SE Off Road - 28th Dec Ride Report

[silky666]

Surrey Santa’s Ride Report - Renamed Satans Run.
Monday 28th December - Bocketts to Newlands.
Attendees: Tatters, MikeJ, Adamski, Me.

Plan was for a nice Christmas ride.
Met at Bocketts around 10am in an attempt to let the day warm up.
Now I know it’s only 1 line into the report, but at this point the ride started going tits up

MikeJ drove up from the coast .... unloaded his bike ... hauled on all the armour and kit ... then realised the front inner tube was shredded and we had no tools to get the wheel off.
Lesson 1: I am going to update my tool pack. ie:spare tube, tyre levers, some spanners etc.

https://i157.photobucket.com/albums/t69/silky666/Bike%20Stuff/mikejflat.jpg


We are now down to 3. At which point Tatters realises his rear is flat. We have not even exited the car park yet
Luckily a generous squirt of tyre foam fixes all.
Lesson 2: Buy some more tyre foam.

https://i157.photobucket.com/albums/t69/silky666/Bike%20Stuff/tattersflat.jpg


Ok! Time for the fun to begin.
Good first few sections ... some deep ruts, and mud is sticky and deforms less. So the ruts tend to throw you around a bit. But good fun videoing Tatters and Adamski squirreling about … roosting etc.
Well, it would be a good video IF I had not fiddled with the settings and made it ultra widescreen and angled the camera incorrectly. Thus capturing nothing but ground for the full ride
Lesson 3: Stick with the default settings on new camera.

Quick break and then onto the best lane - The Sand Gallops.
Off we set ... bushy tails and wide eyes ... then on first corner and we are met by the Surrey Rambling Mafia.
I had to laugh at their modus operandi:
a) see nasty biker on byway and split group to both sides of lane.
b) stand near puddle with feet a foot away from edge and ignore huge expanse of land behind.
c) scowl as bikers (Tatters) slow down to wobbling pace, and are forced through puddle.
d) shout abuse and look down at 'walking brogues' to see splashes of muddy water.
e) shout more abuse and scowl more.
I wish the camera had picked up their abuse properly.
Lesson 4: Get external mic / speak to Sven about sound recording.

I didn’t let that put me in a bad mood as I rode what is the finest lane in Surrey.
However, the sound of a low branch (?) 'adjusting' my helmet cam at speed did make me frown a bit.
(see video at end of post)

Rest of the lanes were all good ... no real dramas, but the road parts were very icy and we all had some 'moments'.
Some deep ruts and the mud was particularly sticky … Good fun.
Then onto Beelzebubs puddle.
No real issue. As we have all said in the past, the puddle used to be a thing of fear... but we now negotiate it with ease. Just don’t go blatting through the middle.

Tatters goes first, and blats through the middle
Bike and rider are now lying on their side in the middle of a rather dirty and deep puddle.
I am stuck at the start of it, and can only look on as Tatters is determined to kick start the bike in the middle of the puddle (sorry Tatters).
Eventually he hauls it out, only to be met by men with shotguns.
Apparently they will be driving some birds over us and will be blasting them out of the sky like Toad of Toad Hall.
"would us chaps mind stopping here for a while" .... I look at Tatters with water pouring out of his pockets and agree it may be time for a smoke break
At the same time a 4x4 attempts to make the crossing and has to give up and back out ... so at least its not just us.
Lesson 5: Respect Beelzebubs.

Fast forward an hour ... and the bike still wont start.
Its been kicked, sworn at, prayed at, and kicked again .. nothing.

https://i157.photobucket.com/albums/t69/silky666/Bike%20Stuff/tattersbroken.jpg


Then Tatters remembers seeing some video where they remove any excess water in the barrel by setting fire to it ??
So, a combination of my volvic water bottle and the vent hose from my tank, soon see the barrel filled with petrol and Tatters asking "you got a light".
I stand well back and video.
Lesson 6: Don’t let Tatters near your bike with petrol and a lighter.
(See video at end of post)

Over an hour later we finally give up and decide that it would be a good idea to push the bike to the road and then its only a few yards to the hill down to main road. Maybe then we will have phone signal ?
Half a mile later and tatters is knackered .. the hill is about a mile away
So we fashion a tow rope using an old rucksack strap and some goggles (its getting like the A-Team now) .. and I tow him to the downhill section.
Lesson 7: Dont listen to me when it comes to directions or distances.

Miracle. .. the bike eventually fires into life and even ticks over nicely. Legend.

https://i157.photobucket.com/albums/t69/silky666/Bike%20Stuff/tattersbikestarts.jpg


However the miracle is short lived, as we now find out that 10 miles from home the bikes main bearings gave up, cracked an engine part and the barrel and piston are wrecked.
So lets count up the cost of Beelzebubs Puddle over 2009 shall we:
1) Philo dunks it = Hydro lock and a £1800 repair bill
2) Random bloke we met dunks it = £900 repair bill
3) Tatters dunks it = approx £600 repair bill (?)

And that is why that little puddle is known as 'Beelzebub’s'.


Apart from the above, it was a cracking ride
Video link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nuMr6tRm7Kk
note: Camera angle is f*cked up ... and I only made it so I could play with some effects and show what an adventure we had.
Quality is good though .. 720p @ 60fps. .. but too much of a wide angle !
And apologies for the music .. but the engine sounds were boring and I fancied adding some 'shizzle'.
____________________
There's nothing that shouts "Poor Workmanship" more than wrinkles in the Gaffa tape.

Gaffa tape is like "the force" - it has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

[arry]

Great write up

Sounds like you had fun, minor inconveniences and major puddles aside

[HoggyF]

Cracking report,
just trying to decide whether your mate is bloody brave or bloody stupid, he fired the kickstart again after it had already thrown a great wodge of flame out - brilliant!!
Question - If that puddle's so bad (and expensive) why not just ride round the side?

keep up the good work.