son of the bride speech

[brythered92]

Hi guys,

My mum and dad have announced they are getting after 30 years of being engaged. :O i know long time !

I need to put together a son of the bride speech and i would like it to be funny but nothing too bad that it outdoes the best man's speech. obviously i need some jokes about how long its taken for him to pop the question etc and just wanted to know if any of you have had anything like this or what it was you said.

Any info would be appreciated
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r6 99 quill pipe ....

[scorps]

I would raise a glass and say "about fucking time"
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Do not presume that I am male.

[Redoko]

[yambabe]

[The Artist]

[brythered92]

hahha married, i need something funny..

e.g. i know these speaches are surposed to be funny ... A wise man once told me that the best mans speech should last as long as it takes the groom to make love …..Thank you very much ladies and gentleman

but obviously that was a best mans one.
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r6 99 quill pipe ....

[mistergixer]

[scorps]

dunno why you blokes think us women are the ones in a rush, im about to go and start divorce proceedings, 12 years after walking out
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Do not presume that I am male.

[Ariel Badger]

Yambabe, is that even legal?
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Bikers make great organ donors, get 115 on your licence today.

[yambabe]

oh ffs obviously I married the stepson's father or he wouldn't be a stepson!

Blast my vodka-blurred brain.......
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Sod falling in love, I wanna fall in chocolate.

[yen_powell]

First of all mama and papa simply couldn't think of getting married without their son being old enough to attend their wedding.

Then they thought perhaps it would be better to wait till he could walk so he could be a page boy.

Then they thought it best to wait till he could read and write and prepare and give a speech.

Then they thought, let's wait till he's old enough to share a glass of champaigne with us on that special day.

Then they though perhaps they should wait till he was off the breast and dry at night.

It's taken 30 years but finally they thought I was ready.
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XT1200Z and a DR350 in bits

[brythered92]

Any one else got any examples of speeches they have done or heard ? some good puns ?
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r6 99 quill pipe ....

[swampy]

I did a speech when I 'gave my mum away' when she got married to my stepdad... I just recounted several amusing tales of things that my mum had done when me and my sister were growing up which served as warnings to my stepdad about future life. I then talked about some nice things in order to make her cry (which worked)..

On the plus side I didn't have to buy a drink all night.
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[DrDonnyBrago]

How about you quote some cool things about the 30 years they have been engaged:

The earth has travelled 17.6 billion miles around the sun.

The moon has travelled 500 million miles around the earth.

We have travelled 275 million miles as the earth spins on it's axis.

3 billion people have been born, 2 billion people have died

All 3 billion base pairs of the human genome have been sequenced


yada yada yada

[effit]

Tell everyone in the packed hall, while looking at your parents, enjoy your holiday in Wales....

When both say they are not going to Wales, look in confusion and say " but Dad, you told everyone in the pub last night you were going to `BANGOR` all weekend"

Will go down a treat

[brythered92]

bump * anything else guys ?
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r6 99 quill pipe ....

[Flatbadger]

Some lines -

'Those DNA tests are supposed to be quicker than this'
'Before she got over the hill nobody wanted to give her away'
'Something old/new/borrowed/blue - got all 4 with 'new' husband'
'The term 'Common law marriage' just seemed to suit it so well'
'It took that long to get the homebrew champagne right'
'Needed doing before zimmer frames are considered a fire risk'
'The term 'Best Man' would have been too sarcastic if left much longer'

along with

'Sorry for being a bastard, but I had no choice'.
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If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
You're in ISIS

[soforene]

Howsabout "This isn't the first time today that I've risen from a warm seat with a piece of paper in my hand".

[neil.]

They say that any speech about the groom should last as long as it'll take for him to fulfil his marital duties tonight... So that's me done then!
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CBT February 2008 | A2 June 2008 | Yamaha YBR125 (written off) | Honda CBF125 (current)

[soforene]

[ElliotReidMD]

For those those who've called me a bastard over the years, my parent ARE married. I know as I was at the wedding.
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Current Bike: Kawasaki Versys

[Spudly]

"Dad, I've been there."
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The Old Apprentice

[Ariel Badger]

"In their early years together dad told me that as a form of contraceptive he used to only spaff on mum's tits, the fact that I am here today proves him to be either a liar or a bloody poor shot"
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Bikers make great organ donors, get 115 on your licence today.

[J.M.]

Game over Dad, it was good whilst it lasted.
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2004 R1 & 2018 XSR900

[brythered92]

These are alll good !! Cheers
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r6 99 quill pipe ....