"Father" of the bride speech

BigTobyD · Trackday Trickster Joined: 05 Aug 2010 Karma :

Right, my sister is getting married and has asked me to do the father of the bride speech for her. It's next week and I've not started to think about it yet.

It needs to be funny but kiddie and grandmother friendly....any tips/good one liners etc?
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pinkyfloyd · Super Spammer Joined: 20 Jul 2010 Karma :

I'd start by telling any funny and highly embarrasing stories of your sister when she was a youngster. The sillier and more embarrising the better.

Waffle on for a bit about how she grew up and stopped the silly antics and then end by saying the new husband is a lucky guy and if he treats her wrong you'll cut his knackers off and feed them to the dog. Thumbs Up

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AndyB1989 · Scooby Slapper Joined: 04 May 2011 Karma :

its an emotional day for all of us even the cakes is in tiers.

-LG- · World Chat Champion Joined: 01 Jul 2010 Karma :

Mr Hammers · World Chat Champion Joined: 10 Jul 2008 Karma :

"It's been said that her love for [insert groom's name] is greater than her love of parrots. Yes, everyone knows, she loves a cockatoo..."
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Rogerborg · nimbA Joined: 26 Oct 2010 Karma :

Marriage is like a game of cards. At the start, you need a heart and a diamond. At the end, you need a club and a spade.
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mistergixer · World Chat Champion Joined: 15 Jun 2005 Karma :

Remind the groom that your sister's womb is not a wildfire to be doused with his seed.

Thumbs Up

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swampy · World Chat Champion Joined: 04 Aug 2004 Karma :

Giving this speech is much like being asked to shag the queen.... a great honour, but not something everyone looks forward to...
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Villers · World Chat Champion Joined: 13 Sep 2004 Karma :

Good opening line is essential, you need to get a laugh in to settle your nerves so have a few good ones ready. Then go into 'isnt the bride blah blah' then give her a bit of stick with some stories from childhood. Give the groom a bit of a savage(Even if he is a prince atop a white steed, say he is thick/ugly/clumsy/inbred - take your pick) . Go soppy for a bit (lovely couple, lovely lad blah blah, so happy). Toast the pair of them then sit down to applause and watch the best man squirm!

Ive not done any 'father of the bride speeches' but Ive spoken publicly a lot and done the best man thing, its important to have backup incase you arent going well. Things like 'isnt she beautiful' will always get you a clap and a moments respite.
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Fawbish · World Chat Champion Joined: 27 Jan 2006 Karma :

"When I first met her mother..."

Should go down well considering context
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hellbound · World Chat Champion Joined: 15 Jan 2011 Karma :

Needs pre arranging but worth the laugh

Place bowl on table and say something along the lines of "now (name) is married she has requested that all her old boyfriends return their keys to her flat"

This is when as many guys as possible get up, of all ages, and place a key in the bowl.
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Ariel Badger · Super Spammer Joined: 02 Dec 2006 Karma :

Avoid the following words'
Blowie
Anal
Feltching
Remember this is not a best man speech, you need to big your sister up. If she has spent the lastly three years giving head to sailors in a chip shop say nothing. Portray her as the sweet virgin and as a loss to you and a gift to him ( a threat here will go down well with your family if he is a bit of a prick).
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soforene · Nearly there... Joined: 25 Oct 2009 Karma :

Opening line: It's not the first time today that I've risen from a warm seat with a piece of paper in my hand. Smile

fredsredhat · Traffic Copper Joined: 11 Sep 2005 Karma :

I'd like everyone to raise a glass to 2 wonderful people, who i love dearly and i'm sure you all do. It's obvious without these people none of us would be here today. They are very dear to me and i hope to spend some quality time with them later as the evening progresses......... ladies and gentlemen.... a toast....... to the bar staff.!