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The BCF Top Ten 2010

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Steve H
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PostPosted: 23:39 - 08 Jun 2010    Post subject: The BCF Top Ten 2010 Reply with quote

Six months into the year - it's about time...

10. Dragonfly

Every TEN’s gotta have its’ bird quotient and here she is. After peppering the outskirts of the TEN for the last couple of years Dragonfly gets in purely on the basis that she’s had by far the most requests to post pictures of her tits and/or arse (or, if none are forthcoming to subsequebtly ‘Get the Fuck out’) by the BCF young boys brigade. If truth be told, the girl that most BCFers under the age of 21 agreed they’d like to ‘Bang like a steel drum during the twelve inch versions of every unnoficial anthem of every Caribbean Island since time began’ is now a shadow of her former self since becoming a Yummy Mummy. Baps that have been groped ‘n chewed like a Doberman’s rubber bone, a muff like an untended allotment, backside the size of a Scania, bags under those baby blues sponsored by Aldi and worst of all only three ‘n a half green blobs. The TEN hates it when a girl lets things slide.

9. stinkwheel

One of the few tossers who gets away with an avatar that’s got more movement in it than a corpulent cow with a bowel full of cement and chocolate fudge. Ironically Stinky’s last call out was for that very condition when one of his bovine buddies was found ‘grazing’ on the site of Willy Wonka’s partially constructed Chocolate Factory in Newbiggin. Whatever veterinary heroics our stinky performs, having a winking profile picture still makes him a BCF rule flouting cock-end.

8. mr_fisty

How could the TEN overlook a username with as many connotations as this you might ask? Well, we couldn’t so here goes...

Named after his hero Jeremy Beadle mr_f innocently took up biking purely in an attempt to make himself a quick 250 quid however after binning it 14 times in as many days (1 intentionally) and getting a 4 figure payout from the You’ve Been Framed producers (along with a restraining order from the petite fingered jester) he was forced to venture into the dark underbelly of pornographic film. Using his back catalogue from yuvutu as his curriculum vitae mr_fisty was immensely successful taking the lead role in ‘A Fistful of Hollas’, ‘Knucklehairy Quim’ and the straight to DVD ‘mr_fisty meets the Knuckle Chuckle Brothers’. The rest, to quote the title of his bestselling autobiography, is ‘Fistory’.

7. bazza

The trend for the uneducated and grammatically inept lower case monikers continues with bazza – The TEN quite rightly blames the parents however in bazza’s case, like ‘Stig of the Dump’ his ancestry can’t be traced other than to a test tube in Broadmoor. Rarely initiates a thread however habitually appears in the middle of one with a ferocious keystroke that often sends the recipient reeling back from his or her screen. Invariably bazza’s comments are about as welcome as a bout of thrush on the missus however don’t try chucking Yoghurt on the screen when you see his responses – it doesn’t fucking work.

6. Harold_Shand

Recently upped his post count in an effort to attract new clientele due to the loss of his lucrative Special Brew sponsorship contract. There’s one reason that his threads don’t bear the prose ‘Brought to you by Special Brew‘ anymore and that’s ‘cos he admitted in the now deleted ‘What does your missus look like naked’ thread that his response was brought to you by ‘...any brew that’ll get me fucked after 3 cans and make this look like Keira Knightley...’. Thunderbird, Mad Dog 20/20 and Methylated Spirit are believed to be expressing an interest.

5. Blue_SV650S

Solely responsible for the most annoying, irritating and grammatically contemptible prose ever brought to BCF. Asked once how this Author could quite happily sit through a Del Griffith 2 day shower curtain ring seminar I simply replied...

‘...cos I’ve read everyfuckingone of Blue_SV650S’s threads’

To which my colleague replied...

‘I know what you mean, the ‘Today I did do’ guy’? Woah!’

Shame on you if you plagiarised that shit.

4. Hetzer/Siggi

Older and wiser than his much more irascible predecessor this entry is more of a doff of the cap to the gone but not forgotten Siggi if the TEN is perfectly honest. However if pushed we’d concede that Hetzer is deserving of a place on his very own steely eyed, square jawed, Sassoon styled mane merit. If you thought a Hetzer rant was a thing of bilious beauty then you had never gotten on the wrong side of the Siggmeister. His followers were many and immature and those that questioned him were on the receiving end of more patronising ‘little poppet’ jabs than a mischievous two year old at an Anne Summers party. In-depth internet investigation and late night phone calls were run of the mill if you crossed his path however he disappeared from the scene after two protagonists (Porn and D *) decided that the Horses Head treatment was a step too far.

* Names changed to protect identities.

3. Luke

The Shirley Crabtree of the Geek Zone never more-so than when he’s chirping ‘EASY! EASY! EASY!’ at his Modern Warfare minions in the MW2 thread. Will also be bearing an uncanny resemblance to Crabtree in his pomp if he spends anymore time in front of his X-Box eating cheese based snacks, crisps and coke whilst striving for perfection on the Uzi, AK47 and pea-shooter Master Challenges. Indeed, the last time he actually did a physical 360 was when he was having a sly Tommy Tank in his bedroom and his Mum walked in.

2. Ste

After a couple of wilderness years Ste’s returns to the fold with a vengeance slipping back into the shoes that no other BCFer (not even Flip’s old clown) could fill. The TEN can confirm that he’s now published more photo’s of tit’s, arse and cock than entire back catalogue of Country Life and the launch of his very own social networking site ‘Twatter’ is imminent. The only thing that Ste’s on now more than BCF is Mogadon.

1. Famille Kickstart

A first for the TEN, two benefactors of the cherished top spot (hands up if you scrolled down to the bottom first – if Keith’s arms are by his side then he’s fibbing!). So, not just Keith but the added bonus of the missus who’s rocking a solid two gold blob’s despite her post ratio being lower than the goolies of a legless midget. The Karma that these two are forking in must mean that their lives are perfection personified. No dog breath in the morning, not a cross word between the pair... EVER, bollocks and snatch both as smooth as a billiard ball/shove ha’penny table (respectively), three course dinner on the table at 6pm, washing up done by visiting birds, bees and badgers and a rip roarin’ sex life to rival some of the manufactured bullshit posted by our younger viewers.

Pity the garage is a fucking tip eh Keith!?
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Luke_Retrofly
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Joined: 05 Jul 2003
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PostPosted: 01:45 - 09 Jun 2010    Post subject: Reply with quote

Fuck yeah!
Dance!
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ms51ves3
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PostPosted: 02:43 - 09 Jun 2010    Post subject: Reply with quote

Clapping
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Ste
Not Work Safe



Joined: 01 Sep 2002
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PostPosted: 03:24 - 09 Jun 2010    Post subject: Reply with quote

Mr. Green

http://www.stedotcom.com/stuff/kitten1.jpg
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Alexio
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PostPosted: 04:21 - 09 Jun 2010    Post subject: Reply with quote

You know you're life is complete when you make it on to Steve's list.
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Mac_Black
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PostPosted: 04:23 - 09 Jun 2010    Post subject: Reply with quote

Bravo
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Ste
Not Work Safe



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PostPosted: 07:01 - 09 Jun 2010    Post subject: Re: The BCF Top Ten 2010 Reply with quote

Steve H wrote:
the launch of his very own social networking site ‘Twatter’ is imminent.

I'm making a website all about kittens. Wink
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Raffles
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PostPosted: 07:56 - 09 Jun 2010    Post subject: Reply with quote

Brilliant, Ste. You do though seem to have omitted to include Warped in your compilation.
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Tarmacsurfer
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PostPosted: 09:42 - 09 Jun 2010    Post subject: Reply with quote

Raffles wrote:
Brilliant, Ste. You do though seem to have omitted to include Warped in your compilation.


He tries far too hard to be worth noticing much.

Steve, I'm shocked at the number of errors in that prose Tut Tut
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Mr.Everready
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PostPosted: 09:55 - 09 Jun 2010    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well done Steve, excellent as per. Thumbs Up Laughing
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Luke_Retrofly
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PostPosted: 10:04 - 09 Jun 2010    Post subject: Reply with quote

You do know that you are one of the MW2 minions Razz
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mistergixer
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PostPosted: 10:07 - 09 Jun 2010    Post subject: Reply with quote

Normally i like Mr H's posts, but as i've not made it into the ten this year, i now think he's a cum-quaffing spunk monkey who gobbles off horses.
I demand you re-visit this year's ten and put me in my rightful place (who is the Kickstart anyways? I've never seen any of his posts, i'll wager he knows the neck-end of fuck-all about bikes or anything else), otherwise those pictures of the aftermath of Mr H in that donkey sanctuary might well make it into the public domain.

Evil or Very Mad
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MarJay
But it's British!



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PostPosted: 11:06 - 09 Jun 2010    Post subject: Reply with quote

MarJay Top Ten Fail.
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bazza
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PostPosted: 11:32 - 09 Jun 2010    Post subject: Reply with quote

It's about time the injustices of the last Top 10 were overruled. You know - the Top 10 with colin1 in it and me relegated to the status of a mere nobody.

As to the lack of capitalisation in my nick, I refer to the explanation given by k.d. lang. Whatever it is.
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Mr.Everready
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PostPosted: 11:35 - 09 Jun 2010    Post subject: Reply with quote

colin1 in it ? He's been at number 1 for the last 2 years, I think that's more than enough for out Col don't you think ? Laughing
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silky666
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PostPosted: 11:49 - 09 Jun 2010    Post subject: Reply with quote

I am surprised that Hetzer/Siggi is on the list.
You seem to be remembering the good old days when he would post on an hourly basis ... and post with anger and hate.

The past 6 months have seen the following:
1) Hetzer posts about once a week.
2) He has sold his bike and taken up roller blading.
3) He has discovered some book about 'seeing the light' or something.
4) (and this is the bit that upsets me the most), His posts are now littered with empathy and an almost 'live and let live' perspective.

Christ, some dog mauls his niece and the owners are still walking Rolling Eyes

He doesnt belong on the list, given his performance over the past 6 months.
He is now simply 'a norm'.
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Last edited by silky666 on 13:57 - 09 Jun 2010; edited 2 times in total
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bazza
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PostPosted: 11:49 - 09 Jun 2010    Post subject: Reply with quote

Mr.Everready wrote:
out Col


He's finally out? Good man.

I always said he had it in him.
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Hetzer
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PostPosted: 12:57 - 09 Jun 2010    Post subject: Reply with quote

silky666 wrote:
I am surprised that Hetzer/Siggi is on the list.
You seem to be remembering the good old days when he would post on an hourly basis ... and post with anger and hate.

The past 6 months have see the following:
1) Hetzer posts about once a week.
2) He has sold his bike and taken up roller blading.
3) He has discovered some book about 'seeing the light' or something.
4) (and this is the bit that upsets me the most), His posts are now littered with empathy and an almost 'live and let live' perspective.

Christ, some dog mauls his niece and the owners are still walking Rolling Eyes

He doesnt belong on the list, given his performance over the past 6 months.
He is now simply 'a norm'.


My give-a-shit has quit, my mojo has succumbed to old-geezer syndrome. Sue me, you slag.
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silky666
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PostPosted: 13:53 - 09 Jun 2010    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hetzer wrote:
Sue me, you slag

Told ya ! In the good old days I would have received an offer of a meeting in some basement or field, for a good, old fashioned 'settler'.
Now he would rather use the legal system and see you in court.

Take him off that list now.
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There's nothing that shouts "Poor Workmanship" more than wrinkles in the Gaffa tape.

Gaffa tape is like "the force" - it has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
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The999Kid
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PostPosted: 14:39 - 09 Jun 2010    Post subject: Reply with quote

what must one do to qualify for the BCF top 10 besides being awesome beyond comparison?
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Mr.Everready
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PostPosted: 14:44 - 09 Jun 2010    Post subject: Reply with quote

The999Kid wrote:
what must one do to qualify for the BCF top 10 besides being awesome beyond comparison?


Mr. H. is the judge, jury and executioner, if you don't impress him then you're a nobody.
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Steve H
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PostPosted: 20:06 - 09 Jun 2010    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks for all the positive and negative comments as always ladies 'n gents - as is the norm it's purely an annual ego trip however the TEN has never been about me, seriously, it would be nothing without you, the BCF proletariat Wink

As the TEN has never achieved official status on BCF feel free to have a go although I'll © the name so you'll have to call it the Top Dix/Diez/Decem or something equally pretentious Thumbs Up
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JonB
Afraid of Mileage



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PostPosted: 20:14 - 09 Jun 2010    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hetzer has nothing to be angry about since the Tories got in. Shhh!
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Dragonfly
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PostPosted: 21:10 - 11 Jun 2010    Post subject: Re: The BCF Top Ten 2010 Reply with quote

Steve H wrote:
Six months into the year - it's about time...

10. Dragonfly

Every TEN’s gotta have its’ bird quotient and here she is. After peppering the outskirts of the TEN for the last couple of years Dragonfly gets in purely on the basis that she’s had by far the most requests to post pictures of her tits and/or arse (or, if none are forthcoming to subsequebtly ‘Get the Fuck out’) by the BCF young boys brigade. If truth be told, the girl that most BCFers under the age of 21 agreed they’d like to ‘Bang like a steel drum during the twelve inch versions of every unnoficial anthem of every Caribbean Island since time began’ is now a shadow of her former self since becoming a Yummy Mummy. Baps that have been groped ‘n chewed like a Doberman’s rubber bone, a muff like an untended allotment, backside the size of a Scania, bags under those baby blues sponsored by Aldi and worst of all only three ‘n a half green blobs. The TEN hates it when a girl lets things slide.



Do you know me personally or something? Shifty Crying or Very sad

*goes off to sob about the truth* Crying or Very sad
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binge
Emo Kiddy



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PostPosted: 21:19 - 11 Jun 2010    Post subject: Reply with quote

Love it! Thumbs Up
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