of something leads to hermit like behaviour, and whilst many parents believe cotton wool is the best medicine, I can tell you it most certainly is not.

Depending obviously on his problems, I also believe he should not be treated too much differently. The key to a strong personality and a lack of fear is encouragement, confidence, and laughing, IMO.


This is just my opinion, of course. You know whats best for your son WTD, I doubt you need our help!
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[TUG]

[chris-red]

[neatbik]

Hate to say it, but yeah, fighting back seems to be the only way to combat it.

It worked for me when i was a lad, and it worked for our lad a couple of years ago too.
The school didnt want to know - the bully had 'special needs', and whenever we went to the school to make a complaint the little shits actions were met with a shrug of the shoulders as if to say
"what can we do? He's comes from a broken home, he's got learning difficulties, etc etc"
When i suggested that maybe he was in the wrong school things got very heated.....
Anyway, 12 months of kickboxing gave him the confidence to take no shit from anybody, and my youngest lad (4 in december) is signed up to start when he is 5.

I fucking hate bullies, and i hate just as much the powers that be for making it impossible for schools to deal with them in an effective manner.

[JonB]

Seems like the BCF massif have completely overlooked the fact the OP's son is 6.
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[TUG]

[warped one]

Like most have said giving the little sh1t a good belt can usually help. But bullying can take many forms and finding which one it is will help you to resolve the situation.

When I was at school I was bullied a fair bit, because I never really fit in with anyone due to been well different, nobody could understand my sense of humour or the way I talked to people so the 'cool' kids would try and pick on me. The only time it stopped was when I got punched in the face, for laughing at a kid that fell over. Then because I laughed at him when he hit me and told him he punched like a girl. He followed me into the toilets and smashed my head through a mirror. That sent me into a rage and I proceeded to drag him into a cubicle, sit him on the toilet and beat him up until the end of break. Then he was only found when teachers realised he wasn't in class. The best thing is when they did find him and he did wake up he was so scared he never told who it was. But as in most schools there was rumours that I had donee it. And every other time something similar happend they joined on to that. Yet noone could understand how someone who 'hangs around with the nerds' would do that.

The situation has had the adverse effect of me not been scared of anyone and has got me into alot of trouble at work with the guy's trying to bully me and been squared upto. Anyone remember when my bike was broken? He later recieved a good kicking when he was at a party with his mates.

The fact is that most people will eventually snap and turn on the bully. Until then you can only advise and try help.

Warped
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[JonB]

[colin1]

In an ideal world, have a word with the school and they can keep an eye out, and stamp out any bad behaviour. Another way would be for your kid to avoid being noticed by the problem kids by staying away from them where possible.

I was occasionally bullied at school, and picked some fights that I could win, which helped in some ways.

Often kids dont know how to fight, so teaching your kid, would probably give them the edge. However it could go either way, and probably shouldnt really be encouraged.

If all else fails, change schools.

As mentioned, it may be a lesson to be learnt that some will find fault in others and to put up with it.
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[TUG]

[BelleBot]

Actually, I found the best way to sort out bullies is to ignore them. If they don't get a reaction, they soon get bored and move on. The kids that cried, hid, ran away and were all wimpy got bullied more and more. Those that tried to fight back but found themselves incapable or lost any fights got bullied more.

Fighting back and winning works wonders, but it can backfire. However teaching your kid to ignore any taunts and not get wound up or upset can really do the trick. My favourite used to be telling the girls that bullied me in a rather unbothered voice and yawning "Gosh, you're really boring at times." Or after a long list of insults reply with "Yes.. and?" It wasn't the reaction they were hoping to get, so they soon left me alone. Bullies only feel big if they can get a reaction from someone who's intimidated or scared.

My little step brother used to get very mad and angry, red in the face and try to lash out with punches when he got bullied about his mum being a lesbian. Now he's realised if he changes his reaction he's no longer bullied. He smiles at his bullies, says hi as though they're not a threat, and responds to jeers such as "Oi gayboy, yer mum's sick and wrong!" with "Actually i'm not gay, but yes my mum is gay, well done for noticing and she's perfectly healthy in case you were worried."
It wound the bullies up, and they eventually gave up and went off looking for an easier target.

Granted my step brother is 11, so that approach may be a little out of reach for a 6 year old, but worth considering. Bullying will always be a problem unfortunately especially if your kid is different in anyway. Good luck.
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[WildGoose]