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Howling Terror |
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Howling Terror Super Spammer
Joined: 05 Dec 2008 Karma :
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Posted: 14:19 - 19 Mar 2021 Post subject: |
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Man takes his Rottweiler to the vet.
“My dog is cross-eyed.”
“Well,” said the vet, “let’s have a look at him.” He picks the dog up, checks his eyes & teeth. Finally, he says, “I’m going to have to put him down.”
“What, because he’s cross-eyed?”
“No, because he’s really heavy” ____________________ Diabolical homemade music Bandcamp and Soundcloud
Singer songwriter, Artist and allround good bloke Listen to Andrew Susan Johnston here
The Harry Turner Project |
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chickenstrip |
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chickenstrip Super Spammer
Joined: 06 Dec 2013 Karma :
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Posted: 15:53 - 19 Mar 2021 Post subject: |
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Howling Terror wrote: | Man takes his Rottweiler to the vet.
“My dog is cross-eyed.”
“Well,” said the vet, “let’s have a look at him.” He picks the dog up, checks his eyes & teeth. Finally, he says, “I’m going to have to put him down.”
“What, because he’s cross-eyed?”
“No, because he’s really heavy” |
Tommy Cooper.
A man goes into a butcher's shop, and says to the butcher, "I bet you can't reach the meat on the top shelf", to which the butcher replies, "no, the steaks are too high." ____________________ Chickenystripgeezer's Biking Life (Latest update 19/10/18) Belgium, France, Italy, Austria tour 2016 Picos de Europa, Pyrenees and French Alps tour 2017 Scotland Trip 1, now with BONUS FEATURE edit, 5/10/19, on page 2 Scotland Trip 2 Luxembourg, Black Forest, Switzerland, Vosges Trip 2017
THERE'S MILLIONS OF CHICKENSTRIPS OUT THERE! |
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MCN |
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MCN Super Spammer
Joined: 22 Jul 2015 Karma :
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Posted: 16:35 - 19 Mar 2021 Post subject: |
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chickenstrip wrote: | Howling Terror wrote: | Man takes his Rottweiler to the vet.
“My dog is cross-eyed.”
“Well,” said the vet, “let’s have a look at him.” He picks the dog up, checks his eyes & teeth. Finally, he says, “I’m going to have to put him down.”
“What, because he’s cross-eyed?”
“No, because he’s really heavy” |
Tommy Cooper.
A man goes into a butcher's shop, and says to the butcher, "I bet you can't reach the meat on the top shelf", to which the butcher replies, "no, the steaks are too high." |
A plumber goes into a fishmonger with a toilet pan.
He sits the toilet pan on the counter and says to the fishmonger, "A pound a fillet."
Fishmonger replies, "A fiver ye don't." ____________________ Disclaimer: The comments above may be predicted text and not necessarily the opinion of MCN. |
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chickenstrip |
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chickenstrip Super Spammer
Joined: 06 Dec 2013 Karma :
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Posted: 16:38 - 19 Mar 2021 Post subject: |
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Is a psychopath someone who lays crazy paving? ____________________ Chickenystripgeezer's Biking Life (Latest update 19/10/18) Belgium, France, Italy, Austria tour 2016 Picos de Europa, Pyrenees and French Alps tour 2017 Scotland Trip 1, now with BONUS FEATURE edit, 5/10/19, on page 2 Scotland Trip 2 Luxembourg, Black Forest, Switzerland, Vosges Trip 2017
THERE'S MILLIONS OF CHICKENSTRIPS OUT THERE! |
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Howling Terror |
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Howling Terror Super Spammer
Joined: 05 Dec 2008 Karma :
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Islander |
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Islander World Chat Champion
Joined: 05 Aug 2012 Karma :
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Keithy |
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Keithy Spanner Monkey
Joined: 22 Sep 2020 Karma :
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RhynoCZ |
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RhynoCZ Super Spammer
Joined: 09 Mar 2012 Karma :
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toby1 |
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toby1 Scooby Slapper
Joined: 02 Aug 2011 Karma :
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Tracey Suntan-King |
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Tracey Suntan-King World Chat Champion
Joined: 10 Nov 2012 Karma :
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Skudd |
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Skudd Super Spammer
Joined: 01 Oct 2006 Karma :
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A100man |
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A100man World Chat Champion
Joined: 19 Aug 2013 Karma :
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Posted: 13:36 - 13 Apr 2021 Post subject: |
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Two engineering students talking..
First:- I’ve seen this girl around campus on her bike and today she saw me, winked, took all her clothes off and said ‘take whatever you like!’
Second: Blimey, what did you do?
First: I took the bike.
Second: Good choice - the clothes probably wouldn’t have fitted. ____________________ Now: A100, GT250A, XJ598, FZ750
Then: Fizz, RS200, KL250, XJ550, Laverda Alpina, XJ600, FZS600 |
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doggone |
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doggone World Chat Champion
Joined: 20 May 2004 Karma :
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Posted: 13:06 - 18 Apr 2021 Post subject: |
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MCN |
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MCN Super Spammer
Joined: 22 Jul 2015 Karma :
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Posted: 13:59 - 18 Apr 2021 Post subject: |
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Wasn't sure if serious.
DVLA.gov.org Rewards. ____________________ Disclaimer: The comments above may be predicted text and not necessarily the opinion of MCN. |
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RhynoCZ |
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RhynoCZ Super Spammer
Joined: 09 Mar 2012 Karma :
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Howling Terror |
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Howling Terror Super Spammer
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AldridgePrior |
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AldridgePrior Banned
Joined: 19 Oct 2017 Karma :
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Posted: 22:35 - 06 May 2021 Post subject: |
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Freezing cold today.
In fact, it was that cold I even saw a Jêw with his hands in his own pockets. |
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Skudd |
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Skudd Super Spammer
Joined: 01 Oct 2006 Karma :
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Easy-X |
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Easy-X Super Spammer
Joined: 08 Mar 2019 Karma :
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Skudd |
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Skudd Super Spammer
Joined: 01 Oct 2006 Karma :
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Keithy |
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Keithy Spanner Monkey
Joined: 22 Sep 2020 Karma :
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MCN |
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MCN Super Spammer
Joined: 22 Jul 2015 Karma :
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Bikesta |
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Bikesta L Plate Warrior
Joined: 18 May 2021 Karma :
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A100man |
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A100man World Chat Champion
Joined: 19 Aug 2013 Karma :
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Posted: 12:03 - 24 May 2021 Post subject: |
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Bloke in a pet shop:
'Have you got a blind dog for my mother-in-law?'
Shopkeeper:
'Surely you mean a guide dog sir..'
Bloke:
'Nope - if it sees her, it'll go for her throat.'
B. Manning
RIP ____________________ Now: A100, GT250A, XJ598, FZ750
Then: Fizz, RS200, KL250, XJ550, Laverda Alpina, XJ600, FZS600 |
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Easy-X |
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Easy-X Super Spammer
Joined: 08 Mar 2019 Karma :
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Posted: 12:59 - 24 May 2021 Post subject: |
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Stalin is dying, and summons Comrade Khrushchev to his bedside. Wheezing his last few words with difficulty, Stalin tells Khrushchev, "Comrade, the reins of the country are now in your hands. But before I go, I want to give you some advice."
"Yes, yes, Great Leader, what is it?" says Khrushchev.
Reaching under his pillow, Stalin produces two envelopes. "Take these letters," he tells Khrushchev. "Keep them safely, don't open them. Only if the country is in turmoil and things start going badly, open the first one. That'll give you some advice on what to do. And, even after that, if things start going REALLY badly, open the second one." And with a gasp Stalin breathed his last.
Well, Khrushchev succeeded him, and sure enough, within a few years things started going badly - unemployment increased, crops failed, people became restless. Nikita decided it was time to open the first letter. All it said was: "Blame everything on me!" So Khrushchev launched a massive de-Stalinization campaign, and blamed Josef for all the excesses and purges and ills of the present system, and bought himself some time.
But things continued on the downslide - Kennedy successfully rebuffed Soviet missiles in Cuba, unemployment increased even more, crops failed even more, the Politburo was unhappy with Khrushchev's leadership and upstarts like Brezhnev and Gromyko were threatening his credibility. So finally, after much deliberation, Nikita opened the second letter.
All it said was: "Write two letters..." ____________________ Husqvarna Vitpilen 401, Yamaha XSR700, Honda Rebel, Yamaha DT175, Suzuki SV650 (loan) Fazer 600, Keeway Superlight 125, 50cc turd scooter |
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Old Thread Alert!
The last post was made 2 years, 337 days ago. Instead of replying here, would creating a new thread be more useful? |
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