ASBO Housemate

[Robster]

So basically, i've had an hour's sleep last night due to new bellend housemate deciding on a full-on drinking party until 3am, slamming doors repeatedly, talking at full volume, laughing like a massive cock, and generally making a nuisance of himself.

He's feckless; doesn't clean up after himself, uses other people's shit (XBox, Guitar hero, games) and leaves shit on the floor leaves game discs out, empty beer bottles etc. etc.

Ideas for revenge include and are not limited to:

Pissing in my half-full bottle of shower gel that he's decided to use

Smearing shit all over his door handle

Dead bugs in his cereal

Using his bread as toilet paper and replacing it in the bag

Feeding him his own intestines (currently a favourite)

Some sort of IED rigged outside his bedroom door

Shitting in his bed - preferably whilst he's in it...

Any ideas for more?

I'm probably gonna resort to dropping a fucking brick on his head whilst he sleeps; it's crunch-time at work and I have to stay late to get things done, so not happy about losing sleep at all, if it was a Friday/Saturday then whatever, but most of the house has to work the next morning. And said rest of housemates are stellar and I get along with them fantastically; this cretin moves in, and a week later the house is a fucking dump.

[LustyLew]

Are you renting a room in this place? Or are you all renting 'together'?

If it's a room by room basis, it should be easy enough to contact the landlord and tell them. I wouldn't want some cunt disrespecting my property and would serve them notice to fuck off.

If you've all signed a lease together, it might be more difficult.

Or of course, you could just wait until he goes out. Change the locks, then dump all his shit onto the street. That should get the message across!
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Like a Yorkie - I'm not for the girls

[shereen]

Just tell him to stop being a fucking bell end!
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[Conzar]

You need toughen up and tell him there is a time and a place and stop fucking around, let him know where you stand and go from there.
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[Robster]

I've got no qualms about confronting him, as I said he's only been there a week and is a massive twunt, and I reckon the rest of my house mates are hopefully on my side.

LustyLew, it is room-by-room, so if the shit continues i'll contact my agency. They're actually one of those rare agencies that gets on top of stuff fairly quickly, been with them for a long time and in good steed so it should hopefully swing my way....

...I'm still going to shit on his bed though.

[Rogerborg]

[Robster]

[UnknownStuntm...]

Just tell him you've got feelings for him, and every time he's asleep you can't stop yourself from 'doing things'.

Even if you don't have the feelings, 'do things'.

[Robster]

[chris-red]

[Robster]

In my defence, it was 3am + getting up, putting clothes on + walking down stairs + bashing his door and trying to form coherent sentences/argument vs. staying in bed and trying to get some shut-eye before the 07.00am bell rings.

Hate living with people...

[Lord Percy]

How old is this housemate, how old are you, how old are the other people in this house?

I personally would find it quite easy to at least confront the guy in a perfectly civil way. Do you not get on with the other people in your house? You could confront him as a group too, if they're all just as annoyed by it.

[janner_10]

[marsden1967]

Drug him, tie him naked to a bed or chair and when he comes round be standing there with a big knife and threaten to cut his cock off if he carries on behaving like a cunt.
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Ooooh Matron!
current bike(s) YBR 125, ER6 N

[trevor saxe-coburg-gotha]

Do a big sex wee up his botty hole.
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"Life is a sexually transmitted disease and the mortality rate is one hundred percent."

Mobylette Type 50 ---> Raleigh Grifter ---> Neval Minsk 125

[andys675]

electric shock torture by battery lead and large wet sponge, every time he falls asleep
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Some people feel the rain, others just get wet.

[dodsi]

You could do a what what in his butt?

[totalllama82]

The first thing I thought of when I read this post.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v-WGb56mYuA

Pretty sure that after all these years, the 'Big Man's' advice is still sound.
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Gone: Haotian HT125-8 / Yamaha YZF 600R Thundercat / Kawasaki ZX9R C2
Current: Kawasaki ZZR 1400 A7F

[pits]

[clancy]

Vietnamese land mine. Google it
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KLX 300r

[MaybeGuy]

I was at "smegballs" house once, drank his housemates apple juice, finished it... replaced it with piss, then came back a few hours later to find it out of the fridge and a half full cup on the side.

Try that.
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Blue_SV650S wrote: it was a sh1te wheelie, but it proves that he can get it up in 3rd and can do angles. In summery, mattsprattuk is a gobby little sh1tebag, dopehead tw4t, but sadly for all of us, he probably isn't THAT full of sh1te!!
Kickstart wrote: Hi I tend to agree with Matt. All the best Keith

[Dave500]

Tell him how you feel and how others feel about him but if he continues shit in his bed, shoes, clothes and put cling film over the toilet (just tell the other house mates)
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Bye bye Z hello Versys

[smegballs]

[dydey90]

To be honest the first thing I would do is remove ALL consumables from the public areas and into your room. This includes tooth paste, shower gel, bread, salt, biscuits and half empty tins of beans.

If he's decided to take liberties already, he's not going to stop. Even if the talk is successful and he pipes down a bit, I bet your xbox games have scratches magically appear on them.

That's the defensive option. If you have the ability you could just establish yourself as alpha male by knocking his bonce off.
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This post is probably not serious and shouldn't be taken literally.
Past: CBR125,ER6f NINJA 650, ZZR600 Current: VFR750

[Clanger]

Why people don't just talk to people first is beyond me.

Have a house meeting...lay out the ground rules...talk about everything important to each person. You can't expect a new person to know what you all expect unless you've had a conversation first.

Write a house-mates' contract and get everyone to agree and sign. Give copies to everyone. Including the agency.

If then, things go wrong, you can refer to agreement, write a letter of notice to tell the agency. That way you have given the perpetrator time to change their ways.

Then tell the agency. Let them deal with it.

Disputes can usually be sorted, if only people would just talk about these things in the first place.
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter won't mind - Dr. Seuss