Film review thread

[CBFcarl]

Snatched

Cabbage patch doll faced "comedienne" and Goldie Hawn get kidnapped in Equador. All the best bits (and i use the word Best loosely) are in the trailer.

The mrs liked it though...

5/10
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thx1138 wrote: Well if you had a car, I'd bet it would smell like urine had had drunken sex with vomit and made a poo baby.
Polarbear wrote: They are all old now. Probably had more abuse that a Rotherham schoolgirl.
Hellkat wrote: I want to know if Nigella smells of garlic, or just minge.

[thx1138]

Captain America: Civil War 7/10

Second half of the film is a very silly slapstick ensemble.

particularly the rebooted spiderman

[Rogerborg]

Jupiter Ascending 5/10

A visual spectacle, but with no substance or character.

No, not Mila Kunis, the film. Oh, and Mila Kunis, or at least her character. Yes, Mila will make you want to insert every extremity into her, but the titular character of Jupiter is astonishingly limp and passive. She spends most of the film falling or being carried, Lois Lane stylee. The most active thing she does is to read a book and quote a rule. I jest not.

The tone is all over the place, with a Galactic Bureaucracy scene that feels like it's from a different film. I was waiting for it to throw out a reference to Brazil, and when it inevitably came it was so painfully obvious that it felt like abuse rather than homage.

The score is clumsy, Tatum is bland, most of the support are just there for their pay cheques, Weirdy McBritishchap over-chews the scenery, I lost track of whom was double crossing whom: it's just all off key and a bit random.

Damn shame, since I could and should really have liked the golden age SF setting.

Think Guardians of the Galaxy with all the joy and panache sucked out of it.
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Biking is 1/20th as dangerous as horse riding.
GONE: HN125-8, LF-250B, GPz 305, GPZ 500S, Burgman 400 // RIDING: F650GS (800 twin), Royal Enfield Bullet Electra 500 AVL, Ninja 250R because racebike

[pinkyfloyd]

Alien Covenant 5/10

Better than Prometheus but that was not hard, Interesting to see the way they got from the Prometheus alien to the xenomorph we all know and love. A few plot holes and very predictable towards the end but on the whole not a bad effort to claw it back on track. Will be interesting to see the third instalment that he had panned.
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illuminateTHEmind wrote: I am just more evolved than most of you guys... this allows me to pick of things quickly which would have normally taken the common man years to master
Hockeystorm65:.well there are childish arguments...there are very childish arguments.....there are really stupid childish arguments and now there are......Pinkfloyd arguments!
Teflon-Mike:I think I agree with just about all Pinky has said.

[Rogerborg]

Wyrmwood: Road of the Dead 6/10

Your standard buddy road movie outbreak-in-the-outback low budget knockabout zompocalypse Ozzie production.

No messing around, mate, none of that whinging Pom introspection. Just get every bucket of fake blood on camera, she'll be right.

100 minutes of splatter, gags (all sorts) and sweaty cleavages. Great fun, everything Grindhouse: Planet Terror wasn't.
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Biking is 1/20th as dangerous as horse riding.
GONE: HN125-8, LF-250B, GPz 305, GPZ 500S, Burgman 400 // RIDING: F650GS (800 twin), Royal Enfield Bullet Electra 500 AVL, Ninja 250R because racebike

[pinkyfloyd]

Beautiful Creatures 7/10

Was watchable, By no means great but a different take on the boy meets girl movies. This time boy meets weirdo who turns out to be a witch. Entertained me for a couple of hours

Predestination 8/10

Watched this straight after, this is one seriously fucked up movie. Time travel with a twist. I kind of really enjoyed it but it is very weird if you want to spend most of the movie wondering what is going on and then going WTF at the end then watch it.
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illuminateTHEmind wrote: I am just more evolved than most of you guys... this allows me to pick of things quickly which would have normally taken the common man years to master
Hockeystorm65:.well there are childish arguments...there are very childish arguments.....there are really stupid childish arguments and now there are......Pinkfloyd arguments!
Teflon-Mike:I think I agree with just about all Pinky has said.

[Rogerborg]

John Wick 4/10

Far too many cut scenes, the player doesn't even get control until 30 minutes in. Frame rate is acceptable, but it's a basic rail shooter.
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Biking is 1/20th as dangerous as horse riding.
GONE: HN125-8, LF-250B, GPz 305, GPZ 500S, Burgman 400 // RIDING: F650GS (800 twin), Royal Enfield Bullet Electra 500 AVL, Ninja 250R because racebike

[Lord Percy]

Moonlight - 6/10

Slow drama about a black kid growing up in a hood in the US.

Ends up a drug dealer or something, he's also gay and has a closet romance with his best friend from school. Clearly it was written to make the black community less homophobic. And that explains all the awards it got.

[M.C]

[Suntan Sid]

Life - 3/10

Pointless film that's been made many times before!
Loads of plot holes and not a decent weapon in sight, (discounting the cast obviously)!
If you've seen "Alien" there's no point in watching it, you already know the beginning, middle and end!
How the writers didn't get sued for plagiarism is beyond me.
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"Everybody needs money, that's why they call it money!"

[pinkyfloyd]

Chappie 9/10

Another Blomkamp movie so it was bound to be good. It was. If you liked District 9 and Elysium you'll enjoy this.
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illuminateTHEmind wrote: I am just more evolved than most of you guys... this allows me to pick of things quickly which would have normally taken the common man years to master
Hockeystorm65:.well there are childish arguments...there are very childish arguments.....there are really stupid childish arguments and now there are......Pinkfloyd arguments!
Teflon-Mike:I think I agree with just about all Pinky has said.

[Rogerborg]

The World's End 4/10

Bit of a mess, this one. Great cast, and yes, it's got the usual Pegg/Wright foreshadowing but the writing isn't that sharp, the pacing and tone is all over the place, and a sadly aged Simon Pegg plays a bellend so successfully that I was rooting for the robuts.

I couldn't find the fun in it and barely made it to the end. A patchy end to the Cornetto trilogy.
____________________
Biking is 1/20th as dangerous as horse riding.
GONE: HN125-8, LF-250B, GPz 305, GPZ 500S, Burgman 400 // RIDING: F650GS (800 twin), Royal Enfield Bullet Electra 500 AVL, Ninja 250R because racebike

[M.C]

[stevo as b4]

In a Valley of Violence: 6/10.

Not that bad for a modern Western film, and though it was a bit daft and comedy like in places and with some of the characters, Ethan Hawk played the role of the quiet lone Cowboy riding into a backwards town quite well.

It was nice to see John Travolta in a role where he isn't the crazed physco, but a considered old guy that knows his own mortality.

[bacon]

[Jayy]

The Wizard Of Lies - 7/10

If you got the ingenuity to pull off a $65billion ponzi scheme for 20 years and nobody, not even the regulatory bodies who investigated him found out for that long... I think he should be let off rather than put in prison Almost unbelievable how he go away with this.

Life - 7/10

What's not to like about a good space film? There's not many of them made (good ones). Really enjoyed this, the effects, the freakyness of it and the ending To the dude who said it was 3/10 Alien rip off... I thin k we've mostly got to the end of original space films by now, it was well made

T2 Trainspotting - 8/10

Thought this was brilliant and hilarious in equal measure. Begby is still, if not more terrifying than ever

[Kris]

[Rogerborg]

More Invasion of the Body Snatchers, I'd have thought, since they're invaders who are snatching bodies.

It had all the right elements, they just didn't gel for me. The main problem was that Pegg's character was (deliberately) a pathetic tosser, and remained so all the way to the contrived end. He played it pretty well, I just didn't enjoy the performance.
____________________
Biking is 1/20th as dangerous as horse riding.
GONE: HN125-8, LF-250B, GPz 305, GPZ 500S, Burgman 400 // RIDING: F650GS (800 twin), Royal Enfield Bullet Electra 500 AVL, Ninja 250R because racebike

[-Matt-]

T2 Trainspotting - 7.5/10
Lived up to expectations - nothing on the first one but still a worthy nostalgia filled sequel, worth the watch .

Followed up with a bit of Trainspotting 9/10 and Human Traffic 9/10 for good measure .

[Rogerborg]

Red Planet -8/10

Me am got teh dumbeder by watched this. I mean, you took a Murderbot to Mars? With an honest-to-allah Murder-Mode? And that actually makes more sense than anything else in it. If I were to list every instance of mongery, it would put a Tefsperg to shame.

A solid -10, plus 1 for each of circa-2000 Carrie-Anne Moss' vest-nipples. I don't know why I inflict this stuff on myself.
____________________
Biking is 1/20th as dangerous as horse riding.
GONE: HN125-8, LF-250B, GPz 305, GPZ 500S, Burgman 400 // RIDING: F650GS (800 twin), Royal Enfield Bullet Electra 500 AVL, Ninja 250R because racebike

[Going]

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales - AKA - Pirates of the Caribbean: Salazar's Revenge - 6/10

My favourite part of the film (apart form some cleavage) was the shark bit, which I saw before, before another film I watched.

[Rogerborg]

Not really film, or music, or box set, but might as well spank it in here. (Netflix) Garfunkel and Oates: Trying to be Special.

Two quirkyish-prettyish-nerdyish broads sing songs about handjobs and anal sex for an hour. Their vocal synchronicity and rapid fire lyrics are impressive. It's fun stuff, and even dallies with poignant as they deal with being 36 and single in Frozen Lullaby.

Nothing you can't already see on YouTube, but it's all in one place, well performed, and they're annoyingly hard to dislike.
____________________
Biking is 1/20th as dangerous as horse riding.
GONE: HN125-8, LF-250B, GPz 305, GPZ 500S, Burgman 400 // RIDING: F650GS (800 twin), Royal Enfield Bullet Electra 500 AVL, Ninja 250R because racebike

[Tracey Suntan-King]

A Cure for Wellness 7/10

A big budget, gothic, hammer horror style romp. Delightfully silly, mildly pervy and gross. Takes itself very seriously though.

Took me back to Friday nights in the 1970's when my dad (who had us to stay every weekend) would leave my brother and me home alone till late. We used to up watching the Hammer House of Horror movie with a bottle of Woodpecker* and scare ourselves silly.

I suppose this is the modern equivalent.

* my personal a la recherche du temps perdu
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Whether you think you can, or think you can't, you're probably right

[Rogerborg]

Elysium 2/10

An overblown mess of a film with an utterly perverse theme. The hero is a pikey, his allies are pikeys, and it promulgates the myth that beggaring a tiny wealthy minority magically can somehow make every one of the teeming masses equally well off.

No, really, the upbeat ending proposes that perhaps a dozen magical medical shuttles with a dozen magical medical beds each will magically cure 10 billion inbred ingrates of their ills. Ignoring that the swarming mud grubbers will be pumping out new sickies far, far faster than they could possibly be cured, let alone that local dickholes would just seize or destroy these resources or simply allow them to degrade in the same way that ignorant savages always do when gifted with technology beyond that which they have created themselves.

Honestly, I am rage-triggered almost beyond the capacity for rational thought by the premise and false promise of this clumsy ideological agit-prop. Maaaatt Daaaaamon.

Plus, Jodie Foster has a weird accent.
____________________
Biking is 1/20th as dangerous as horse riding.
GONE: HN125-8, LF-250B, GPz 305, GPZ 500S, Burgman 400 // RIDING: F650GS (800 twin), Royal Enfield Bullet Electra 500 AVL, Ninja 250R because racebike

[Bubbs]

Dr Strange - 3/10

Mildly entertaining... well, up until I turned it off (lasted about an hour). These super hero films are feeling very samey. They rely way too heavily on special effects and they don't give a fuck about storyline or character.

Not for me.
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Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.