A Joke A Day

[Fisty]

Terrorist news.

Bin Laden's close friend, Bin Lorry, kills six in Glasgow.
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Quietly and consistently taking the piss.
TL1000R | Hayabusa | ZXR400 | TL1000S | Bandit 400 V
Fatter and faster than Fret

[Ste]

I think the best thing about Christmas is waiting to see what Christmas movie North Korea has allowed us to watch.

[Fisty]

Man in Glasgow was telling his local bin man how he was dating two girls at the same time.

"That's nothing, pal," he replied. "I just took out six people at once."
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Quietly and consistently taking the piss.
TL1000R | Hayabusa | ZXR400 | TL1000S | Bandit 400 V
Fatter and faster than Fret

[RhynoCZ]

The best gift for a british guy? Present perfect.
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'87 Honda XBR 500, '96 Kawasaki ZX7R P1, '90 Honda CB-1, '88 Kawasaki GPz550, MZ 150 ETZ
'95 Mercedes-Benz w202 C200 CGI, '98 Mercedes-Benz w210 E200 Kompressor

[andym]

I've treated myself to a Jehovah Witness advent calender -
its giving me a lot of pleasure, every day I open a door and tell it to " F**k Off"

[Howling Terror]

Think I should've left the hoover in the box?

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/B5lfguJIgAAJYgP.jpg
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Diabolical homemade music Bandcamp and Soundcloud
Singer songwriter, Artist and allround good bloke Listen to Andrew Susan Johnston here
The Harry Turner Project

[Marmalade]

Glasgow bin wagon crushes world record on the amount of waste picked up at one stop.
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Nobby the Bastard: How yo tell the difference between the actual japanese and her just screaming because she's had live fish stuck up her arse? [url=https://www.nicks-shop.co.uk/bcf-goodies-15-c.aspGet BCF stickers and things here[/url] Reflective helmet stickers - Legal requirement in france - Clicky

[Fisty]

[Marmalade]

[Fisty]

[Fisty]

A balloon of helium gas drifts into a bar.
The bartender says:-
"we don't serve noble gasses here"
The helium doesn't react.
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Quietly and consistently taking the piss.
TL1000R | Hayabusa | ZXR400 | TL1000S | Bandit 400 V
Fatter and faster than Fret

[Taught2BCauti...]

Two Atoms in a bar.

1st Atom: "I've just lost an electron!"

2nd Atom: "Are you sure?"

1at Atom: "Yes, I'm positive."
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Honda Varadero XL125(V8)
www.TheFutureIsHere.eu

[Taught2BCauti...]

I was thinking about getting a cheap
circumcision from an ad on GumTree,
but I'm worried it might just be a rip off.
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Honda Varadero XL125(V8)
www.TheFutureIsHere.eu

[RhynoCZ]

Another one: If you ever get lost in the woods, the compass will help you to get lost more north in the woods...
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'87 Honda XBR 500, '96 Kawasaki ZX7R P1, '90 Honda CB-1, '88 Kawasaki GPz550, MZ 150 ETZ
'95 Mercedes-Benz w202 C200 CGI, '98 Mercedes-Benz w210 E200 Kompressor

[RhynoCZ]

One prostitute's asking the other one: What would you like the Santa to give you? - 50 quid like any other customer.
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'87 Honda XBR 500, '96 Kawasaki ZX7R P1, '90 Honda CB-1, '88 Kawasaki GPz550, MZ 150 ETZ
'95 Mercedes-Benz w202 C200 CGI, '98 Mercedes-Benz w210 E200 Kompressor

[dodgydog]

The other day I had to change a lightbulb, later the same day I crossed the road and walked into a bar, with my two mates Paddy and Jock.

That's when I realised my life is just a fucking big joke.
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I know that you believe that you understood what you think I said, but I am not sure you realise that what you heard is not exactly what I meant

[dodgydog]

As a social experiment, I let my son wear a Manchester United shirt, so far he's been spat on, punched, kicked, and verbally abused.

Fuck knows what's going to happen when he leaves the house.
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I know that you believe that you understood what you think I said, but I am not sure you realise that what you heard is not exactly what I meant

[dodgydog]

The BBC has commissioned a new sitcom, it's to be set in France under muslim occupation.

The working title is "allah allah".
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I know that you believe that you understood what you think I said, but I am not sure you realise that what you heard is not exactly what I meant

[dodgydog]

The three terrorist gunmen have been killed by French police. The best thing of all is, now that Jimmy Savile's had three years in the next life, there won't be any virgins left waiting for them.
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I know that you believe that you understood what you think I said, but I am not sure you realise that what you heard is not exactly what I meant

[Taught2BCauti...]

Due to her constant mood-swings,
PMS and bad temper, I bought the
missus one of those 'Mood Rings.

It changes colour depending on what
mood she is in.

So far, it works quite well.

When she is in a good mood, it turns
green.

When she is in a bad mood, it leaves
a fuckin big red mark in the middle
of my forehead.
____________________
Honda Varadero XL125(V8)
www.TheFutureIsHere.eu

[Taught2BCauti...]

Two blokes were chatting at work one morning:

Tom: "I had the best night of my life last night - it was truly amazing!"

Bill: "What are you on about? You were with me until closing-time last night - and I don't remember anything special happening."

Tom: "No, it was on the way home after I left you by the bus stop. As I was walking home across the railway bridge, I looked down and saw a young girl, naked and tied to the railway tracks - just like you see in the movies!"

Bill: "Wow!, that's amazing - what did you do?"

Tom: "Well, I knew there was an express train due any minute, so I jumped over the railings and scrambled down the embankment as fast as I could. I managed to untie her and pull her to safety with seconds to spare, before the 11:30 express came hurtling past."

Bill: "Wow! that was lucky - what happened next?"

Tom: "Well, the poor thing was freezing cold, so I wrapped my coat around her naked body, and took her back to my place. After a while in front of the fire, she was warm again."

Bill: "So what did you do then?"

Tom: "This is the best bit - we had sex like I've never had sex before! Every possible position you could ever imagine, and a few you probably couldn't. All the things my ex-wife would never let me do to her, all night long."

Bill: "Did you get a blow-job?"

Tom: "Sadly no."

Bill: "Why was that?"

Tom: "Unfortunately, I never found the head."
____________________
Honda Varadero XL125(V8)
www.TheFutureIsHere.eu

[dodgydog]

My son said he was going out to meet a girl. I told him...."don't forget to wear a .....you know"

He said "what?"

I said "you know....don't forget to wear one"

He said "what, do you mean a condom?"

I said "no, a fucking hat you ginger cunt"
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I know that you believe that you understood what you think I said, but I am not sure you realise that what you heard is not exactly what I meant

[Tracey Suntan-King]

What's 7 inches long and hasn't been sucked for 2 years?

Whitney Houston's crack pipe.
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Whether you think you can, or think you can't, you're probably right

[Tracey Suntan-King]

Just because Oldham Athleitic has said "no", doesn't mean Ched Evans will take that for an answer,,,,,,,,
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Whether you think you can, or think you can't, you're probably right

[Shaft]

My GF came back from a clothes shopping trip and showed me her new slinky black number














How do I tell her it only looks good when she's coming down the stairs..................
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Things get better with age; I'm close to being magnificent........
20 RE Interceptor, 83 Z1100A3, 83 GS650 Katana
WooHoo, I'm a Man Point Millionaire! https://www.bikechatforums.com/viewtopic.php?t=234035