Internet Dating tips

[Ol]

Dear BCF,

I won't bore you with the long version of the story, but basically: the wife and I decided to take a break 18 months ago as we weren't getting on, the break was on a "we'll see what happens" basis. I thought things were on track and we seemed to be getting on great with things moving in the right direction until she told me a couple of weeks ago that she's now seeing someone else.

So ignoring the gutting feeling, the heart ache, the worry about the kids etc I now have another problem...

I've decided the best thing to do is to move on and try and meet someone else. I'm 28 now and have been with my wife most of my adult life so I've never actually been on a date (I know, pathetic!) so genuinely have no idea what to say to women!!! I'm normally fine talking to anyone about anything really, but as soon as its in a "dating" capacity I'm screwed, my mind seems to decide to shut down and go blank.

Help BCF... How do normal men meet normal women without looking like a complete tit head or a stalker?!?!? And the "be yourself" thing is useless as I have no idea what to say!
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Previous: Cub50, NRG50, TS50, YB100, CB125, NSR125, ZZR600, CBF1000, SV650s, ZX6R B1H, XT250, Mito Powered Crosser, WRF450, , FZ600, VN800, GSXR600 - Currently CB1000R

[The Artist]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RALRPnG9E8Y

[angryjonny]

Mrs Angryjonny and I met at work. Both our ages started with a 3 when we finally admitted we were "an item" - this meant we had worked out who we were and what we wanted, rather than putting up crap in a miserable relationship like you do in your twenties (I did).

I'd love to see the statistics of divorce rates vs age when married. I'd suspect there was a proportionality there.

Anyway. if you're looking for a woman to spend the rest of your life with just be yourself. If she doesn't like "yourself" it would never work anyway. If you put up a facade then it's a facade you have to keep going for the rest of your life.

[cornish]

Sounds like you've been through the mill, make sure you give yourself plenty of time. 28 is still young so don't feel an urge to rush madly into anything.

I've very rarely been out on random dates as and have always just kind of met people i got on with in and around my normal life. My personal opinion of the whole dating thing (after being willfully single for a number of years) is it seems more complicated and hard-work than things just turning up. . . .or possibly i'm older, sh1ttier and have a lot less patience with people in general

I guess don't over think it is probably the best approach. But i realise that's a kind of tarted-up version of 'be yourself' But just go out and about to bike meets, out with mates just places your likely to meet people with similar interests which will raise your chances of meeting someone you hit it off with.

One of my friends who'd also been single for ages has chucked herself into online dating and is tirelessly making the effort to go out on various dates. I'm not convinced i can be arsed with it as it just seems weird to me to go out on a date with someone you barely know. But she's liking it so i think it's just a personal thing so try it out and see what you reckon.



To save bcf the effort, inb4 - tits, gary, chloroform, "get in the van", fat birds are more grateful etc etc etc
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smile and be happy. . . .it gets right on everyone's tits!

[mentalboy]

Don't feel as though you have to rush into another relationship, it's not yet a crime to be on your own.
In my experience, romance has a way of finding you without your having to go rushing out looking for it.

Just enjoy yourself, doing what you like and it's quite likely you'll find a lass there.
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Make mine a Corona.

[mentalboy]

Now is that me thinking like a girl or Cornish thinking like a lad???
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Make mine a Corona.

[cornish]

hehe! we're both geniuses (or possibly genii )
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smile and be happy. . . .it gets right on everyone's tits!

[LordShaftesbu...]

There's something to be said for not getting married. I've been with LadyShaftesbury for 15 years, since we were both 18. Don't really want to jinx it now.

I probably shouldn't be posting in this thread at all, I've no idea how to bag a filly. It probably involves going to art galleries *shudders*

[The Artist]

[mentalboy]

[cornish]

hehe! I hope you're not wearing curly shoes and pantaloons

[mentalboy]

[ocatoro]

just get out and do things, you'll meet women.

when you talk to them, there's nothing you need to say. all they want is for you to be interested in them. so just ask them questions. what they do, what they like, etc.

however, you must remember the answers, you will be tested on your listening skills at some stage.


where do you meet women? anywhere.

bars are a 50/50. if youre both hammered it's not exactly the right foot to get off on. but you can meet nice women there.

the gym is probably a no no, they'll feel stalked and they'll think they look like shit because theyre sweating and red faced.

other places depend on what you like doing. there's no good meeting a woman at a wine tasting if you hate wine for example.

take up dancing, i used to do salsa, and on any given night, us blokes would be outnumbered by about 6 to 1. which means you swap around a lot and you meet a lot of women. just one useful example anyway.

internet is a minefield, you may have luck, you may not. but it's gotta be worth a go

good luck chap
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CBT - 17/09/12 * Theory - 23/10/12 * Mod1 - 05/03/13 * Mod2 - 25/03/13 * BOSH!
Current - None but shed project H100 (first bike )
Past - ER5, '93 ZZR600, '92 CB400 SF, ZZR600 (again), yellow Monster 620, Blackbird - black Monster 620ie - '96 ZZR600

[WildGoose]

[Ariel Badger]

[Kradmelder]

Goose hit it on the head.

Why do people want to date at all? It is so false. All that BS...
Having done the family thing, now happily single. No shortage of sex parthers if it is your thing.

After having kids the biological instinct to mate is not so important and it is just sex. The whole true love BS is just that. Without raising a family it has no objective. So why chase it?

The idea of a date is like going to a dentist. To fill a hole.

Please no. My life is happy. Hy add misery grief and hormonal imbalances into it. Rather just see it for what it is: BS to dress up sex

Chemistry lol! Another BS word. They are not looking for chemistry. That is found in a lab and generates new polymers and useful things. They are looking for a chemical imbalance to justify making stupid choices that lead to grief after a brief 'high' because their reality is too boring.
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2011 KTM 990 Dakar
2009 BMW 1200 GS

[EazyDuz]

join a swinging website
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To shreds you say? Tss tss tss

[mentalboy]

[Joenitro]

Online dating is a bit dodgy. I found most wanted sex straight away - pretty much skipping the dating bit altogether. That's ok for a bit of fun but I like a woman to have a bit more class.

Real world dating is all about luck and being in the right place at the right time. Make a concious effort to be friendly and chatty to every woman you meet. Within no time you will get talking to a nice one.

Don't bottle it when it comes to asking her out as you'll regret it. For me, that's worse than being knocked back. Give your number rather than ask for hers as it's less pressure.

I met the girl of my dreams, one afternoon, outside a knitting shop of all places. I saw she was fit, got talking and we hit it off within seconds. When I think about it, it kind of does my head in that I could easily have missed such a chance encounter if I hadn't made the effort to talk to her or I hadn't walked that way at exactly that time.

Anyway what I'm saying is, if you put the effort in you'll reap the rewards. If you don't go looking you'll get nothing.

[LordShaftesbu...]

[Joenitro]

Think it's more to do with there being a lot of easy women by where I live lol

[Ol]

Thanks all for the replies - gives me something to think about.

Wildgoose - that's great mate, thank you!

[Suntan Sid]

Jeez, I don’t know why I’m posting in this thread, to be honest, I aint no lothario!

However, I can assure you women and men both want the same thing when they’re on a date, and no I’m not talking about sex. Think about it, when you’re out with your mates having a really good time, unless you’re some emo kid, self-harming in the corner, you’re probably having a laugh and joke.

The thing about laughing is you have to drop any façade, you may have put on, to do it. Once that façade has dropped you can, usually, talk to each other like normal human beings. Let’s face it no one likes a miserable cnut of whatever sex!
You’re going to have to try a lot harder than reciting a string of jokes from the joke thread, though.
I guarantee, that in any survey, ever done on the subject, the ability to make someone laugh will be in the top two.
Sorry to break this to you all, most people have no interest in bikes at all, don’t talk about them, unless you’re specifically asked!
angryjohnny is exactly right, there is no getting around “being yourself”!
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"Everybody needs money, that's why they call it money!"

[pinkyfloyd]

All you need to know.


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illuminateTHEmind wrote: I am just more evolved than most of you guys... this allows me to pick of things quickly which would have normally taken the common man years to master
Hockeystorm65:.well there are childish arguments...there are very childish arguments.....there are really stupid childish arguments and now there are......Pinkfloyd arguments!
Teflon-Mike:I think I agree with just about all Pinky has said.

[garth]

As my mum tells me when meeting new people, 'Don't be yourself, because people don't like that.'

Thanks mum.