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Todays - What grinds my gears *ARCHIVE*

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dodsi
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PostPosted: 13:08 - 16 Feb 2018    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hawkeye1250FA wrote:
Howling Terror wrote:
Hawkeye1250FA I've been travelling to the office at a different time and caught up with Massive Fat Man on 50cc scooter again. He used to ride in the gutter...through potholes..over twigs..through puddles and I thought he was a god....a god that was likely to die but a god nontheless, however he has now removed his hi-viz jacket and taken to riding in the center of the road at 29mph and is tailgated within a meter of his life. Not far from where you travel as it happens...The difference is he didn't make a show of himself by tapping on car windows at the traffic lights.

Take your own advice made in a previous thread and pull over if you feel in danger.


I can was in a rush to get to your mums house. She won't stay wet forever.


Shouldn't find this funny.

But do.

Good work. Thumbs Up
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Polarbear
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PostPosted: 13:31 - 16 Feb 2018    Post subject: Reply with quote

thx1138 wrote:
Seen a job I can do, perfect for me, my cv means I'm surely guaranteed an interview. It's full time though which I do try to avoid as I prefer part time work.

But, it's in sodding Milton Keynes, no way am I commuting to MK every day. Harumph. Evil or Very Mad


But it's lovely here. And you do have a very nice road to get here from Bedford. Thumbs Up
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thx1138
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PostPosted: 12:39 - 17 Feb 2018    Post subject: Reply with quote

Clare Balding, I just don't rate her as a general sports anchor. Should've stuck to C4 horse racing.
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Polarbear
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PostPosted: 12:53 - 17 Feb 2018    Post subject: Reply with quote

thx1138 wrote:
Clare Balding, I just don't rate her as a general sports anchor. Should've stuck to C4 horse racing.


I agree, but PC correct lesbian. Ticks the boxes.
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thx1138
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PostPosted: 13:17 - 17 Feb 2018    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thought it more a case of BBC cutbacks over recent years, no talent left to take up slack, so she ended up on everything
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Jewlio Rides Again LLB
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PostPosted: 13:19 - 17 Feb 2018    Post subject: Reply with quote

Polarbear wrote:
thx1138 wrote:
Clare Balding, I just don't rate her as a general sports anchor. Should've stuck to C4 horse racing.


I agree, but PC correct lesbian. Ticks the boxes.


And better than Tanya Arnold, for commentary and knowledge at least.
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Howling Terror
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PostPosted: 13:20 - 17 Feb 2018    Post subject: Reply with quote

@thx1138 https://youtu.be/WeqqwABkEQw?t=31s
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hellkat
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PostPosted: 09:09 - 18 Feb 2018    Post subject: Reply with quote

These fucking cats!

They co-ordinate their "mad half hour" sessions so that each cat has one consecutively, starting usually at 4.30am.

This morning it was Dennis, going "kerthump" in the bath.

At first I thought it was a rat, imagining that Lawrence was chasing it round in there, although I was hoping not as I couldn't hear it squeaking.

So as I was busting for a wee, so I put my slippers on to protect my feet and ventured in, only to find Dennis in the bath sliding around and Lawrence on the other side, sitting below the her line of vision, clearly winding her up.

I thought she couldn't get out (because only three legs) and I lifted her out, only for her to attempt to get straight back in again, so in fact she was most likely batting Lawrence over the top of the bath causing herself to fall over, before repeating again and again. And again. And again.

So I'm up now anyway. I might as well go and do some work Rolling Eyes
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thx1138
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PostPosted: 13:43 - 20 Feb 2018    Post subject: Reply with quote

my neighbourhood is pretty good, the downside is it's an old victorian housing estate

lots of terrace houses, tardis like inside, but all close together, all day every day, somewhere builders will be in knocking them about, cos someones just bought it to do up and sell, or bought it and wants to change it, or is putting a roof extension in

then, when the builders knock off, the diy'ers start up

never a day without banging, hammering, sawing and power tools
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Polarbear
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PostPosted: 14:01 - 21 Feb 2018    Post subject: Reply with quote

Chancers who make silly offers.

I have one boat up for sale. I'm not that bothered whether it goes or not but would quite like a steam boat before I get too old and broken to play with one.

ring ring - Hello

Hey mate (Evil or Very Mad I'm not your mate). I'm looking at the narrowboat you have for sale, I see it needs quite a bit of work (It doesn't).

<After 5 minutes of waffle where I never said a word>

I'll give you £14000 for it and that's a good price. (I have it on for £18500 and that IS a good price)

My response 'Fuck off' Obviously.

Now that isn't very witty or insulting but I'm struggling to think of a suitable response for when the next one phones (yes, there will be a next one, I seem to attract them).

So, short of shoving a knobcat down the phone, has anyone got a really really insulting put down I can use. Praying
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pepperami
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PostPosted: 15:08 - 21 Feb 2018    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ok £14000 and I can have your wife, daughter, and your mother.
“That not very nice mate!”
A bit like your offer for my boat mate!
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LustyLew
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PostPosted: 15:53 - 21 Feb 2018    Post subject: Reply with quote

People who come into the office when they have a cold.

We have a ridiculously sick leave policy (i.e. there isn't one!) and everyone has the ability to work from home. Not one person bar perhaps reception need to be in the office.

Always some germ factory who has to be a hero.

Wankers.
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dodgydog
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PostPosted: 20:06 - 21 Feb 2018    Post subject: Reply with quote

Polarbear wrote:
Chancers who make silly offers.

I have one boat up for sale. I'm not that bothered whether it goes or not but would quite like a steam boat before I get too old and broken to play with one.

ring ring - Hello

Hey mate (Evil or Very Mad I'm not your mate). I'm looking at the narrowboat you have for sale, I see it needs quite a bit of work (It doesn't).

<After 5 minutes of waffle where I never said a word>

I'll give you £14000 for it and that's a good price. (I have it on for £18500 and that IS a good price)

My response 'Fuck off' Obviously.

Now that isn't very witty or insulting but I'm struggling to think of a suitable response for when the next one phones (yes, there will be a next one, I seem to attract them).

So, short of shoving a knobcat down the phone, has anyone got a really really insulting put down I can use. Praying


Just try "You know what mate, you shouldn't be even calling if you're too poor to afford the boat, have you thought about a kayak?".

It'll either quieten them or wind the chancing fuckers up good and proper.
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Nobby the Bastard
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PostPosted: 20:17 - 21 Feb 2018    Post subject: Reply with quote

No. 1 son got a kindle only to find out that there is no youtube app due to hissyfit between anazon and google and the store refused a refund due to damaged packaging.

As a result I had to spend an hour dismantling it to disconned the battery so that it can go back (to another branch of the same store) with 'Opened package, didn't work. Money back, pls'
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Nobby the Bastard
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PostPosted: 20:25 - 21 Feb 2018    Post subject: Reply with quote

Polarbear wrote:


So, short of shoving a knobcat down the phone, has anyone got a really really insulting put down I can use. Praying


'Can I stay in your bedroom one night, cause I really want to find out just what sort of wanker you are'
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hellkat
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PostPosted: 20:44 - 21 Feb 2018    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'd go more ironic:

Jeez, are you telling me that's your best offer? A bloke from Fucksticks, Azerbaijan phoned me with an offer for nine and a half and said he'd throw in a tray of old naval buttons, I'm seriously considering his offer, rather than your paltry effort.
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M.C
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PostPosted: 21:04 - 21 Feb 2018    Post subject: Reply with quote

Nobby the Bastard wrote:
No. 1 son got a kindle only to find out that there is no youtube app due to hissyfit between anazon and google and the store refused a refund due to damaged packaging.

As a result I had to spend an hour dismantling it to disconned the battery so that it can go back (to another branch of the same store) with 'Opened package, didn't work. Money back, pls'

Or you could have installed Kodi and used the YouTube plugin.
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hellkat
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PostPosted: 21:39 - 21 Feb 2018    Post subject: Reply with quote

I was mid-way through typing a huge (and entirely tedious) whinge about an infuriating situation I've managed to get myself into, workwise but in fact ... a phone call interrupted my frantical post-typing, and has satisfactory resolved the problem. All I have to do is an email wriggling myself out of doing the work.

Dance! Woot Dance!

One door shuts, another one opens.

Or in this case, too many doors opened at once, and one door had to shut. Happily the most annoying, complicated, boring and badly paid door was the one to shut first. Yay.
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thx1138
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PostPosted: 23:16 - 21 Feb 2018    Post subject: Reply with quote

Polarbear wrote:
Chancers who make silly offers.

I have one boat up for sale. I'm not that bothered whether it goes or not but would quite like a steam boat before I get too old and broken to play with one.

ring ring - Hello

Hey mate (Evil or Very Mad I'm not your mate). I'm looking at the narrowboat you have for sale, I see it needs quite a bit of work (It doesn't).

<After 5 minutes of waffle where I never said a word>

I'll give you £14000 for it and that's a good price. (I have it on for £18500 and that IS a good price)

My response 'Fuck off' Obviously.

Now that isn't very witty or insulting but I'm struggling to think of a suitable response for when the next one phones (yes, there will be a next one, I seem to attract them).

So, short of shoving a knobcat down the phone, has anyone got a really really insulting put down I can use. Praying


heh I gave a rowing boat (my mates old tender for his house boat) away on freecycle, and people wanted to know if it came with a trailer and could I deliver Rolling Eyes

we would have kept it, we made a trolley to get it across the park to the river, about 2mins away, but it was too wide to fit down the pavement between the lamposts, and too much of a faff to get it around the streets cos of traffic
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UncleFester
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Joined: 30 Jun 2013
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PostPosted: 10:32 - 22 Feb 2018    Post subject: Reply with quote

Mobile phone onscreen keyboards. When did they become so infested with gifs ./ smilies / likes / colours etc etc.

All i want to do is type, now if you take your eyes off the keyboard for a couple of seconds and drift off key by 1mm ... you end up with a screen full of flashing emotive gibberish.

Even predictive text appears to have swallowed an entire postcards worth of LSD.
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Polarbear
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PostPosted: 10:51 - 22 Feb 2018    Post subject: Reply with quote

UncleBFester wrote:
Mobile phone onscreen keyboards. When did they become so infested with gifs ./ smilies / likes / colours etc etc.

All i want to do is type, now if you take your eyes off the keyboard for a couple of seconds and drift off key by 1mm ... you end up with a screen full of flashing emotive gibberish.

Even predictive text appears to have swallowed an entire postcards worth of LSD.


You mean you don't want an I-phone X that will turn your face into a moving singing pile of poo or a unicorn? Shocked

I'm stunned. I thought that was what everyone wanted.

https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcS_-pfRgSRWvU2nJsUZ7cmhes0s-yoTX2S9r9vH0lu_Ua8saqwqzA
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P.
Red Rocket



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PostPosted: 19:28 - 22 Feb 2018    Post subject: Reply with quote

UncleBFester wrote:
Confused Embarassed Rolling Eyes Surprised Surprised Puke Folded arms Folded arms Angelic Silence Silence Sun Wub Wub Wasted Brick Wall Brick Wall Pound Coin Sick Karma Mr. Green Chequered Flag Neutral Neutral Idea Idea Razz Razz Razz Drooling Rain Black Eye Sun Pass the popcorn Wasted The world's smallest violin player, just for you! Folded arms


Your keyboard is fucked mate.
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UncleFester
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PostPosted: 21:44 - 22 Feb 2018    Post subject: Reply with quote

Paddy. wrote:
UncleBFester wrote:
Confused Embarassed Rolling Eyes Surprised Surprised Puke Folded arms Folded arms Angelic Silence Silence Sun Wub Wub Wasted Brick Wall Brick Wall Pound Coin Sick Karma Mr. Green Chequered Flag Neutral Neutral Idea Idea Razz Razz Razz Drooling Rain Black Eye Sun Pass the popcorn Wasted The world's smallest violin player, just for you! Folded arms


Your keyboard is fucked mate.


Fuck I've been hacked Very Happy
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