Christmas homelessness : moral dilemma

[hellkat]

So I'm spending the Christmas at the country mansion.
And looking forward to it enormously.

An ex of mine is sometimes sleeping rough (long story).

So we had a discussion last week involving an offer (by me and my other half) for my ex to spend the Christmas period at my London gaff whilst we are away, and he accepted.

He's been turned down for an increasingly necessary hip replacement three times now, as he has nowhere definite to be discharged to. Last week I spoke to the homelessness people on his behalf, they tell me they are working towards getting him into some form of housing very soon ... but just not soon enough. They say that he is number 8 from the top of their housing list and "should be getting offers of a place very shortly". They are, of course, terribly apologetic that they can't do any more right now.

He has access to homelessness charities and will probably be able to get fed over Christmas through the various charity offerings, although obviously my kitchen is reasonably well stocked.

Anyway, there is an (unspoken) agreement between us that we will be back from the countryside the following week, as we both have to go to work on 30 Dec, and thus the ex will have to return to [whatever his circumstances are].

My London flat is miniscule. Even when there are two of us (and the dog) there, its tiny and tricky to negotiate without getting under one another's feet, let alone if another body was added to the population - so staying beyond the 30th is not really an option (and he probably wouldn't anyway, due to the domesticity situation )

I'm not quite sure how to assuage the guilt I am likely to feel as he leaves on the eve of the 30th.

Or indeed, what the hell else I can do about it Since I saw him last week, its rained every day and it makes me sad that he has "come to this"
____________________
Not nearly as interesting in real life.

[Marmalade]

Just make it clear, when you arrive home at 3pm on 30th, he has to be gone from the flat without a trace, this is a condition of your generosity.

You won't have to see him leave and it'll make it easier than seeing someone go back to going under the arches.
____________________
Nobby the Bastard: How yo tell the difference between the actual japanese and her just screaming because she's had live fish stuck up her arse? [url=https://www.nicks-shop.co.uk/bcf-goodies-15-c.aspGet BCF stickers and things here[/url] Reflective helmet stickers - Legal requirement in france - Clicky

[hellkat]

I'm kind of expecting that he will slope off into the gloom *anyway* ... its the kind of person he is

Whether he keeps the keys or not, I don't mind.
____________________
Not nearly as interesting in real life.

[ThoughtContro...]

[hellkat]

[Mark_F]

You obviously get on quite well despite being ex's, I'm sure he see's that you are doing a lot to help him (and showing a good deal of trust in him), and I'm also sure that he appreciates it a LOT.

There really is nothing more you can do (this fact may not stop any pangs of guilt), you have already been assisting in other ways.

Just remind yourself that you are doing what you can to help, and accept that there really is only so much that you and your fella can do.

[garth]

I bet he sniffs your pants.

[hellkat]

He had plenty of opportunities to do that when we were married.
Besides, he'd probably suffocate nowadays, size of 'em
____________________
Not nearly as interesting in real life.

[ThoughtContro...]

[-Matt-]

I wouldn't even let yourself see it as a dilema. You're being generous enough to offer him a roof over his head at christmas, free of charge, with no requests from him.

Whether you let him stay 1 night, 1 week or a 1 year isn't relevant you're majorly helping someone out you don't have to.

Presuming that you trust him enough to know hes not the sort to change the locks though, I hope

[Clanger]

Contact your local church, they usually open their doors at this time of year to help the homeless...also, contact the YMCA, they should have beds for crisis. Leave this information with a written statement at your place, stating when he needs to leave by.

Don't feel guilty...not at all...the fact you are letting him in for the festive season is a wonderful gift. Give yourself a pat on the back for this...don't beat yourself up for the rest of it.
____________________
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter won't mind - Dr. Seuss

[mentalboy]

^^^ Matt!!

Good on you, don't feel guilty that you've got to turf him out on the 30th - you've given him half a dozen odd number of days with a roof over his head and an opportunity to dry out which he wouldn't have otherwise had.


____________________
Make mine a Corona.

[Polarbear]

You are a lot nicer than I ever would be. While I might allow a friend to stay if they were desperate, an ex, no chance, even if my missus would tolerate it.

An ex is an ex. that means they shouldn't darken your door step.

Your OH must be 1, incredibly sure of you or 2, be so dumb he hasn't clicked on that he is your ex
____________________
Triumph Trophy Launch Edition

[hellkat]

Polarbear: my OH knows he has no need for insecurity whatsoever
____________________
Not nearly as interesting in real life.

[hellkat]

[hellkat]

[Boris the spider]

I take my hat off to you lady.

Lovely thing to do.

99% of others would not.
____________________
Yes I'm a pig....And yes... The working public do pay my wages. Tho I contribute to your benefits you lazy c##t. You do not pay my wages. So go fcuk yourself.

[Ariel Badger]

Have you talked with St Martin in the Field?
____________________
Bikers make great organ donors, get 115 on your licence today.

[hellkat]

I haven't, Wali, but I might well point him in that direction.

Chances are he is aware of these things, as I seem to understand that the "homeless community" use a fairly good bush telegraph in terms of keeping up with what's around. I think what frustrates him is that many of the discussions on the streets around him are in Polish these days ... he backs away from the cliqueyness of such social clustering, hence tending to isolate himself, probably unnecessarily.

I'll check with him though, thanks
____________________
Not nearly as interesting in real life.

[Ariel Badger]

He needs help with his hip, they may at least be of some use there.
____________________
Bikers make great organ donors, get 115 on your licence today.

[Az]

[hellkat]

My daughter's in NZ, hanging out at my mother's house, on an (extended) working holiday and asked me to keep an eye on her dad til she gets back.

So I am just doing what I can

Something in my guts is worrying that he won't show (pride) but if he doesn't, there's nothing more I can do. I have awful terrors that I will have to call my daughter and tell her that her dad died on the street from the cold, but not if I can help in any way, even just for a short time. I know that when it snows he will go to one of those church things - he did that last year. Hopefully the housing will come thru before then, and then the operation, and he might get a bit back to his normal self *sigh*
____________________
Not nearly as interesting in real life.

[-Matt-]

[Vincent]

While a warm bed may prevent an early death through hypothermia, what a lot of people get anxious about is spending Xmas alone - so why not take him with you?

You're other half deserves the halo - not sure how I'd feel.

Me, I'm not a big fan of the traditional Christmas.....and I do everything I can to be alone and stock up so I don't have to fight the crowds in town but I never succeed...apart from Christmass' spent in hospital.
____________________
Space Is Deep

[Polarbear]