Need some help to grow a pair.

[Fiddlesticks]

I'm in a bit of a pickle, and by that I mean this is probably the most confused I have ever been in my life so far although whilst I know what I want now, I need a bit of encouragement to go through with it...

OK, I have been in a steady relationship for a comfortable amount of time now, no problems, everything was going great.

Then I got a new job and everything I thought I ever knew about myself went out the window and I fell in love with another woman. For ages I tried to ignore these feelings because not only did she turn into a really good mate, there wasn't a chance in hell I was going to freely accept that I was bisexual or lesbian due to this one encounter and the way I felt just about her.

As time went on, however, we got closer and closer and it was almost like everyone could see it except us. Until we eventually had the conversation that changed everything where she told me how she felt and that it was exactly the same as I did for her.

I started to drift away from my current partner, we got further and futher apart. A couple of times, and I don't know why, guilt maybe, I tried to rekindle the flames and took him out for the day or something but no matter what I did, my heart just wasn't in it any more.

A couple of months ago I split up with him and told him everything. This was only brought on unfortunately because the person with whom my heart lay had been abused by her partner that night and I went to stay the night with her to look after her. So when I returned, I told him that I loved her and that I was breaking up with him because of it.

He was devastated and he is still fighting for me; they both are and it's killing me to do it to them. I feel like the bastard that I am for putting them both through this. I am currently with neither of them because I am so fucking confused.

I've recently been able to seperate myself from both of them after asking for some space to breathe and whilst my ex couldn't give that to me the first day, he did on the second so I have had at least some time to try and get my head around things.

I've come around to thinking that what I want is to be with her. Yet I'm terrified of hurting him because at the end of the day, neither of us saw this coming and he has done absolutely nothing to warrant the heart ache. He always wore his heart on his sleeve for me and if I had ever allowed it, would do literally anything for me. Just a genuinely, properly decent guy and I feel like shit for doing this to him.

I know he would move on eventually but I'm his first in a lot of things and he's a little bit needy of me and is going to take it really hard when I tell him that I want to try and start a new life with her.

Has anyone had to do anything like this before? I just don't know if there's anything I can do to soften the blow a bit. I know it's going to hurt like a bastard whatever I do.

I don't know I think maybe I'm just asking for any advice that might give me the strength to do it. I'm far too soft for my own good and I feel that in a lot of cases, being like this leads to more harm than good. I need to put a stop to it now but I just need some help to harden the fuck up and do it.

Just feel really confused.

I'm not just a pretentious noob btw, I've set this account up alongside my normal one for the anonymity.

[oldpink]

I think you already know the answer
you have to go with your heart, if you stay with him you will end up regretting it
and think what if / I should have

I understand your concerns over hurting him but better now than later on
the issue of sexuality is something you will have to come to terms with
but you can't live your life as a lie as it will eat you up and you will never be happy
until you resolve that issue

anyway I hope it works out for you
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I have become comfortably numb

Theory & hazard 24-may 2016, CBT 8th June 2016, MOD 1 2nd Aug 2016 Mod 2 2nd-Nov 2016 - Current bike CBR 600 RR

[Raffles]

Anyone guessed who it is yet? (Has to be said in a Rolf Harris accent.)
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A good loser will always be a loser.

[killa]

From personal experience, if you’re young, I say go for it because it’s your gut instinct and in the end, it will all come together ok. You’re putting yourself through unnecessary complications right now, when really, if you made a decision, you would deliver less hurt to them both further down the line.

I’ve seen this a couple of times among the people i know and the girls in question enjoyed it while it lasted (one couple of girls was together for 4 years!). I’m not saying 100% you’ll end up like these girls but at the end of the day, once the excitement and curiosity dissolved, they found a man again and have been happy since.
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Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.
Bike:- Yamaha TRX850 | Killas Biking History | Killas Gaming History | Killas autmotive history

[MinhDinh]

Your heart can lead you to hurt, and cause that pain to others also, but remember that you are number one, and that if it is true Love, then the choice, should be for you, and only you, and that way, it becomes an easy one. Of course things go wrong, but if they didn't, then it wouldn't be so important.
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Hit the G spot.

[MinhDinh]

[GhostRider]

Pretty much time to man up and give the guy the bad news. It will seem like bad news to him at first, but give him a couple of months and he'll be reet, and you'll be reet as well, so all will be well with the world. You don't want to hurt anyone but the problem is you're going to have to, cruel to be kind and all that.

On a more serious note, the least you could do is for you and your new girl to nosh him off together before sending him on his way.

GhostRider
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I have all the characteristics of a human being: blood, flesh, skin, hair; but not a single, clear, identifiable emotion, except for greed and disgust. Something horrible is happening inside of me and I don't know why. My nightly bloodlust has overflown into my days. I feel lethal, on the verge of frenzy. I think my mask of sanity is about to slip.

[MinhDinh]

I agree with Ghost, at least give him two girls on one night to make him leave a little less sad.

Also I am sure he will get over it because there's something he couldn't give you, a vagina.
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Hit the G spot.

[JP7]

As hard as it for him to lose you, I don't think he would want you to get back with him out of pity, or just for his benefit. If it were me, as hard as it is for me, I'd want my partner to be happy.

Plus, if you stayed with him he would no doubt find himself wondering if you were there because you wanted to be, or if you were actually looking, or indeed heading, elsewhere.

You've already made your decision, you've broken up with him to be with this woman. You've already done the hardest bit in admitting it to yourself and your partner. The only advice I can give is to carry it through, be strong, and see what happens.

Good luck!

[Handsome]

The fact you've split up with him means you're 95% sure of what you want, feeling sorry for him is natural but you're letting it cloud your judgment and making you unhappy in the long run...

If you get back with him now it will be out of pity more so than feelings, if you do get back with him you may well be fine for a while but I guarantee the doubts will creep in and arguments will start then you'll both end up resenting each other, stay away from both of them for a while and see how you feel then, don't rush into either relationship though until you're as sure as you can be...

Don't spend your life thinking ' What if ? '...

As someone once wrote/said ' The heart wants what the heart wants '...
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Previous Bikes...Honda NSR 125 RR...Kawasaki Zephyr 550...Suzuki SV 1000 S...Yamaha FZ8...Current Bike...Suzuki GSX-R 750...

[Howling TerrorOutOfOffice]

Was it his hairy bum?
____________________
Diabolical homemade music Bandcamp and Soundcloud
Singer songwriter, Artist and allround good bloke Listen to Andrew Susan Johnston here
The Harry Turner Project

[Poseidon]

It's like pulling off a plaster, the quicker you do it, the quicker it stops hurting.

Just under five years ago I met the woman who I knew was my soulmate. The downside was, I was in a relationship with someone else and had been with her for 3years. I didn't fanny around asking for space etc, I just ditched the old bird and got with the new one. Told the old one that I wasn't happy, so I was leaving and left it at that. I felt like the worst person ever at the time as my ex hadn't done anything wrong, but hey ho, you gotta do what you gotta do... Within a couple of weeks my ex had stopped trying sending me text messages (the ones that are written as though they were intended for a close friend but sent to me by accident) and within a couple of months she'd met someone else and was happy again. I even bumped into her about 3 months later at the pub, she was polite enough to me and even had a natter with my new girlfriend.

5years on and I'm happily married, dad of one, trying for another and I'm studying at uni to get my life back onto the path I always wanted to follow. Best thing I ever did was follow my heart!

Get it done lass! Hit him hard and don't look back! (oh and it goes without saying it has to be done in person, don't wimp out and do it over the phone, or worse, by text/facialbook/e-mail).
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1977 Honda CG125
2002 Ducati Monster S4 (currently restoring)

[bazza]

https://images.t-nation.com/forum_images/3/6/362c3-44789.this_thread_completely_useless_WITHOUT_IMAGES_1_.jpg
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"That's it. You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clown college."
'98 Ducati 750SS, '08 Suzuki GSX650F ©2004-2014, Bazza's Harmless Banter

[colin1]

no, someone in a thread a while back did mention two bcf women who were having an affair apparently as he saw their emails at one of their houses.

I think I can partly remember the one name but cant remember the other. Dont think its good to name names though.

Relationships are kinda funny, because people swear fidelity, then later on swear on the rightness to move on if they can get something better.

Some people can believe in this completely free of guilt, so I think it's good to have a bit of consideration put into the willingness to hurt people, even if you are willing to do it to get what you want.
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colin1 is officially faster than god

[hellkat]

I agree with Poseidon:
Don't drag it out.

It's WAY more painful if you vacillate over not wanting to hurt someone.
Someone, somewhere is gonna hurt.

Don't discuss, don't accept blame, don't throw mud, don't allow guilt to take up too much of your conscience, for too long.

Just get on and do what your heart tells you is right for you.
You only get one go at life.

If you realise later that it was the wrong thing to do, then you know what not to do the next time.

Or something.

hellkat
no expert
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Not nearly as interesting in real life.

[garth]

Regardless of if you're going to get with the girl, you're not 100% in it with the boy so end it.

Easy.
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You ain't a has been if you never was

[Rogerborg]

With all due respect, look in the mirror. You're an insecure, selfish cock/clit teasing drama queen.

OK, you've had the attention, you've enjoyed them "fighting" over you, well done, Glossy Drama Mag Weekly should do an article on you.

Now grow up, pick one, or neither, or both, and follow through on your decision.
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Biking is 1/20th as dangerous as horse riding.
GONE: HN125-8, LF-250B, GPz 305, GPZ 500S, Burgman 400 // RIDING: F650GS (800 twin), Royal Enfield Bullet Electra 500 AVL, Ninja 250R because racebike

[MinhDinh]

[Fiddlesticks]

I screwed up. Last night I was feeling really shit and I got drunk and told her I want to be with her.

But my mind is a fickle fucking bastard and fluctuates from one way of thinking to the next.

Today, I woke up feeling like I should be with neither of them, that I have made a huge mistake getting involved with her and that I don't deserve him.

It's doing my head in...

I can't thank you enough for taking the time to help me out and offer up your words of advice.

I have really fucked this one up now.

I can't get away from her either because I work with her and I am going back in to work on Tuesday.

Feel trapped. I feel like I wish I didn't exist so people would just be happy and get on with their lives without me cocking everything up.

So fucking angry with myself! Unbelievably fucking angry.

[Howling TerrorOutOfOffice]

I knew it was his hairy bum.
____________________
Diabolical homemade music Bandcamp and Soundcloud
Singer songwriter, Artist and allround good bloke Listen to Andrew Susan Johnston here
The Harry Turner Project

[Fiddlesticks]

[Rogerborg]

I'm kind of fickle that way. Now, are you done bemoaning the excess of love in your life, or is there more existential angst to come?

I really do wish you the best, but in terms of problems, yours ranks right up there with Brewster's Millions.
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Biking is 1/20th as dangerous as horse riding.
GONE: HN125-8, LF-250B, GPz 305, GPZ 500S, Burgman 400 // RIDING: F650GS (800 twin), Royal Enfield Bullet Electra 500 AVL, Ninja 250R because racebike

[Fiddlesticks]

This thread exists so I can bemoan the excess of love in my life and unload my existential angst upon the BCF majority.

Some people are up for the challenge, others aren't and I can only politely suggest in the most typical BCF fashion, that if you don't like it kindly suck it up or GTFO.

[JonB]

Only 2 things I care about:

Who are you?

Have you drank out of the furry cup yet?

Oh and I don't think your new partner to be will want you to grow a pair to be honest!
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Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it?s worth.

[Fiddlesticks]