A small Rantette

[UnknownStuntm...]

Cathartic and a genuine sigh of relief, this is.

White road paint. It doesn't make the road any safer, it just makes it a little bit whiter. People don't seem to pay much attention to the pretty pictures anyway, so why bother. My bike instructor told me once it's expensive stuff, so if there's a lot of it, it's for a very good reason. Well I have come to the conclusion that the reason is that whatever upper middle class vermin in control of the roads budget for whatever area must have shares in the company that produces, stockpiles, manages, or otherwise interferes with the delivery of said white goo to the road surfaces. And gets a backhander or payment in kind. My solution to this problem is twofold; First kill the cockend in charge of spattering the road with 'Vehicular Directive Spunk', then simply don't add any more of it. No DON'T paint black all over the existing paint, you thoughtless CUNTS, it makes it slippy and more of an invitation to distract drivers as a challenge to read what it said before you changed your mind last. Which was about a week ago.

Road safety improvements. As above, the fucking turd in charge of 'road safety' really ought to be drawn. Not hanged, or quartered, just drawn. Really. What seems to happen is this:
Feckless idiot #1 does something stupid on the road, and causes a collision. One or more people are "hurt" (this may or may not be total bollocks made up by the powers that be to justify their decisions). Feckless idiot #2 does something in BROADLY the same area, say, within seven miles or kilometres or 'lengths of a maiden's gusset' or whatever the fucking E fucking U want to tell us to measure stuff in next week. Suddenly there's an uproar by 'concerned residents' who arm themselves with speed guns and dazzling yellow jackets. Moments later, the white paint is out. Then the red paint, colouring in the doodles left by the VDS army. Then - and this is the bit that fucking staggers me - they put signs up telling you how dangerous the road is. And how many accidents there have been since the beginning of time. Now, I'm not a particularly clever bloke, but I know that I'd rather crash into a non-signpost than an actual signpost. Surely, it's not too much of a mental taxation to work out that by PUTTING A SIGN UP YOU'RE MAKING IT LESS SAFE, is it, Mr Speaker? Seriously, there are so many 'red routes' and 'improvements planned' signs around, it's a wonder you've still got space for proper signs, like STOP YOU CUNT and FUCKING GIVE WAY. Which you might not have thought about using just yet, so here are a couple to start you off.
https://www.bikechatforums.com/files/rtmmnff.jpg

Buses and their associated drivers. Don't get me wrong, I'm all in favour of inclusion and care in the community, but to put some of these mongrels in charge of a 40 foot killing machine WHEN THEY HAVE NO EYES, it's just fucking baffling! The amount of times I've seen a bus driver doing something absurd, like driving over a roundabout, overtaking on a mini roundabout, stopping in the middle of a zebra crossing to let passengers ON, I've lost count. Not that I do count, I'm not clever enough to remember the tally. But it must be up to the thousands by now. They have signs on saying 'Please let buses pull out'. What they seemed to omit (and if I happen upon a bus parked up one day while I'm in possession of a marker pen I'll add it) was "their cocks and jizz all over you". Just because some hemp-wearing stinky mother of Tarquill-Yosephity wants to go and buy sandals without adding to the world's debt of carbon and therefore uses 'public transport' does not mean we should have building-wide vehicles propelled by what seems like concentrated coal tar rolling up and down in a barely-guided fashion around the nations roads. Much less when the bus is shared between fuckwitted driver and stoned earth mother and NOBODY ELSE. Fucking waste of space if you ask me. Make buses out of Smart cars. Simple.

Mobile Phones. Ok. This one I'm guilty of. I own one, and I'm ashamed to say I use it regularly. It's usually less than an arms' gesture away, and it's on when I'm awake. But. I cannot abide people using them to yabber on while in a public setting. Like walking down my fucking street at stupid-o'clock, when I'm in bed. And they're FOGHORNING into the mouthpiece in whatever drunken dialect they've made up just because they're lonely while walking home. Humans existed before mobile phones, and they'll exist after (well some shouldn't, but that's another rant I might tell some time). Can't everyone agree that it's ok to have a phone with you, to take to work, to call the AA if you've broken down and to sit on the bog with and share lovely splooshy noises with loved ones - but when you have to battle over the ambient noise of your situation TAKE THE FUCKING HINT and stop using the cunting thing. And what in sweet Thor's Beard is the matter with people who want to use it while trying to pilot a car. I've seen builders, truck drivers, chav chimps, pikeys, suits, grockles and middle aged Porsche drivers doing it. But teenage women are by far the most common. I mean, how can they think they can apply lip colour, eye up the chav chimp in the purple Paxo two cars in front, text Shiyella-Anne the results of the X factor final and drive at the same time amazes me. How come then that same 'BENCH' stamped Adolescent Harridan can't even manage either of the words 'please' or 'thank you' when serving you at the local supermarket? It's like they have an 'idle' or 'mong' setting....

That's all for now.

[SlimRick]

And.......breathe.......