Uni peers: Should I help them?

[haroman666]

Okay, so 3rd year of uni. Shit's getting real now. 5 or so assignments on the go.

Out of my closest peers on my course, I appear to be the only one really showing any time management prowess. Not to sound like i'm blowing my own trumpet, but it's true.

One of my friends has a job. Yes he needs the money to help him live at the moment, but i'd argue his uni course is more important than the amount of hours he's doing.
2 others both have pretty high maintenance girlfriends, and seem to be far more interested in keeping them happy, than spending time getting work done.
And the other has a car project underway which has sucked up his money AND his time.

From previous experience in the last 2.5 years of my course, I know that some, if not all, will come to me a week before the deadline of each and ask for pointers/help and maybe even the answers.
I don't have a problem with giving people a hand if they're struggling. And in the past these guys have helped me with assignments too, where I've been unable to do it myself.

But because I know they're not helping themselves by leaving it all in the interests of something they'd rather be doing, I don't feel like it's very fair if I let them take advantage of me (That sounded so primary school )

If they come to me and ask for my assistance, would it be selfish of me to refuse? Am I being too harsh? Or do they need the valuable life lesson?

I know in my mind that i'd very much rather not give them any help and they can suffer, because it's not my problem they've not prioritised their lives ideally.

What does BCF think?

TL:DR; Uni mates left work too late. Should I help them or leave them to possibly fail?
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[trevor saxe-coburg-gotha]

[J4mes]

Give them a hand, but only if you are CERTAIN it is not going to interfere with your own studies.

But, You're at Uni, you're all big boys. You're old enough to make your own decisions, and maybe they need to understand that someone isn't always going to be there to catch them. A bit of a life lesson perhaps?

[pinkyfloyd]

[fatpies]

Yes and no.

The worthy i.e. those who have made an attempt and are struggling for some reason outside their control, deserve help. I mean dying family members.

Those who have done nothing and expect you to do it for them, absolutely not. Anybody of the worthy bunch who makes this expectation of you doing it for them, turns instantly into the unworthy.

Don't take the attitude of everybody is out for themselves and will screw you over.

Take the better attitude of:

There are people who are happy to exploit others. Learn how to spot them. I categorise peop[le:

Excusers - who are generally lazy but always make an excuse
Cruisers who just drift through the courses just after passes.
Doers who have to get things done.

You have to remember a number of things, although this sounds utterly ruthless this is just how the real world is:

#1 When you graduate you're going to be competiting with these people for jobs.

#2 The more people who fail or get a lousy grade because of their own fault, the less competitors they have.

#3 Research shows that being a helpful person damages your career. There are those who are willing to step over you after asking for yourhelp. The corporate world is so incredibly ruthless, sociopaths will use this against you.



Be thankful you're not doing a group project, have a look at all the I hate group work threads on the studentroom. I remember university myself, I look back and I carried quite a number of people. When I went for my MA, I did not make the same mistake twice. Universities are all about money they will take anybody who can fog up a mirror, you will get people who have no business being on those courses who will need extensive help.


And as previous posters have said once you help it generates an expectation. I still remember this Indian guy who emailed me his dissertation spec a week before it was handed in. I told him to do one. He then tried to lay a guilt trip on me, I laughed at him.

The last 4 weeks was filled with people expecting you to do it for them. They would then shout and get angry at you because they expected you would just roll over. They got laughed at. Turnit in and anti plagarism software helps prevent them handing in your work as theirs and NEVER give it out anyway until its been submitted and gets approved.



Don't cross the line and become a sabotager though, giving wrong answers.
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[N cee thirty]

i wouldn't bother wasting your time

you make your own future, don't help some slacker through to his.
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[charlie74]

my view,

its a dog eat dog world, would you want to be fighting for a job against people you helped pass?

or even have them as a boss.....

my son is doing his gcse's atm ( and doing well) but ive always told him that the work has to come from him,

his grades will get him an interview, his personality will get him the job, and his work ethic will let him keep it

the true lesson is the word HIM.

no matter how much i want too i can can help him but i cannot do it for him

[fatpies]

[cimbian]

Assuming you are paying tuition fees you have a fair-lump invested in your own future and, as has been pointed-out, these are potential competitors for future jobs; however, you can best help them by telling them NOW that they are at risk and helping THEM to get focussed on THEIR work.

Just don't jeopardise your own future.
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[Wafer_Thin_Ham]

Help them, but charge them for your help.
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[HJM]

Yes/no:

-You will look like a tit if you don't, and potentially lose friends.



-Its a dog eat dog world, and your grades will potentially decide your future career ect.
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[chris-red]

Finish all your shit a week early, go on holiday.
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[Rogerborg]

[daemonoid]

I'd say yes. I was in a lucky situation at uni where I just got my subject and was able to do it all with ease. I helped some of my mates out where needed/requested.

If you can do it then do, if it will jeopardise your degree then don't. You will not regret helping others in years to come, those that you help will probably be your friends for life too so there's no point in burning your bridges in your final year! Especially as they'll likely be in the same industry as you and it's amazing how far a recommendation goes - even more so with finders fees (a small bonus for passing on a friend's CV when they get the job).

One assignment does still annoy me. We were doing a bit of assembly and I got 94%, I gave my work to a friend to refer to, instead he changed a couple of inconsequential things and got 96%.
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[bazza]

[GhostRider]

Frequently had this at uni, almost felt I like was the fucking lecturer at one point.

Help them, but in a way that makes them think for themselves, otherwise they learn nothing, and will just come back when the next question doesn't have a blatantly easy answer/explanation.

GhostRider
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[haroman666]

Cheers all for constructive input.

Thankfully this is an "if" they ask situation. However given my observations of how they're undertaking their studies currently, i'm quite expecting to be asked for help.

In fact I was on the phone to one of the "girl-friended" ones on Sunday night talking him through braking calculations. Which I might add were all given to us in lecture notes, it just took a bit of deciphering what was needed and working out how to interpret the calculations in order to get to a reasonable answer. I told him where to find all the calculations needed, and I even told him some of the calculations that weren't in the notes, saving him the difficulty of doing it.

I guess, when it comes to it, i'll point them in the direction they need to go but not out-right give them what they need. I normally do this anyway, cause I don't believe giving the answers will teach anybody anything.

I don't mind helping them at all, I just didn't fancy being a doormat; which I've been before and didn't realise until someone pointed it out to me.
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[Clanger]

[Nexus Icon]

Help if you're able. What goes around and all that...
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[Lord Percy]

As others have said, it's their own stupid problem. Their attitudes through uni might not change much when they graduate, so it's unfair for them to be awarded a degree they aren't deserving of.

A mate of mine was quite reclusive when we were a bunch of mates after sixth form, then he went to uni and just went berserk with alcohol, sex, hangovers, facebook statuses about lost phones and wallets, ets. He got a third for his degree. All about attitudes, and nobody should have to pick up the pieces for anyone!

[Nick 50]

If they come to you, you will probably know fairly easily which are genuinely trying and just needing a prod in the right direction.

On the other hand you will also be able to tell the ones who have done nothing and I would tell them to do one.

If you find that hard to do, go into a kind of hibernation where you become very hard to find
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