A wee poem for you - since it is Burn's Nights

[Gazz]

One Wee Scottish Farty (Tae A Fart)



Oh what a sleekit horrible beastie,

Lurks in yer bellie efter a feastie,

Just as ye sit doon among yer kin

There starts to stir an enormous wind.



The neeps and tatties and mushy peas

Start working like a gentle breeze

But soon the pudding wi' the sauncie face

Will hae ye blawin' a' ower the place



Nae matter whit the hell ye dae

a'body's gonnae hae tae pay

Even if ye try tae stifle

it's like a bullet oot a rifle



Hawd yer bum ticht tae the chair

Tae try tae stop the leakin' air

Shift yersel fae cheek tae cheek

Pray tae god it disnae reek



But a' the efforts go asunder

Oot it comes like a clap o' thunder

Ricochets arrond the room

Michty me! a sonic boom



God almighty it fairly reeks

A' hope a' huvnae shit ma breeks

Tae the bog a' better scurry

Whit the hell, it's no ma worry



A'body roon aboot me choakin'

One or two are nearly boakin'

I'll feel better for a while

Cannae help but raise a smile



It wis him! I shout and glower

Alas too late, he's just keeled ower

Ye dirty bugger! They shout and stare

I'm no that welcome any mair



Where e're ye go let yer wind gang free

That sounds jist the joab fir me

Whit a fuss at Rabbie's party

Ower the sake o' one wee farty

[Dazbo666]

Strange, but when I was reading that, I could hear the voice of Billy Connolly in my "heed" LOL
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1st bike (Sept'06 - May'10) : 1991 GPZ500S / Current bike (since Nov 2009) : 2003 Suzuki Bandit 600N
Word of the day : DILLIGAF

[stinkwheel]

TAM'S MUCKLE TURD.

Intae the wids amongst the trees.
Tam bared his erse, his cheeks to ease.
Nae sinner hud his breeks gan doon.
Than shitty flees were swarming roon.
Intae the wind he bared his baws
And from his erse a big keech faws.
The reek it curled amoungst the trees.
‘twis enough tae make the birdies sneeze.
An’ a’ the bees on bended knees,
Got sick a fricht o’ Tams big erse.

Big Tam wis in awfy pain.
It came oot his erse like a nine pund wean.
Thur wis a tear faw fi’ his eee
For a bigger shite you’d never see.

Big Tams erse wis raw an sair.
Says big Tam I’ll shite nae mair.
Yonder it lay amoungst the grit.
A dirty stinkin’ muckle shit.

Yonder it lat si saft, si fresh.
Nae een, nae teeth, nae brains, nae flesh.
I swear it never drew a breath.
Tams Muckle Turd.
____________________
“Rule one: Always stick around for one more drink. That's when things happen. That's when you find out everything you want to know.”
I did the 2010 Round Britain Rally on my 350 Bullet. 89 landmarks, 3 months, 9,500 miles.

[stinkwheel]

And how about one fae the pen o' the bard himself? Note one of the earliest uses of the word "cunt" in literature. Burns can also be credited with one of the earliest surviving written examples of the word "fuck" in "ode to spring".

NINE INCH WILL PLEASE A LADY.

Come rede me dame, come tell me dame,
My dame come tell me truly,
What length o' graith when weel ca'd hame
Will sair a woman duly?"
The carlin clew her wanton tail,
Her wanton tail sae ready,
"l learn'd a sang in Annandale,
Nine inch will please a lady."

"But for a koontrie cunt like mine,
In sooth we're not sae gentle;
We'll tak tway thumb-bread to the nine,
And that is a sonsy pintle.
Oh, Leeze me on, my Charlie lad,
I'll ne'er forget my Charlie,
Tway roaring handfuls and a daud
He nidged it in fu' rarely."

But wear fa' the laithron doup
And may it ne'er be thriving,
It's not the length that makes me loup
But it's the double drivin.
Come nidge me Tom, come nidge me Tom
Come nidge me, o'er the nyvel
Come lowse an lug your battering ram
And thrash him at my gyvel!
____________________
“Rule one: Always stick around for one more drink. That's when things happen. That's when you find out everything you want to know.”
I did the 2010 Round Britain Rally on my 350 Bullet. 89 landmarks, 3 months, 9,500 miles.

[tvchimp]

What's burns night? This is the first in my 23.5years of living I have heard of it..
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Bike: Currently Bikeless... Gahh

[Gazz]

[Gone]