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Todays - What grinds my gears *ARCHIVE*

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Sister Sledge
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PostPosted: 08:40 - 20 Feb 2020    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ginger pussy, soft touch, spraying.. wish my world was as exciting!
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BTTD
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PostPosted: 08:57 - 20 Feb 2020    Post subject: Reply with quote

Freddyfruitbat wrote:
Maybe this whinge belongs under 'humour', I dunno. But I've recently acquired a dash cam for the car. Its mount needs to be stuck to the windscreen: the instructions state:
"Before you can install the adhesive mount onto your windshield, the ambient temperature must be from 21° to 38°C"

I mean, really?! How many months do they suppose I'm going to have to wait until the ambient temperature exceeds 21 degrees?! Laughing

(I do get that this problem is not exactly insurmountable and that there are ways round it for those of us without a centrally heated garage, but it's a bit odd that a major manufacturer (Garmin) would put out an instruction manual worded in this way!)


Does your car have a heater which blows hot air onto the windscreen, or are you mounting the camera on the exterior of the car?
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Freddyfruitba...
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PostPosted: 12:02 - 20 Feb 2020    Post subject: Reply with quote

jnw010 wrote:
Freddyfruitbat wrote:
Maybe this whinge belongs under 'humour', I dunno. But I've recently acquired a dash cam for the car. Its mount needs to be stuck to the windscreen: the instructions state:
"Before you can install the adhesive mount onto your windshield, the ambient temperature must be from 21° to 38°C"
Does your car have a heater which blows hot air onto the windscreen, or are you mounting the camera on the exterior of the car?


Freddyfruitbat wrote:
I do get that this problem is not exactly insurmountable and that there are ways round it for those of us without a centrally heated garage
Wink
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1198
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PostPosted: 20:59 - 20 Feb 2020    Post subject: Reply with quote

I remember seeing a cat flap that would unlocked by the presence of a coded key which your cat(s) would wear....
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Freddyfruitba...
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PostPosted: 21:02 - 20 Feb 2020    Post subject: Reply with quote

1198 wrote:
I remember seeing a cat flap that would unlocked by the presence of a coded key which your cat(s) would wear....

That, but far better - and now probably superseded by - systems that are coded to the RFID chip probably embedded in your cat these days, which works really well. (@HellKat - are yours chipped?)
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hellkat
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PostPosted: 22:00 - 20 Feb 2020    Post subject: Reply with quote

The catflap is ancient and used to work with a collar that the cat wore. But that was about five cats ago Rolling Eyes and the collar disappeared when the cat died.

Of the three cats only Lawrence is chipped. Because he was the only actual cat that I chose. The other two just happened to me.
Longshanks may be chipped but he's not my cat. He just lives here Rolling Eyes
Dennis is a mystery. She isn't best pleased when I try to put the flea pipettes on her neck once a month, so I doubt she ever let anyone near her long enough to put a chip in there. I think its probably something to do with being a tripod, she's more than a little bit feisty at times Shifty
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Freddyfruitba...
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PostPosted: 13:33 - 21 Feb 2020    Post subject: Reply with quote

"See you later!"

Er, no you won't - there is not a bat's chance in hell that our paths will ever cross again in this lifetime. Never ever..
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1198
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PostPosted: 15:52 - 21 Feb 2020    Post subject: Reply with quote

‘ Ciao!’. Errr, really? You’re selling bacon sandwiches out of a greasy spoon trailer in Lancashire, not selling expensive suits in Milan you pretentious moron - and you wasn’t even very good at that!
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Easy-X
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PostPosted: 17:55 - 21 Feb 2020    Post subject: Reply with quote

What have I walked into here? Thinking
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andyscooter
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PostPosted: 18:02 - 21 Feb 2020    Post subject: Reply with quote

bloke at worked signed off for yet another month

he had a spur removed from his foot before xmas

we all get 5 days a year sick

he is now on third month

wouldn't mind so much but he sits down at a computer all day

and has an office downstairs to use as well Twisted Evil Twisted Evil Twisted Evil
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dynax
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PostPosted: 18:06 - 21 Feb 2020    Post subject: Reply with quote

Easy-X wrote:
What have I walked into here? Thinking


A bromance version of "When Harry met Sally" Laughing
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Riejufixing
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PostPosted: 22:38 - 21 Feb 2020    Post subject: Reply with quote

Bloody phone scammers. Called by someone "from BT", who knew my correct name. He claimed to want to set my TPS opt-out to "Permanent, indefinitely". He asked my address (also correct!), but I said "No" and asked him for his details so I could "verify it wasn't a scam (!)" He hung up. Indian-sounding abstrad. Grr!
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Sister Sledge
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PostPosted: 09:47 - 22 Feb 2020    Post subject: Reply with quote

Local parish council and county council. Pretty much doing as they please and ignoring those they serve (us) and wasting money left right and center.
Examples include an ornate but modern free standing 20 feet high clock in the middle of a roundabout. Cost over £30k. Worked for 8 months and then broke. It stood for 14 months broken and then one day the mechanism was removed by a clock makers. It was returned some 5 months later and so far has lasted 4 weeks.
It broke because whoever decided to choose that clock actually bought an INDOORS clock for inside large shopping malls. It wasn't waterproof FFS!
Council ignoring our requests for exactly what everything has cost us so far, who chose that clock and so on.
Other examples include them employing one of those small Scarab path sweeping machines. Great except that driver is sweeping up freshly laid salt and grit from footpaths!! You couldn't make it up. He sometimes does the path outside my house 3 times a day. I've a feeling that the machine driver is related to a local councillor and will not be sacked.
The same parish council is now £500k in the red and that's from the last year alone.
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1198
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PostPosted: 10:53 - 22 Feb 2020    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sister Sledge wrote:
A long rant about councillors, councils etc....


I agree with every word you’ve said. From what I’ve seen recently most (everyone?) involved in the council concept, from community level up, are a bunch of self serving pompous bored old bastards who love the tiny feeling of power they THINK they exert over us peasants and that they always know best. Mmmm, so the roundabout you want to build will ‘help’ traffic calming eh? Odd that said roundabout will allow access to your proposed building site for 40 new houses isn’t it Councillor - much as the speed bumps and parking restrictions cant have hurt your case either..
Mmm, you think that the 30 zone needs extending? Yeah, just unscrew the 30 zone sign and move it. Who cares about paperwork. Oh, that’ll help your building site too...
Who was it said the people who WANT to be in the council are the people you should not have there?
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Freddyfruitba...
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PostPosted: 16:14 - 22 Feb 2020    Post subject: Reply with quote

I recently did one of those bowel screening things where you have to send off a bit of poo in the post (the NHS sends this to everyone when they reach a Certain Age). This morning I got the result back in the post, the letter opening with "Usually this result is not caused by cancer". So that's all right that then.

Turns out that of the 6% of people who get an abnormal result like this, actually 9% do have cancer. Fuck fuck fuck. So my chances just went from 1 in 200 to 1 in 10. Anyway, it's camera-up-the-bum time within the next 3 weeks so at the very least I've got that joy to look forward to.

Not told anybody yet. Except you lot! Rolling Eyes Laughing
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Nobby the Bastard
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PostPosted: 16:20 - 22 Feb 2020    Post subject: Reply with quote

Freddyfruitbat wrote:
Anyway, it's camera-up-the-bum time within the next 3 weeks so at the very least I've got that joy to look forward to.



Pics or it didn't happen.
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Ste
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PostPosted: 16:51 - 22 Feb 2020    Post subject: Reply with quote

Freddyfruitbat wrote:
I recently did one of those bowel screening things where you have to send off a bit of poo in the post

Did you send them the whole shit or do they expect you to have a poop knife available?

If they're going to be sticking a camera up your bum then you should take the opportunity to troll them by putting something in your bum hole for them to find.

This video should provide some ideas: https://efukt.com/21116_The_Absurdity_Of_Japanese_Pornography_2.html (unless you're a Japanese pornographer, it's not at all work safe)
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Tracey Suntan-King
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PostPosted: 17:00 - 22 Feb 2020    Post subject: Reply with quote

Freddyfruitbat wrote:
I recently did one of those bowel screening things where you have to send off a bit of poo in the post (the NHS sends this to everyone when they reach a Certain Age). This morning I got the result back in the post, the letter opening with "Usually this result is not caused by cancer". So that's all right that then.

Turns out that of the 6% of people who get an abnormal result like this, actually 9% do have cancer. Fuck fuck fuck. So my chances just went from 1 in 200 to 1 in 10. Anyway, it's camera-up-the-bum time within the next 3 weeks so at the very least I've got that joy to look forward to.

Not told anybody yet. Except you lot! Rolling Eyes Laughing


I had the camera up the bum. Imagine my surprise when I found it was a Box Brownie on a stick Shocked

Edit: Now I think about it, I'm wondering if he was a real doctor Thinking Thinking
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Last edited by Tracey Suntan-King on 18:51 - 22 Feb 2020; edited 1 time in total
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hellkat
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PostPosted: 17:03 - 22 Feb 2020    Post subject: Reply with quote

Freddyfruitbat wrote:
I recently did one of those bowel screening things where you have to send off a bit of poo in the post (the NHS sends this to everyone when they reach a Certain Age). This morning I got the result back in the post, the letter opening with "Usually this result is not caused by cancer". So that's all right that then.

Turns out that of the 6% of people who get an abnormal result like this, actually 9% do have cancer. Fuck fuck fuck. So my chances just went from 1 in 200 to 1 in 10. Anyway, it's camera-up-the-bum time within the next 3 weeks so at the very least I've got that joy to look forward to.

Not told anybody yet. Except you lot! Rolling Eyes Laughing


I threw mine away.
Fuck doing ALL of that.
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Nobby the Bastard
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PostPosted: 17:08 - 22 Feb 2020    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ste wrote:
Freddyfruitbat wrote:
I recently did one of those bowel screening things where you have to send off a bit of poo in the post

Did you send them the whole shit or do they expect you to have a poop knife available?

If they're going to be sticking a camera up your bum then you should take the opportunity to troll them by putting something in your bum hole for them to find.

This video should provide some ideas: https://efukt.com/21116_The_Absurdity_Of_Japanese_Pornography_2.html (unless you're a Japanese pornographer, it's not at all work safe)



' is that a 10 mm spanner?'
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hellkat
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PostPosted: 17:19 - 22 Feb 2020    Post subject: Reply with quote

Why why WHY Brick Wall Brick Wall Brick Wall Brick Wall WHY did I click that link!?

You'd think I'd know better by now Rolling Eyes
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Freddyfruitba...
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PostPosted: 19:04 - 22 Feb 2020    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ste wrote:
Freddyfruitbat wrote:
I recently did one of those bowel screening things where you have to send off a bit of poo in the post

Did you send them the whole shit or do they expect you to have a poop knife available?

Glad you asked. No, they want nowt but a little smear on a teeny tiny brush thing which they provide (and they say in bold letters not to provide any more than that PLEASE - they've clearly had BCF-ers in the past). The interesting bit is that you have to have a clean(?), uncontaminated turd to sample from, and it can't have toilet water on it. In other words, you can't just plant it down the crapper as usual, and although they don't specify how you should achieve this in a family-friendly fashion, my guess is that they expect you to lay one on a copy of the Daily Mail on the bathroom floor. In fact, in the event I was quite inventive, I thought. I laid several strips of bogroll horizontally across the porcelain, above the water, and splashed water over the paper, just at either edge, so that it stuck quite well to the porcelain. So now there's effectively a bogroll hammock just above the water. I let go into the hammock, whereupon the wet looroll started sliding rapidly down the sides of the pan under the weight of my faecal mass. I was then able to rapidly stand, spin, and plunge my plastic doobry into the depths of the steaming turd just a split second before - like the Titanic - it vanished into the depths for ever. Was well pleased with myself. Didn't even block the bog with all that paper either.

Do I get a Tef award now?

Ste wrote:
If they're going to be sticking a camera up your bum then you should take the opportunity to troll them by putting something in your bum hole for them to find.

Thank you so much Ste; I'll be sure to visit Pets At Home on the way to my appointment.

hellkat wrote:
Why why WHY Brick Wall Brick Wall Brick Wall Brick Wall WHY did I click that link!?

Yeah, the clue was kinda in the name of the link, you know...
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Hong Kong Phooey
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PostPosted: 19:29 - 22 Feb 2020    Post subject: Reply with quote

Tracey Suntan-King wrote:

I had the camera up the bum. Imagine my surprise when I found it was a Box Brownie


You and Sid been space docking again?
https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=space%20docking
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Last edited by Hong Kong Phooey on 00:54 - 24 Feb 2020; edited 1 time in total
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Hong Kong Phooey
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PostPosted: 19:32 - 22 Feb 2020    Post subject: Reply with quote

Riejufixing wrote:
He asked my address (also correct!), but I said "No" and asked him for his details so I could "verify it wasn't a scam (!)" He hung up. Indian-sounding abstrad. Grr!


Bastard bitch!
Did you check your details on here?
https://haveibeenpwned.com/

If you are on any of those listings consider dumping the old address(es) and switch to some fresh address.
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dynax
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PostPosted: 19:42 - 22 Feb 2020    Post subject: Reply with quote

For some reason i always find myself eating whilst reading on this forum, at the moment i'm eating my way through a tub of Celebrations Laughing Thumbs Up
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