I need a shit - how to make one?

[Ste]

Can anyone help, I need a shit but can't work out how to make one?

Not an real shit cos that'd be easy to make, but a fake one that's realistic.

Looking around at stuff on the net and there's plastic/rubber fake shits but they look obviously fake, I'm after something that's passable as genuine.

There's various recipes on websites as well most of which sound like they'd be obvious fakes.

Does anyone know how to go about getting realistic fake shit, either something to buy or something that can be made?

Thanks people, I badly need this shit

[MaybeGuy]

i watched eurotrash once when i was about 13 where some foreign bastards made a massive ''realistic'' shit making machine.
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Blue_SV650S wrote: it was a sh1te wheelie, but it proves that he can get it up in 3rd and can do angles. In summery, mattsprattuk is a gobby little sh1tebag, dopehead tw4t, but sadly for all of us, he probably isn't THAT full of sh1te!!
Kickstart wrote: Hi I tend to agree with Matt. All the best Keith

[Omega]

Could you just use a real one and then convince people it is a very good fake when needed?

[stinkwheel]

Get a mars bar and roll it in your hands (still in the wrapper) until it goes all squidgy and melted. Allow it to cool a bit then unwrap.

Then sneak into the swimming pool just before your PE lesson, place it in the pool and sneak back into the changing rooms before you're noticed.

When the maximum amount of clamour has built up, walk over, fish it out, inspect it closely, sniff it then nibble a small piece off the end and say "Mmmm, peanuts".

Spend the rest of the lesson writing out "I must not act the fool when others are trying to work." 200 times.
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“Rule one: Always stick around for one more drink. That's when things happen. That's when you find out everything you want to know.”
I did the 2010 Round Britain Rally on my 350 Bullet. 89 landmarks, 3 months, 9,500 miles.

[Phoenix]

Some crunchy peanut butter with various other things mixed in, add some toilet paper nearby with a bit smeared on for authenticity...?

[stinkwheel]

Time was, any self respecting joke shop sold shit in a can. Squirty cream style.
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“Rule one: Always stick around for one more drink. That's when things happen. That's when you find out everything you want to know.”
I did the 2010 Round Britain Rally on my 350 Bullet. 89 landmarks, 3 months, 9,500 miles.

[Alexio]

https://www.google.co.uk/products?q=fake+dog+poo
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will never give up his CG. I look at my fuel gauge more as a progress bar than a fuel gauge.
G: With my GSXR I do often effectively use it as a scooter with a clutch in town.
ms51ves3: why does it need 500 miles? Are you teaching it how to be a piston?

[Speedy3]

https://www.shitsenders.com/order/

Dunno if thats any use? May order some lol
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Current bike: 2005 Triumph Speed Triple 1050 :: Previous Bikes: 2001 Kawasaki ZZR-600 E9 (Sold) 1996 Yamaha Diversion 600s (Sold),1997 Honda CB250 Nighthawk (Sold), 1988 Honda VFR 400 NC24 (Written Off), 1987 Honda CB350 S-G (Sold), Yamaha DT125 (Sold), Honda X8R-S 50cc (Stolen)

[Nufkamp]

[Clanger]

[karoshi]

use one of your own and the office's Laminating machine?
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Well, I've wrestled with reality for 35 years, Doctor, and I'm happy to state I finally won out over it. - Elwood P. Dowd

[Redoko]

OK, I'll ask it first.

Why do you want a fake shit?

Whoever suggested using a real one has the right idea.
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"Let's face it, this is not the worst thing you've caught me doing."
Sudika Sportsman SK50QT > Gilera DNA50 > Honda CBR125 RW7 > Kawasaki Zephyr750 > Suzuki GSXR600 > Honda Hornet CB600F '51